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POKENET - The Armenhammer Armageddon part 5
ASH: The future has begun to look very promising indeed for my partner,
Brock Oli! Officer Jenny will be stripping in this part of the story!
JENNY: I don't care what that moron predicted, I am NOT taking my
clothes off!
BROCK: There's no way around it. The future is set. You can't change it.
But you can change your clothes if you want... I'll only look a little,
I promise.
Officer Jenny bashes Brock in the head.
JENNY: I'm not suffering that indignity!
BROCK: Don't think of it as suffering...
JENNY: I want a second opinion!
BROCK: You're also beautiful with your clothes on...
JENNY: Wait, I know! Ash also said there would be another cameo and lots
of blood. So if we don't see those, then maybe I won't have to get
naked! If only there was a way to be sure...
ASH: Here comes someone who looks helpful.
He grabs a girl with short, light brown hair and a long nose wearing
a miniskirt.
MISTY: Why is she wearing a miniskirt on her nose?
JENNY: Ambiguous phrasing. Just ignore it and it will go away.
ASH: Good afternoon, miss. You look like someone who can tell the
future.
MISTY: Now THERE'S a pick-up line I never thought I'd hear...
GIRL: Actually, I do have some precognitive abilities...
ASH: I don't care about those! I want to know about the future!
GIRL: I don't know if I should. The future often reveals secrets we
don't want to know.
BROCK: Then ignore those and just tell us the secrets we do want to
know!
GIRL: No... I need to get back to Gaia. Van and Allen are waiting for
me.
ASH: Do they have belts?
GIRL: I don't think so. Why?
ASH: Van, Allen, belts... it's a joke.
MISTY: Whatever. Anyway, what's your name?
GIRL: Hitomi.
JENNY: Hitomi, could you please tell me what's going to happen to me?
HITOMI: I'll try.
She pulls a crystal pendant out of her shirt and holds it over a
deck of cards.
BROCK: Got any sixes?
HITOMI: These are tarot cards. They'll tell me about anyone's future.
JENNY: Okay. Tell me about mine.
Hitomi shuffles the cards and draws the top one.
HITOMI: It's "Birth."
JENNY: So, what does that mean?
HITOMI: This card symbolizes the frailty of a newborn. It refers to the
naked vulnerability of a baby.
BROCK: Did you hear that? Naked vulnerability!
JENNY: It doesn't mean I'm going to take my clothes off!
MISTY: What about me? Tell my future!
Hitomi shuffles the cards again and draws one.
HITOMI: Odd... I've never seen this card before.
MISTY: What is it?
HITOMI: "Mallet."
ASH: That's Misty's card, all right. Where there's a mallet, there's
Misty.
Misty bashes Ash on the head with a mallet.
HITOMI: (sweatdrops) I see...
ASH: I know... tell us who killed the Archduke!
JENNY: Ash, that's a great idea!
HITOMI: I don't know how accurate I'll be... if the assassin isn't here,
the energy field might be a little off.
She holds the pendant over the cards, and it begins to glow.
BROCK: Ooh... pretty.
JENNY: I didn't know you appreciated fine jewelry.
ASH: He doesn't. She's leaning forward over the cards, and Brock's got a
great view down the front of her blouse.
Hitomi's skin turns a deep red, but she lets the pendant dangle and
draws the top card.
JENNY: Won't it still be "Mallet?"
ASH: No way. They're magic cards.
BROCK: Do you play an all-green deck? I like to have lots of lands and
only a few powerful creatures...
Misty bashes Brock with her mallet.
MISTY: They're not Magic cards! They're Tarot cards!
HITOMI: This can't be right... it's "Death."
MISTY: Doesn't that one mean change?
HITOMI: No... not when it's symbolizing a person. It shouldn't even have
come up.
ASH: Maybe your necklace needs new batteries.
HITOMI: Maybe the card is referring to the Archduke and not to the
assassin.
ASH: So that means that the Archduke is dead... Good work! We solved the
crime!
Misty hits Ash over the head with her mallet.
MISTY: We still don't know who killed him!
ASH: I'm beginning to think that you did it. You certainly have a nasty
temper.
Misty bashes Ash with her mallet.
HITOMI: I think I should get out of here... this is too dangerous for
me! I miss nice, predictable dragons and evil fate-controlling emperors!
A boy with short, dark hair swoops down from the sky on the back of
a huge white dragon and lands next to Hitomi.
HITOMI: Van, I'm so glad you came! Get me away from these people!
She jumps onto the back of the dragon and holds onto Van.
VAN: Hi ho Escaflowne! Away! (smiles) I always wanted to say that...
They fly away until they're out of sight.
ASH: Say hello to Belldandy for me!
MISTY: I don't think they're going to the same place...
ASH: Oh well. Anyway, we've got to be on the lookout for that cameo.
MISTY: What do you think that just was?!
JENNY: Well, I'm not taking my clothes off, no matter what! We still
haven't seen lots of blood, and this is a PG-13 rated fanfic anyway! How
much blood can there possibly be?
BROCK: I hope it's enough to count!
JENNY: No. No no NONONO!
ASH: Don't worry about it. Let's just investigate Richie and get back on
the case!
BROCK: Yeah, before Misty gets on OUR case!
They enter the building and approach Richie at the front desk.
ASH: Hey, Richie! Wazzaaaaaaap!
RICHIE: Wazzaaaaaaaaaap!
JENNY: What's up with you guys?
BROCK: Not "what's up?" WAZZAAAAAAAAAAP!
Misty smacks Ash on the head with her mallet.
ASH: Oh yeah. Only the nitty-gritty, pal.
BROCK: It's "just the facts."
ASH: I don't know much about grammar, but I do know that
"wazzaaaaaaaaaap" isn't a fact.
MISTY: Neither is your brain!
JENNY: WHAT?
MISTY: Never mind. I wasn't thinking either.
JENNY: Anyway, we're trying to figure out who recently rented a
helicopter from you. A Scyther owner.
RICHIE: Yeah, I remember that guy. Couldn't tell you what he looked or
sounded like, though... I never saw his face, and he never said a word.
I wish more politicians were like him.
JENNY: Don't you have any information that could help us find him?
RICHIE: You're looking for the assassin, right? Sorry, can't help you.
The Scyther destroyed the rental papers when the guy brought the
helicopter back. All I have left are a few scraps.
JENNY: Let's see them. Maybe we can figure out who it is from the
legible parts.
Richie picks up a folder from his desk and removes a handful of torn
paper scraps.
RICHIE: Ow! Paper cut!
A drop of blood falls from Richie's fingers to the desktop.
JENNY: NO! NO! NO!
She faints.
RICHIE: What's wrong with her?
ASH: She can't stand the sight of blood.
RICHIE: Unusual for a police officer, don't you think?
BROCK: I think it's so beautiful...
RICHIE: Anyway, here's the paperwork. Whatever you can make out may help
you.
Misty examines the scraps of paper.
MISTY: There's only one part I can read. It's an address.
BROCK: The question is, can we get it out of the dress?
Misty hits Brock over the head with her mallet.
MISTY: You're even dumber than Ash in this part!
BROCK: I can't help it! The thought of getting to see Officer Jenny
naked is seriously affecting my ability to think.
ASH: No, it isn't. You don't have any ability to think.
BROCK: Oh, yeah. Right. I didn't think of that.
MISTY: Never mind! Ash, help me get Officer Jenny out of here.
BROCK: Ooh! Let me do it!
MISTY: No way! The only thing you'll help get her out of is her
clothing!
BROCK: How can you be so cruel to me? Just a little peek, that's all I
ask!
MISTY: If we hadn't already had our Ranma crossover, I'd expect Happosai
to show up right about now...
A tiny, mostly bald man leaps into the room through the window and
latches onto Misty's chest.
HAPPOSAI: Who says I can't just show up anyway?
MISTY: I DO!
Misty pounds Happosai with her mallet, sending him flying through
the ceiling.
RICHIE: Hey! You're going to pay for that ceiling!
MISTY: Um... send the bill to the Tendo dojo?
She and Ash quickly lift Officer Jenny off of the floor and carry
her out of the building.
ASH: So, where to now?
MISTY: The address on the paper isn't far from here. We should be able
to walk there without a problem.
They walk past Butch's Butchery, where Cassidy is yelling at Butch
over the wreckage of the meat van.
CASSIDY: How could you wreck our van? Do you know how expensive it is,
and we only have theft insurance!
BUTCH: But it was stolen, honest! I don't know how they managed to find
us to return it, or how it got into this condition!
CASSIDY: I don't want to hear your pathetic excuses!
Cassidy brains Butch with a mallet, giving him a bloody nose.
Officer Jenny wakes up, takes one look at Butch, and faints again.
MISTY: This is starting to get really annoying.
ASH: At least it will take your mind off of how annoying I am.
MISTY: Believe me, I'm thankful for small favors!
They continue on until they reach the address on the paper. Misty
pauses to read the sign above the door.
MISTY: "RED CROSS BLOOD DONATION CENTER." Officer Jenny really isn't
going to like this...
ASH: Maybe we'd better leave her outside then.
MISTY: That could be dangerous! She's unconscious and alone in the big
city!
BROCK: She won't be alone! I'll watch her!
MISTY: I think she'd rather be alone. I'LL watch her.
ASH: Right. Then me and Brock will go inside and investigate.
MISTY: That won't work... I guess we'll just have to bring her in with
us.
ASH: Whatever you say.
They carry Officer Jenny into the building and lay her down on a
bench next to the door. A man wearing sunglasses and sporting a wide and
tall yellow haircut is chatting with the receptionist.
MAN: Hey, pretty mama. I hear you're into bodily fluids.
RECEPTIONIST: We take blood donations, yes.
MAN: Wanna see some of mine? Johnny Brav-O positive!
The receptionist pulls out a giant hypodermic syringe.
JOHNNY: Ooh, kinky.
She jabs him in the arm with a needle and pulls the plunger out,
filling the syringe with blood. Johnny Bravo begins to shrivel.
JOHNNY: Hey, go easy now! Not so fast! I feel dizzy...
He collapses to the floor. Misty approaches the receptionist.
MISTY: Excuse me, miss. I'd like to ask you a few questions.
RECEPTIONIST: All I'm interested in is your blood type and medical
history.
MISTY: No, it's about the Archduke of Armenhammer.
RECEPTIONIST: AB negative.
MISTY: Can't I just ask a question?
JOHNNY: Hey, mama. I know what you're looking for... my pecs!
He flexes. Misty bashes him with her mallet.
JOHNNY: Whoa... pretty stars. Pretty stars...
Officer Jenny stands up and woozily approaches Johnny.
JENNY: Have I ever seen you before?
Johnny grabs Officer Jenny around the waist and swings her into a
horizontal position.
JOHNNY: Only in our dreams, baby.
JENNY: Not another cameo!
Officer Jenny reaches for a blunt object and grabs the giant syringe
from the receptionist. She smashes it over Johnny's head.
JOHNNY: Ow!
The contents of the syringe splash all over Officer Jenny's uniform.
JENNY: Gross! This stuff is all over my clothes!
JOHNNY: Hey pretty thing, let me help you out of those dirty clothes...
Officer Jenny tosses a Pokeball across the room.
JENNY: Growlithe, KILL!
JOHNNY: Nice doggy...
Johnny runs out of the clinic with the Growlithe hot on his heels.
JENNY: Now I've got to change... do you have a changing room here?
RECEPTIONIST: Take this cup with you and fill it.
She hands Officer Jenny a cup and points to a door near the desk.
JENNY: Thanks... I think.
BROCK: Hey, no fair!
ASH: I said she would take her clothes off. I never said she'd do it in
front of us!
Officer Jenny darts into the room and comes out in clean clothes.
She hands the full cup to the receptionist.
JENNY: Normally there'd be a toilet in there, but all there was was a
rack of scalpels... it was like a medieval torture chamber in there!
The receptionist stared critically at the liquid in the cup.
RECEPTIONIST: When I said, "fill the cup," I meant...
JENNY: Never mind. We've got an investigation to conduct!
ASH: We should check out that door!
He points to a door bearing a sign which reads, vertically, "WAR
THIS WAY"
MISTY: Now if that isn't the most obvious clue I've ever seen...
RECEPTIONIST: Wait! Don't go in there!
ASH: Aha! They're trying to hide something, all right! Let's go!
He leads the group through the door into the room beyond. As the
door closes, the folded sign opens to reveal the full sign: "WARNING:
BLOOD STORAGE THIS DOOR OPENS ONE WAY ONLY DO NOT CLOSE"
ASH: Yes, loyal readers, it's time at last for me to come out of the
closet! (grunts) Just as soon as I figure out how to get the blasted
door open!
------------------------------------------------------------
BURNS: What is this? Some kind of force field around these vegetables!
HOMER: That's the sneeze guard. You have to lean under it to get food or
sneeze on stuff.
JOHNNY BRAVO: *sigh* The only woman I ever really loved... and she's
gone. I wonder if I'll ever get over - Hey! Nuggets!
JACKIE CHAN: Oh, sorry. I broke your spy camera! (pause) SPY CAMERA?!
My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp