Well....
Right. First off, you really need to put a disclaimer or notifier or
something to indicate where the various characters come from. We have to
piece together that the Hikaru you keep referring to is Hikaru Shidou of
Rayearth. Names are tossed around without any indicators. Not good.
It also seems very rushed. Frankly, it doesn't seem to really be going
anywhere. And why the new character? Is she strictly neccessary?
Finally, here's a reality check for the OAV. If *events* are dark, it
doesn't matter if Hikaru lacks a soul for them to be called dark. It
seems like we're supposed to sympathize with her when her behavior makes
that impossible. If it looks like a darkfic and smells like a darkfic,
it's a darkfic, regardless of the handwaving used to alter that.
All in all, I think the idea needs quite a bit of work. Sorry for being
harsh.