Hey, Morgan!
Hey, man! It's good to hear from you! ^_^
Well, seeing that life seems to be conspiring to keep me from writing,
let's send some C&C is the nest chapter of this wonderful series...
Yeah, that's life for you. Never understands how important writing is. I
know that mine is working against me: that's why I won't be able to get my
next chapter done until next month! If I had my way, I could just sit here
and type. Occasionally, some people could come in and re-stock my Coke
supply, and maybe leave me a cookie. ^_^
> I'm sure
> nobody really cares about that, but I'M sure impressed... ^_^
Congratulations! And hey, I care about it.
Well, considering I originally intended for this story to be six chapters
long, and it's now ten times that length, I think at least it proves that I
don't know when to quit. ^_^
In fact, a couple of days
ago, I was talking with a guy who had only read the first chapter > of
Ronin Summer (and I mean of the _first_ story arc), and was
planning to
read the rest soon. When I told him there were fifty-nine of them by
now... let's say his holidays will be busy this year. ^_^
Gee, I'd help the guy, but what can you do? Un-write chapters? Regardless, I
hope he enjoys them, and wish him luck for me, will you? ^_~
> I'm afraid this will be the last Ronin Summer chapter until the > >
New
> Year. So if you've been holding back on sending me any C&C, now
> is the chance you've been looking for!
Hold back C&C?! WHO?! WHERE?! IF I EVER SEE YOUR UGLY FACES,
YOU'LL WISH YOU'D NEVER HEARD THE WORD "LAZINESS"!!!
Er... YEAH! YOU HEARD HIM!
> Remember, Santa always gives extra presents to boys and girls who
> C&C. ^_^
Um, I'm going to get extra present anyway, seeing that my birthday > is
on
December 24th. Really.
Gee.. but what could I possibly get you...
(Money works, but C&C is preferred--I'll give
you the oppotunity soon.)
Okay, it's a deal! Next chapter you send out will be as lovingly nitpicked
by me as any other! And since it's for your birthday, I'll use my
FINE-toothed comb! ^_^
> And YES, Latin D, I KNOW these notes are getting longer. Blame
> it on a
> lack of sleep. :b
LACK OF SLEEP: I have nothing to do with this! You're the one who >
always rambles, Morgan!
So, lack of sleep... YOU'VE turned on me too, eh? I never thought I'd see
the day... After all that time we've spent together...
> Anyways, on with the story! ^_^
And on with the (nearly) thoughtful C&C!
(throws arms in air) YAY! ^_^
As every one who bother reading my C&Cs knows, every one of these
comments (I save critiscisms for other fics, unfortunately)
Huh? What was that? You're holding back on me? What, like I'm too GOOD for
your criticism? Gee, first lack of sleep turns on me, and now Latin D...
Rest assured, my good friend. I'm sure there's something in here for you to
criticise. ^_^
belongs to a
poor Latin guy who loves procrastinating
I'd agree with you on that, but I'm busy. Maybe later. ^_^
> Chapter Thirteen : Curse of the Mountain Fields
Not the kind of title you usually favor... You tend to go for the >
short and snappy one. So I'm curious, pal.
Well, I was having fun with words again. See, the name "Jun Yamano"
translates as "Pure Mountain Field", so... ^_^
> Five shadowy forms moved through the still of the night,
> picking their way carefully through the dark and tangled forest.
Er, you repeated "through" in this sentence.
Sweet candy for breakfast! You're right! How the heck did I make a mistake
like that?
(sigh) And usually, I'm the one who always tells people to make sure they
don't use the same words too close together, too... I am chagrined.
Fortunately, I hear there's a cream you can get that'll clear it right up!
^_^
You might want to change
one of them. Maybe the second one could become "across"?
Maybe, indeed. Consider it fixed!
> Puffs of steam rose from his whiskered snout as he trudged on,
> clearing a path for his compatriots.
Do you want to see nitpicking taken to new heights?
YES! YES! Show me, Oh, Great One! ^_^
Having already read
the scene, I know Jun is in the party, so "compatriots" would be
completely correct? Right?
As Jun and the gang are currently all working together for the same cause,
I'd say it's acceptable. If you really have a problem with it, I could
change it to "allies" or "comrades".
Well, there's the nitpick of the day. Gosh, I needed that. ^_^
I think we all did, pal. I think we ALL did. ^_^
> A third,
> feminine figure drifted nimbly through the undergrowth nearby,
> occasionally rubbing the back of its head and trembling for some
> reason.
FEMENINE FIGURE: I actually _feel_ my neck now...
Yeah, that's pretty much what would be running through her head right about
now. Remember, the poor girl just went from ankle-length hair to
shoulder-length hair in less than two seconds. Something like that feels
strange enough when it's done on PURPOSE.
> The last two members of the party travelled together, by
> necessity.
Something about this sentence looks jarring to me--namely, the
comma.
Uh-oh, a stray comma! Well, I guess I'll just round it up and put with all
the other ones back at the ranch...
I'd remove it. Or maybe make it clearer that it's a clarification > by
using a period or a dash instead.
Can't use a period, actually. The dash might work, though: I'll try that
instead. Will fix! ^_^
Or maybe I'm just seeing things...
Well, you ARE seeing things. Unless you read with your eyes shut. ^_^
Anyway, don't worry.
"Here's a little song I wrote... You might want to sing it note for note...
Don't worry... Be happy..." ^_^
These comma nitpicks only appear for the first two
or three scenes. Then I get lost in the story and the smooth prose > and
find myself reduced to lame jokes and snips. ^_^
Fortunately, I never complain about that. Lame jokes are much easier to
catch than healthy ones. (rimshot) ^_^
> The smaller of the pair rode on the taller's shoulders,
> tightly clutching the thick ponytail in her hands like a leash.
>
> "This is fun! Whee! Giddyap, horsey!" the small woman crowed
> happily, bouncing in her perch atop the other woman's shoulders.
Funny how easy it is to identify this shadowy form. :-p
Actually, you don't seem to be having any trouble identifying any of the
shadowy forms. Which is fine, because it's not like I was really trying to
surprise anybody too much. Frankly, I think the next one's even easier.
You could recognise Thundestorm's temper from a mile away on a dark and
foggy night. ^_^
> "I swear to all that isn't holy," the taller woman seethed,
> "if you spur me ONE more time, I will buck you onto a rock."
> Emerald
> eyes narrowed dangerously, and the woman glared at the people
> walking
> ahead of her. "Okay, somebody wanna explain to me again why I got
> stuck carrying the ditz?"
MORGAN: 'Cause I say so! And I've got the _power_... Besides, I
like to torture my characters with horrible situations and send
vicious enemies in their way before allowing a tiny WAFFy scene.
That is not true! I don't LIKE doing it... I just can't stop myself.
Besides, if I didn't torture characters with horrible situations and vicious
enemies, I may as well cross this over with "Hello Kitty". I can't really
see too many readers getting excited about spending thirteen chapters
reading about how Kayura and Setsuna sat down for tea and calmly discussed
world events over crumpets.
Unless there was marmalade on the crumpets. ^_^
Anyway, sorry about that, but I suddenly had a doubt while I was
thinking of the Storm Senshi.
A doubt? Heavens! Perish the thought! ^_^
What happened with the clones of the Outer Senshi?
Latin D: Yeah? What about them? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Morgan: Er... well, there's a very good story about that, see, and,
um... HEY! WHAT'S THAT BEHIND YOU?
Latin D: Huh? (turns around)
Morgan: (runs away)
I skimmed over the whole Inner Battles story arc (actually, I
reread most chapters--need I get a lie or what?),
That's okay -- I re-read my old chapters all the time, and I WROTE the
bloody things! ^_^
and couldn't find any
conclusive proof of their deaths.
Gee, that's odd. Oh, well, I'm sure they won't be turning up again. After
all, just because there's no real proof they died in the explosion, or even
that they were there when the explosion occurred, I don't see any reason not
to assume that there's nothing to worry about. ^_^
Sure, Anubis thought they'd been
destroyed in the explosion, but I'm not sure...
Boy, you really do have an eye for details, don't you, Latin?
I'll bet most everybody else had forgotten all about those four other clones
(which, I feel I should point out, I never SAID were of the Outer Senshi)...
Maybe I overlooked
a scene where Badamon said what had been of them?
Well, here's a piece of dialogue you might find a smidge familiar. It's from
RS: Inner Battles, chapter 8:
JADEITE: "What the hell happened to them again?"
WISEMAN: "I'm afraid that one of this 'Owl' person's troops must have
broken into my lair and set the explosives that destroyed them, Lord
Jadeite."
JADEITE: "Sure. And if you happened to have, oh, I don't know, STOLEN my
clones and used the explosion to cover your own tracks, you'd tell me,
right? Since we're all such good friends here."
I'm just curious; I
wouldn't think it impossible to use them in a new sequel. ^_^
Maybe not impossible at all, pal. Not impossible at all... ^_~
> "You know I can't do it; my shoulder's pulped!" He gestured with his
> head towards his left arm, which had been placed into a makeshift
> sling made from a length of black satin ribbon. With an insolent
> smirk, he turned to the large form lumbering in front of
> him. "What's
> your excuse, Takenoko?"
TAKENOKO: Er... Um, wait a sec'. *pierces his shoulder with a
sword*
Argh! ...There, my shoulder is pulped, too! What's _your_ excuse,
Lightstorm?
LIGHTSTORM: Hmm, could I borrow that sword?
LOL! Although it's almost sad that poor Icestorm is so unpopular with her
own group. Then again, you can't really blame anybody. I wouldn't want to
have to carry someone that hyperactive, either.^_^
> "I had to carry that blue-haired bubblebrain once already,"
> the minotaur pointed out with a snort. "I've suffered enough for > >
one
> night."
MORGAN: Need I repeat myself? You _never_ suffer enough in Ronin >
Summer.
Hey, things could be a LOT worse for our intrepid band of heroes.
Don't make me get all Decepticon with them. ^_^
> "Fine," Thunderstorm admitted. "Maybe you two have good
> excuses, but what about you, Lightstorm? You're supposed to be my
> leader! Isn't it your job to look after your team when they're > >
hurt?"
_Sure_, 'cause leaders always do their job...
Said the general to his troops, "I will lead you from the front,
But doubly so when during a retreat..." ^_^
<SNIP>
> "Glasses," Takenoko snarled softly. "I... am getting... a
> damned... pair of glasses."
Heheh. Like they would last in the Dark Kingdom...
Pedri: Actually, none of us would EVER hit a guy with glasses!
Holts: Yeah! We have standards!
Pedri: Exactly. Bottles are much sturdier, and don't break as quickly. You
can do more damage with them. ^_^
> How could he have done it? He knew he shouldn't have taken
> charge: his entire race had poor eyesight. It was almost
> inevitable
> they
> had become lost, but what could they do? By this time, the
> empress
> and her Masho could be miles away.
To be thuthful, it's not Takenoko's fault. After all, it's a
proven fact that males cannot under any circumstances ask for
directions...
Too true. As Red Green once put it, "You see, men don't really like the idea
of walking up to a total stranger and saying 'You may not know me, but I'm
an idiot'. Their wives, on the other hand, don't seem to have any problem
doing it for them..."
That is, IF Takenoko is male. I don't think I ever saw a female
youma before...
^_^
Really?
-How about the first youma Sailor Moon ever fought, the one impersonating
Naru's mother?
-Or the youma "manager" of Jadeite's late-night radio show?
-Or the idol singer youma, who held a talent competition?
-The youma teacher at Ami's cram school, where she first became Sailor
Mercury?
-The "bus driver" youma, who was kidnapping people going to and from Rei's
shrine?
-The "doll princess" youma, and her hackneyed Disneyland from Hell?
-The youma who was working with Jadeite on a cruise ship?
-I'm pretty sure Nephryte turned two female youma into an artist's pencil,
once...
-Zoisite never used many youma, but the trio he sent to kidnap Naru and
murder Nephryte were all female...
-Kunzite made a female youma out of three beauticians, once. I believe it
had a giant hair dryer for a weapon. And big scissors.
-Kunzite did it again when Usagi and the Senshi went skiing, making a "snow
bunny" youma that did pretty well, until Tux offed it.
-Then, wasn't there a female ninja youma, who spied on Sailor Moon and took
photographs of the Senshi just by looking at them?
-Finally, I can think of two words: Queen Beryl.
And those are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head. There
were LOTS of youma in Sailor Moon who were female. ^_^
> A peal of thunder rolled through the air like the snarl of a
> menacing beast, and Jun Yamano twitched slightly. With a soft groan,
> the young boy sat up and rubbed his eyes with his good hand.
Which, we all males know, is the right one--except perhaps leftys.
In this case, it actually is. I believe his left shoulder was the one he
injured, both when he tackled the zombie to save Lightstorm, and when the
giant bug slashed him.
> Jun didn't want to make even one
> killing machine cranky at him, let alone three, if he could
> avoid it.
>
> "Oh, look," he said, leaning on Takenoko's shoulder, "it's
> still a field. Well, colour me surprised. I don't suppose you
> got any
> brilliant ideas while you were standing guard, did you?"
He's really pushing it, isn't he? So he doesn't want to make a
killing
machine cranky at him, but he has no problem ribbing a minotaur?
O_o
Exactly. Jun and Takenoko are both guys, and they get along pretty well. Jun
feels a bit safer having some fun at the big guy's expense. Heck, he does it
throughout the whole chapter.
> The minotaur sighed and shook his heavy head. "Not a one."
"Not one."? Maybe it's an expression. Probably.
"Not a one" is actually an expression. It's okay to use.
<TINY SNIP!>
> good thing I just happen to have an idea of my own, then. A
> plan, you
> might say..." He paused, and gave a curious glance towards the
> plain of
> waist high blades. "Did that grass just move?"
"Waist-high"?
Yes, yes it is. I'll be sure to fix that right away. ^_^
> "What grass?" Takenoko turned and watched as the field blew
> left and right in the strengthening winds, rippling and
> swaying. "You
> mean that? That's just the wind."
It's not very clever to ask that question to a creature who
couldn't
tell Shampoo from a tree in a shiny day...
Well, everybody else is asleep. And Takenoko isn't that blind. He's just
incredibly near-sighted. Anything farther than he can reach with his hand is
pretty much a featureless blur. He could tell if it was moving, just not
neccesarily what it was. ^_^
Hey, that's _another_ spamfic
begging not to be written. ^_~
Indeed it is, and the less said about that, the better. ^_~
> "Oh." Jun blinked, and pointed at the prairie. "Does the wind
> always blow in formation, around these parts?"
TAKENOKO: Actually, yes.
JUN: Oh, I forgot for a moment we're in the Dark Kingdom...
Well, that's kind of why Jun asked. He does it again, with the glowing
sword. It's kind of like false hope: maybe it's actually NORMAL when this
happens in the Dark Kingdom, so there's nothing to worry about... ^_^
> Takenoko turned back towards the thick mass of shifting grass.
> Sure enough, the bending stalks were forming four distinct
> furrows
> that seemed to be curving and twining in his direction. "No." He
Y'know, I can't seem to fully picture this scene. How it that the
furrows were "twining" in his direction?
Well, they weren't headed for him in a straight line, they were
zig-zagging back and forth. Even though they weren't headed directly towards
Takenoko, they were kind of winding in his general direction.
I know what you mean, but yet I
think the description needs to be fleshed out a little bit.
Probably. I'll have to see what I can do. ^_^
<SSSSNIP>
BTW, reading the ending scene of Inner Battles, I noticed that both
Shuten and Setsuna predicted a happy ending for both Kayura and
Anubis and for the Dark Kingdom.
Yeah, because having their children be Prince Demandu and Safiru and go back
in time to die fighting with the Sailor Senshi against Wiseman is SUCH a
happy ending... ^_^
So, in a way, we know the siblings are going
to lose...
Gee, really? Are you SURE? ^_~
Not that that's too much of a secret. The real issue is who
they take with them and what consequences their crusade has, right?
I think you'll be interested by the answers to that question. You may also
want to lynch me. ^_^
> "Very well," Shien countered. "She is only going to kill them
> herself, Kokuen. Her stance on traitors is well established."
> Whirling, he pointed a steel-sheathed finger in Jun's direction.
> "You there! The small human. What is your name?"
>
> Jun blinked. "Jun Yamano."
Er, doesn't Shien know Jun? After all, they were together in the >
battle
outside the castle, while Rajura rescued Kayura. I know for sure > Jun's
met Kokuen...
Yep, Jun and Kokuen are old friends (well, if a day counts as old). However,
I would point out that during that battle you mentioned, Kokuen was with Jun
and Hakuen was with Nasuti. Shien and Yoen were hiding in different bushes,
as it were. Unlike Kokuen, Shien never got the chance to actually sit down
and spend time with Jun, so it's understandable that he wouldn't know the
kid's name.
> Kokuen jammed the blunt end of his scythe into the earth. "Very
> well then, Jun Yamano, wake them up and tie them down."
Again, seeing that they've talked before (heck, IIRC, Kokuen tried > his
weapon in Jun's 'kerchief) ,
Yes, indeed he did. Your memory serves correctly.
I'd expect more familiarity between them.
See a bit lower down. Jun telling Kokuen to "talk normal"? ^_^
Though Kokuen seems to be the formal type...
Try to see it his way. The guy's a week old, on his first tour of duty, and
THIS happens. The Guard's been nearly wiped out, and he's in command (only
of Shien, sure, but still it's a command). He is, as
Shien SO tactfully pointed out, a rookie. Basically, he's trying to act
serious and formal so that nobody realises he's in over his head. And scared
out of his wits. ^_^
> second look at the stern steel faceplates and unwavering gazes
> silently convinced him not to try. "Uhm, we, uh..." Trailing
> off, he
> looked
Er, someone once told me "um" was an actual word in colloquial
English,
and thus its spelling had to be respected.
Good point. This was going to be an "Uh," first, and then I changed it to an
"Um". I guess I missed taking out the "h". Sorry, will fix. ^_^
<SNIPPY>
> one hand through her recently -and forcefully- shortened
> hair. "Aw,
> man," the blonde groaned, "it's raining. Like these damned sailor
> outfits of ours are SO comfortable when they AREN'T soaked..."
FANBOY #1: But soaked sailor outfits have other advantages, ne?
FANBOY #2: *drooling* You said it, pal!
Suuure. THIS you comment on, but you completely ignore the naked woman near
the end of the chapter! :p
> "I think we should get somewhere a little drier," Jun suggested
> to nobody in particular.
FANBOY #1: No way! ...Er, I mean, it's your choice, Morgan.
^_^
> "The weather is neither an aid, nor a deterrent to we youja,"
> Kokuen said in response. "Although," he added after a slight
> pause,
Yeah, he says that because he was never caught up in a hurricane. >
Let's see him deal with that.
I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that most youja only have two
states: perfectly fine, and absolutely dead. If he's not a cloud of rapidly
disappearing black smoke, he'll be getting ready to kick somebody's ass. So
unless the hurricane managed to decapitate him, Kokuen would probably deal
with it quite well. ^_^
> "Shien and I did find a suitable shelter a few metres south of > >
this
> field. We had thought it a possible place for our quarry to
> hide."
For a moment I thought he was talking about the Keep. Then I
realized it'd be too easy. ^_^
Ah, and don't forget that only the Masho have that built in "homing pidgeon"
thing that leads them to the Keep whenever they get lost. There's no Masho
travelling with Jun and his happy little group. And the Keep isn't exactly
easy to find. The only reason Tytoung got there was because he was following
Naaza. Heck, that's the only reason NASUTI got there. If Rajura hadn't led
her, Hotaru never would have found it, either.
> Jun shook his head and sighed as he looked up at the looming
> black youja with the massive scythe. "Kokuen, talk normal."
>
> The youja's eyes gleamed yellow for a moment, something Jun
> decided must be the equivalent of a smile. "Okay," he
> said, "follow me, then."
He decided wrong, as the youja would never forget the humilliation > he
suffered that night. Jun would lose much a rainy night weeks
later, when Kokuen's scythe would take an important part of his
anotomy away from him forever. ...Ouch. :-p
I was going to say that no guy would do that to another guy, but then I
remembered that Kokuen isn't a guy. I guess it's a good thing Jun's his
friend, then, isn't it? ^_^
> "Hey!" Icestorm called out after the group as it began to get
> under way. "Where's everybody going? You're not leaving me
> behind, are
> you?" As one, the six creatures turned and looked behind them to > >
see a
> cutely dejected looking Sailor Icestorm, sitting in the mud and
"Dejected-looking"? I think so...
I also think so. Will fix! ^_~
> cradling the ankle she had injured the night before. Her lower > > lip
was
> jutting out, and her eyes seemed to tremble slightly as they
> filled
> with held back tears. "Are you?" the blue haired girl whimpered.
Heheh. I'm a pain in the ass with my unwanted hyphens and all,
but...
"Held-back"? ^_^
That's okay. If I disagreed, I'd let you know! Will fix here, too! ^_~
> "Don't ask," Thunderstorm said before anybody could so much as
> open their mouths. "I'm not going to do it. Not now, not ever. I > >
don't
> care how badly her ankle is wrecked, she can damn well hop if she
...is wrecked; she can...
OR
...is wrecked. She can...
I think I'll take the first suggestion. By the way, good catch! I never
would have noticed that error if you hadn't pointed it out! ^_^
> wants to keep up with us."
>
> Silence greeted the tall brunette as she crossed her arms and
> began to tap one foot. "What?" she snapped. "I'm not. I don't
> care how
> much you want me to, there's no way I'm going to carry that
> airhead
> for ANOTHER whole night."
JUN: Shoulder still pulped here. You, Take-chan?
TAKENOKO: Same here. (Take-chan? The brat's gonna die.) What about
you,Lightstorm?
LIGHTSTORM: Still the leader, last time I checked. Tin men?
SHIEN: She wouldn't survive us.
THUNDERSTORM: ...Damn.
Oh, like we don't all know it's just a token resistance, anyway.
Thunderstorm doesn't really mind helping Icestorm, she just doesn't want
anybody else to suspect it. So she's obviously hiding her true feelings, and
everybody can pretty much figure it out anyway.
As the saying goes: "The lady doth protest too much, methinks..." ^_^
> Her foot began to tap with such force that it
> was kicking up water from the newly forming puddles, and her
> scowl was
Er... um... don't want to bother... but... ... ... "Newly-forming",
methinks. ^_^
Are you sure? Because seriously, I'm not. Does anybody else have any ideas?
I'll just switch to your suggestion unless I hear otherwise, because I have
no darned idea which is right.
<SNIP>
> "How soon will we get there?" Jun asked, as Sailor Lightstorm
Drop the comma.
If you want me to, then I will! ^_^
> helped him back to his feet.
>
> "Depends," Shien said with a shrug as he marched past with his
> naginata held at the ready. "How long do you plan to stand
> around in
> the rain talking to each other, instead of going anywhere?"
JUN: Two or three hours, I think. Why?
SHIEN: Oh, just wondering. I'd hate for my armor to get rusty in > this
weather...
Hehehehe. Now I've got this really bad image in my head of Shien as the Tin
Man of Oz, standing out in the bush saying "Oil... Oil..." ^_^
> "Walk," the violet youja said in a voice that sounded as though
> it were coming from the bottom of a well. "If you wish to get
> anywhere, Jun Yamano, it is the only way. You can rest soon
> enough: we do not
Er, I don't know if that colon belongs there--I don't think so, > but
I'm also not sure. I myself would've used a semicolon.
I think either would do. Semicolon it is! ^_^
> have much farther to go."
>
> Takenoko looked about in expectation. "I can't believe it," the
> bovine youma muttered to himself. "To think, we may even now be
Again, drop this comma.
Sorry, but no. The way Takenoko said this, it needs a comma. Removing the
comma would change the structure of the sentence.
> walking on the earth he once tilled, the fields he once grew..."
>
> "What the hell are you talking about?" Thunderstorm asked as
> she teetered past, trying to maintain her already precarious
> balance
> in the mud as Icestorm merrily giggled and bounced about on her
> shoulders.
Ah, now that I remember, I of course realized who lived in the
cabin from chapter 12.
I kind of slipped that one by a lot of people, actually. I'm still not sure
how many have figured it out. ^_^
Damn, it should've been obvious. You gave so many clues
you might as well had said it out loud.
Of course, the fact I was referring to characters that hadn't been mentioned
in over twenty chapters porbably helped. I mean, it's not like they played
some kind of important role in the Dark Kingdom or one of my stories, or
anything... ^_~
Of course, I won't say who the
mistery man (men) is (are), so all those who have still no idea
can stay
in the dark. ^_~
You're mean. Of course, as you said, so am I, so I won't say it either.
Besides, I already did in my chapter. ^_^
> "Nothing that would mean anything to a baby like you, little
> girl," Takenoko snorted. "Ancient history." Shaking his head, he
That is, if you think what happened 1.270 years before is ancient
history... ^_~
Actually, it was one thousand, two-hundred and sixty-nine years ago, as I
recall... ^_^
<SNIP-SNIP!>
> The black youja pointed to a few faint scrape marks in the
> earthen floor. "Someone came here a while back," he explained in > > a
Wonder who? ^_~
Beats me. Maybe it was raccoons. Raccoons can be pretty tricky critters, you
know. ^_^
Damn, it's good to know the answer! :-p
Bet you got a kick out of that note he left behind then, seeing as you
remember who actually killed Kirin...
BTW, I wonder when he found the time to bring his brother here...
Well, in Inner Battles 12, he shows up carrying Kirin and starts fighting
Jadeite. After Jadeite's beaten, he asks Kayura for "an hour to prepare"
before he gives her the Dark Kingdom. When he shows up an hour or so later,
there's no Kirin and he's changed into an Owl outfit (one of those "spare
uniforms" from Kain's burial chamber, perhaps?).
> deep rumbled. "We thought it may have been your two companions, > >
but
Typo: rumble
BLAST! I nearly made it through the chapter! BLAST! BLAST! BLAST!
Oh, well. Will fix. ^_^
> this sign is several weeks old."
So many chapters, and only a few days...
It helps that nearly all of RS: Flashbacks takes place in about five
hours... ^_^
<SNIP>
> Lightstorm entered next, shivering and hissing between her
> teeth as she inched past the fall of running water that drizzled > >
past
> the opening of the sepulchre. "It's pretty dark," she noticed, > > and
> snapped her fingers, generating a ball of softly glowing light > > in
the
Ah, crap, seeing that I'm utterly useless as a C&Cer today, I'm
gonna
say it: "Softly-glowing"? I seem to have a problem with compound
adjectives.
Nope on this one too, I'm afraid. "Softly glowing" is acceptable as it's
being used. Sometimes you can have compound adjectives without hyphens, and
sometimes you can't. As you may have noticed, it confuses the hell out of
me, too. ^_^
> "Ooh!" Icestorm cooed as she wrapped her arms around the
> taller girl's waist and hobbled over to the other member of their
> team. "It's, like, totally frosty in here! I feel better
> already!"
Um, very interesting take in the Senshi and their relation with the
elements. If I get this correctly, you're implying that they are
strengthened by the force in which their attacks are based.
Actually, this is my take on the STORM Senshi. And there's a reason for it.
The Sailor Senshi may or may not work the same way, but the Storm Senshi
most definitely have a VERY close tie to the force in which their attacks
are based.
As Thunderstorm DEMON-strated. ^_~
This would
make them similar to the ST and the Masho in that aspect.
Indeed it would. The Troopers are always stronger in their own element, but
weaker in an opposing element. For example, in YST, Ryo Sanada dove
underwater and could barely even keep his armour on, it was shorting out so
badly.
And I say this
is interesting because most interpretations of the sources of the
Senshi's powers are frequently limited to a connection with their
respective planets.
Something that I always found dubious, at best. I mean, sure, Jupiter has a
lot of storms, and lightning, but how many oak trees and coconuts do you
think grow there? ^_^
Not to mention that Mercury is the HOTTEST planet, and doesn't have any
water or ice of ANY kind. MARS has more ice than Mercury. ^_^
Now that I think about it, the very existence of the Storm Senshi >
would entail the possibility of forming new links to any given
planet, and
thus obtaining similar powers than those of the Senshi. I wonder > if
the
Senshi's power would diminish if someone else taps in that power.
Not necessarily. There's a lot of power out there, and probably more than
one person could hope to channel at any given time. Plus, attacks similar to
the Sailor Senshi don't necessarily have to have the same source.
Or maybe Icestorm just like cold places... ^_^
That too. ^_^
<SNIP>
> "Cool!" Jun said with a grin as he tugged again. "It's like the
> Sword in the Stone, then?" The sword remained immobile, and Jun
TAKENOKO: Yeah, if the Sword in the Stone would've taken over its
master's body and attacked his friends...
JUN: Nitpicker!
Hehehehe... Well, I think maybe Jun was thinking of that whole "whosoever
draws this sword from this stone shall be King of all England" angle... ^_^
Remember kids! The Sword in the Stone was NOT Excalibur! ^_~
<SNIP THE WHOLE "SCARY SWORD" EPISODE>
Awwww... Come on! I did all that work, and you don't have a blessed thing to
say about it? :b
Except...
THAT'S more like it! ^_^
> to rise from the brown hair and green uniform of her volatile
> teammate.
>
>
> "Takenoko!" she called out desperately. "You've got to subdue
Extra blank line here.
Ooops. Will fix! ^_^
<...tiny little snip...>
> "It's not really her fault," Lightstorm said lamely as she
> joined him in retreating from where they had lain Icestorm on the
> ground. "She's just so overprotective, especially of her
> favourite
> sister. She forgot her self." With a worried glance towards the
Ugh. I was going to say it ought to be "herself", when I read the > rest
of the dialogue. Baaad Morgan. :-p
I was wondering how many people would fall for that little play on words.
Besides, it's accurate. ^_^
> Blinking
> those strange emerald eyes it had, the creature looked back down > >
at
> Icestorm and convulsed. A moment later, it did so again, going > >
through
> some kind of seizure as a thick sheet of lightning leapt from
> its form
> and pierced the heavens. Even in the heavy rain, a thick veil of > >
smoke
> enveloped the spot where the creature had been.
Um, I remember something about a cat made of lightning from when
Thunderstorm was first introduced.
The tiger (Thunderstorm) being the opposite of the dragon (Makoto), yes. ^_^
However, this brings an interesting
subject. The Storm Senshi seem to be more powerful than their good
counterparts, especially when I remember Thunderstorm defeated
Uranus
once--who, as the rest of the Outer Senshi, is in time more
powerful than the Inner.
Yes, Sailor Uranus is more powerful than Sailor Jupiter, but Sailor
Thunderstorm is more powerful than Sailor Uranus. How, you ask? Well, here's
a hint: no matter how much power she has, Uranus is still just a mortal
woman. There's only so much energy her body could handle without frying like
a burnt-out lightbulb. Thunderstorm, on the other hand, isn't human, so the
amount of power she can handle is a bit higher.
So if there were clones of the Outer out there in the
wilds, then how powerful would THEY be?
Bad. VERY bad. However, I will once again remind everyone that all I ever
said was that there were four other clones. I never once said who they were
clones OF... ^_^
BTW, was a reason for this difference in power ever given? I mean,
besides the one that said the Outer were more powerful because they
handled external threats, while the Inner acted as a sort of
bodyguards.
Nope, never. I always assumed it might be because the Outers were older, and
their bodies could just handle the strain of using more power. But that's
part of my whole theory about how the Senshi don't get new powers "as the
cats remember they exist", but as their bodies grow more able to handle the
energy of those attacks. It's not canon, it's just my own take on the thing.
After all, it hardly has anything to do with the size of the
planets, as
if that were the case, Jupiter would have her own "Death Reborn
Revolution"... and then some more.
Not to mention that Mercury and Moon would be the weakest Senshi. And Pluto
would barely have any power at all. ^_^
Some people connect the Senshi to the Roman gods that they're named after,
instead. It works a little bit better.
For example, Mercury(the god) was so smart, he learned to walk and talk the
same day he was born. He also inventd the lyre, which happens to be the
instrument that Ami uses for her "Aqua Rhaphsody" attack.
Although, since Mercury wasn't just the smartest god, but the god of thieves
as well, does that mean poor Ami is a closet kleptomaniac? ^_^
> Jun opened his eyes and stared up at the sky for a few seconds.
> "I'm back," he said reverently, and closed his eyes again. "Oh, I
> don't know what god brought me back from that place, but I swear > >
if
> I ever find out, I'm making them my new religion!" Slowly rolling
> over, the
...I'm making it my... (As you refer to "god" in singular...)
No, I'm using "them" properly, here. For example, "I don't know who did
this, but I'll make THEM pay!" or "Wow, who baked this cake? I'd love to
thank them!"
"Them" is a gender neutral way to refer to somebody if you don't know
whether they are male or female. It can also mean a number or people, which
is really confusing.
> boy pushed himself up to his knees and groaned. "Is everyone
> okay?
> That thing didn't make me hurt anybody too badly, did it?"
Utter silence answered his question, and he saw his clothes were >
stained a horrible red...
Too dark, eh? Oh, well... :-p
Maybe just a little bit. For now, at least. I'm still warming up, over
here... ^_^
> Lightstorm smiled from where she stood and waved to Jun, so he
> assumed that he hadn't done anything overly horrendous while he
> was -he shuddered- away. A soft moan came from the smoking
Um, I never saw something like this "he shuddered"...
I have, but if you don't like it, I'll see what I can do.
Why not rephrase it and show that the mere thought of what he had > gone
through made him shudder?
Okay, I will. Now wasn't that easy and painless? ^_^
> **********
>
> It had taken a fair bit of convincing, but Kokuen and Shien
> eventually agreed to go down into the depths of the tomb with
> Takenoko
> and Jun to make sure that everything was sealed back
> up. "There's no
> point," Takenoko had argued, "leaving something like that where > >
just
> anybody could trip over it." Jun had shuddered violently and
> agreed so
> fast the Storm Senshi thought he was choking.
Well, I'm of two minds about this whole episode. On the one hand, > it's
obviously a good way to teach Jun the consecuences of power, > and, in
time, to GRANT him that power. On the other hand,
however... it felt too convenient.
Something I'll admit I was concerned about. Sad fact is, there's only so
much time I could spend on it. As hard as it is to believe, the sword isn't
a major part of this story right now. :(
A sword which comes from nowhere appears just at the right
time to give Jun what he needs to form a steady relationship with
Hotaru,
What? The sword is what Jun neeeds to form a steady relationship with
Hotaru? Are we talking about the same sword? How exactly will that sword
help Jun's relationship with Hotaru? She'd be happier dating someone who was
out of control and trying to kill everybody?
Cheap power-ups are not what Jun needs. They're just what he THINKS he
needs.
and is at the same time a good plot device to take Jun to
the forefront of the battle.
Now that I won't bother arguing with. However, I'd like to point out that if
and when that does happen, it won't be for a while. Jun doesn't want the
sword. He can't control the sword. If he had the sword, he'd try to kill
everyone, even his own friends. It will be some time before that changes, if
it ever does.
Now, if Takenoko had mentioned the sword before they ventured into > the
chamber (maybe because of something written in the paper the > minotaur
read--a warning of sorts), and Jun himself would have gone there >
looking
for it, then I believe it'd have been more plausible.
That's possible, but then there's a whole new problem, about
characterisation. Jun may want power, but he's not stupid or selfish about
it. As soon as he realised that the sword was evil, he decided he didn't
want anything to do with it. If he went after it, even knowing that it was a
source of evil, he would be acting OOC.
In fact, there's an idea: instead of having Takenoko want to pay > his
respects for the Owl, have him wish to leave the place alone. > Of course,
Jun would first want to see the sword. Just a thought.
I wanted to do something like that, and even started to, but the problem was
that the scene worked out as follows:
Takenoko: We'd better not go any farher.
Jun: But I wanna see the sword!
Takenoko: No. (hits Jun on head and carries him away, unconscious)
Fact is, if Takenoko were firmly against it, he could stop Jun too easily.
The only way I figured Jun could get within a hundred feet of that sword was
if nobody realised (or remembered, in Takenoko's case) that it was evil.
BTW, has the sword anything to do with Shuten? Its description
made me think so at first...
The sword itself has nothing to do with Shuten, but Shuten may end up having
something to do with the sword. ^_^
<SNIP>
> Jun looked over his shoulder at the retreating monsters. "I
> guess we should get out of here," he said with a smile, "unless > > we
> want to be stick around for a pretty long time."
...to be stuck around...
Actually, the problem is that the word "be" shouldn't be there. It must have
slipped in by mistake. Ah, well. I'll be sure to fix it.
> Lightstorm smiled herself, and looked down at her shoes for a
> moment. "You know," she said quietly, "I know it's pretty
> stupid, but
> I miss my hair. I was kind of proud of it, you know. It was so > >
long,
> and thick, and shiny... it made me look pretty."
It made...
Check! Will fix! ^_^
> "Don't feel bad about it!" Jun said, laying a friendly hand on
> Lightstorm's shoulder. After all she'd done to help him, the
> least he
> could do was try to make his new friend feel a little
> better. "You're
> still really pretty."
Poor guy is digging his own tomb...
Yup, and he doesn't even know it. It's part of his charm.
> "You think so?"
...a voice behind his back asked in a strained tone. Jun turned
around,
and discovered the form of his angered girlfriend looking over him.
"Yes...?" he answered tentatively. He only realized his mistake
when the
Silence Glaive materialized in Hotaru's outstretched hand.
"Wai--!" A second too late...
"Death... Reborn... REVOLUTION, YOU WOMANIZING JERK!"
:-p
That's pretty much what the poor guy knows is in store fore him. It may be a
large part of why he easn't too eager to get back to Hotaru right away. I
mean, deliberately or not, he's pretty much heading in the exact opposite
direction of her. Maybe he figures if he doesn't see her, she can't kill him
(and the planet). ^_^
> "Sure! In fact," he added, thinking of Hotaru, "I think girls
> with shorter hair are even prettier." Getting to his feet, Jun > >
looked
> down to make sure Naaza's katana was still sitting safely in the > >
belt
> loop of his jeans. When he looked back up, Lightstorm kissed him.
Lucky bastard.
Ranma Saotome: Don't listen to that guy, Jun! Take it from someone who knows
- you're cursed!
Tenchi Masaki: Trust us, Jun. This is going to get bad, real quick.
Jun: But it's only one girl! And she probably didn't even mean anything by
it!
Ranma: Uh-huh. That's what we ALL think, buddy.
Tenchi: It's always one, at first. And then you think maybe it was an
accident. Next thing you know, there's dozens of them, and they're
EVERYWHERE! EVERYWHERE! AND YOU'RE DOOMED! DOOMED, I TELLS YA!
Ranma: Don't mind him. He ain't been out much lately.
What wouldn't _I_ give to have two
incredibly-powerful-who-could-destroy-my-house-and-my-entire-
neighbourhood-while-they-are-at-it girls behind me?
I wouldn't give one damn nickel. It's only a matter of time before ONE of
them get mad at him, and then Jun's going to be toast.
> Up to that exact moment in his life, the only
> people who had ever kissed him had been his mother and Nasuti, > > who
was
> doing her best to fill in for his mother. They didn't count.
> This was
> a real, live, honest-to-goodness girl, and her lips were on his.
So he still didn't kiss Hotaru? Slowpoke! :-p
Uh, it's only been a few weeks, remember? They've had ONE date before coming
to the Dark Kingdom, and her parents went with them. How comfortable would
you be making out with your girlfriend in front of her parents?
> A few seconds after he realised what was happening, he felt the
> urge to scream at the top of his lungs. He was SO dead. Hotaru > > was
going to kill him, and probably nuke the whole planet while > > she was at
it, just to make damn sure he was finished off. A
> chorus line of
> Sailor Saturns danced through his head, swinging their Silence > >
Glaives
> and chanting "Death Reborn Revolution! Death Reborn Revolution!" > >
in their adorable little voices.
LOL!!!!!!!! ^_^;;;
Thank you. ^_^
Heheheheh... That's the scene I've waited this whole year for! Let > him
have it! ^_^
What's wrong with you, man? Don't you like Jun? ^_^
The scary thing is, I can totally see ALL of the Storm Senshi
falling for Jun.
*whistles innocently*
To quote Lightstorm herself in this chapter: "Icestorm was worried about
you. I think maybe Thunderstrom was too..." ^_^
Jun: Eeep!
Ranma: HAH! I knew you weren't getting off easy!
Tenchi: Doomed... Doomed...
Ranma: Man, you gotta start getting out more.
Jun: He don't say much, but I'm starting to agree with him...
After all, they're pretty desperate for a guy, and Jun is IMO
better than Rajura and Naaza.
Well, since Naaza is crazy, and Rajura is about as romantic as a block of
ice, that's a pretty fair bet.
I can't wait to see Jun trying to explain
this to a woman capable of destroying a planet... while Lightstorm
clutches his neck and kisses his cheek! ^_^
You just want to see Hotaru use that Death Reborn Revolution, that's what
you want. You can't fool me. ^_^
<SNIP TO THE END>
> TO BE CONTINUED...
Your welfare depends on it, pal... :-p
Uhh... I'll take your word for that, pal. ^_^
And thus ends another amazing chapter of Dark Crusade, the longest > and
IMO better written Ronin Summer arc till the moment.
Hopefully! I mean, I do try to improve my writing as I go. If my arcs start
getting worse than the ones that preceded them, it's time for me to retire
(or at least take a vacation). ^_~
It's great to see
that you put this stranded group of characters in the spotlight
once again.
Well, a few people were wondering about them. I try to make sure everyone
gets a fair piece of the spotlight in my fics.
I was missing the friendly minotaur (call me weird, but every
time he appears I can't help to compare him with a big teddy
bear)
He does kind of have that effect on people, doesn't he? And I'll be darned
if I know why. ^_^
, and
the "evil" Storm Senshi.
Oh, I think enough of us love the SS that they're going to be getting a bit
more of the spotlight as the story goes along. ^_^
I already said my piece about Jun in this
chapter... I always wanted to see him finally get some power, but > the
way the sword suddenly was introduced seemed a tad unnatural.
(shrugs) Would you have preferred for a Guyver Unit to come hurtling out of
nowhere and clonk him in the head? ^_^
Trust me: the sword is not the end of Jun's story. Have a little faith, my
good friend. Much like Rajura, I would never take a way out that was so...
obvious... ^_~
I think
I've told you before that the way you've given the youja defined
personalities is impressive, ne?
Thanks for the compliment. I'm really trying to give these guys a bit more
personality and character than they usually get. ^_^
All these characters interacting really
give the story life, and are one of the reasons I love it so
much--besides all that midless violence I love so much, of course. > ^_^
Of course! Besides, the mindless violence is always more fun when you
actually care who wins. ^_~
Please, FFMLers around the world, go to Morgan's site and enter the
wonderful world of the Ronin, where every day is Summer!
I can't recommend this story enough.
Apparently. Not that I mind! ^_^
Talk to you in a few, Morgan! Hope to have helped, at least a
little.
Sure, it's always great to hear from you, buddy! Oh, and I found those last
few stories you were asking for. I'll send them after I get back from my
final exam.
Farewell!
-Morgan Hudson
_______________________________________________________
Send a cool gift with your E-Card
http://www.bluemountain.com/giftcenter/