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A wise man once said "The best way to receive criticism is to criticize
it." Well, maybe he didn't... but *I* said it, and I think it's pretty
wise. So, having critically criticized my criticism, I considered the
various suggestions and decided to revise Ranko's entrance quite a bit,
as well as adding a bit to Amelia's entrance, so as to provide an
interesting contrast between the roles of the two "characters." After
this, they'll probably have to meet at some point as their proxy
selves... but I'm getting ahead of myself. The revised scenes follow. I
also changed "Ami" and "Rei" to "Amy" and "Raye" respectively, to be
consistent with the spelling used by the dub. As for the Japanese names
from the other series... they were never GIVEN American names. Ranma has
always been Ranma, Furinkan has always been Furinkan... it's the
difficulty of writing crossovers at all. Hopefully, using dub names all
around will mitigate the confusion/twitching.
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"Good morning, class," said the teacher, waiting for the class to
settle down before continuing. "We have a new student joining us today."
"Hi," said the red-haired girl, her pigtail pointing straight up as
she bowed slightly. "My name is Ranko Tendo." She quickly stood up
straight as she felt every pair of male eyes in the room staring
intently at her, and she found herself checking her clothing to make
sure she hadn't left anything unfastened.
"Why don't you sit next to Serena?" suggested the teacher, pointing
to an empty desk next to a blonde girl whose hair was set into two long
tails topped with what appeared to be yellow meatballs.
"Sure, sounds good to me," said Ranko. She stepped carefully past
the teacher, who appeared to be as fixated on her body as the rest of
the class, and made her way down the aisle to her desk.
"Hey, hot stuff," a young man whispered as she passed. "What are you
doing today after school?" He jumped as the girl sitting behind him
poked him hard with the sharp end of her pencil.
Stifling a satisfied chuckle, Ranko slid into her seat and turned to
Serena. "That's quite an interesting hairstyle," she complimented the
blonde.
"Thanks. It takes a lot of work to set it this way."
"If only you applied that much effort to your schoolwork, you
wouldn't be failing," quipped the brunette behind Serena. Ranko stared
intently at her ponytail.
"That's not a very nice thing to say, Lita," returned Serena. The
two girls fumed, but they both turned their attention to the front of
the room, where the teacher was beginning the lesson.
Neither Ranko nor Serena seemed to be able to understand any of what
the teacher was saying, and Lita didn't have much more luck. It was a
girl with short blue hair at the front of the room who answered most of
the questions. Ranko studied her hair even more earnestly than she had
Lita's throughout the lesson. Unfortunately, this took even more of her
attention away from the teacher.
When the bell rang, Ranko was certain that she knew less about
fractions than she had at the start. What made this even more suspicious
was that she was quite sure it had been a geography lesson. Ranko
sighed. Having to kill innocent girls she could probably learn to deal
with. Going to school was another thing altogether.
*************************************************
"Class, this is our new student," said the teacher, pausing. "What
did you say your name was again?"
"Amelia Zelgadis," the new arrival said hastily. She'd forgotten to
choose a new name before registering, and had had to write down the
first thing that came to mind. Now she found herself regretting it, but
it was too late to say that she'd changed her mind and her name was
actually Martina Zangulus or some other combination of the names of
those she had traveled with in the past.
"Well, Amelia," said the teacher helpfully, "you can sit in the back
of the room. Try to keep up with the rest of the class."
"No problem," said Amelia, choosing an empty desk and sitting down.
She began to study the girls in the class, seeking any sign that one or
more of them might be Sailor Scouts in disguise.
"Hey, welcome to Grass Valley Junior High, Amelia!" whispered the
girl in the next desk. "My name's Stephanie!"
Amelia examined Stephanie's cheerful smile and long dark hair. In
the brief silence, her acute sense of hearing caught the conversation
going on between the two boys in front of her.
"Hey!" whispered one. "What do you think of the new girl?"
"She'll probably be pretty cute in a few years," replied the one in
front of Amelia, "once her chest develops a little more." Amelia poked
him in the back with the sharp end of her pencil.
"Are those guys talking about you?" asked Stephanie. "I'll have a
few words with them after class. They're always mean to new girls. But
they're not bad guys, once you get to know them."
Amelia glared at the boy who hadn't received a warning poke until he
turned his eyes back to the front of the room. "Don't get me wrong," she
said to Stephanie. "I'm not a very friendly person."
"That's all right," whispered the blonde in front of Stephanie.
"She's that friendly with everyone. Ignore her for a few days and she'll
give up."
Stephanie smiled again and straightened up in her desk, her chest
jiggling slightly as she did so. "People say that I have a fiery heart
that simply burns with congeniality!"
Amelia scowled at the girl's uncanny resemblance to Naga, a chapter
of her life best left forgotten, and carefully considered the metaphor.
Was it a coincidence that the girl looked like Sailor Mars, minus the
jewelry, and compared herself to Mars' element? This search could turn
out to be easier than she'd thought.
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If you have any comments about the revisions, you know how to reach
me... and hopefully the next chapter won't take too long to write. Keep
your fingers crossed for me! (I'd cross mine, but that would make it
hard to type...)
- Nidoking
BURNS: What is this? Some kind of force field around these vegetables!
HOMER: That's the sneeze guard. You have to lean under it to get food or
sneeze on stuff.
JOHNNY BRAVO: *sigh* The only woman I ever really loved... and she's
gone. I wonder if I'll ever get over - Hey! Nuggets!
JACKIE CHAN: Oh, sorry. I broke your spy camera! (pause) SPY CAMERA?!
My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp