First off I'd like to say that I've enjoyed this so far. It's a
really good idea. The first eight parts or so are dead on.
Secondly, I'd like to point out several major problems with the
new stuff. I realize that this is an alterniverse and all, and involves
Ranma. You're changing things a bit and that's cool. Just don't do too
much. I've pointed out some of the major things that don't sit well with
me, it seems you've rushed the Venom story out for some reason.
One: This isn't Venom at all. It's Carnage. Venom is sick,
twisted, and completely devoted to destroying Spiderman for crimes
committed against both the Symbiote, and Eddie Brock. [Rejecting the
Symbiote, and basically killing Brocks career.] Carnage is evil,
calculating, and much more in tune with the way you've portraid the
symbiote in your fic. The Symbiote actually likes Brock, it's not just
using him the way this thing is using Kuno. Venom also sees himself as a
hero of sorts. Something that doesn't seem possible the way you have them
now.
Two: Why skip the black costume story? It's important. It sets
the stage for Venom's hatred of Spiderman, and the psycotic lengths that
he'll go to get his revenge. Plus it gives Spiderman important background
information on fighting Venom later on.
Three: Venom doesn't set off Spiderman's Spider Sense. Period.
That's one reason that Brock bothers him so much. Gosunkugi can put
together that something is wrong with Kuno without his powers. The way
you've made him it would be easy to figure that out. Ranma and Akane both
did, why not him? He's delt with Kuno before, and seems to be pretty
aware of what's going on in Furinkan.
Four: Kuno was in no way involved with Mousse kidnapping Akane.
There's no real reason for him to know anythijng about it, much less have
memories of it.
I suggest a complete rewrite of the past three chapters. Why you
might ask?
Because Ryoga is the perfect host for the Venom Symbiote. He's
gone often enought that he could fill the roll easily, he can just show
up when he's needed and vanish just as easily and nobody would suspect.
His character is much more in tune with the roll. [Please don't make him
Kraven!]
He'd see himself as a hero easily despite the things he does.
Especially freeing Akane from Ranma. Another important reason is his size
fits. He's muscular already, he's really strong, and his depressed
attitude would make him a much more capable and willing recipient of the
symbiote than Kuno. He'd just look the roll better really, Kuno's too
tall and too thin. Plus Ryoga has the right background to fill the role
without killing Venom off, [You'll proably have to the way you have it
now.] The wandering over violent dark hero who hates Spiderman [and
Ranma.] It would be easy enough for Ryoga to get angry with Gosunkugi.
His own feelings for the girl, plus taking pictures of her in secret.
I suggest you keep Kuno in the role he has now, just much later
on as Carnage. He's perfect for it. Crazy, and easily manipulated by the
evil and much more controling Symbiote that appears later. Carnage's
symbiote would think nothing fo dumping Cassady if the need arose, but
Venom's Symbiote is much more loyal than that. Just have the Venom
symbiote spawn at a fight in Furinkan. That would be pretty easy to do.
I can see that you're probably planning on making Carnage
Kodachi. That's cool too, but Kuno would be better as she's mostly a
running gag more than anything else. She's crazy and maybe psycotic
enough to do it though. She's also a little smarter than Tatewaki, but
that could work against the Symbiote more than anything else.
Keep it up, it's really good despite the rushed appearance of the
last three chapters. I hope to see more of this soon!
Ja!
Carrot Glace