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You wrote:
Must defeat the dark powers or laziness. Must.
I'm slowly catching up on things as well. Slowly:
On Sun, 15 Oct 2000, DB Sommer wrote:
Not was not as if Nabiki really cared who won, though if she were
running a
"Not was not"?
Should have been 'Was, Not Was' then everyone could 'Walk the Dinosuar' :P
First 'was' should have been 'it'
Satisfied all was the same as it was before she entered the room, she
departed with one last glance of disbelief at the circular object.
It really was unbelievable.
Huzzah, huzzah. I'm very curious about the 'hubcap.'
Why? I already told you what it was. :)
"I thought you always said, 'it's best to fight in a variety of
different
surroundings because they more accurately reflected potential fields of
combat you'll likely find yourself in, rather than the staid conditions
of
an ordinary dojo'," Ranma quoted.
But then, sometimes one does fight in the dojo. Unlikely an event as it
may be, it does happen, his father replied.
Heh.
As Ranma tried deciding which set of red shirt and black pants to wear,
he
snort
Hey. These are the tough decisions would be superheroes like him have got to
make in their lives.
"An inquisitive nature is always a good attribute for any potential
wife,"
Genma happily pointed out.
Unless you maintain a secret identity as a crime fighter and his sidekick.
Well, after you marry her, you let you know.
he had taken the time to locate and wrap up a real hubcap to throw
people
off in case someone got too inquisitive.
I'm really beginning to notice in this chapter that you're making Ranma
more intelligent than he usually comes across as. Whether it will be
enough to overcome his usual mental disadvantages and bad habits is what I
want to know.
Nah. It's just that he's more perceptive in some areas, which lends itself
to being stupid in others because he thinks he's more 'brilliant' than he
really is. For instance, he's certain all the girls want him when in fact
they just want to pawn him off on one of the others.
"Yeah, it'll almost be like they're practically married," Akane quickly
added, smiling at this unexpected opportunity to bring the two closer
together.
Wonderful. Now Ranma's having his life plagued by not just the fathers but
the Tendo trio as well. I bet he's got to be real happy about this.
He has no idea of what's really going on, though.
"Now wait just a minute," Ranma repeated, this time for a whole set of
different reasons. "I didn't say I wouldn't fight. I'd be glad to put
some
slow, overweight guy in a giant diaper in his place."
And I see the answer to my previous question is no. He just fails more
gracefully.
Yep.
He was the largest of the men present, standing six feet tall and
weighing
at least six hundred pounds, dressed in a huge white kimono that could
have
doubled as a tent. A very wide, six hundred pounds. He was more akin to
a
mountain, or at least a foothill, than a human being. Luckily, the
entryway
to the dojo was wide, and allowed him to enter without having to turn
sideways. But perhaps the most curious characteristic of all was that
the
man was clearly a gaijin. A Caucasian, to be specific.
If my memory serves, last I checked the current reigning Sumo champ was
700 and something. You may want to beef the blob up, as I recall him as
being more than human.
The weight was the one listed in a stat sheet Marvel gave on him. Before a
further mutation made him REALLY huge. I think he's back to normal now,
though.
Blob rubbed his belly as he smirked. It didn't make a bit of difference
to
him if they tried to take him two-on-one. He had fought a whole dojo
once
and defeated everyone.
Dojo's don't exactly move that fast, though. Methinks Ranma and Nabs are a
bit more capable than your average wooden building.
_<
Case in point: seeing the Blob wear nothing but a too tiny g-string.
I really didn't want to think about that, thanks.
Hey. Think of how warped I am in coming up with it on my own.
I'd get rid of the comma after dryly and though, but thats just me.
Actually it was lost on the men too.
I'm noticing the humor in this started slowly and is building. I like it.
Thanks. Had mixed reviews about it, in some spots.
"Then we can all get counseling to try to get over the effects of what's
just happened," Nabiki added.
wondeful. I can hear all sorts of connotations in her voice and its
written.
Thanks.
Okay, it was that bad, but the others were somewhat used to the unusual,
and
therefore they adapted to the situation, looking everywhere higher than
waist level on the huge roll of fat that stomped his foot down and
prepared
for combat.
Given that Sumo has very specialized rules, I'd surprised they don't lay
out the victory conditions before the fight.
It's not a standard sumo fight. Just one for the dojo, like the Dojo
Destroyer did.
the floor and redoubled his efforts to pry it out, but still his fist
wouldn't budge a centimeter.
You're mixing metric and english. I would recommend picking a story and
sticking to it.
Right
"Ha! Whatcha' going to do now, lightweight?" The Blob began laughing
hard, a
deep nasally thing that involved a lot of snorting and caused him to
jiggle
like a bowl full of jelly... on a lifeboat in the middle of a typhoon.
nasally intentional?
Yep.
extra space ^^
"Hardly. You should see what he can do with a cream pie," Genma said
ominously.
And we see that there are no depths DB will not go too to make a joke.
Were they not really funny, I would be saddened.
Nah. You should be sad anyway. :)
preferring one of my sister's over the other. Since I love both of you
equally, it's only fair that both of you go out with him. Besides, don't
you
think it's best that Ranma has equal opportunity to see which of his two
potential fiancees is the one most suited for him?"
Wow. Thats straight up kinky. Go Ranma.
It's not that kind of fic. :P
Standing on her toes, Nabiki unleashed the Anything Goes Osculation
Technique (without tongue. There were limits, even for Nabiki)
I'm sure you've heard it before. but eeeewwww.
There are few lengths Nabby wouldn't go to to get Ranma engaged to one of
the others.
balance and at last forced the Blob off his shoulders and down in the
direction that he wanted him to go...
...headfirst into the koi pond.
You do know fat poeple float, right? And someone as portly as the Blob,
unless he's especially dense, would pop right to the surface like a cork?
Ranma's holding him upside down, otherwise the Blob would just get up
himself. Yes, he is very strong.
Ranma could stand on the guy and they'd still not sink
He hasn't sunk. It's just he's too big to bend at the waist and being held
vertically.
"And in all of the names of the gods above, do you swear never ever,
ever to
wear a g-string again?"
The feet began kicking forcefully once more. In response, Nabiki, Soun,
Genma, and Akane helped hold the Blob where he was. After a full minute
of
struggling passed, a reluctant, "yes" again emerged from the pond.
A true victory for the forces of good.
Oui.
Nabiki stared at her sisters, slack-jawed. "But that means-"
-Ranma is so lucky Miashara just pounded his head repeatedly into a brick
wall? Why yes, yes it does. Now if this were real instead of fictitious,
I'd really be green.
Heh. Nah. Going out with two girls at the same time is a 'Bad Idea' Trust me
on that.
actually found their tension drift away for a moment as they found
themselves, while not necessarily attracted (they told themselves), not
quite as disinterested in their date as they were a moment ago.
I'd switch attracted and a different word. Interested would be my
suggestion. As is, there is some ambiguity as "date" seems to be refering
to both the event and the person with whom it will be held.
Supposed to mean both, actually.
"Why don't we find a middle ground? You don't refer to me in any
affectionate culinary terms, and I won't kick you in the balls hard
enough
to make them come out your backside?"
That would seem to be very fair to me.
Me as well.
"Oh yeah. I knew from the moment you sucked my face you were steaming
hot
for me. But don't worry, I like playing things slow. There's no reason
we
can't go on several dates first before we go back to my place and do the
horizontal mambo. Got the bed specially re-enforced so I can give you a
real
wild ride." He swayed his hips to add to the effect of the come on.
Oh God.
Hey, Fat guys need lovin' too.
"These girls are scary," he murmured under his breath.
"But cute." he didn't say a moment later.
Quite right.
On the whole:
Little development of how the Tendo's and Ranma both have absolutely no
idea what's going through the other's head.
Yep. Great minds not thinking the least bit alike. :)
I noticed this seemed to have
lots more Ranma dialogue than usual. And you put the blob in the g-string.
Two of the above were good, one made me violently ill. Respectively, so
keep your dirty mind away from my sweat, pure, and innocent one.
Of course, I will. Trust me. I won't do it any more from now on.
As always, I'm happy to see new chapters of this as I love the way you
write Ranmarian social interactions. Yes, it's a word. I invented it.
Sounds good to me. I'll have to use it myself at a later date.
Thanks a lot for the C+C.
D.B. Sommer