"FFML" <ffml@fanfic.com>
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Subject: [FFML] [C&C] Ronin Summer: Dark Crusade 12
Date: Wed, 22 Nov 2000 02:15:05 -0300
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Greetings all!
Hello, Morgan!
Finally! I've been looking forward to this one for a while...
Sorry, sorry, sorry for taking so long in getting to this. It's been
more than hectic for me lately--I checked my mailbox a day after you
posted, and then couldn't find the time for an extensive C&Cing session.
"Timely" is not the word to describe this, oh, no.
First of all, sorry this one took so long. It's been a rough couple of
weeks for me in RL. Mid-term exams, assignments, projects...
combine them all with lack of sleep and there was no way this
little gem was getting out any sooner.
The same goes for me. It seems all the teachers decided November was the
perfect month for giving exams...
But I won't complain here, of course. That's what the author's notes of
my next fic will be for. ^_^
As a compensation, I've made this chapter just a little bit
longer than usual, hopefully to make up for leaving you all hanging
for so long.
Yay! ...Though, in truth, it still doesn't make up for the delay,
lazybones. :-p
Okay, now comes the part of the message where I beg and plead for C&C.
Seriously, people, I would really appreciate any and all responses you
can give me. My address is sprinkled liberally throughout this
message, and clicking the "Reply" button tends to work, as well! ^_~
My sensitive ears have noticed your begging, and my sore heart is
itching to help you. And the nitpicker in me wants to have fun, too, so
I think you're pretty safe. ^_~
Now, if anyone wants to read earlier story arcs in my Ronin Summer
series, visit http://dataraven_659.tripod.com/roninsummer.html
Do I have to repeat myself, people? This is a great series all over, and
if you happen to find some free time (lots of it, actually), a
comfortable chair, and some snacks (always needed for a good read), go
and read the previous story arcs. High quality fanfiction!
Hey, and feel free to visit Joy Lyn's webpage while you're at it.
She's got the earlier chapters of Dark Crusade, and a lot of other
really awesome crossover fics, to. It's at
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Shores/5533/index.html
You do that. I myself I'm going to apologize for misspelling her name in
my last C&C. Baaad Latin_D.
And with all that taken of, away we go! ^_^
I always rejoice to read your notes, my friend, as they show me I'm not
the only that writes long-winded ones. If you can get away with it, so
can I! :-p
You know me, man. Everything I say, every comment that escapes my lips,
shows the underlying madness that threatens to dominate me, overwhelming
my hastily-erected defences. So, please, pay no mind to those common
displays of lunacy that will make you wonder what the heck I'm talking
about. I have little time left, after all...
Er... All C&C purely IMHO. And yes, I was bored. ^_^
Customary Slow Internet Joke:
Tired of slow Internet? Get @Home Broadband Internet
LATIN_D: I'll never get tired if it! Slow Internet is my friend, my
companion! My comrade! And I'll keep it AND my 56K modem (which by the
way only works at about 44K for some reason) till the end of time! So
there!
OBLIGATORY LEGAL DISCLAIMER : Some of these guys aren't mine. The
Sailor Senshi belong to DIC and Kodansha, while the Yoroiden are owned
by Sunrise and Graz Entertainment. Okay? So don't bother suing me. I'm
a student.
To think this could've been a Sailor Saban disclaimer... >_<
RONIN SUMMER VI : DARK CRUSADE
A Sailor Moon / Yoroiden Samurai Troopers cross-over
by Morgan Hudson (dataraven_659@excite.com)
Chapter Twelve : Snakebite
Good title, as it means we get to see more of Naaza in this chapter!
The room was dark, far darker than she had ever seen it. Not
pitch black, but a soft kind of not-light, as though dusk still
lingered in this single chamber long after night had fallen elsewhere.
O_o
One of these days you'll have to tell me how you write these
descriptions. Amazing.
The floor trembled under Erdge's feet, barely enough to be noticed,
and the various panels and machines that lined the walls hummed softly
to themselves as they blinked off and on at each other like rows of
Christmas lights, or a sky of multicoloured stars. The air smelled
vaguely medicinal, but otherwise sterile, utterly devoid of any of the
Funny. Those are two adjectives that usually are closely related, almost
synonyms--especially when talking about the air. Just something I
noticed.
usual scents that permeated the fortress. Erdge remained silent as she
padded through the soft darkness of Pedri's inner sanctum. It was
foolish, but she almost felt as though the chamber itself was
sleeping, waiting for her brother to return and bring it back to life,
and that for one such as her to wake it prematurely would be to
invite disaster. In a moment of weakness, she actually wished that
someone were there with her, to make her feel safer. In a moment
of brief insanity, she even would have welcomed the company of her
sister Tuls.
This "In a moment of" repetition seemed jarring to me, though it may
well have been done on purpose. Your choice.
Erdge paused and looked behind her. Someone seemed to have
snuck up and removed the door she had entered through, hiding it
behind a shifting curtain of shadow. Less than confident, Erdge
inched towards the source of the ghostly glow that pervaded the
realm. As she drew ever closer, the light grew stronger, until she
knelt by the foot of the giant crystal tube, bathed in a luminescence
that was as bright as day. Within the tube, suspended in a sea of
glimmering blue ooze, was the single most beautiful woman
Erdge had ever laid eyes upon. She had a thick mane of golden
hair, bobbing and curling around her head like
a cloud, buffeted by the invisible currents in the slime that she was
immersed in. It was hard to tell, with her suspended as she was, but
Er, this "with her suspended as she was" bit sound awkward to me. Maybe
"suspended as the woman was" would be better, or you could just rephrase
the sentence.
she was perhaps even a bit taller than Erdge herself was, and the two
shared a similar build. There was an ageless look to her features,
composed as they were in sleep. A thick nest of tubes and wires
swirled about her nude body like some strange form of skirt and
cape, running under the woman's alabaster skin at the waist, knees,
wrists, neck, and shoulders.
Y'know, what if Mother were actually Queen Serenity? Talk about a
surprise ending. ^_^
BTW, great description, especially when compared to the one that began
this story arc. You get better by the minute, Morgan!
The daughter knelt reverently at the foot of her Mother, head
touching the floor as she slid her clasped hands in front of her in
genuflection. She remained that way for some while, as the machines
"Some while"? Um, I'd use "a while", but maybe "some" works too. I'm not
sure.
around her softly hissed and beeped and clicked to themselves. Mother
bobbed up and down slightly, head bowed and eyes closed. After she
felt enough time had passed, Erdge began to speak in a low and furtive
whisper.
"I know that I shouldn't be here, Mother, but I have to talk
to somebody. Pedri's been getting into one of his moods again, and
Vyne is starting to say that maybe we shouldn't take it any more. But
Pedri is your Chosen, and I know that we should never go against
Mother's Pride..." Erdge sighed deeply. "It's just... I think maybe I
want to, Mother. Am I wrong? I'm so confused - what should I do?"
MOTHER: ...
ERDGE: Ah, I understand. Thanks, Mother!
I mean, are they all crazy? ^_^
Mother continued to bob silently in her crystal tube, her
composed features utterly expressionless. The seconds ticked by,
unnoticed by Erdge as she let her eyes drift shut and focused on the
sound of her own breathing. Something was tickling around inside her
head, like the sensation she always experienced when she needed to
sneeze, only farther back from her sinuses. This strange, itching,
tickling sensation was gleefully playing around in the back of her
brain.
"Help..."
MOTHER: ...get out of this sticky goo! I mean, I don't care Pedri says
it's good for my skin; I'm getting tired of it. Besides, I'm a goddess!
My skin will be perfect no matter what!
ERDGE: Okay, okay... old woman.
Erdge's eyes shot open as she lurched away from where she
knelt, stumbling over her own feet and landing solidly on her rump.
Idly rubbing the injured part as she regained her feet, the tall
O_O I love when they do that. :-p
blonde stared up at the eternally impassive features of Mother,
who continued bobbing and swaying quietly in her tube of glowing
blue gel.
"Mother?" she whispered in awe, and gently pressed her fingers
against the side of her leather mask. "Was that you?"
MOTHER: No.
ERDGE: Ah, great. For a moment I though you'd spoken. Well, see you!
MOTHER: Byebye!
"My child... help... my child..." The voice was soft, barely
even audible, if in fact its words were being spoken at all. The woman
in the tube remained as dormant as ever, with no sign of even the
slightest spark of life.
"I don't understand," Erdge whispered plaintively, sinking to
her knees once again, and clutching her head in both hands as she
began to rock back and forth. "What are you saying? Which child
do you want me to help?"
MOTHER: Tytoung... he said... he... was hungry...
ERDGE: Last time I try to contact you, I swear.
"Help... my child... help..."
"WHO?" Screeching in frustration, the blonde girl gripped her
mask, tugging on it with incredible force. Buckles bent, straps
snapped, locks were torn from their hinges as the black case tore
free from her head and soared through the air, bouncing and skidding
across the floor. "Pedri? Or Vyne? How can I be hearing you at all?
What is going on here?"
"That," an entirely different voice said quietly, as Pedri
knelt beside the girl and offered her the mask she had discarded, "is,
Er, I'd cut the line of dialogue in "That is,". I think it'd read better
that way.
by coincidence, the very question I was wishing to put to you, Erdge."
I'm betting Mother wasn't referring to Vyne nor to Pedri. Um... Usagi?
:-p
**********
Clambering over a fallen oak, Nasuti Yagyu heaved a deep breath
as she staggered to a rest against the trunk of a large pine and tried
her best to keep her breathing calm and measured. Several leaves were
clinging to the fuzzy pink fabric of her sweater, and she was sure her
hair was full of twigs, but there were more important things for her
to worry about. Her calves were aching, her thighs were cramping, and
her feet felt as though they had been ironed flat. Her legs were
covered in scratches from the briar patch she hadn't quite managed to
clear, and sweat was trickling down her face. Tickling the nape of her
neck, it made her seriously reconsider her sweater, despite the chill
in the air. Closing her eyes, the young woman rested her hand against
the coarse bark of the pine and tried to pull herself together. She
had stayed out of trouble for nearly a year: obviously she was getting
a bit out of shape.
Nothing like homicidal Youja out to get you to keep you in shape. And
five perverted Samurai Troopers... ^_^
Deep in the shadowy gloom of the underbrush, something moved.
A huge, scaly form slithered out from the slim cover of the bushes,
poking a blunt snout filled with teeth into the open and sliding a
long and prehensile tongue between its fangs, tasting the air. With
a deep, raspy hiss, the creature moved closer towards Nasuti, crawling
towards her on all four of its limbs as a broad tail swung lazily back
and forth behind it. The strangely beautiful coral patterns on the
creature's bead-like scales seemed to shift hypnotically with every
motion as its black, beady eyes drank her in.
It was also, Nasuti noticed, limping severely and bleeding a
small fountain of crimson fluid from a gash above its right eye. The
sides of its long body heaved as though it had been running a marathon
through the Sahara Desert. Slowly, even stiffly, the huge creature
Heheh. Crazy image. BTW, I bet he'd win the marathon, if only by eating
the other runners. ^_^
<SNIPPY>
"Oh," Nasuti said numbly, staring at the green-haired man
before her with eyes wide, "can't complain. You?"
...with wide eyes, (just sounds better to me, suggestion)
Naaza grinned and shrugged. "Hey, never better! I've got a bit
of a headache right now, but other than that, I'm good." The fallen
tree suddenly lifted into the air as Tytoung rose to his hind feet
with an angry roar. Holding the trunk in one clawed hand, he swung it
at the smaller man's head. Without looking, Naaza performed a backflip
over the oak, kicking off of it like a diving board and vaulting
feet-first into the giant monster's head. Tytoung staggered back a few
steps, then swiped again with his makeshift club. Naaza ducked under
Er, Tyoung had already swung the trunk at Naaza, so what's he swiping
with?
the flailing trunk and struck at the creature's ankles, tripping him
up.
"Uh, listen, Nasuti," the Snake Masho said quickly as he swung
his arms up to block a devastating strike from Tytoung's tail, "I'm
kind of in the middle of something right now." The tail swept in from
the other side, and only a swift duck and roll kept Naaza from losing
his head. "Think you could maybe get out of here? I'll catch up with
you just as soon as I take care of this."
"No problem," Nasuti said, managing a weak smile despite the
pain shooting through her stomach. "I'm just glad you showed up."
Happened the same than to K'thardin. I didn't notice the moment she was
injured till I reread the scene for a second time. Was it on purpose?
Naaza grinned goofily as the auburn-haired woman disappeared
back into depths of the moonlit forest. "She's glad I showed up..."
His large golden eyes seemed even more dazed than usual as he sighed
deeply and weakly waved farewell in the direction she had left in.
Taking advantage of his opponent's distraction, Tytoung leapt in and
brought the battered tree trunk down with all his prodigious might.
With a sound like thunder, the tree shattered over Naaza's armoured
shoulders, and the Snake Masho fell to the ground, his emerald helmet
bouncing across the clearing. Hooded eyes narrowing, Naaza scowled as
the lizard planted a foot on his back and snarled at him.
"HEY! I was TRYING to be WISTFUL, dammit!" Planting his hands
LOL! Now I remember why I like Naaza so much... ^_^
<SNNNN... ip!>
Coughing, Tytoung let his tongue loll out of his mouth.
Whatever that devil coated his armour with, it felt as if he had just
had a mouth full of hot coals. And the TASTE! Faugh! That had been the
Typo: mouthful (at least that's how I remember it... crappy memory, and
sleep-deprived at that ^_^)
foulest thing he had ever come across, and Tytoung was by no means a
picky eater. He'd had raw, rotting meat that tasted better than the
rancid grease that Masho used on himself. Actually, rancid grease
tasted BETTER. And burned less. He retched a few times, and spat a
gobbet of his blood onto the ground. Well, to the Pit with anything
THAT foul-tasting: he had a rather tender and juicy young female to
Y'know, I don't think that colon belongs there... A semicolon, maybe? Or
simply a period?
track down and properly introduce himself to. She was quite lovely,
he reflected, but she would be ever so much nicer with a light honey
glaze, and some of those little potatoes that he liked on the side,
and maybe he could talk one of his darling little sisters into helping
...side. And maybe...
him make an appetiser... or even into BEING an appetiser...
**********
Something rustled in the trees above her, and Nasuti froze in
her tracks. What was that? Slowly, the auburn-haired woman sat up,
clutching her purse close to her as she glanced up into the dark
shadows of the tree canopy. Somewhere high above, the moon shone full,
casting some small measure of its cold, pale light down through the
foliage. A strange, winged shadow glided past the large disc, soaring
overhead without a care in the world.
WINGED SHADOW: Heheh. I will be Mother's Pride. Heheh. Yes, I will.
Heheh. Heh.
As Nasuti watched, her neck
aching from the strain, the winged form swooped and twirled out of
sight, flying off into the distance.
WINGED SHADOW: I lost Rajura and Hotaru. Heheh. I won't be Mother's
Pride. Heheh. Pedri will kill me. Heheh. Heh.
<SNIP>
I've just snipped one of the funniest dialogues in this series up to
date. Did I mention I like Naaza a lot? Good work!
"What?" Nasuti groaned, burying her face in her makeshift
pillow. Naaza seemed to be saying something important, if only the
Um, I'd use a semicolon after "important".
<TIME FOR THE RAPID SNIP-FIRE!>
"Nasuti," Naaza said firmly, "I need you to listen to me very
carefully. What's my name?"
"Naaza."
"And I am...?"
"Cuckoo."
Heheheh. This is just too much. ^_^
Just had to say it. Anyway...
<SNIP>
Um, I'm not sure I agree with K'thardin in that you should add an scene
showing how Naaza found out Tyty was behind Nasuti's condition. After
all, you include some internal dialogue showing Snaky "suspecting
Tyotung was behind it" (I'm not quoting, BTW--just by memory). HOWEVER,
I would like to know when Naaza realized Nasuti had been poisoned. If
I'm right, there's nothing that shows that, and the moment when Naaza
pulls a Dracula on his girl really took me by surprise.
What he found made no sense. One side of the closet was filled
with worn and dusty old farm clothes, coarse, unbleached cotton and
wool, patched roughly and sewn by hand. On other side hung clothes
that would have been fit for a king, once ; stained silk, rotting
Extra space right... ...here! ^
I wonder about this house... I bet there's a reason it exists, and that
you'll explain why there were those things in the closet. Or maybe you
already did, and I just forgot/don't catch the reference?
<MINI-SNIP>
Nasuti calmed slightly, and lay still. Naaza glanced up at her
face, which was composed and serene. Was she trusting him, he
wondered, or had she just fainted again? Either way, he figured,
Um, is there something missing here? Just "Either way"?
and licked his lips again. "You may feel a slight pressure," he
rasped. "More like a pinch, really..."
<SNIP>
Naaza rolled over, and Nasuti gasped. His undergear armour was
gone for some reason, and the entire left side of his shirt was torn
to shreds, stained red with blood. The sheets beneath him were
equally incardine, and the pool was slowly spreading.
"Incardine"? Um, I don't think I know that word. "Incarnadined," maybe?
Though I'm not sure that'd fit...
<SNIP>
The pair staggered off into the brush, leaning on each other
for support, and Tytoung snarled. It was too damn wet. Too cold. He
didn't like it. Hunting at night had been bad enough. For a moment,
he was tempted to just leap out of the scrub and finish them both, but
he knew better than to give in to his baser urges. He would wait until
they had lowered their guard, until they thought they were safe.
The pair staggered off into the brush, and Tytoung followed.
Er, the repetition ("The pair staggered off into the brush...") was
intentional, I take it. I'm usually againt them, as you well know, but
this doesn't look so bad...
<SNIP ACTION, VIOLENCE AND GORE. _MY_ KIND OF SNIP!!!!!>
Okay, you lost me here. It was such a great scene, I couldn't find it in
me to care about petty matters as grammar and spelling (though they
seemed perfect to me). Too well-writen, especially, as K'thardin said,
for a DBZ fan such as myself. After this fight, chapter 12's become my
favoutire of the whole story arc. I think only a Shuten/Pedri battle
would beat this one, and that's pretty much impossible... right? ^_~
The female had fallen in the slick mud, and was simply staring
up at him with wide, frightful eyes. He lifted his killing hand,
planning to break her neck with a single swat, when something suddenly
felt wrong. The female had raised one hand to her mouth, and seemed
to be looking down... following her gaze, Tytoung stared numbly at
Following...
the two steel katana blades protruding from his stomach. As he
watched, they slowly twisted, and began to pull away from each
other with a horrid tearing sound.
"YOU!" Tytoung howled, looking under his arm to see the Masho
of Poison perched on his back, straining to complete his task. "Why
in the nine hells can't you just STAY DOWN?"
"I'm insane," Naaza growled. "What's YOUR excuse?" Biting his
bottom lip until it bled, the Snake Masho wrapped his legs around
Tytoung's torso and began to squeeze. "What's the matter? Feeling a
bit constricted?"
My kind of dialogue... ^_~
<SNI... Oh, you know...>
The shield of bubbles boiled away into the top of the tube,
leaving Mother floating as serenely as before. A single thing had
changed, however: marking her left cheek was an indigo tattoo that
hadn't been there a moment before. The marking appeared to be
Japanese kanji.
Strange, as Pedri was supposed to be a Greek or Roman deity--as inferred
by Nasuti herself. The scroll she had studied had been translated to
French from, ahem, Latin, right? ^_^
Pedri leaned in close, pressing his hand against the surface
of the tube. "Houshoku," he read aloud. "That means that they must
have gotten Brother Tytolung..." He turned back to Erdge, a determined
look on his features. "Come with me, Erdge. This require our immediate
This requires our...
attention!"
**********
Nasuti slid across the mud, gently lifting Naaza's head in her
hands and resting it in her lap. The green-haired man hadn't moved
since the battle ended, and his eyes were closed. She wasn't sure if
he was even breathing. Heart in her throat, the woman pressed her
fingers against his neck, feeling out the carotid artery.
"Please, Naaza," she whispered, stroking the side of his face,
slick from rain, "you can't die when you've won! What kind of hero
NAAZA: Y-yes... I c-can.
NASUTI: No, you can't!
NAAZA: YES, I CAN! Look! *drops dead*
NASUTI: ...
would do that? Please?" The pulse was there; weak, but there.
Naaza's eyes fluttered open. "I-is he... dead?"
NASUTI: Actually, he's standing behind you, and doesn't look the worse
for wear...
NAAZA: Oh, _thank you_ for ruining by big triumph!
<SNIP TO THE END--IT'S CLOSE, ANYWAY>
Nasuti looked down at Naaza. With a sigh, she slung him over
her shoulder and began to follow the silver-haired Masho into the
pouring rain.
Aw, the beginning of a wonderful relationship... *sigh*
**********
To Be Continued...
You betcha!
After twelve chapter, one better than the last, I'm araid I'm running
out of original ways of saying basically the same, simple thing: this
series is great, impressive. And this chapter was special. Sometimes
it's good to forget about the plot for a while, lay back and enjoy a
good fight. And Naaza being there made it much better...
It actually made me feel like finishing that DBZ fic that sits somewhere
in my HD... ^_^
I'm sorry for the lateness, and for the lack of comments about the
grammar and the spelling. Next time I'll read more carefully and try to
find some juicy mistakes for you. ^_^
Is there anyone out there who hasn't heard about this series? Yes? How's
it possible?! Go to the URL at the top of this mail and fix that mistake
right now! Go! Go! GO!
BTW...
/off topic question
Um, Morgan, I was wondering... Remember those Nabiki/Kuno WAFF fics you
wrote waaaaay back then? Where can I find them? Are they stored
somewhere? What about the initial chapters of _The Path_? I just wanted
to have a copy...
off topic question/
Well, I'm going to go to writ--sleep now. Hope this helped.
Farewell, Morgan!
Latin_D