"Douglas MacDougall" <dougmacd@dougmacd.net>
Subject: [FFML] Re: [FFML][C&C][Sailor Moon/Highlander TV] Story concept and
opener up for grabs
Date: Thu, 2 Nov 2000 23:55:16 -0600
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>It's been a while since I've done C&C, and Dave always makes
>a nice target. ^_^
... I really wish you'd post stories more often, Douglas. ^_^
> Although since he's really just putting
>this out as an idea, these comments are better directed at
>the person who plans to use Dave's idea.
Agreed, and on that note, I've snipped out most of the Sailor Moon
commentary because I've seen only a little of the anime and read
none of the manga, although it seems I've garnered just enough from
discussions with others and from what I *have* seen to present the
barest of bones for this idea. Presumably, the individual who has
taken this idea is far more conversant with Sailor Moon than I, and
will do the details of both series justice.
>> It was no accident that Tsukino Usagi and her four
>closest friends
>> could be regularly found in this establishment, eagerly
>consuming an
>> army's quota of the cold dessert. The other four watched with
>> varying degrees of disgust as their leader inhaled her serving,
>> finished it, and cheerily called out for another. Her
>long, blonde
>> ponytails, descending from two odango, were almost
>comical as they
>> whipped around, following the motion of her head.
>
>suggest: as their princess inhaled her serving.
>(Sailor Venus is the leader of the scouts.)
Yes, I was recently informed of this... like just after posting. ^_^
>> "Reeeiii!!" Usagi whined. "I just can't get enough! And I'm NOT
>> fat!!"
>>
>> "Yet," Rei snorted.
>
>USAGI: Do you realize how many calories a Moon Gorgeous
> Meditation burns? I *have* to eat or I'll waste away!
>
>> Usagi stuck her tongue out at the high school student-cum-Shinto
>> priestess.
>
>Wow. This degenerated into a lemon
>faster than I would have expected! ;)
OI! It's a perfectly legitimate, non-H construction... Ahem. ^_^
>> "Patience," Ami said and smiled.
>
>PATIENCE: What is it, Athena?
Booo! Hisss!
:)
>> Rei relaxed and smiled in return; Ami always had that
>effect on her.
>
>Rei always said she doesn't like guys... :j
>(Anime-only fans may experience a sense of disconnection here.)
I left it intentionally sort of open-ended. ^_^ Punners to the
rear, please.
>> Senshi and Moon Cats rolled their eyes.
>
>gram: "The senshi"
>cap: moon cats
>suggest: The senshi and cats rolled their eyes.
>(Again with the "moon cats." [shudder])
>
>Senshi really ought to be lowercase, as it's not a proper
>noun, anymore than "soldiers" is. You'd only capitalize it
>for "Sailor Senshi", which is the specific group.
Okay, but in this instance, it *was* the first word of the sentence.
;)
>> The battle raged for about a minute more, but the man
>disarmed the
>> woman and took her head in a revolving follow-through.
>
>There's one wee little problem here: there's absolutely no
>way in hell Sailor Moon would let that continue; she'd run in
>there and stop the fight, interposing with her own body. It's
>her one redeeming attribute: she'll sacrifice herself for
>anyone, and won't see anyone else sacrificed.
>
>Fortunately, the problem's easily avoided, if they do show up
>late, arriving only in time to see the killing stroke, instead
>of gawking for a full minute.
Agreed. See? That wasn't difficult at all. ;p
>> All the Senshi felt ill, and Ami staggered over to the wall and
>> threw up her ice cream.
>>
>> "Sweet Serenity," Luna whispered. Artemis grimly looked on.
>
>SAILOR MOON: Sweets?! Where? Where? [looks around]
>LUNA: ;;;
Hey, I remember that from one of the episodes I saw! YAY! :P
>> "WHO ARE YOU?!?!" Artemis yelled, clearly ready to defend his
>> charges with his life.
>
>suggest: defend his words with his life.
>(He's hasn't made any charges...)
Charges as in his wards. Is 'words' was a typo for 'wards'? This is
so confusing when you can't tell exactly what someone means.... :P
Dave volleys back at Doug...
>> "I am Duncan McLeod, of the Clan McLeod. I was reborn
>400 years ago
>> in the Highlands of Scotland. I am immortal."
>
>sp: MacLeod
>(Any oaf knows Mac is spelled with an "A"!)
Oops! Hehehehe. *sweatdrops*
>> "I said reborn, because I also died at the feet of
>Queen Serenity at
>> the end of the Silver Millenium, defending her with my heart and
>> soul."
>
>How come "Queen" Serenity gets an English honorific,
>and everyone else's is Japanese?
Probably thinking of it because Duncan is European and would say
'Queen Serenity' in English. A subtle change, but I leave it to the
new author.
>> The girls felt faint at the revelation, but Artemis was livid.
>> "IMPOSSIBLE!!! ONLY THE PLANETARY SENSHI WERE SENT FORWARD!"
>
>suggest: ONLY THE SENSHI
>(What, exactly, is a "planetary" senshi?)
>
>MAMORU: Don't forget that I was sent forward...
>JADEITE, NEPHRITE, ZOICITE, KUNZUTE, BERYL:
> We were all reborn, too!
>ARTEMIS: Okay, okay. "Only the plantary senshi, Mamoru,
> Jadeite, Nephrite, Zoicite, Kunzute, and Beryl were
> sent forward!
>SAILOR CERES, SAILOR PALLAS, SAILOR JUNO, SAILOR VESTA:
> How rude! You "planetary" senshi sure are so self-centered!
> Do the solar asteroids count for nothing?
>ARTEMIS: ...
I think Artemis can be excused for narrowing the context of his
statement to present company. Anything else becomes very unwieldy
and, frankly, inappropriate for what's going on at the moment.
>> "So you would think," Duncan said, "but that wasn't the case...
>> exactly."
>>
>> Ami wiped her mouth with a cloth Rei had given her and
>said, "What
>> do you mean 'exactly'?"
>
>suggest: wiped the taste of bile from her mouth
>(It's been a while since the "throw up" comment, you could
>probably use a reminder here of why she needs a cloth.)
Point.
>> Luna seemed mollified by that, but another burr got
>caught in her
>> fur. "And what was THAT all about?!" She raised a paw
>and pointed
>> back into the factory. "You KILLED her!!"
>
>OTHER IMMORTAL: Actually, I'm feeling better.
>DUNCAN: [boggle]
>SAILOR MOON: Good thing I had the Ginzuisho to bring her back!
>DUNCAN: Wha--? How--? You can't do that!
>OTHER IMMORTAL: As for you, jerk...
>
>When universes collide...
Ewww, that means the Immortals'll be fighting forever! Ewww!
:)
>> The girls looked at each other. "There's really only
>one place," Rei
>> finally said. The others nodded, and Rei turned to Duncan. "The
>> Hikawa Jinja in Juuban. Know it?"
>
>suggest: Hikawa shrine
>("Jinja" is an extremely uncommon Japanese word; I doubt
>many of your readers would be familiar with it. It's the
>first time I've seen it in a fanfic!)
Not the first for me by a long shot, but I'll let the new author
decide for him/herself whether or not to leave it in.
>Now why exactly would they invite a murderer to one of
>their homes...? Wasn't the Tokyo Tower built *precisely*
>for these sort of uneasy meetings and showdowns? ;)
Hehehehe. That special kind of anime suspension of disbelief. :)
>> "I wouldn't question her," a new voice said from the
>shadows of the
>> entryway. Everyone jumped. "I've found her reasonings
>to be quite
>> sound, when she shares them." Duncan stepped into the light and
>> examined the pensive faces. "I'm not your enemy. I served
>> Serenity-sama just like the rest of you."
>
>gram: I've found her reasons to be quite sound, when she
>shares them.
>or: I've found her reasoning ... when she shares it.
:) Well... Okay, although it feels more dialogue-ish to say
'reasonings' to my ear.
>> Usagi calmed down and walked over to Duncan, bowing before him.
>> "Thank you, good sir knight, for defending my mother--"
>
>cap: Sir Knight
>(I'm pretty sure...)
Agreed.
>> Groans echoed in the room, and Mamoru helped Usagi to her feet.
>> "She's, ah, still growing," he grunted as he lifted the
>love of his
>> life to her feet.
>>
>> "I... see," Duncan said with a raised eyebrow.
>>
>> For some reason, that brought the house down. Even Luna
>chuckled.
>
>The Sitcom Laugh. I was wondering when you'd use it. :j
/me throws the main on the studio lights. "That's a wrap,
minna-san!"
>> Duncan graciously accepted the chair, giving Luna back the hairy
>> eyeball she was giving him. "I suppose the story starts after we
>> died." Everyone shivered again, but not pleasantly this time.
>
>suggest: accepted the chair, returning the hairy eyeball
>(Avoid repeated "giving")
Agreed.
>LUNA: Fine, if you don't want a Hairy Eyeball,
> will a Fuzzy Navel do?
>DUNCUN: I'd like a non-furry drink, if you please...
Genma-Panda: [holds up sign] Sake? [Rubs panda fur off the rim of
the cup, leaving yet more behind.]
Duncan: Oog...
>> "All of us are born and age normally until killed. We
>resurrect and
>> become immortal.
>
>Huh? I think you need to clean up your tenses here.
>Or at least establish a sense of now vs. then...
Well, is there a now versus then? I mean, I presume that Immortals
are still being born, being killed, and resurrecting, as well as
those that already have -- this would be consistent with the TV
continuity. The best compromise seems to be just to have Duncan use
a conversational tense he's most comfortable with. Duncan is merely
speaking for the group, since he is one of them, them being both
past and future members.
>> Setsuna straightened and regarded the other members of
>the Sailor
>> Senshi. "If any of you harbor doubts about this man,
>put them aside.
>> He is what he claims. I vouch for him completely." She
>looked at the
>> Moon Cats. "That includes you two."
>
>LUNA: And who's vouching for *you*, Miss I-Have-My-Own-Agenda?
Setsuna smacks her lips, and Duncan blushes. ^_^
>> "He doesn't, really," Setsuna said. "They act more like
>
>suggest: "They -- the immortals, that is -- act more like
>(You need to say who "they" are.)
That's awkward. In that case, just say:
"He doesn't, really," Setsuna said. "The Immortals act more...
>I certainly think this is an interesting idea, but it needs to
>be handled carefully. As anyone who's seen the Sailor Moon S
>arc knows, Sailor Moon doesn't feel it's necessary for anyone
>to sacrifice themselves to save the world. So certainly, there
>should be absolutely no need for killing!
>
>That kind of tension plays perfectly into the Sailor Moon mythos.
>Sailor Moon would refuse to let Duncan kill (or more likely,
>fail to arrive in time to stop him from killing), but Duncan
>feels that he has to kill in order to save the future.
Yes. Nicely stated.
>In the Sailor Moon universe, Usagi would be right. You don't
>have to kill people *bearing* the energy; you only need to stop
>(or convert) people trying to accumulate said energy for evil.
>That's one possible direction to take the story. Maybe Duncan
>will watch as Usagi turns enemies into friends, and he has to
>come to terms with the possibility that he *didn't* have to kill
>all those immortals...
That's doubtful. The mechanics of the relationship of the Quickening
between the Immortals is different than that of the Silver Imperial
and planetary energy between the senshi, or at least as I understand
the SM continuity. Fights to the death are very much the completion
of the life cycle for the Immortals.
I think the better solution is to have the tension between Usagi and
Duncan more directly reflect the tension between what Usagi believes
to be right (that is, no killing is necessary) with the reality that
the Quickening has to be "gathered", if you will, into a single
person through the death of all other Immortals before the Prize can
ever be gained, the Prize possibly being crucial in some manner to
Crystal Tokyo's genesis. I think that was a fairly obvious and
largely inalienable understanding to the Highlander reality, and it
was not my intention to see that mechanism altered for this story;
there's sufficient mystery to the Gathering and whatnot as is, and
doesn't need alteration of its existing form to fit into the Sailor
Moon continuity. I just don't see Duncan second-guessing the
rightness of what he's done. It's too obvious: a good guy has to win
at the Gathering. That means all the other Immortals have to die at
the hand of the last Immortal, whether personally or by extension
through those he did kill.
>Alternatively, Duncan's right: people must die to stop a
>millennium of darkness.
Yes. See above.
> I can't see Usagi readily accepting
>this. If people need to die for it to come about, then there
>doesn't need to be a Crystal Tokyo, and she'd refuse to become
>the queen by such a means.
Yes, that's a good point of conflict. I caution against a
deus-ex-machina, however, making the Highlander reality suddenly
softer and unneeding of there to "be only one" near the end of this
fic in order to resolve the conflict. That's going to fall very,
very flat.
>That way you get a stronger conflict between characters. Would
>the scouts be forced to pick sides? And if Usagi really does
>refuse to ascend, then they're screwed even if they "succeed".
>How far will they go to "convince" her?
Yes. It darkens the Sailor Moon continuity, but it wouldn't be the
first time in fanfic that Usagi's had to face the hard facts of
being a ruler.
>Anyway, there's plenty of opportunities for some tension and the
>themes from both series can play well with each other. Certainly
>fertile ground for a crossover!
Yup!
>...Although it's missing one tiny little
>element to make it a real D.F. Roeder fic...
>
>MOON: Since you'll working with us, now, we've
> decided to make you an honorary Sailor Scout!
>DUNCAN: Uh, thanks, I guess...
>MOON: Your name will be Sailor Scot!
>VENUS: And your attack will be Scot Slashing Decapitation!
>DUNCAN: [puzzled] Attack? What are you talking about...?
>MOON: Just say "Scot Crystal Power Makeup!" to transform!
>DUNCAN: [backing up] Now wait a minute...
>
>;)
KAMI-RANMA: NOOO! Not necessary! *SPLASH!* Sir is very strange. See?
Now you young girl... ... BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHHA!!! I always wanted to be
able to say that to someone else. HAHAHAhahaha... [Floats off into
the sunset...]
ONNA-DUNCAN + SENSHI + CATS: ...
MINAKO: Are those real? *Poke. Poke.*
ONNA-DUNCAN: [Batting Minako's hand away.] I really wish you'd stop
that...
Later,
*******************************************
D.F. Roeder
FanFiction - http://home.flash.net/~dfroeder/index.html