Subject: [FFML] Re: [fanfic][Ranma] The Contract - Chapter 2
From: "Miller, Bert" <bert.miller@unisys.com>
Date: 11/13/2000, 11:57 AM
To: "'Nidoking'" <Matthew.P.Katinas@rose-hulman.edu>, ffml@fanfic.com

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Belated feedback, but I'm only getting around to reading

this now.



Fairly interesting set-up to this point.  The writing is

technically good.



    Ranma accepted that. "So, what are you planning to do about this

contract thing?"

    "Contracts can be difficult matters, particularly blood contracts.

If there is a way to break the contract, it certainly won't be easy to

do. And there's no way we'll find it unless we can get hold of that

contract ourselves."



The first thing that struck me at this point is how unusually

IC Cologne is, something I like.  The second, however, is

that Ranma is at the Nekohanten asking advice of Cologne

without Akane, something which seldom happens in canon (and I

believe the only exceptions are directly related to Jusenkyo,

where she couldn't be present without risk to Ryouga's secret).

In part 1, it is IC for Akane to express some concern about

Shampoo, IMO, but OOC for Akane not to drop everything and

accompany Ranma.  For that matter, it strikes me as OOC for

Ranma not to implicitly expect Akane to come with him, and

perhaps to be surprised that she doesn't meet him at the

Nekohanten.



His voice, however, was oddly calming. "Ukyo Kuonji, I have a 

proposition for you."

    "What sort of proposition?" she asked, keeping her guard up.

    "I am a peddler of the heart's most intimate desire," replied the

man. "A lifetime partner."

<clip>

    The man reached into a fold of his robe and drew out a sheet of

paper. "I shall pay for my meal with this."



Nice plot complication.  





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