Nicky Townsend
battousai@licensedtokill.com
March 22 - May 2, 2000
Ah, God forgive me... Here are two things in one fic I
swore I'd never do- I swore I'd never write another Brain
Elves fic- but never the less, that's what this is. Only
this time I have no excuse. I'm not sleep deprived, drunk,
or drugged in anyway. How embarrassing!
The second thing- I used to HATE Aoshi. But then I read Of
Love and Honor. And Rissa's Blanket Scenario. And Joy's
"Let the Reason be Love". The last straw: "Someone to Watch
Over Me". I need to be put out of my misery...
In the Tradition of Brain Elves, the first half belongs to
Aoshi, and I've already started work on Misao's half.
Warning: Lemony weirdness follows in abundance! I take no
responsibility for whatever trauma anyone may suffer from
reading this unprepared!
Insert standard disclaimer here: I'm too lazy to write one
now.
Note: Stuff inside ( ) all takes place inside Aoshi's
head.
Aoshi:
"You know what I need when my heart bleeds
I suffer from greed, a longing to feed...
On the mercy in you.
I would do it all again,
Loose my way and fall again.
Just so I could call again...
On the mercy in you."
--"Mercy in You"--
Songs of Faith and Devotion
Depche Mode
How long I'd been in my study doing this dreadfully boring,
but much needed paperwork I can't say. I'd watched the tilt
of the light change through the window, until it was
entirely gone. That was when I lit the lantern, and
continued working, but how much time passed after that I
can't be sure.
When the knock came, it seemed to echo off my study door.
Perhaps it was the hollowness of the hallways that had made
it seem louder then it really had been, but it seemed to me
as if the mere tone of the knock had radiated importance.
"Enter." I answered, perhaps a bit too quickly.
I can't say I was surprised to see that Misao was the one
knocking at my study door. She always seemed to come
whenever I had the most paper work to do, but never was her
presence unwelcome. A small break to spend even a few
moments with her was always worthwhile--
("Good. Don't lie to yourself. It's a waste of time."
Practicality pointed out.)
She just didn't ever need to know that was how I really
felt-
("Coward!" Scorn chimed in, it's voice slightly louder.)
I ignored that last forceful interjection and addressed
her. "Yes, Misao? What is it? It's quite late for you to
still be awake..." I spoke without ever really looking up.
("Pansy ass! Can't look at her, huh? You scared?" Scorn
continued to berate me loudly.)
She stepped into my study, her feet moving with soundlessly
grace on the cold wooden floor. Misao came to the front of
my desk, and leaned forward, bracing herself on her elbows,
her long braid hanging over her shoulder. She must not have
known that her yukata was not tied closely enough, and that
its' neckline gaped to give me a rather... immodest...
view.
("Um...now that's new. Not unexpected, but definitely new."
Scorn pointed a shaking finger at Misao while speaking to
his companion. Practicality's eyebrow arched all the way up
to his hairline.)
She did seem different somehow- as if she alone had found
the key to some great secret.
("Do you know where the shovel is?" Practicality inquired
randomly.)
How comfortable she looked, with her arms folded on my
desk. Warm and soft, just out of her bath, her hair was
still damp. She merely looked at me for a long space of
time; what else could I do but stare back? After awhile
of this silent exchange, she looked down at my desk, and
finally spoke although she did not meet my eyes.
"Do you know what is special about today?" her voice was
barely more then a whisper as she spoke. How shy she seemed
all of a sudden- normally Misao was anything but shy. Was
that the faintest of blushes coloring her delicate
cheekbones or was it the heat of her recent bath?
("What the hell do you need a shovel for, Practical?")
"No, I do not." I answered, almost as quietly. Today had
been like any other day to me- the sun rose, drifted
through the sky, and eventually set, changing day to night.
Nothing differed.
"Ah. I didn't think you would, Aoshi-sama." It was then
that her face lifted to meet mine, her large blue-green
eyes holding a determination that I was unaware she
possessed. "Today is my birthday. I'm 19 years old."
Had that much time truly passed? To me, she seemed as if
she should be forever youthful. That she should age, and
grow old... It just didn't seem to be something that should
happen to her.
I nodded solemnly. "Tanjoubi."
She looked away quickly, but not in time for me to miss the
shimmery wetness threatening her tender eyelids. What else
had she been expecting from me?
("Can't you tell what she's going to try to do? Sometimes I
swear you're brain dead." This time it was my Practicality
that chastised me.)
(It turned to Scorn, "Now, I need a shovel to dig up the
rest of us- Logic dictates that you, Scorn, and I,
Practicality, can not handle the coming situation alone.
Makes sense, yes? Let's head over to the graveyard...
Although they were buried alive and starving, it's not as
if they can actually die.")
("That's true...")
Something changed in Misao's face then- determination
seemed to radiate off her. She moved around the front of my
desk, and leapt nimbly to seat herself on its shiny dark
surface, crossing her legs at the knee. Her yukata parted
and fell to either side of her slender legs, exposing the
pale silken skin of her calves and lower thighs. Bracing
her hands on the edge of my desk, she leaned forward a bit,
her shoulders haunched in. Once again, her yukata gaped at
the neckline, and in the shadowy lantern light of the
study, it became obvious exactly how much she had aged.
("See? I *told* you this would happen. Too bad Numbnut up
there rarely listens to me... Are you going to help me or
not?" Practicality eyed his companion, annoyed. He'd been
stuck with only Scorn for many years now- until recently,
he thought he'd never have a practical reason to exhume the
others. But now... Practicality grinned happily, knowing
that he would not be 'alone' for long.)
("But there is only one shovel!" Scorn reminded him
unkindly.)
("Be practical! Make one!")
("Being practical is your job, as I recall.")
("Smartass!")
("Will you two shut up, and go dig up the others? I
actually need you and you're just lollygaging about and
arguing! Get your asses in GEAR!") I had become very tired
of their arguing- that was all they ever seemed to do.
("Hehe. I was wondering when you'd notice us.")
("Oh, how could I not? I simply choose to ignore you most
of the time.")
(Practicality and Scorn tapped their black booted feet and
glared at me. "Is that so?" They spoke in unison. )
("I don't see why we should bother to dig the others up
then, if you are just going to ignore us. Don't you agree,
Practical?")
("Indeed. A waste of energy, to be sure.")
I gave them a mental glare that changed their minds. Scorn
materialized his own shovel and went to work on a grave
with a headstone that was neatly labeled 'Here lies my
Love. RIP' Meanwhile, Practicality had cleared a large
amount of dirt away from another grave. Its headstone had
merely one word, 'Sexuality'.)
My face must have gone blank then, because from her perch
on my desk, she shook her head, her eyes sad... "You're
making this very hard for me, you know." Her voice was
little more then a whisper and it was spoken through a
lopsided smile.
Face as blank as ever, I let one raven eyebrow rise slowly.
"Oh? What's that?" I replied. The flirting edge her voice
held was obvious; perhaps that hadn't been quite the right
thing to say to her. My words caused her lips curve up
sensuously into a slight smile, as her eyes narrowed
slightly and seemed to darken with... something.
Misao leaned forward further, this time to rest her elbows
on her crossed knees, bringing her face very close to mine.
She was close enough now that I could even smell the soap
she'd washed with; vanilla, and sandalwood.
"I am going to seduce you. You're making it difficult." I
could only sit there blinking; my eyes wide and jaw hanging
slightly slack.
("Uh oh. We're out of time! Hurry!")
Shaking her head again, she leaned forward and gently
kissed my open mouth, nipping at my lower-lip with her
teeth. Although I couldn't bring myself to respond, I
couldn't bear to reject her either. Misao slid off my desk,
and braced her hands on the arms of my desk chair.
Deepening the kiss, she slid her tongue into my still
surprise-slackened mouth. Now that, I couldn't ignore.
I jerked back, but still could not push her away.
("And why should you push her away?" Practicality leaned on
its shovel, quite out of breath. "All of your old excuses
are moot! She's old enough- she should be married, ne? You
KNOW she'd never allow herself to be married to anyone but
you. She'd kill herself first. It's also not because you
don't care for her or don't find her attractive. And don't
say you don't deserve her. Everyone deserves some measure
of happiness. You've been paying penance long enough, don't
you think? Give it up and go for it already, you freeze-
dried excuse for a human!)
Misao's mouth quirked again into a half smile as she spoke.
"Did you think that I'd stay young and innocent forever?
Content only to watch you from afar? I am not a patient
woman, Aoshi-sama."
(A clawed hand burst forth from the grave Practicality was
standing on, causing him to nearly jump out of his skin. A
second hand joined the first one, and together they
struggled to push the dirt aside. Having recovered itself,
Practicality shoveled away what dirt was left.)
("Ah!" Sexuality sucked in his first breath in years,
savoring it greatly. "What do you know? Icicle boy actually
needs me!" With every passing second, Sexuality recovered
strength- where it's skin had been previously sucked down
to the bones, it was fleshing out again, it's hair growing
back in, black and silky. Although the face was still
somewhat sunken, it's blue-gray eyes stared forth as fresh
and moist as ever, filled with amusement. It stretched
sensuously, arching its back. "It's feels SO good to be
free again! How old was he when he buried me? Twelve?")
(Scorn chuckled from its place over Love's grave. "Yep,
soon as he hit puberty.")
I felt my jaw clench. No help at all... If anything they
were even more annoying then before, now that they had a
new friend to talk to. They certainly weren't doing their
job!
Meanwhile, Misao had interpreted the lack of rejection as
acceptance, when really I hadn't the foggiest idea what to
do.
It was true- I had buried my emotions long ago while I was
still in the middle of my training. All they could have
done was interfere. Also, back then, people tended to die a
lot more often then they did now; any sort of attachment of
an intimate sort could only have made things more
painful... Although there were times over the years when
they possibly could have been useful, for the most part I
had done fine!
("That's what you think, dumbshit! Look at how much pain
you've caused, because you were too scared to feel! If
Kenshin hadn't had the heart you lack, do you think you
would be sitting here in your study at the Aoiya? I think
not!" Scorn huffed.)
("Should I go back over all of the terrible things you
did?" Scorn continued, not allowing me a word in my
defense.)
("Don't you mean rationalize, not defend? You have nothing
to defend, as I recall." Practicality eyed me sidelong,
while driving his words home.)
That stopped me dead. He was right; I couldn't defend
myself- I deserved all the ridicule that was heaped on me.
That was another emotion I'd never been able to lock away-
Guilt.
("Oh, they don't need me. They're doing a fine job all on
their own." Guilt finally chimed in.)
Anyway- if all this was true, then why did I deserve any
happiness at all, as Practicality had pointed out earlier?
Why would I deserve anything at all, especially from
someone like Misao?
"Aoshi...?" I immediately noted that she hadn't attached
the honorific to the end of my name. I couldn't allow this!
Bracing my hands on her shoulders, I gently pushed her
away.
"I can't do this, Misao. Please... leave me be." I looked
away then, but not in time to miss the crushed look of
desolation that had taken over Misao's beautiful features.
("STOP! How can you bear to hurt her more then you already
have?" They had finished digging up my Love, and now it
looked at me, its' eyebrows drawn together in sorrow, it's
eyes imploring me to listen to it.)
Grudgingly, I lent it my ear.
("It's true you've done some terrible things- but then a
lot of people have... But if you'd just try! Just give her
a chance! Perhaps... perhaps, you will find what you've
been missing all along. After all, she has forgiven you, but
you must forgive yourself! Please... Look at her again." My
Love trailed off, motioning me to raise my eyes.)
When I had turned away, Misao had looked desolate- but now
her face was contorted with rage. She glared down at me for
a second before driving her fist into my chest.
"I will not leave! I won't let you push me away anymore.
What is it that you are afraid of? That I'll see part of
you that you had wished remained hidden?"
("It's too late to hide now; I'm free again." My Sexuality
winked at me, a smirk twisting its firm mouth, so like my
own.)
"Because that's too bad!" Misao continued, her voice taken
on a rough tone. "I fully plan on extracting everything from
you. I will take everything you have to give, and then I
will give it all back. Because I -deserve- it, and so do
you! I will not let you do this to yourself anymore, and I
won't let you do this to me." Her jaw was set and hard as
she finished. It became obvious to me that giving up was
not something she planned to do.
She leaned in close to me again, her hands braced on the
chair on either side of my head. I expected her to kiss me
again, but instead, I felt warm breath brush my ear. "Now,
are you going to let me do this, or do I have to knock you
out and tie you up first?"
My jaw dropped. She was very... aggressive... when she
wanted something, wasn't she? I already knew that; we'd
just never been a position such as this one. She took full
advantage of my shock. She hopped into my lap, straddling
my legs, her hands planted on either side of my head, and
kissed me roughly.
("Come on! Kiss her back! You know you want to." Sexuality
poked at me mercilessly. "You should let her tie you up
too. A little bit of S and M is good for you. Puts hair on
your chest!")
Perhaps I didn't need Misao to shock me- Currently, I was
doing a wonderful job at shocking myself!
("Kiss her, god dammit!! Are you *trying* to drive yourself
crazy? Don't make me pull out the big guns. I'll do it, I
swear I will." Sex was glaring at me evilly.)
I had no idea what the big guns were; like he said he had
gotten buried early on. I knew for certain though, that I
did *NOT* want to find out. Very hesitantly at first, I
began to respond to Misao. She immediately deepened our
kiss, delving between my already parted lips, arms sliding
around my neck, her fingers tangling in my hair.
There was just something about this - something about
allowing myself to let go - that was terribly invigorating.
It did not dull my senses at all, as I feared it would, but
instead they sharpened almost unbearably. I was very much
aware of the secret part of her that was pressed tightly
against my thigh. Even through my trousers, I could tell
she wasn't wearing any undergarments. That knowledge sent a
hot spiral of feeling down my spine, and settled in the pit
of my stomach. My hesitancy lingering only slightly, I laid
my hands gently at her waist, and pulled her closer.
("There you go! Now was that so bad? In fact, I think
you're rather enjoying it, aren't you?" Sex glared at me,
the smirk on his face almost comical, except for the fact
that he was right. Not getting an answer out of me, he
looked at his counterparts, seeking their opinions.)
("I think so too." Practical piped in. Love only nodded
happily, swiping half-heartedly at the tears of joy on his
cheeks.)
Knowing that I had finally given in to her, I both heard
and felt the deep purring groan she gave low in her throat.
Suddenly her hands were no longer in my hair, but sliding
down my chest to the fastenings on my shirt. Never once
breaking our kiss, she unfastened it from my neck, nearly
to my waist, and slid her small, warm hands under the
smooth fabric.
Her calloused fingers brushed over one taut nipple, causing
me to pull back suddenly from the kiss. I sucked air through
bared teeth, biting roughly into my lower lip; my eyes had
long since drifted closed. Once again I felt her hot breath
against my ear and instinctively I tilted my head back, my
hands tightening in their grip at her waist.
Misao's lips danced on the arch of my neck, while she
continued to tease my other nipple into a hardened nub. I
felt her smile against my skin.
"I think we should go back to my room now." She whispered
playfully in my ear, giving my nipple a final tweak before
withdrawing her hands from my shirt.
I opened my eyes to look at her- I'm not sure what she saw
there, but for a moment she almost seemed alarmed.
Mimicking her earlier movement, I leaned in close so that
my lips brushed her ear.
"What's wrong with right here?" Hearing her surprised gasp,
I drew her earlobe into my mouth, worrying it a little with
my teeth.
(Practical, Scorn, Love, and even Guilt, were eyeing Sex
with open admiration. Sex chuckled, "Damn. Am I good or
what?")
To be continued in part 4!
--
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K * A * G * E
Demoness #6 of the Demoness Circle
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