I apologize for this reply taking so long. I always try to reply ASAP and
I've been kinda busy. Thanks for reading and responding.
In a message dated 11/9/00 12:38:50 AM, rgorman@telusplanet.net writes:
> Nabiki could hear her sister's voice in her head clear as if the dead
> girl where in the room with her once again.
were
Right...
>
> staying here so long and you deserve to get somethin' in return... It's
the
> best I can really do. I hope it helps you feel better."
How that is supposed to help escapes me.
Hmm, I thought it made sense when I wrote it... I still think it does. But
maybe I should rewrite this part a bit...
>
> She was stopped by a punch in the jaw the seemed physically painless
but
that seemed
Right...
>
> *She must be having a night mare. I better wake her up.*
nightmare
Really? Okay. Er, yeah that is right...
>
>
> "I love you." Her eyes drilled through him with expectancy.
Oi! Who gave Nabiki the personality transplant?
::Gets really bad feeling...::
It's not that I can't buy the idea of Nabiki falling in love with Ranma (
although
two short chapters into the story seems a trifle abrupt), but confessing
she
loves
him without having any idea how Ranma feels about her? Has she no sense
of
self-protection or understanding of how Ranma's psychology works? Has she
no pride?
Oohhh... Damn, damn, damn, damn... ::Cringes::
Has she been taking stupid pills? It is hard for me to imagine how you
can
get from
this point to one where they believably live (more or less) happily ever
after because
Nabiki just handed all the power in their relationship to Ranma. She's
made
herself
look pathetic, and that will inspire pity, not love.
And this part (and more then likely the entire series... again...) will
obviously need a large rewrite... ::Hangs head:: Gah... Thank you extremely
much for tearing this apart. I can see now it really needed it.