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Burlesque: A "Ten Yen" Tale
A Heretical Tresses Partially Musical Production
of
A Ranma 1/2 Fanservice FanFiction
by
D.F. Roeder
Ranma 1/2 is the property of Takahashi Rumiko and her corporate
affiliates.
This is an early Christmas present for onna-Ranma fans.
OOOOH-HO-HO-HOOOO!!! [Hmmm, Kodachi-chan in a Santa Girl outfit,
hmmm...]
Thanks to T.H. Tiger and Vince Seifert for prereading. Cheers!
===========================================================
"Where's Ranma?" Akane asked, caressing a mounted coin hanging by a
silver chain from her neck.
"Oooh..." Nabiki said, casting her eyes to the ceiling and smirking,
"she'll be down in a minute."
"Huh? She?"
"She has a surprise for us," Nabiki said, and returned to her
evening meal.
"Oh..." Akane turned back to her plate, but spied Genma's chopsticks
sneaking her way. She glared at him, and the chopsticks retreated.
"Where is that dratted boy?" Genma groused, bored.
~~~~~
The blare of a boom box startled the diners, and the strains of a
brassy, jazzy tune echoed down the hallway. After the introductory
passage, a... person slid into the dining area, hands cocked on
hips, head lowered with a come-hither look that raised male blood
pressures for kilometers in every direction, even if they didn't
know why.
"I've... got... a... yeeeeen fo-or youuuu..." Brushes and bass
accompanied her slow stalk around the room. "Baa-byyy." A
horn-section filler punched the air, and she kicked her leg straight
up. The blouse and stretch mini-skirt combination she wore was red,
matching her hair almost exactly, and very tight.
"Do youuuu hava yeeeeen fo-or meeeeee..." Her shoulders worked back
and forth, moving her ample breasts to and fro. "Baa-byy..." Another
horn punch, another kick, and one of her hands reached to her neck
and rested on the top button of a row that ran the entire length of
the blouse.
"You knooow I can't deny it..." She stopped behind Akane, who was
frozen, her mouth gaping, but who jumped when the dancer's face
appeared in front of her, upside down.
"I hope you won't deny it..." She kissed Akane's nose.
"Baaaaabyyyyyy!"
The short instrumental section was accompanied by dancing around the
table, a button coming undone with each cadence in the music. Nabiki
clapped, hooted, and whistled, egging on the performer. Soun was
slack-jawed. Genma was slack-jawed. Happousai was slack-jawed. Akane
was stunned. <She... He kissed me... IN FRONT OF OUR PARENTS!>
Kasumi hid her smile behind a hand, and Nodoka... twitched.
"Oh, I've got so much to giiiive!" Five buttons were gone, and she
ran her hand over the top of one breast in front of Soun's face.
Soun's eyes glazed.
"I only want to liiiive..." She skipped her father and Master
Happousai, and snuggled up to Kasumi, who eeped then giggled.
"... the high life... with yoooouuuu..." She ran her hand along
Kasumi's cheek and under her chin, giving the eldest daughter a
pleasant case of the shivers.
"Oh, MYYY!" A smiling Kasumi's eyebrows rose and fell with the
exclamation.
"... the high life... wi-ith yooouuuuu..." A hand caressed down
Nabiki's back and then pinched her derriere. Nabiki jumped, giggled,
and then stopped and glared. <I *don't* giggle!>
"... wi-ith yooouuuuuu..." She curled up into Nodoka's lap for a
second before moving on.
The music paused. "I've... got... a... yeeeen fo-or youuuu..." She
shucked her blouse, leaving her in a white-lace almost-see-through
bra, and pressed her front against Akane's back. "Baaa-byyy!"
Akane's eyes bulged.
"Do youuuu hava yeeeen fo-or meeeeee..." She ran her hands down
Akane's arms and back up her sides, avoiding any sensitive areas.
"Baaa-byyy!" Akane trembled anyway.
The dancer twirled around once, her skirt flying through the air to
land on a catatonic Soun's head, leaving her in string panties with
only a small patch of cloth to provide a modicum of modesty.
"Don't need to buy it!" Akane's plate slid to one side, and the
dancer seated herself in front of Akane.
"Only gotta try it!" She scooted forward into Akane's lap, locking
her ankles behind her audience's back. "Baaaa-byyyyy!"
"Oh, they say love is the peeerfect food..."
She leaned forward and nibbled Akane's neck.
"Well, I think that's fine and gooood!"
A lick went from Akane's collarbone to her ear, digging in a little.
"If you're hungry, you really shouuuuld,"
*Plop!* A dollop of rice landed in the divide of some impressive
cleavage.
"Feast as if you wouuuuuld."
She pulled Akane's face into the rice.
"Try it! Uh!" Her torso thrusted forward, and Akane fanned her arms.
"Buy it! Uh!" Another thrust, and Akane sagged.
"BAAAAA-BYYYYY!!" She thrust Akane out at arms length, and kissed
her once, on the last note of the musical break.
"I've... got... a... yeeeen fo-or youuuu..."
Delicate lips picked the rice off of Akane's face.
"Do youuuu hava yeeeen fo-or meeeeee..."
A dainty hand placed a portion of the rice-in-cleavage into Akane's
mouth.
The hand's owner sang softer. "You know you can't deny it..." She
reached around and placed her hands on Akane's rear.
And then softer yet, "You know I won't deny it..." She pressed her
breasts into Akane's, squishing the rice.
And a whisper, "Baby." *Smooch!*
A loud horn punch ended the song, and Akane wavered, looking
wide-eyed at a scantily-clad Ranma, who batted her eyes, and said
breathily, her voice dropping halfway through the word,
"Hiii-iii..." and she thrust out her chest, "UH!"
The youngest Tendou keeled over, a fountain of blood shooting from
her nose.
Dead silence rang until: "HA! Pay up, Nabiki!"
Sighing, Nabiki tossed a ten-yen coin at her, and Ranma snatched it
out of the air. "Told ya I could make her nose bleed!"
Akane sat up, scowling and wielding one of the largest hammers
anyone had ever seen. Ranma presented warding signs, and then
clenched her eyes shut and cringed. The air whistled as the mallet
descended.
*Tap.*
"Huh?!" Ranma blinked her eyes open and looked at Akane, whose eyes
were half-lidded.
"That was for being such a *pervert* and making a bet about me,"
Akane said, her voice cool. The mallet disappeared, and Akane stood,
pulling Ranma up with her and slinging the redhead over her
shoulder. The rest of the rice popped out of Ranma's cleavage and
landed on Genma's plate, who, for the first time in his life, eyed
fresh victuals with suspicion.
Akane spanked Ranma on the bottom once, a gentle, caressing smack
that conveyed more than mere words could ever hope to, and Ranma
blushed. "This is for being MY pervert." Akane walked out of the
tearoom with her burden.
"HUH?!?! I don't get it! Akane? Where are we going?!" Ranma
squirmed, suddenly uncomfortable having her practically naked butt
sticking up into the air for everyone to see.
"Upstairs."
"What's upstairs?!"
"... Moron..." The stairway creaked under their combined weight.
"Huh? ... Oh. Uhhh... Don't ya want some hot water, first?"
"Later."
"... Oh, my!" Ranma exclaimed, eyes wide and hands pressed against
her face.
Akane's bedroom door shut.
Nabiki draped herself over Kasumi, laughing, and Kasumi blushed and
giggled in little strangled squawks. Happi sobbed in great joy for
having seen onna-Ranma do a strip tease. Soun was still out for the
count. Genma watched Nodoka, and Nodoka... twitched furiously, then
relaxed and sipped her tea.
"I really must speak with my... *child* about hygiene at the table,"
Nodoka declared.
Genma fainted.
~~~~~
Akane awoke in the middle of the night, followed by onna-Ranma.
"Ungh... Akane?" Something was moving around in Akane's room.
"P-chan?" Akane said, while Ranma frowned at the thought.
A shout of joy startled them, "YES!" and they sat up to see
Happousai, Ranma's string panties in the fist of one hand and her
lacy almost-see-through brassiere in the other. The diminutive
martial arts master's arms were raised to the air.
Happi jumped onto the bed. "Ranma-chan, let me take this moment to
express how deeply moved I am by--"
Akane's hammer put in an appearance, but Ranma stopped her. "Jiji,
just... go!" Ranma sighed.
"Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!" Happi sprang to the window and
out into the night. "What a haul! WHAT A HAUL!!!" Mad cackling
disappeared into the distance as the aged pervert went on a
spontaneous cavort around the city.
"Ranma! How could you let him get away--"
"Akane... Do you really want to leave this bed right now? I don't.
Let the old freak have his jollies for once."
"Ranma..."
"Well, I, er... What are you doing with your hand? Oh!"
"What do you *think* I'm doing with it?"
*Kiss. Smooch.*
"Gah. Who's the pervert?"
"Shut up, Ranma, and kiss me."
*Smack. Smooch. Kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss.*
"ACK! PHTP!! TPTH!!"
"WHAT?!" Akane said.
"Stale rice grain on your, ah... never mind."
Akane giggled. "That's YOUR fault, Ranma... Oh, and by the way, what
does today make me worth, now? Twenty yen?"
"Oh! Oh, A-KA-neee... Have I got a yen for youuu..."
Akane snickered as she pulled the bed covers over them with her free
hand.
____________________
The next morning, Akane was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and
Ranma... slumped in her place, bags under her eyes.
"Gee, Akane, save some for another day," Nabiki quipped.
"Oh, my son is so manly," Nodoka said, a proud grin on her face.
Akane beamed, fingering a second coin wrapped in coated wire and
hanging from her necklace chain next to the original medallion.
Ranma fell forward, planting her face in her miso, her snores
bubbling up through the soup.
===========================================================
FIN