[The following text is in the "iso-8859-1" character set]
[Your display is set for the "US-ASCII" character set]
[Some characters may be displayed incorrectly]
This part took me ages to write, even considering that I had written the
crossover shortly after I wrote Tracey's scene way back in part 2! It's
probably my favorite of the crossovers so far, and certainly the most
appropriate.
POKENET - The Armenhammer Armageddon part 6
ASH: The horror... the horror! Everywhere we look... blood! Blood lining
the walls... the blood of hundreds of tortured souls screaming the
untold horrors of this place!
Misty bashes Ash on the head with her mallet.
MISTY: This is the blood storage closet at the Red Cross Blood Donation
Center! What else did you expect to find? Besides, all the blood is in
jars.
ASH: (rubs head) Sheesh. You try for a little dramatic effect and look
what it gets you.
BROCK: Hey, I think this one's cherry Kool-Aid!
JENNY: (facetiously) Why don't you take a sip and see?
BROCK: Good idea, Officer Jenny!
He twists off the lid.
BROCK: If only I had two straws so we could share it...
JENNY: On second thought, close that jar right now and put it back where
you found it. We have to figure out how to get out of here!
MISTY: Why don't we just wait until someone makes a donation? They'll
have to open the door to bring it in and put it on the shelves!
A robotic arm stretches down from the ceiling and carefully places a
jar of blood into an empty space on a shelf.
JENNY: It's all automated, I'm afraid.
The arm stops midway up to the ceiling and begins to swing
uncontrollably, knocking jars off of the shelves. Officer Jenny dives to
catch them.
JENNY: What's going on? It's out of control!
ASH: Cool! You don't even need to put in a quarter!
Ash is manipulating a lever marked "MANUAL CONTROL."
BROCK: Careful, Ash. You don't want to tilt the machine.
ASH: You're thinking of Labyrinth. The skill crane doesn't tilt - it
just goes up and down.
MISTY: Quiet! I think someone's coming!
ASH: Maybe it's the pizza delivery guy!
MISTY: I don't think so.
The door opens and a small yellow creature flies into the room,
followed by a girl in a strange costume and a boy wearing a coat with
long tails.
PIKACHU: Pikachu?
CREATURE: If one more person tells me I look like a Pikachu, I swear
I'll rip his freaking head off!
ASH: You've got a pretty bad attitude for a talking, flying Pikachu.
The girl grabs the "Pikachu" as he tries to fly toward Ash.
CREATURE: Let me at him! Let me at him!
GIRL: Leave him alone, Kero. We're here to find a Clow Card, not to pick
a fight.
BROCK: Hey, you're cute!
MISTY: Who are you people?
GIRL: My name is Sakura Avalon, and this is Li Showron.
LI: Don't disturb us. We're trying to find a Clow Card. Sakura, use the
Clow Wand.
SAKURA: Li, are you sure it's safe to use magic in front of these
people?
LI: Sure. Half of them don't look intelligent enough to notice anything
out of the ordinary.
SAKURA: What about the others?
LI: They can't be as intelligent as they look, if they hang around with
these idiots.
SAKURA: Okay, if you're sure.
She clutches her wand and closes her eyes. She points to Ash.
SAKURA: There! The Clow Card is there!
BROCK: I've always said that Ash was quite a card.
LI: He doesn't look like any Clow Card I've ever seen.
JENNY: I don't understand. How could Ash be a card?
SAKURA: I'll show you.
She swings her wand at Ash.
SAKURA: Return to your power confined!
A glowing rectangle appears under Ash. Ash becomes a colored swirl
and vanishes into the light, which shrinks into a small card. Sakura
picks up the card.
SAKURA: "The Idiot?" What kind of Clow Card is that?
KERO: It's not in any deck I've met, that's for sure.
LI: No wonder! Sakura, look at the back of this card!
SAKURA: It isn't a Clow Card at all. It's a... "Clown Card."
LI: We should probably release him.
KERO: He told me I look like a Pikachu! I say we leave him in the card.
MISTY: It's so tempting...
JENNY: I'd love to agree with you, but then I'd have to explain to my
superiors why Ash disappeared while under my supervision.
MISTY: Do it! They'll give you a medal for sure!
SAKURA: Forget it! I'm not carrying this thing with me! Idiot, release
and dispel!
Sakura strikes the card with her wand, releasing Ash.
ASH: Wow... I feel weird. Anyone for a game of poker?
BROCK: Only if it's strip poker, and Officer Jenny is playing!
SAKURA: Another card! There!
Sakura taps Brock with her wand.
SAKURA: Return to your power confined!
Li picks up the card that Brock has become.
LI: This one's just like the other one, except it's "The Pervert."
JENNY: I'm not surprised.
SAKURA: Release and dispel!
The card turns back into Brock.
BROCK: What happened to me?
SAKURA: This is a waste of time. There are no Clow Cards here.
MISTY: I wonder what type of card I would become! Probably "The Beauty."
ASH: More like "The Annoying."
Misty hits Ash on the head with a mallet.
BROCK: Maybe "The Mallet?"
Misty hits Brock over the head with a mallet.
MISTY: Go on, turn me into a card and see!
SAKURA: (sighs) I suppose so, but this is the last one. Return to your
power confined!
Misty turns into a card, which Officer Jenny picks up.
JENNY: Hmm... I don't think we'd better tell Misty about this.
KERO: Probably not. That mallet looked pretty dangerous.
SAKURA: One last time. Release and dispel!
The card dissolves into Misty's form once again.
MISTY: Wow... so, what card did I become?
JENNY: You were right. It was "The Beauty."
MISTY: Hooray! I knew it!
ASH: She's lying to you, Misty. You weren't "The Beauty."
MISTY: Oh really? What card was I, then?
ASH: "The Runt."
Misty screams in rage and bashes Ash repeatedly with her mallet.
BROCK: Talk about brutal honesty...
LI: If that's a runt, I'd hate to see something more powerful. I think
she'd have a good chance against the Fight Card!
SAKURA: Say... maybe she'd be able to help us get rid of Meilin!
They watch the continued pounding for a few more seconds.
LI: Nah... too unstable. Let's just get out of here while we're still in
one piece!
They quickly dart out of the room, nearly catching Kero's tail in
the door as they slam it closed.
JENNY: Wait! Open the door again! Let us out!
BROCK: Don't be in such a hurry... we're finally alone!
Officer Jenny pounds frantically on the door.
JENNY: LET ME OUT OF HERE!
She collapses to the floor, exhausted. There is a knock on the door.
MISTY: It's no use knocking. No one will hear it.
JENNY: I didn't knock... that came from outside!
ASH: Who's there?
VOICE: Godmothers!
MISTY: It's Belldandy! She must have found out that we were in trouble
and come to rescue us!
BROCK: Godmothers who?
VOICE: Godmother's pizza delivery!
ASH: Hooray! My pizza's here!
MISTY: He had a pizza delivered here? How?
ASH: I used my credit card. Duh!
The door opens and the pizza delivery guy hands Ash a pizza box.
PIZZA GUY: Can I have a tip?
ASH: Yeah... don't be late again. You're lucky I don't demand my money
back!
Ash slams the door in the pizza guy's face.
JENNY: You idiot! Why did you close the door again?
ASH: I didn't like his attitude. (sniffs box) Mmmm... peanut butter and
jelly!
Officer Jenny knocks the pizza box out of Ash's hands, grabs him by
the collar, and rams his back against the wall.
JENNY: DO... YOU... HAVE... ANY... IDEA... WHAT... YOU'VE... JUST...
DONE?
ASH: Yeah... I just lost my lunch!
Officer Jenny smacks Ash in the face several times.
JENNY: That's it! I can't stay locked in this closet with him any longer
or I'll go insane!
ASH: Why didn't you just say so? If you don't want me here, I'll just
leave!
He steps over to the door and opens it.
JENNY: How did you do that? The door was locked!
ASH: Was it?
He closes the door and tugs on the handle.
ASH: Yep. It's locked, all right.
JENNY: But... but... you opened it before!
ASH: Right. Only when it was funny!
Everyone facefaults.
MISTY: Thanks for the comedy lesson, Roger Rabbit. Now figure out a way
to make it funny again and get us out of here!
ASH: That's easy. Who knows a good knock-knock joke?
BROCK: I've got one. Knock knock!
ASH: Who's there?
BROCK: A doctor.
ASH: Doctor Who?
BROCK: Right! Now, open up before my Dalek blasts you!
ASH: (laughs) That was a good one!
JENNY: Okay... how does that get the door open?
ASH: It doesn't. I just hadn't heard a good knock-knock joke in ages!
JENNY: That's it! Obligation or no obligation, I'll kill you!
Officer Jenny charges at Ash, who quickly ducks out the door. As
Officer Jenny dives for the open door, Ash slams it closed, causing
Officer Jenny to flatten her face against it.
BROCK: Now THAT was funny!
JENNY: No it wasn't... (slides down door)
MISTY: Now HE'S outside, and WE'RE still inside!
BROCK: So?
JENNY: SO, we need to get out of here! He could at least have left the
door open for us!
BROCK: (clenches fists) You're right! I can't believe he would leave a
pretty girl locked in a closet like this! I'm going to give him a good
talking to!
Brock opens the door and storms out of the closet, closing the door
behind himself.
JENNY: Hey! What about the pretty girls?
MISTY: It's no use, Officer Jenny. We're not getting out of here unless
it's funny!
JENNY: What could possibly be funny about opening a door?
MISTY: (shrugs) When is a door not a door?
JENNY: Is that supposed to be a joke?
MISTY: When it's ajar!
She grabs the door handle and tugs, but the door refuses to open.
JENNY: Jokes aren't going to work! We're going to have to use our heads!
MISTY: You're not suggesting that we ram the door down with our heads,
are you?
JENNY: That might be funny, in a slapstick way, but I meant we should
combine our strength.
They both grab the door handle.
JENNY: On three. ONE! TWO! THREE!
The door flies open, smashing both Officer Jenny and Misty into the
wall.
BROCK: What's taking you two so long? Quit joking around and get out
here! The mayor wants to talk to us.
JENNY: That wasn't funny either...
MISTY: It got the door open, so quit complaining.
They painfully get to their feet and exit the building at last.
MAYOR: Officer Jenny! What happened to you? You look like you were in
the middle of a war!
JENNY: I feel like it too, Mayor.
MAYOR: Well, I hope that won't interfere with your duty...
JENNY: (straightens up and salutes) No sir! I am fully capable of
performing my duty, sir!
MAYOR: This isn't the Army, Jenny. Now listen. I have some very bad
news. Armenhammer's government has found out about the assassination!
MISTY: Oh no! We're finished!
ASH: Oh, good! That's this case solved then.
Misty bashes Ash with her mallet.
MAYOR: Fortunately, they think that the news is only a rumor. They're on
their way here to see for themselves how the Archduke is doing.
BROCK: He's not doing very well, actually.
MAYOR: That's exactly the problem. The delegates are going to want to
see the Archduke alive and well.
ASH: Why don't we just show them some pictures?
MAYOR: That's not going to be enough. We'll need a body double!
ASH: No problem. Pikachu, Double Team!
Pikachu's body splits into two identical copies.
MAYOR: That's not what I meant! We need someone who looks exactly like
the Archduke!
ASH: Hmmm... where are we going to find someone who looks like a pile of
ground beef?
JENNY: He means someone who looks like the Archduke did when he was
alive.
BROCK: Didn't Archduke Baking Soda look something like that?
MAYOR: Here's a picture of the Archduke. We have one hour to find
someone who looks like this.
JENNY: (looks at the picture) That's the wrong picture, Mayor. You've
got a picture of Ash.
MAYOR: No, this is the Archduke. See the suit he's wearing?
ASH: He's right. I would never wear a suit like that. It doesn't have
any food stains on it.
MAYOR: However, there is certainly an uncanny similarity.
Officer Jenny's face turns white.
JENNY: No! No! We can't! It will never work!
ASH: What won't work?
MISTY: She's right, Mayor. There's no chance that Ash would be able to
pull it off.
ASH: Pull what off?
BROCK: I have to agree with them. Ash just isn't the right man for the
job.
ASH: Right man for what job? By the way, did you find anyone who looks
like the guy who looks like me?
MAYOR: (sighs) I know it's unlikely, but he's a perfect match! We just
have to teach him how to act dignified within the next hour.
ASH: (picking nose) I'm dignified already! (belches loudly)
MISTY: Maybe if he keeps his mouth shut, stays perfectly still, and
doesn't make eye contact with anyone, they might believe that he's the
real Archduke.
ASH: The only way that would happen is if you -
Misty hits Ash on the head with her mallet, knocking him
unconscious.
JENNY: Now how are we going to train him to be dignified?
Misty pulls a tape recorder, headphones, and a tape of "An Hour of
Etiquette" out of her pocket.
MISTY: Subliminal suggestion. His mind should be simple enough for it to
work.
JENNY: Great! Let's end this part so we can start the tape going!
Everyone waits.
JENNY: When is the part going to end?
BROCK: We always close with Ash's internal monologue.
Everyone stares at the unconscious Ash.
MISTY: Well, without our main character, it looks like we could be stuck
here for quite a while. But if we wake him up, we won't be able to use
the tape! Oh well. It looks like we're just going to have to leave him
unconscious and hope that we can teach him to behave like a diplomat
before the government of Armenhammer gets here!
BROCK: (nods) Good enough for a beginner.
JENNY: But what we needed was an ENDING.
BROCK: Oh. That works too.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Well, that's all I have of this story for now. I need to do a bit more
research on the series that's making its crossover in the next part
before I get too deeply into it, since that crossover is the crux of the
next part's plot.
There's one more story that I think is going well enough to send at the
moment. Its current short length is due only to how recent the idea
itself is. It's a crossover between a large number of series, but most
series only contribute a single character each to the story. Since the
Prologue is pretty short, I'll explain the idea more fully when I send
the Prologue tomorrow.
- Nidoking
BURNS: What is this? Some kind of force field around these vegetables!
HOMER: That's the sneeze guard. You have to lean under it to get food or
sneeze on stuff.
JOHNNY BRAVO: *sigh* The only woman I ever really loved... and she's
gone. I wonder if I'll ever get over - Hey! Nuggets!
JACKIE CHAN: Oh, sorry. I broke your spy camera! (pause) SPY CAMERA?!
My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp