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TENCHI 1/2 -- Dimensions in Peril
Chapter 5: Ranma Saotome the Pigtailed Goddess - No Need For Revelations
Cologne knocked lightly on the guest bedroom door with her staff.
"It's time to go, kids," she called. "We have to meet at the Tendo dojo,
remember?"
"On my way!" shouted Washu. "Just have to wrap up a little
research."
The door opened, and Kiyone and Mayuka stepped out. Cologne peered
into the room, but could see no sign of Washu. "Where's the other one?"
she asked.
"Little Washu's in the closet," replied Mayuka.
"In the closet?" repeated Cologne. She stared at the familiar
sliding door quizzically.
"She has a way of making small spaces seem huge," said Kiyone.
"I'd like to see that," said Cologne. As she pulled the door open,
she found herself staring into an endless expanse of darkness. Metal
boxes floated past at regular intervals, and sparks occasionally leapt
from one of these boxes to the next. As Cologne tried to puzzle out what
had become of the tiny closet, a face appeared before her. She leapt
back in surprise.
"Sorry about this," said the face. "I figured I could use a little
more space for my instruments, so I opened up another dimension in this
closet. I'll collapse it again if you want."
Mousse and Shampoo entered the bedroom. "Grandmother, we ready to
AIEEEEEE!" Shampoo screamed as she saw what was in the closet.
Mousse stared into the darkness. "Funny. I remember this closet
being a bit bigger." Shampoo pushed Mousse's glasses down from his
forehead. Mousse lost his balance as the alternate dimension came into
focus and fell forward, into the closet. He dropped, screaming, out of
sight.
"Oh no!" shouted Kiyone.
"It's no problem," said Washu. She reached into the closet and
pulled out a tiny black disc. The entire universe within shrank into the
disc as it came away in her hand, leaving behind a perfectly ordinary
closet. Washu gave the disc a hearty shake, and Mousse tumbled out of it
onto the ground.
"Are you all right, Mr. Mousse?" asked Mayuka.
"Just a few more minutes, Mr. Dandelion," said Mousse. "I'll paste
the yellow bootstraps as soon as angry helicopter weasels the jellybean
happiness extra xylophone..."
"That was close," said Washu. "If he'd been stuck in that collapsed
universe for any longer, it might have affected his brain."
"You mean it didn't?" asked Kiyone.
"Seventy bigger evil porcupines, helpfully envelope guitar denim
alphabet zipper."
"Nope," decided Shampoo. "Him stupid as ever."
*************************************************
"It's so quiet in the mornings without the master here, isn't it,
Tendo?" asked Genma.
"It sure is," replied Soun. "I can't remember the last time I
enjoyed breakfast this much."
"What about the last time the master was out of town?"
Soun rubbed his chin. "Ah, yes. That was enjoyable, wasn't it?" They
both laughed.
"I'm really worried," said Ayeka. "You two don't seem concerned
about this in the least!"
Genma waved a hand dismissively. "Relax. The master can take care of
himself. He is a very powerful martial artist, after all."
"I hope you're right," said Ayeka. "We're dealing with an incredible
power, you know."
"It's okay," Akane assured her. "As long as there are women in
whatever dimension he's in, he'll survive."
Ranma stumbled into the room, half-asleep. "Hey, everybody," he
said.
"What kept you, boy?" asked Genma. "We're already on the second
course!"
"It was a nightmare," replied Ranma. "Kodachi broke into my room
through the ceiling and left through the floor."
"What do you mean, nightmare?" asked Akane. "You sure seemed to be
enjoying it!"
"Wait a second!" protested Ranma. "You mean she really was in my
room?"
"In your room? She was in your bed!"
Soun grabbed Ranma by the collar. "Well? Explain yourself, son!"
There was a knock at the front door. "Oh yes," said Kasumi. "I
completely forgot in all the excitement! Mrs. Saotome called yesterday
and said she was coming to visit." There was a splash from outside, and
everyone turned to see Ranma and Genma climbing out of the koi pond.
"Are we going to meet your mother, Ranma?" asked Ayeka.
"Listen very carefully," said Ranma. "Whatever you do, don't call me
Ranma. While my mother's around, I'm Akane's cousin Ranko, okay?"
"Why?" asked Sasami. "Don't you want your mother to -"
"No!" interrupted Akane. "If Ranma's mother finds out he's a girl,
she'll force him to kill himself!"
"It's a long story," said Ranma.
Kasumi led Nodoka into the dining room. "Here you are, Mrs.
Saotome."
"Hello everyone," said Nodoka. "Who are your guests?"
"These are Ayeka and Sasami," said Akane. "And this is Mihoshi."
"Don't forget Ryo-Ohki," said Sasami with a smile.
"Meow!" agreed Ryo-Ohki. Ranma cringed.
"Is something wrong, Ranko?" asked Nodoka.
"I'm fine, Mrs. Saotome," said Ranma.
"That's good to know," said Nodoka. She stared at Ryo-Ohki. "There's
something odd about that girl..."
"That's quite a fine sword you have there, Mrs. Saotome," said
Ayeka.
Nodoka smiled. "There's a long history behind this sword. It's the
traditional blade used for seppuku."
"Seppuku?" Ayeka's brow creased. "Isn't that..."
"Ritual suicide," replied Ranko.
"I was so hoping to see my son today," said Nodoka. "I was told he
had friends visiting, so I assumed he would be here. I'm beginning to
feel like he's avoiding me."
"That's so sad!" said Mihoshi. "I can't believe he would want to
avoid a sweet mother like you. Why would you do that, Ranma?"
"She's talking to the air, of course," said Ranma quickly. "She does
that a lot."
The outside door flew open, revealing Kuno and Ryoga. "Where is the
sorcerer Saotome?" shouted Kuno. His eyes fell on Ranma. "Pigtailed
girl! How I pine for you night and day!"
"I'm sure," fumed Ranma.
"Oh, come now, Ranko," said Nodoka. "He seems a very nice young
man."
"Well met, madam," said Kuno. "Would I be correct in guessing that
you are the mother of Ranma Saotome?"
"I am," said Nodoka. "And you are --?"
"The Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, Tatewaki Kuno," he replied. "I
can see that Ranma does not get his poor manners from his mother's side
of the family." Genma smacked Kuno in the back of the head.
"Have you met Ranma, then?" asked Nodoka.
"Met him? The cretin makes sport of fighting me at every
opportunity, foiling my every attempt to defeat him, and bewitching
ladies with his guileful charm and forcing them to fall in love with
him!"
"Does he now?" Nodoka smiled. "Now THAT sounds quite manly. I may
not need this sword after all." Ranma sighed her relief.
"What did you want anyway, Kuno?" asked Akane.
"My sister never returned last night from her excursion to this very
residence to see Ranma." He drew his bokken. "I have come to demand her
immediate release!" Ryo-Ohki's ears twitched.
"Well, she's not here," said Ranma.
"She was here last night, though," put in Akane.
Ukyo burst into the room, pushing aside Kuno and Ryoga. "Ranma
honey, I'm here for the meeting!" She saw Nodoka sitting at the table.
"Oh, I see Ranma honey's not here."
"Hey, watch where you're going," warned Ryoga, getting to his feet.
"Did anyone else hear something?" asked Nabiki.
Ranma ignored her. "Ryoga, what are you doing here anyway?"
"I followed Kuno because I knew I'd get lost otherwise," said Ryoga.
"I want to help fight this demon too."
"Demon? What demon?" asked Nodoka.
"I could swear I heard something from Happosai's room," said Nabiki.
She stood up and opened the door. "Oh my... Kodachi!"
"Where? Where is my sister?" shouted Kuno, as Nabiki stepped out of
the way, allowing everyone in the room to see Kodachi buried up to her
shoulders in the floorboards. A pair of panties had been shoved into her
mouth as a crude gag.
Ranma screamed. "It was real! She really did sink through the
floor!"
"I think somebody has some explaining to do," said Akane.
Ryoko appeared in the middle of Happosai's room. "Hi everybody!" she
said with a casual wave. "Did I miss anything? Where's Tenchi?"
"It's you!" shouted Ranma. "That girl from yesterday!"
"Ryoko!" shouted Sasami cheerfully. "I didn't know where you were!"
Ayeka clenched her fists. "I think I have a very good idea who might
have put that poor girl in that position. The only one here who can pass
solid objects through walls..."
Ryoko put on her most innocent face. "Who, me? Why would I do
something like this?"
"Let's find out, shall we?" asked Nabiki, removing Kodachi's gag.
"Foul demon!" shouted Kodachi. "You shall pay for this!"
"What are you going to do, bite me?" asked Ryoko.
"I knew it!" shouted Ayeka. "You are the one responsible for this!"
"And what are you going to do about it?" asked Ryoko, readying a
fireball. "Just try and beat me."
"I most certainly will!" Ayeka leapt over the table and dove at
Ryoko, who caught her and flung her at the ceiling. Ayeka hit the
ceiling hard enough to stay there until Ryoko's fireball hit her,
shattering the ceiling. Tenchi fell through the hole and landed on top
of Ayeka, waking instantly from the impact.
"What's going on here?" he shouted. "Ryoko, what are you doing
here?"
Ryoko's eyes filled with tears. "Oh, Tenchi... how can you yell at
me like that when I've had such a hard night?"
Tenchi didn't buy the innocent act for a second. "Ryoko..."
"Lord Tenchi..." groaned Ayeka, "could you please get off of me?"
"Oh, Ayeka, are you all right?" asked Sasami.
Tenchi stood up and rubbed his neck. "Say, Ranma, why didn't you
wake me up for breakfast?"
"Ranma?" Nodoka glanced at the group seated around the table in time
to see "Ranko" making throat-slitting gestures. "Ranko, did he just call
you 'Ranma?'"
"That is Ranma," said Tenchi. "What's the matter here? Is
everybody -"
Ayeka covered Tenchi's mouth. "That's Ranma's mother! If she finds
out about Ranma..."
Nodoka stood up, her eyes ablaze. "Someone is hiding my son from
me!" she shouted. She drew her sword and pressed it to the throat of the
nearest person, who happened to be Akane. "WHERE IS MY SON?" Akane
meekly raised a hand and pointed to Ranma.
"Before you say anything," said Ranma, "let me explain this." She
grabbed the teakettle from the table.
"Oh, no you don't, Saotome!" said Soun, grabbing Genma by the fur as
he tried to escape. "You're going to reveal your secret too."
Ranma poured the hot water on her head. Eyes bugged out all around.
"I'm Ranma. I've been using the body of a girl the whole time."
"How can this be?" asked Kuno. "My beloved pigtailed girl and Ranma
Saotome, one and the same? I can't believe it! But my eyes could not
have deceived me..."
"That heathen!" shouted Kodachi. "Sharing the body of my darling
Ranma!"
"Ranko?" Nodoka prodded his chest. "You really are my son! Ranma!"
She dropped the sword and hugged him. There was another splash from
behind, and Nodoka turned her head to face her husband for the first
time. "Genma?"
"Just call me Mr. Panda," said Genma.
"But why? Why did Ranma pretend to be a girl all this time? And
how?"
"It's a curse," explained Ranma. "Pops took me to a cursed training
ground in China where I fell in a spring. Now, whenever I get splashed
with cold water, I turn into a girl."
"Genma, how could you do such a thing to our son?" asked Nodoka.
"He didn't speak a word of Chinese," fumed Ranma.
Nodoka picked up her sword from the floor. "You know what this
means."
Ranma bowed his head. "I do." He took the sword from his mother's
hand.
"What are you doing, Ranma?" asked Akane.
"My father made a deal with my mother that I have to uphold," said
Ranma. "If I didn't become a man among men, then he and I would both
commit seppuku."
"But - you can't just kill yourself! Isn't there something you can
do to get out of it?"
"Of course there is," said Ranma. "I could give up my honor and my
pride. I'd rather just give up my life."
"Ranma, my boy," said Genma, "I admire your guts. I myself will be
happy to sacrifice my pride by running away, but you will preserve the
honor of the Saotome name."
"Goodbye, Akane," said Ranma. "I'm sorry I couldn't carry on your
family's dojo."
"Ranma, wait!" Akane shouted, but it was too late. He pointed the
sword at his chest and pressed firmly on the handle, running the blade
right through his heart.
"Ranma!" shouted everyone except for Ryo-Ohki, Nodoka, and Ranma
himself.
Soun began to cry openly. "Why did it have to come to this,
Saotome?"
"Funny," said Nabiki. "I thought there'd be a lot more blood. I feel
betrayed."
Ranma opened his eyes. "I'm not dead!" He pulled the sword out and
examined it carefully. "Hey! This sword is fake!" He pressed on the
blade, pushing it into the handle. "It's a movie prop!"
"Of course," said Nodoka. "You don't think I would force my own son
to kill himself, do you? By completing the seppuku ritual as your honor
decreed, you have proven yourself a true man."
"You mean, the fact that I turn into a girl..."
"Your body doesn't determine who you are," said Nodoka. "Why,
Akane's a girl, but I think she's more of a man than most men I meet.
And I mean that in a nice way," she said quickly, as Akane grabbed the
table to lift it over her head.
"I'm so proud of you, boy," said Genma.
"However," continued Nodoka, "there's a certain husband who needs to
learn a thing or two about pride..."
"Surely you didn't believe what I said about running away!"
protested Genma, backing away from her. He accidentally stepped on the
ear of Ryo-Ohki, who had turned back to cabbit form in the confusion,
eliciting a blood-curdling screech.
"Oh no!" came a shout from outside. "Carmichael!" Azusa charged into
the room and grabbed Ryo-Ohki. "What have they done to you, Carmichael?"
Ryo-Ohki squirmed out of Azusa's grip and leapt onto Ryoga's head.
"Carmichael?" asked Ryoko. "Where did you come up with a name like
that?"
Azusa ignored her and reached toward Ryo-Ohki, but paused when she
saw on whose head the cabbit was perched. "Charlotte! It's you!"
Ryoga began to sweat profusely. "You've got the wrong guy!
Charlotte's a little black pig!"
"Well, he did turn into a little black pig when he got splashed with
cold water that one time." Everyone turned to stare at the speaker,
shocked. It was Mihoshi.
"You must have been seeing things," said Ryoga.
Mihoshi shook her head. "I don't think so, silly. You definitely
turned into a pig."
"I don't believe it," said Ranma. "She only understands one curse,
and it's RYOGA'S?"
"No, wait!" shouted Ryoga. "You're not going to listen to HER, are
you?"
Akane bit her lip. "Somebody get some cold water." Ranma quickly
handed her a bucket. She dipped her hand into it. "Nice try, Ranma, but
this water's warm." Ranma shrugged as if to say, "I tried."
Ryoga sighed heavily. "All right, I'll come clean. If Ranma can do
it honorably, so can I." He ran outside and dove into the pond.
Akane gasped as P-chan surfaced in the pond. "P-chan! But... that
means that... Ryoga is..." She froze, unable to move or speak.
"That's right," said Ranma. "Ryoga's been P-chan all along."
The silence lasted for what seemed like an eternity to everyone but
the person who finally broke it. "Charlotte!" Azusa scooped Ryoga out of
the pond and squeezed him.
"Sorry, but 'Charlotte' has some explaining to do." Nabiki poured
hot water on the pig, which instantly became a human. Ryoga bore Azusa
to the ground with his weight.
"Charlotte, you need to go on a diet," said Azusa, pained.
Ryoga stood up, fished his clothes out of the pond, dressed quickly,
and walked slowly toward Akane until he was close enough to hold her
hand. "Akane, please let me explain..."
"No!" shouted Akane, pulling her hand away. "You've been using your
curse to take advantage of me all this time, haven't you?" Ryoga nodded,
ashamed. "And I've been taking it out on Ranma!" She backed away,
shaking her head. "I've been taking it out on Ranma," she repeated
softly. Suddenly, she turned and ran for the stairs, pushing rudely past
the group that was just entering the dining room.
"Where is she going in such a hurry?" asked Kiyone. "We've got plans
to discuss!"
"She just found out that Ryoga's been sleeping in her bed every
night," explained Ranma.
"What is this?" shouted Kuno, grabbing Ryoga by the collar and
preparing his bokken for a massive strike. "You, sharing the bed of the
virtuous Akane Tendo? NO! This cannot be! The sweet maiden, forever
sullied by a miscreant such as yourself? I will never allow it!" Kuno
stopped moving, as if frozen in time. Ryoga was also frozen, but with
fear, until he regained his composure enough to tap Kuno on the forehead
with his knuckles.
"What do you know?" he asked, as Kuno's head resounded hollowly. "He
really is frozen."
"Our plans are too important to let violence get in the way," said
Washu. "Incidentally, you might want to move before the time freeze
wears off." Ryoga quickly pried his collar out of Kuno's hand, and
stepped aside as the bokken-wielding martial artist reanimated. His
bokken swung through the empty air and smashed directly between his
legs. Kuno curled into a ball and collapsed to the floor.
"Ouch," he squeaked poetically.
"Serves him right," said Washu.
"Brother dear!" shouted Kodachi. "What's happened? I can't see from
here! Could you tell someone to get me out of here?"
"Ryoko, get her out of the floor," said Tenchi.
"Do I have to?" whined Ryoko.
"I should say so," said Ayeka. "You can't just go around other
dimensions getting people stuck in the floor anytime you want!"
"Why not?" asked Ryoko.
"Because it's impolite, that's why! We're guests here, and you
should learn to act like one!"
"Oh dear," said Kasumi. "Another fight."
"Stop it, you two!" shouted Tenchi.
"Someone get me out of here!" shouted Kodachi.
"Everyone, stay calm!" shouted Kiyone.
"Everyone quit shouting!" shouted Mayuka. "Daddy, make them stop!"
"SHUT UP!" shouted Tenchi. Everyone grew very still. "Listen! Why
are we fighting amongst ourselves, when there's a demon out there
powerful enough to destroy all of us?"
"There's a demon right here," said Kodachi, glaring at Ryoko.
"We're all going to have to set aside our differences and work
together to beat this demon," said Tenchi. "We may not all like, or even
know each other, but we all have special talents that we'll need. If we
don't learn to work together, we'll die hating each other. Is that what
we want?" Heads shook.
Tenchi pushed his way past the crowd in the dining room and helped
Kuno to his feet. "You're pretty good with a bokken, right?"
"Of course I am," said Kuno, standing as straight as he could. He
winced as he brought his legs together.
"Without my grandfather here, I'll need a partner to practice with."
"Most of us have some martial arts talent," said Ranma. "We'll all
help you train."
"With all that training, Tenchi should be able to beat the demon
with his Lighthawk Sword," said Washu.
"If it even works in this dimension," added Kiyone morosely.
"I've been working on that theory," said Washu. "Even though I can't
access most of my instruments from here, I can still..."
"Is it getting dark in here, or is it just me?" asked Nabiki.
Ryo-Ohki growled at the looming figure outside.
"The demon's found us!" shouted Ryoko. "We've got to get out of
here!"
-------------------------------------------------------------
That's the last of this story, for the moment. Tomorrow, I'll start
sending the sequel to Pokenet.
BURNS: What is this? Some kind of force field around these vegetables!
HOMER: That's the sneeze guard. You have to lean under it to get food or
sneeze on stuff.
JOHNNY BRAVO: *sigh* The only woman I ever really loved... and she's
gone. I wonder if I'll ever get over - Hey! Nuggets!
JACKIE CHAN: Oh, sorry. I broke your spy camera! (pause) SPY CAMERA?!
My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp