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Last thing to response to for the moment:
Last thing I owe you on this computer I think! Wahoo!
Cool. Now I must write faster.
Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot
Chapter 5
http://angcobra.jumpfun.com/dbsommer.html
And then the head snapped back just as lightning quick, restored in its
original position in the brim of Zeiram's head. Inexplicably, the giant
green creature turned and strode away just as purposefully as it had
when it
approached Iria's prone form.
And the readership says, "The hell?" Or some equivalent. They are joined
by the characters.
Well, that was the intent. Next time I'll throw in a lemon scene with
Zeiram. That should get some REAL responses. :)
So Zeiram was still employing the same freighter that was on the space
station as his means of getting around. Even if it felt that it had
killed
everyone else on the planet, why leave her alive? And the way Zeiram had
just stopped and turned away, it made no sense!
Or, he could have been called away.
Shadowy figure: Don't be silly. Obviously he is working on his own. Now
where do you live so we can kill you in a highly suspicious manner?
And given how Zeriam seems to
behave more like a machine than an animal or person, that would my guess.
More proof, as if it was needed, of a nifty conspiracy.
Well, obviously something is going on. It's just what form the nature of the
conspiracy takes place.
Of course, DB
could be messing with us so any conclusions will be refrained from. We
read on with interest and suspicion.
Pain massaged every part of her body, making her vision grow dark around
the
edges. Hate fueled her awareness. Locked in a life and death struggle
with
consciousness, she refused to black out until her mission was
accomplished.
Hate being the second most powerful emotion in short bursts. Anger is
stronger, but then I wouldn't be too surprised if she had a wee dabblin'
of that in her as well.
Blurring line between the two, IMO.
The large tiny projectile shot through the air in a straight line in the
direction of the ship, impacting into the hardened earth right under
where
Zeiram's foot had been but a moment before.
Suck.
Yep. Thought she was going to tag him after all that build up, didntcha?
least. But she hadn't and it didn't.
Comma
Took note of your comma recommendations. Looks like I missed a few.
And the air was getting harder to breathe. That was the thicker
atmosphere
slowly leaking away, being replaced by the lighter one that originally
circled the planet, one filled with only trace amounts of oxygen.
Darkness
Eeeee. I don't think the atmosphere would float away that quickly. I dunno
about the nifty tech supporting it, odviously, but I'd imagine that it
would remain for longer than one might expect.
My terraforming guides says it would, but it's twenty years old and might be
out of date. :)
the armor. That would be the easiest vulnerable point. Course decided,
it
drew back its head and prepared to rip out the throat and feast on the
other's flesh, unknowingly mirroring what its progenitor had done
several
minutes before, though this time having no intention of stopping at the
last
moment.
Actually, up until this point, I had been suspicious that the thing was
going after the tracking dart, and events would follow as a result of
that.
Nope. That one hadn't occurred to me.
Don't know if it makes a bit of difference, but I never mind hearing
random comments about my stuff.
"-am telling you that I'm still cold. We would definitely have frozen to
death before suffocating."
"And I'm telling you that it was getting too hard to breathe quicker.
We'd
have suffocated first."
In the words of a great man, <Who gives me lots of C&C. You Rule and you
know who you are!> I coment, "Snerk"
Heh.
"I'm dead too?" Iria's voice cracked with strain, as though she hadn't
spoken for a week.
Yuri folded her arms and snorted in disgust. "Excuse me, but I am
offended
at the very idea that I would end up in the same place in the afterlife
as
Kei."
I say again. "Snerk."
You seem to be doing that a lot. You might want to get it checked out.
Iria found herself convinced that she must be alive, as it was
categorically
impossible she would end up in the same place in the afterlife with
either
of her current companions. "So what's going on? How did you two
survive?"
That bit was truely wonderful.
Thank you.
"That would be from the triple dose of Effarx painkillers we loaded you
up
with," Yuri explained.
For a moment I thought that word was Extralax instead, and that sentence
took on a whole new meaning.
Heh. Hadn't occurred to me either, but I see your point.
care of the older woman for a change. The lack of an argument from the
bounty hunter was an obvious indication of just how badly she had been
hurt.
Once satisfied Iria was going to sleep, Kei wordlessly left the bedside
and
returned to the Lovely Angel with Yuri in tow.
Or....
It is quite predictable given her obsession.
They were gone for no more than a couple of minutes when Iria's eyes
fluttered open. Sensing the Lovely Angels would not be returning anytime
soon, the bounty hunter focused with every ounce of remaining
concentration
she possessed. It seemed to take forever for her to summon enough
strength
to roll out of bed and onto the floor, her fall only being interrupted
by
the deck plates underneath. It took a few more seconds to regain enough
strength to start a slow, arduous crawl towards the back of the ship.
Yeah! Got one!
Cool.
Bob would probably be okay with her decision, he seemed to be the
reasonable
sort, but Iria and Kei would raise hell about it. It wasn't Iria's
reaction
Yuri was so much concerned about, but rather Kei's. They were partners
after
A-ho. And Kei gets all the attention.
Yep. She's the joining link between the other two characters.
"Don't make me do something we'll both regret," Kei said, begging
without
sounding like it in the least as her hands formed fists.
Cat fight! MREEOW!
<And the women in the audience all throw boots at me.>
Heh. That's what it is, al right.
Yuri had a death grip on Kei's hair, while Kei had one of Yuri's arms
bent
behind her back, when a male voice, smooth as ice, purred "Oh yeah. Keep
at
it, girls! I'm getting all of this on video. We're going to make
millions
with this hot catfight."
Wow! I'm right again!
It is a good idea.
"Yuri, breasts," Kei hissed.
Great line.
Mucho thanks again.
There was hesitation in Bob's voice. "Well, all but the mining
operation.
That was owned by Sarvgon, a small geology corporation that operates in
this
arm of the galaxy. But all of the others were owned by YSC. And there's
something else. Once I made the YCS connection, I did some additional
YSC and YCS different or a typo?
Supposed to be YSC.
"Now there we have something of a problem," Bob admitted. "According to
my
database, there are two YSC business almost equal distance from here.
One is
located in the Baltron system, the other in Omicron 4. Baltron is
closer,
but smaller, a series of banks on the one populated planet in the
system.
However, the one on Omicron 4 is a biggie. Management center for this
part
of the sector. If Zeiram is trying to hurt these guys, that would almost
definitely be his target."
And in the inavoidable decision moment. What would a fic be without one?
Should be at least one per chapter.
"A zeonoid?" Yuri asked.
Kei shook her head. "None of them are anywhere near bright enough to
pilot a
spaceship of any kind."
"And the Guyver kills them too fast," Iria added. "No, we're dealing with
a Zaolord."
Heh. Haven't seen that one in just about forever.
"What if we're wrong and he hits Baltron?" Yuri asked Iria, but shot a
glare
to Kei. It was returned just as fiercely by the redhead.
"Then you'll definitely need to add a comma after wrong," Bob responded.
The others collectively gazed at his interface for a long moment.
"Well, you do." His voice was quiet, apologetic, and defensive.
Heh.
right. If they were and that happened, Zeiram might not surface again
for
years, if ever.
Uh, if he never surfaces again, wouldn't that be a good thing? Exempting
your Ahabian vengeance kick and all.
The vengence kick is the thing. Iria would never have a moment's rest until
she knows Zeiram is dead for sure.
"Transmit orders to Group Beta. They'll know what to do."
And so it was done.
just in case there was _ANY_ doubt about a conspiracy...
Oui. More on it next chapter.
Simms scrutinized them a second time. "Don't you think you guys are a
bit
old to be going around in two piece outfits like that. You aren't doing
anyone any favors by showing the effect gravity has on a body, you
know."
Hiss. Oooooh.
He is a blunt man.
The commander considered that and nodded in apology. "Sorry. Your sag is
barely noticeable."
Iria had the Dirty Pair calmed down enough to start talking coherently
in
under five minutes.
Damn, she's good.
Very.
Simms placed his hand to his chin in thought. "Well, now that you
mention
it, I suppose I could have mistaken several guys wearing black special
forces type jumpsuits and carrying sophisticated state-of-the-art
armament
while moving with a military precision that managed to blow up half of
the
police force in the city in just over a minute as not being a giant
walking
mushroom. Sorry about that. I guess it was your perp"
I love this guy.
He's a one shotter though.
"Definitely an all-around good plan." Although Kei thought that
infiltrating
the place by hiding in a giant wooden badger would have worked just as
well.
The others shouldn't have made fun of her idea like that. It was a good
plan
too.
Yeah, but the frenchies might catapult it back. "What a stupid complaint,"
Kie muttered.
Heh.
The redhead continued her search looking for more compliments as well as
people to kill.
... Well, I can't say that wasn't in character.
Thanks.
area. No weapons to be found there either, since it appeared the folks
didn't like playing 'Grenade Golf,' or Russian Roulette during their
downtime.
Buncha wienies if you ask me.
Yep. No spine, to say the least. It was why they got whacked so easily.
But then Yuri's eyes spotted what was lying on one of the tables. An
idea
began to form. A very risky idea, but the only chance she saw herself
having.
Oooh. They play Knumbley Peg with lightsabers?
Nah. Just cards.
She tossed the remaining fifty cards at his body as it slumped to the
floor,
his lifeblood joining him in a growing pool of crimson at his side.
Nihippity nice.
Thanks again.
Rene scowled at the question. "Wait thirty seconds. I'll be in position
by
then. I guarantee it. We'll nail that bitch for sure." He placed his
hands
on their shoulders, the first show of affection he had ever given either
of
them. "I'm counting on you. Of all the people in the unit, you're the
two
I've held in the highest regard. I mean that."
And the natives in the background begin shouting, "SACRIFICE! SACRIFICE!"
It was rather obvious. I've diluted it somewhat, but they are still obvious
cannon fodder. But I thought it was a good plan though. And he does feel bad
about killing them later.
Blood splattered over Iria's armor as the gun fell away from her chin.
She
stood up, looking in the direction that the shot had come from. Once
again
she owed her life to Kei, or maybe it was Yuri this time. It was as she
rose
to her full height that she saw exactly who her savior truly was.
"YOU?!"
"God Dammit, Barney! THEY SAID ONE HIT WOULD'NT GIVE ME FLASHBACKS!" Iria
jumped up and began ranting at the purple dinosaur.
Five feet away, Yuri turned to Kei and shot her an inquiring look. Kei
just shrugged and made some comment about someone's misspent youth.
Hehehehehe.
Iria kept her gun trained on the man, not allowing it to waver in the
slightest.
The hell if she would lower her guard around _this_ hallucination again.
If only she was so lucky,
Killgore appeared offended at the comparison, though the smile never
left
his features. "Hey there, Sunshine, is that any way to properly
introduce
your husband?"
Ohhh boy.
Thought that might throw the reader.
On the whole:
Great running comedy.
Hmm. Thought it was only humorous bits rather than running comedy.
I didn't openly laugh a lot, but many were the times
I chortled quietly. That was an eventful chapter, nice flow and timing,
etc. Huzzah and huzzah. Not much bad to say.
Thanks. I am trying to keep things fast paced. This isn't what you would
call an overly sentimental piece.
Coincidentally, this is the reason I rarelly C&C while both sleep deprived
and really up on caffine. I'm not quite sure if its a good or bad thing.
Probably a bit of both.
Thanks a lot for the C+C. Very much appreciated.
D.B. Sommer