ffml@fanfic.com
Subject: [FFML] Re: SV: [fanfic][Ranma/GL] Bedlam Fire chapter 1
References: <3.0.1.32.20001121213825.0069328c@pop.mindspring.com>
<004401c05473$60700460$8e0570d5@bredbandsbolaget.se>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
X-archive-position: 15931
X-listar-version: Listar v0.128a
Sender: ffml-bounce@fanfic.com
Errors-to: ffml-bounce@fanfic.com
X-original-sender: zema@uakron.edu
Precedence: bulk
X-list: ffml
I like this story thus far, though the second seal seemed a bit...
rushed I guess, in the face of the description of the destruction
of the first seal. Or maybe just vague, I couldn't quite picture
the statue for instance. At one point it sounded to me like she
made the lantern, then a statue of that god. There were also a
few mistakes (grammatical) I caught the first time around but not
too bad, and I unfortunately don't have the inclination to go back
through the story to find them. Perhaps at a later date. At any
rate, I'll look forward to reading the rest of this when it
comes out.
Just a quick nitpick on one of the nitpicks on the story as well.
Satisfied that her flanks were secured, Adalwolfa
raised her fist high and pumped it twice to signal her war-hand
before beginning her advance. Today she was going to finish
the job her warrior-monk great-grandfather
Who obviously didn't really care about his vows.
Which leads us to ask why he became a monk.
The travels? The uniform? The Glamour?
Free bed and board at monasterys all over Europe?
Being a monk does not automatically mean you're celibate, it just
means you live in a monastery and are part of a religious order--
which in turn might or might not have rules about being celibate.