--- Chris Jones <cjones@coredata.net> wrote:
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My comments@@
Everything IMO ONLY. ^_*
From:
Chris Jones <cjones@coredata.net> | Block
address
To:
"'ffml@fanfic.com'" <ffml@fanfic.com>
Subject:
[FFML] [SM] A Bit of Senshi Sillyness
Date:
Tue, 12 Dec 2000 14:23:37 -0600
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@@ROTFLOL (I just read the whole thing.)
Wonderfully crafted, as always.
I DID find two(2) nits to pick, jut to make myself
feel useful.
<SNIP> Some wonderful writing.
"But... geez... Cousins? First cousins?" I
asked
incredulously.
"Kissing cousins," Michiru corrected me with a
straight
face. "It's not *quite* incest."
"I mean... being openly lesbian can be a drag
sometimes--" I
said.
@@OK, nit:: IMO it's flows better if you leave off ::
"I said."
"Shall I play a rimshot for you, *Ariel*?"
Michiru asked.
She pulled out her palmtop and hit a button that made
it play a
short drum-solo.
I reddened, embarrassed by the accidental pun.
"If you think about it, we now have an excuse
for our
closeness that will be accepted by some of our less...
hmm...
accepting acquaintances," Michiru said. "I know that
my father is
not comfortable with our relationship. If we emphasize
the fact that
you're his long-lost niece, he's going to be a lot
more willing to
accept you into the family."
@@Errrr . . .actually I'm not sure that's the case. It
just doesn't
"feel" right to me, (having known a few . . .rigid
minded people)
Not a biggie.
"Yeah, but..."
"No buts," Michiru said, a bitter-sweet smile
on her face.
"It's not like we're going to have inbred children."
@@AMI: "Have I shown you my latest invention?"
"That's true," I admit somberly. "But what
about the people
who *do* know we're lovers? We don't make any secret
of it."
"You've never worried about what people
thought of you
before," Michiru noted. "Most of the people who really
care about us
will understand," she said quietly. "I know seven or
eight of our
closest friends who knew us both in this life and the
last. Even if
everyone else in the world rejects us, *they* will
not. *She* will
understand our love."
@@USAGI: "Ummm . . .I don't have to take a class, do
I?"
I nodded, secure in the knowledge that if
anyone had a less
appropriate relationship than I suddenly found myself
in, it was
22-year-old college boy and our just-freshly-turned
sixteen-year-
old Princess.
@@From the little I know, this age difference is
fairly acceptable in Japan.
Much more so than . . .other . . .relationships.
* * *
<SNIP>
Michiru's father, on the other hand, would
never know what
hit him.
----------------------------------------
They're cousins, you know....
@@LOL
WONDERFUL!!!
AND, I actually managed some C&C.
It was picky and pointless, but I actually did it.
Thanks for this little gem.
A great read. (Short stories are the hardest
to write and this was masterful.) Great dialogue that
flowed smoothly and naturally. Nice unexpected zinger
at the end that also flowed naturally. ^_*
* * *
C. Jones - http://www.coredata.net
Bus - cjones@coredata.net
Per - guilty@furinkan.net
Ph# - 806-372-7520 x 536
Just say NO to software patents.
=====
"When I get a little money, I buy books;
And, if any is left, I buy food and clothes."-Erasmus
"A man is a small thing, and the night is large
and full of wonders." -Lord Dunsany
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