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$Got rather busy with my own fic, but here's the C&C. Thin on comments, to
try and get this out faster.
<snip>
"Good, he's not here yet," Satoru said with sigh as he poked
his head into the room. He was hoping to catch Nobu alone so
they could talk about their mutual problem: their obsessed
president that was likely to get them both killed. All of his plans
seemed to backfire anyway.
$Not sure if you need the 'anyway'.
Instead of the girls going after Ken,
they all ended up throwing themselves at him.
Satoru considered getting a girlfriend, so he could at least
be deemed unavailable. It wasn't that he wasn't interested in
pursuing a relationship, it was just hard to develop deep feelings
for girls who blushed deeply, squealed madly, and called him
'Sato-chan.' Just like his sister did.
$Sato-chan,' just like his sister
He wanted someone mature, strong, and sexy like Nami's
$sexy, like
<snip>
was the president's way of doing it. Why should the delicate
goddess be forced to endure such harsh trials? Ken is the one who
should suffer.
$Ken was the one
"Though I'm the one who first suggested the path we have
undertaken, I think we both now realize just how dangerous the
succubus is and how continually antagonizing her is putting our
lives in jeopardy," Satoru spoke to the treasurer seriously
$seriously.
<snip>
"What happened when you came to the mortal world is as
much the fault of your superiors as it is your own," Noriaki argued
with a spark of fire in his eyes. "We knew how confusing the
mortal world can be, yet we sent you, untrained in mortal affairs, to
face a demon no less. I believe the Great Chorus has other motives
in your so-called 'punishment'."
$for your so-called
<snip>
"One thing you have failed to learn is that most humans
hold a strong disbelief in the supernatural.
$And indeed pretty much everything that contradicts their personal world
view.
<snip>
"As for your host, are you sure that she sees you only as a
'little' help? Does she say that you are a burden to her?"
"No," Ayame replied slowly. "She even says I'm in her
debt, but how can that be?
$I do believe you mean that Natsume is in Ayame's debt. You need to
reverse that.
<snip>
"I'm sorry, Natsume-san," Ayame said, bowing deeply to
her host. "I wanted to help, but all I've done is besmirch you and
$Heh, there's a word you don't get to use often.
<snip>
"Just one minute." Honami wondered why in the world
someone would want to talk about her classes when the semester
was only half over. However, she had quickly learned during her
short time as a teacher was that the one thing all students seemed to
excel in was unpredictability.
$Yeah, I took Chaos 101 too.
<snip>
Kumiko nodded in silence, throwing off the blanket as she
stood, now dressed in the black leather ensemble she had worn
when he had first seen her. Not even two days ago, yet it had
already seemed like a lifetime. Which Ken thought was a good
thing since his life expectancy was now measured in months.
$Excellent point.
<snip>
Kumiko blinked at her slave in confusion, but then
shrugged and nodded. This eating thing seemed to be very
important to him for some reason and she did want to keep him
happy. Besides, the demon-girl was looking forward to sampling
more of the yummy mortal food herself, even though she derived
no real benefits from it. She could have thought of it as her duty as
a Demon of Observance to sample all the things the mortal world
had to offer, but Kumiko never felt the need for such self-
deception.
$True faith in oneself and concrete belief that, however bad others may
think you are, you think you're alright is a simply wonderful thing.
<snip>
"You promised to teach me table manners!" Kumiko yelled,
spitting out bits of noodles directly into his face.
$Yick.
<snip>
Then Kumiko made one tiny little mistake. Ken had been
gesturing with his chopsticks while making a minor point on food
etiquette, not realizing they still held a morsel of food. Before the
pickle could fall to the table, the demon-girl had used her lightning
quick reflexes to snatch it up and pop it in her mouth.
Ken was careful to pretend that it didn't happen, continuing
to explain in hopes that Kumiko wouldn't even realize what she
had just done. Looking into her eyes, it was almost as if he could
read her thoughts as she stopped in mid-chew. *Where did this
pickle come from? I ate all mine. It must have been Ken's... I
stole Ken's pickle!*
$Heheheh, she ate Ken's pickle...
<snip>
Sometimes Ayame thought Natsume actually knew about
her true nature and was only teasing her, but then she realized it
was only her own bad luck. "No, no, I have plenty to wear! I'm
just a... good packer, that's all.
$Always a good trait in a lesbian love partner.
You'd be surprised all the things
you can fit into a small suitcase."
"It's good to have a talent," Natsume told her with a grin
$Yeah, Natsume had several, but only her 'special friends' new about them.
as
finished dressing and spun around, holding her glasses in place
with one outstretched finger. "Shall we get started?"
"Yes," Ayame replied with a small sigh of relief. "Let's."
They had already set everything up downstairs, until
Natsume went to open the paint can and finally remembered that it
was a bad idea to splatter her good clothes with paint.
$I've opened lots of paint cans, having worked as a painter/drywall
finisher for about three years, but I don't believe I've ever seen one
splatter just from being opened. Opening and spilling, or accidently wiping
the lid on yourself, now that's another story.
A dust cover had been put back on one of the tables, and on
top of it lay the unopened paint can, two paint rollers and
accessories, and brushes of various sizes for hard to get at spots. A
small step ladder had been leaned against another wall with extra
paint cans at its feet.
"Finally!" Natsume said in relief as the cap of the paint
bucket popped off, splattering her like a sudden summer drizzle.
$Again, I've never seen this happen. I'm not saying it couldn't, but I've
never heard of it.
<snip>
"Yep!" Natsume answered with a bounce and a broad grin,
which turned to embarrassed one as she struggled to keep her
glasses on her face. "It reminds me of the spot near my parent's
house where I'd lie on that grass and let the morning spring
sunlight warm my body."
$She carefully neglected to mention she'd been nude and being photographed
by one of her neighbors, but some things you don't bring up in casual
conversation.
"That sounds most enjoyable," Ayame said with a smile of
her own. She too had enjoyed feeling the morning sunlight on her
skin, relaxing in its comforting warmth. It was yet another guilty
pleasure for her.
"Yeah, well, maybe I am a bit biased, but I hope other
people will find it a comfortable color too," Natume quickly added,
embarrassed that she had said more than she had planned, but
relieved she had cut off that little story when she had, like the fact
that she hadn't greeted the spring sun alone.
$Exactly.
<snip>
The problem was that painting was hardly mentally taxing,
and once she got into an easy rhythm, her mind wandered away
from the job at hand and back onto the subject of her current house
guest.
$Autoeroticism always worked for me, too.
<snip>
Having been in Ayame's situation herself once before,
Natsume made a resolution to do whatever she could as a friend to
help her guest move on, keeping their relationship strictly platonic
until Ayame was emotionally ready for something... deeper.
$Loaded statement there...
She
just hoped she could keep her resolve from wavering.
Ayame smiled in joy as she proceeded to paint, up and
down, over and over, excited over her small, but to her important,
accomplishment. She knew that any skill she gained could possess
unknown value in the future, and she was also helping out
Natsume, a woman who had shown her nothing but kindness and
charity when the angel-girl had felt unworthy of either.
Thinking over this, Ayame's mind couldn't help drifting to
what her superior had said, and Natsume's answer to the question
she almost dreaded to ask. The only things she had done for her
host were waxing the floor and help washing the dishes, but these
would nothing in comparison to the way her host had aided her. So
why did her staying there make Natsume 'very happy,' instead of
thinking the angel-girl an obnoxious freeloader?
$It's the tits, girl, get used to it.
Ayame did agree with her superior that the most important
thing was Natsume's happiness, whatever the cause, but the angel-
girl was sure that if she could unlock this mystery, she would come
that much closer to understanding humans, and be a better angel
for it. No matter what her superior had said, she still feared not
being allowed to become a full angel.
Noriaki had also said, 'Sometimes you can benefit them the
most by doing nothing at all.' Ayame still couldn't understand what
that meant. She had thought that in order to benefit humans, all
she needed to do was perform some task that would bring them
happiness. The only problem was discovering the right task to
perform. Doing absolutely nothing didn't fit into her equation at
all, and the possibility that her thinking was fundamentally
incorrect troubled her deeply.
Ayame shook her head. The only thing to do was to go out
and observe how humans make each other happy and draw her
conclusions from that. Then she could come up with a new
equation, even if she had to start from scratch.
$Thus proving that angels are indeed smarter than humans, or at least this
one. A human would simply conclude the boss-man was wrong, then smile and
nod at him.
Natsume blinked as she felt something soft suddenly tickle
pleasantly at the back of her neck. Instinctively, she turned to the
left, smearing Ayame's descending arm with pale yellow paint.
Surprised, the angel-girl's own hand flew out as she turned,
bopping Natsume lightly in the nose with her paint roller.
$Slightly predictable, although not too bad.
<snip>
Ah, not bad, not bad. Spelling and grammar mistakes were few, and I'll hop
on chapter ten ASAP.
Kichigai
ICQ# 37606443
Besmirch... Heh.