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I've heavily revised Chapter 4 as per Gary Kleppe's recommendations. The
revised version can be found on my webpage, or more specifically at
www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp/Contract04.html
The plot hasn't changed, but the characters are a bit more IC,
hopefully. Of course, I could be wrong. If you have the chance to read
the new version, please let me know what you think of the revisions.
And now for the latest chapter:
Ranma 1/2 -- The Contract
Chapter 8: Going Our Separate Ways Together
Ranma rested his elbows on the table. "So now what? Who else are we
going to find who can cook something and get a contract?"
"Don't look at me!" said Nabiki. "I absolutely refuse."
"How about Kasumi?" asked Ranma. "She'll be back sometime tomorrow."
"No," said Akane flatly. "We're not involving Kasumi in this."
"I'm sure Kodachi Kuno would be willing to do it," suggested Ukyo.
Ranma shook his head. "No way. Can you imagine the kind of trouble
it would cause if Kodachi got her hands on a contract?"
Ukyo shuddered. "You're right. But who else is there?"
"What about Cologne?" asked Akane. She was met by stares all around.
"Maybe you could find a man who can cook," said Nabiki.
"Men can't cook," said Ukyo. "Women will always be the masters of
the kitchen."
"Well, he took Akane's cooking," Ranma pointed out. "He'll probably
trade for anything that came out of a kitchen."
Akane smacked Ranma in the head. "So I can't cook like Ukyo can! Why
don't you just marry her and fulfill your stupid contract?" She rubbed
her hand to restore the feeling that she'd lost from touching Ranma.
"Not like there's anyone else you want to marry..."
"Geez, lighten up!" said Ukyo. "You know you don't mean that. If you
really felt that way about Ranma, you wouldn't be so glum!"
"You haven't had much to say, Ryoga," noted Ranma. Ryoga continued
to stare out the window.
"Hey, Ryoga, what's wrong?" asked Akane.
Ryoga sighed. "I have everything I ever wanted. Why am I not happy
with it?"
"You're just not ready for such a strong commitment," said Ranma,
putting his arm around Ryoga's shoulders. "Relax, buddy. We all go
through the same thing."
Ryoga pushed Ranma's arm away. "I'm not your buddy."
"I have an idea," said Ukyo. "What if Ranma honey stays a girl until
the contract expires? I obviously can't marry a woman!"
"Why not?" asked Nabiki. "This is the modern age."
"I think she might be right," said Akane. "The contract's been
pretty gender-specific so far. If Ranma's a girl, then it's touching
guys that would be the problem, right?"
"Only one way to find out," said Ukyo, pouring a pitcher of cold
water onto Ranma's head.
Ranma growled. "Why do I have to be the guinea pig?"
"Because if this works, then we've only got two contracts to break,"
explained Ukyo.
Akane reached across the table. "Okay. Let's see if you can touch me
now."
Ranma laid her fingers across the back of Akane's hand and
immediately jerked them back. "No good. It still hurts."
"It didn't hurt me," said Akane. "I wonder why that could be..."
"I guess Ranma's contract knows that she's really a guy," said
Nabiki, "but your contract can't tell the difference between Ranma and
any other girl."
Ranma groaned. "Why does this have to be so complicated?"
"I don't think Jusenkyo curses were taken into account when the
contracts were written," said Nabiki. "There didn't seem to be any
mention of them in the contract. The Jusenkyo curses are probably
conflicting with the contracts' magic."
"That's exactly what we need," moaned Akane. "More conflicts. We've
got enough of THOSE as it is."
Ukyo stood up. "Well, I've got a restaurant to run. Losing an
evening's profits isn't going to help my financial situation when Ranma
honey starts freeloading off of me instead of you."
"It ain't gonna happen!" shouted Ranma.
"Whatever you say, Ranchan," said Ukyo. "I'll see you later.
Remember, we have a date tonight!"
Akane raised her fist to bash Ranma, but held it back as she
remembered what the consequences would be. "What are you doing going on
a date with HER?"
"She made me do it!" protested Ranma.
This time, Akane really did bash Ranma. "What did she do, make you
sign a blood contract?"
"Relax, Akane," said Ukyo. "It's really not Ranma honey's fault. I
wouldn't let him have the contract until he agreed to go on a date with
me."
"And then you signed it yourself, you lousy cheat!"
Ukyo sighed. "Don't be jealous, Akane. It's not your style." While
Akane did a slow burn, Ukyo slowly opened the back door and let herself
out, moving seductively. After a few steps, she fell to her knees,
clutching her stomach in pain.
"It hurts..." moaned Ranma, nursing her own sore belly.
"What's wrong?" asked Akane, stepping around the table to kneel
beside Ranma. "Are you okay?"
"No." Ranma shook her head. "I feel like something in my stomach is
trying to get out through my bellybutton!"
"Not much different from giving birth, I'd expect," said Nabiki
flatly. "It's about time you experience a bit of what a woman has to go
through in her life."
"It's trying to go that way," said Ranma, pointing right at Ukyo.
She crawled toward the chef, the pain fading as she did so.
"Ranchan, what happened?" asked Ukyo.
"I have no idea! When you left the room, my insides tried to get
outside!"
"Mine too! Why would we both have the same pain at the same time?"
"You have to ask?" asked Nabiki.
"You mean the contract's imposed another condition?" asked Akane.
"Only one way to find out," said Ranma. She backed away from Ukyo
one step at a time, the pain growing with each step. "It's definitely
getting worse as I get farther away from her."
"Let me try," said Akane. She walked away from Ryoga.
"Hey, slow down!" shouted Ranma, too late. Akane stumbled forward as
the intense wrenching caught her unaware.
"Akane..." moaned Ryoga as he crawled toward her. "Next time,
experiment a little more carefully!"
"Looks like we can't be more than a few feet apart from each other,"
said Ranma. "Any more than that, and the pain becomes too much to bear."
"So how am I supposed to run my restaurant?" fumed Ukyo.
"I'll go with you," offered Ranma. "I'll just have to stay at
Ucchan's tonight."
"Y- You can't do that!" protested Akane.
"It's not like I have a choice," replied Ranma. "She has to get back
to her restaurant, and we have to be together or else we get major
stomach cramps."
"But... but... you'll have to sleep together!"
"There's no way around that, Akane," said Ranma. "Besides, you're
going to be sleeping with Ryoga tonight for the same reason. So you
haven't got a leg to stand on. At least Ucchan and I can opt to be the
same gender."
"You wouldn't!" shouted Ryoga. "That's disgusting! How dare you use
your cursed form as an excuse to sleep with a girl!"
"Oh, I see," said Ranma. "And you're completely against the idea of
sleeping with Akane, aren't you, pig-boy?"
Ryoga blushed and pressed his index fingers together. "Uh... I...
well..."
"Don't listen to him," said Akane. "He can go sleep with whoever he
wants to. It's not like I care."
"Well, good! That saves us the trouble of feeling guilty." Ukyo
slipped her arm under Ranma's, linking their elbows. "Let's go, Ranma
honey!"
"Don't worry, Akane!" Ranma shouted back as Ukyo led her out of the
yard. "We ain't gonna do nothing but sleep, honest! Have fun with
Ryoga!"
"How dare she!" shouted Akane, not sure whether she was saying this
of Ukyo or Ranma. She charged after them, forgetting about the new
condition until the pain stopped her short, pulling her toward Ryoga so
hard that she fell backward despite her forward momentum.
"This definitely has amusing possibilities," said Nabiki, heading
upstairs for her camera. "Especially if Ranma makes good on his
threat... I can probably sell photos of girl Ranma sleeping with Ukyo
for upwards of a thousand yen apiece!"
*************************************************
Hikaru fell to his knees again, panting heavily. "When do we get to
take a break?"
"When the contract with our signatures on it is in pieces!" snapped
Kodachi. She tried dragging him along until she started to feel the pain
from scraping him across the ground. "Get up, string bean! We have to
keep looking!"
"We're not going to find anything this way!" protested Hikaru. "We
have to do the proper research! I promise; give me two hours in my
library and I'll figure out exactly what we're dealing with!"
"That's two hours that we can't afford to spare!" returned Kodachi.
"Who knows how long we have until we're forced to marry?"
"I certainly don't. Maybe if I could see my book of binding spells,
I could tell you."
"That's enough about your miserable books!" Kodachi growled. "You'll
never get anywhere in life by reading books."
"We haven't gotten very far without them," Hikaru pointed out.
Kodachi hauled Hikaru to his feet. "Give me your hand," she
commanded him. Hikaru held his hand out to her, palm up. Kodachi curled
Hikaru's fingers into a fist and pulled on his arm, smashing the fist
into her face. Hikaru reeled and collapsed. "Now perhaps we can make
some progress." She lifted the unconscious boy onto her shoulder and set
off once again.
*************************************************
"Three more orders up!" shouted Cologne from the kitchen. Shampoo
and Razor scrambled to get to the bowls, bumping into each other as they
squeezed between the tables. "How many times must I tell you two not to
get in each other's way? Razor, stay out of the kitchen for a while.
Shampoo, you keep waiting tables."
"Right away, Elder." Razor made for the kitchen door, with Shampoo
following him like a shadow.
"Shampoo, where do you think you're going?" demanded Cologne. "I
told you to stay in the dining room!"
"Is because of contract," explained Shampoo. "We no can be apart
from each other."
Cologne sighed. "You don't have to take it seriously, you know. Just
because it's signed in blood..."
"You no understand!" shouted Shampoo, causing heads to turn
throughout the restaurant. "When we even two feet apart, it hurt more
than hammer in stomach!"
"That's so beautiful," said a female customer, wiping a tear from
her eye. "Such emotion!"
"So, the contract's conditions are growing more strict..." Cologne
leveled her staff at Shampoo. "What are you doing about the contract?
Since you came back this afternoon, you've seemed rather satisfied with
the current state of affairs."
Shampoo nodded. "Not going to break contract. We going to get
married and keep contract."
Cologne's face darkened, her wrinkles growing even deeper with rage.
"Shampoo, you know you are forbidden to marry Razor!"
"Contract is more powerful than Amazon Law because signed in own
blood, so you no can stop us! We was in love before we even sign
contract, and now we is going to marry, no matter what you say!"
Cologne swung her staff at Shampoo's head, barely missing as the
girl dodged. "How could you possibly remember that? I erased your
memory!"
"Love too powerful to erase!"
"Then I'll just have to do a better job this time," said Cologne,
unscrewing the cap from a bottle of shampoo.
"NO!" shouted Shampoo angrily. "You no can interfere with us no
more! We is leaving!"
Cologne leapt at Shampoo, but halted in midair. She dropped the
bottle and turned to see a knife protruding from her robe, fastening it
securely to the floor. "With you agreeing I," said Razor. "Good idea
being not that me marrying Shampoo. But this problem for solving right
way being not her memory erasing you!"
"Razor, how dare you defy me!" shouted Cologne, pulling the knife
out of the floor. "Your loyalty lies with your elder!"
"Shampoo protecting must I," said Razor. He grabbed a teapot from a
nearby table and poured it onto his head. As the black smoke consumed
him, Razor grabbed Shampoo and engulfed her in his demon body. Cologne
attacked, but her staff barely disturbed the black cloud.
"Take Shampoo and get out of here, Razor!" commanded Cologne.
"As wishing you," said Razor, sweeping his way out of the
restaurant. The entire dining room crowd burst into spontaneous applause
until Cologne's glare silenced them.
"That traitorous demon! Just wait until I get my hands on him..."
She clenched her fists expectantly. "No. That won't do. If Shampoo still
cares about him, harming him will only further alienate her. I must
force her to relent! And to do that... I must first break that
contract!" She sighed. "Why is it that Son-in-law can never get the
important jobs done correctly?"
*************************************************
The black cloud floated through the park, carefully weaving its way
through the few people who were still there at such a late hour. They
watched as it deposited a lavender-haired girl beside a small pond
before diving into the pond itself. A red-haired boy climbed out of the
pond, using a pair of knives as pitons. "Here safe being should we," he
said.
"You saved Shampoo," said the girl. "Great-grandmother was going to
erase memory again."
"This action mistaking not should you," he replied. "The contract
breaking still must we."
Shampoo growled. "Razor, why you so stubborn? You is just like
Ranma! You do anything to not marry Shampoo. What wrong with Shampoo?"
"With you wrong being nothing!" said Razor hastily. "Wonderful
person being you! Why you marrying cannot I being exactly that. Than me
better man deserving you."
"No put self down like that, Razor! Shampoo not want better man.
Shampoo love you!"
"Misplaced being that love."
Shampoo smacked Razor in the face, but felt the blow herself. In her
fury, she ignored the invisible blow. "I not let you say that! You think
Shampoo only love you if you not cursed? Shampoo love all of you, even
backwards curse!"
"If cursed being not I, me loving still would you?" asked Razor.
"Of course!" insisted Shampoo, perhaps too hastily. She quickly
composed herself. "Curse just give Razor more... personality."
Razor breathed in deeply. "Incorrigible being you."
"Incorrigible Shampoo go well with stubborn Razor," said Shampoo,
slyly wrapping her arm around Razor's waist.
"Minding never. For sleeping a place finding must we."
"Shampoo know place. No follow."
"Choice having not I," said Razor, allowing Shampoo to lead him
toward whatever destination she had in mind.
*************************************************
Ukyo sighed happily as she took down the Ucchan's banner. The
evening had been absolutely wonderful. She and Ranma honey had worked
side by side, him cleaning the grill and her cooking. They'd even worked
out a system so that Ranma could deliver the okonomiyaki to the
customers who weren't sitting at the grill while she swept the floor, to
disguise their condition without embarrassing Ranma in front of the
customers. This was how she'd always pictured her life - working side by
side with Ranma... although it would be nice to get rid of the
contract's terms, whether by marriage or nullification, so that they
wouldn't have to stay quite so close together while they worked.
She turned to Ranma, who had already picked up the sign and was just
waiting for Ukyo to lead the way back into the restaurant. "Ranma
honey?"
"Yeah? Is something wrong?"
"No! Everything's just perfect." Ukyo blushed. "That's what I wanted
to ask you about. I know we're going to find a way to break the contract
so that we don't have to get married, but... once that's done, how would
you like to help me run Ucchan's full time?"
"I don't know if Akane'd go for that, Ucchan. You saw how angry she
was today, and this was just a one day thing."
"We wouldn't be living together! You'd just come by after school and
help out. Besides, you know how Akane feels about you freeloading. I
don't mind splitting the tips. You'd be able to pay for your meals and
still have some left over for yourself."
Ranma set the sign down and leaned against it while he thought. "Pop
wouldn't like it either. I think he gets a kick out of leeching off of
the Tendos. Besides, he'd want me to spend the time training."
"You would be training," said Ukyo. "How do you think I learned how
to wield a spatula?"
"I don't know if my mom would -"
Ukyo slammed the banner to the ground, startling Ranma. "Would you
just forget about what other people think for a second? I want to know
what YOU feel about it!"
Ranma blinked, then smiled snidely. "I get it. You're really taking
to heart what I said earlier about how everyone wants me to do what they
want, and now you're trying to get on my good side."
"No, I'm not!" insisted Ukyo. "I really enjoyed working with you
tonight, and I could really use the help since I expanded my business.
It's hard to run a restaurant by myself."
"Couldn't you get someone else to help you?" asked Ranma.
"Who, Ryoga? He'd never find the place!"
"Well, there's always -"
"Forget it!" shouted Ukyo, picking up the banner and storming into
the restaurant so quickly that Ranma tripped over the sign in his haste
to follow. "It's obvious that you don't want to have anything to do with
me, so just forget it!"
Ranma stopped in his tracks, dragging Ukyo to her knees as the
invisible thread between their stomachs drew taut. "I never said I
wouldn't. I was just giving reasons why it might not be such a good
idea. I know a lot of people are going to object to me working with you.
But I'll think about it."
"Really?" asked Ukyo, wiping from her eyes the tears that had sprung
from a combination of anger and pain.
"Sure. In the end, I'll do what I want, not what other people want.
Right?"
Ukyo smiled. "Right."
"Now, we'd better get back outside."
"How come?"
Ranma jerked his thumb in the direction of the door. "I dropped the
sign out front."
*************************************************
Ryoga could do nothing more than stand by looking sheepish while
Akane tried to console her crying father. "It's okay, Father," she said.
"Everything will be fine."
As usual, Soun ignored his youngest daughter's reassurances and
continued to sob into Genma's shoulder. "My baby's been spurned by her
own fiance! What is the world coming to, Saotome?"
"There, there, Tendo," said Genma, patting Soun lightly on the
shoulder.
"He didn't spurn me, Daddy," said Akane. "He just has to stay at
Ucchan's tonight because of the contract." Akane's voice caught as she
realized that she had actually forgiven Ranma for the very act that had
made her so furious only a few hours earlier. Having spent most of that
time calming her father from irate enough to kill the entire Saotome
family to just unbearably depressed had certainly changed her view of
the situation. Perhaps this was a good method for dealing with her
problems in the future...
"Besides," put in Nabiki suddenly, "he's going to be a girl when
they sleep together, so it's okay."
"They're going to sleep together?" moaned Soun. "It's the end!"
"Come off it, Daddy," said Nabiki. "He's as innocent as Akane is."
"Hmmm..." Genma scratched his nose. "That's certainly an interesting
way to put it."
"Let's put it this way. Akane won't be lonely tonight because Ryoga
is staying with her." She winked surreptitiously at her father.
"Nabiki!" shouted Akane. She paused to think up an appropriate
response, but before anything could come to mind, the silence caught her
attention. Her father had stopped crying.
"Well, there is that," he admitted. "I suppose that as long as Ryoga
stays with Akane through her ordeal, everything will come out all right
in the end."
Akane's face fell. "You... you... I..."
"Don't question a good turn of fortune, Akane," said Nabiki. "Just
go along with it. I'll see you later." She casually slung her bag over
her shoulder and sidled toward the door.
"Where are you going at this time of night?" demanded Akane. "And
what's in that bag?"
"Just a sudden burst of financial inspiration," replied Nabiki.
"Nothing you need to worry about. You just have a nice night with Ryoga
and leave the thinking to me, OK?" Nabiki quickly ducked out the door,
leaving Akane fuming in the dining room.
"At least Ryoga's a gentleman, unlike a certain Ranma Saotome I
could name!" shouted Akane, her acceptance of Ranma's situation
vanishing as quickly as her sister had. "Come on, Ryoga!" She grabbed
Ryoga's shirt and dragged him up the stairs. "Let Ranma do whatever he
wants with Ukyo! I don't care! It's not like I'm jealous or anything!"
She cupped her hands around her mouth. "P-chan! Time for bed, baby!"
Ryoga whined softly. "That's funny," said Akane. "P-chan usually comes
right away when I call him. And I know he was here earlier today." She
pushed open the door to her room and immediately began to search for her
pet.
Ryoga cleared his throat. "I need to use the restroom," he
announced.
"I'm not stopping you, Ryoga," said Akane.
"Well, actually, you have to come with me."
Akane sighed. "I'm not going in there with you! The contract's got
to give us that much distance!" She led Ryoga downstairs to the restroom
and waited patiently outside while Ryoga prayed silently for guidance.
Akane would obviously expect to see P-chan tonight, but once she
realized that being around her pig eliminated the pain of being apart
from Ryoga, his secret would be out!
Oh, well. Only one solution. Ryoga opened the window, removed his
bandana, and draped it across the sill. Then, he turned the sink on and
splashed the water on his face. Finally, he began to scratch at the door
with his paw and oink noisily.
"P-chan?!" Akane knocked on the door. "Ryoga, is P-chan in there
with you?" She waited, but received no answer. "Ryoga?" She slowly slid
the door open a crack and peered in. "Where did he go?" She opened the
door the rest of the way. The only sign of life from within was P-chan.
"There you are! How did you get in here? And what happened to Ryoga?"
P-chan pointed to the open window. "Oh, don't tell me he got lost on
his way OUT of the bathroom!" Akane picked up the bandana. "You don't
suppose... this bandana is such an important part of him that when I
hold it, it's like we're really together?" P-chan nodded
enthusiastically. "That's great! I sure hope Ryoga isn't hurting from
being away from me." She closed the window, turned off the sink, and
carried P-chan back up to her room.
'So far, so good,' thought Ryoga as he turned his back so that Akane
could undress for bed. 'Now I might have to switch a few more times
during the night to allay suspicion, but with any luck, Akane's natural
naivete will provide the best possible cover!' He'd seen this trick used
in American sitcoms before as well... although, unfortunately, he had
yet to see a sitcom where it had worked without a hitch. P-chan buried
his face in his paws and moaned. It was going to be a long night...
------------------------------------------------------
Welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" where we make things up as we go
along, whether they make sense or badger.
JOHNNY BRAVO: *sigh* The only woman I ever really loved... and she's
gone. I wonder if I'll ever get over - Hey! Nuggets!
JACKIE CHAN: Oh, sorry. I broke your spy camera! (pause) SPY CAMERA?!
My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp