On the advice of several readers, I will be editing/rewriting parts of
chapter 4. However, the edits will not change the major events of the
story. I'll post the link to the revisions once I've finished them. This
chapter has also been slightly edited from the version that was posted
on my webpage.
Ranma 1/2 -- The Contract
Chapter 5: Ryoga vs. Kuno! The Fight For Akane's Future
Genma drew a Chance Card. "Go to Boardwalk? That's a great card!"
"You say that now," said Soun as Genma advanced his piece around the
board. "But I happen to own Boardwalk. Now, let's see what the rent
is..."
"How can you own Boardwalk already?" asked Genma. "We haven't even
moved around the board once!"
"Are you trying to get out of paying?" asked Soun.
Genma sighed. "Of course not, Tendo. So, how much is it?"
Soun examined the deed. "With the hotel, that comes to ten thousand
dollars."
"How can you have a hotel on Boardwalk without even one house on
Park Place? It's in the rules! Section 4, in fact."
"Really?" asked Soun, picking up the box top to read the rules.
Genma quickly grabbed a handful of money from the bank. "So it does.
Then I'll only charge you half price. Twenty thousand dollars."
"That's more like it," said Genma, forking over the required sum.
Suddenly, the front door opened and Akane stormed into the house.
"If he thinks he's going to marry Ukyo, he'd better think again!"
"M-marry Ukyo?" stuttered Soun. Genma furtively slid most of Soun's
fortune onto his own side of the board. The money fell from Soun's hands
and fluttered slowly onto the table. "Saotome... suddenly, I don't feel
much like playing this game any more."
Genma nodded. "You're right. Maybe we'd better find out what she's
talking about."
Akane flew past them in a huff and disappeared into the kitchen.
"I'll show him! I CAN cook well enough to get a contract!" Within
seconds, various crashes and explosions signaled that the youngest Tendo
was already hard at work on yet another recipe.
"Exactly what I said," amended Genma. "We should get out of the
house immediately." They quickly dumped the game board back into the box
and ran for the front door.
*************************************************
"You okay now, Ucchan?" asked Ranma as he helped the chef to her
feet.
"Yeah... my nose still feels a bit funny, but I've survived worse."
She hefted her spatula and opened the kitchen door. She immediately
ducked as a bonbori sailed through the space where her head had been and
embedded itself in the opposite wall.
"Ukyo, get down!" shouted Ranma, throwing Ukyo aside and standing in
the doorframe. Shampoo's other bonbori stopped less than an inch from
his face. Ranma exhaled sharply, aware of a dull pain all down his left
side. Ukyo must have hit the floor harder than he'd intended.
"Airen, what you doing?" asked Shampoo. "Get out of way! Shampoo
kill chef-girl! She signed Ranma contract!"
"I can't let you do that, Shampoo," said Ranma. "It's as much your
fault as it is hers. If you hadn't tried to get me to sign your
contract, none of us would be in this mess."
"She interfere with plan to fix mess!" argued Shampoo. "One what
interferes must die!"
"It was her contract in the first place," Ranma pointed out.
"Why you care so much about her?" asked Shampoo. "Is you really want
marry her?"
"No! But that doesn't mean I want her dead!"
"What you want not..." She trailed off, realizing what she had been
about to say.
Ranma, however, was able to complete her thought. "Not important? Is
that was you were going to say? What I want doesn't matter to you, does
it? This is all about you!"
"No! That not true!" protested Shampoo.
"Then leave us alone," said Ranma coldly. "And don't attack Ukyo
again, or I'll do a lot more than just stand in your way. Understand?"
Shampoo edged her way into the kitchen and across the room to
retrieve her bonbori. "Ranma, -"
"I don't want to hear it right now, Shampoo," interrupted Ranma.
"Just get out of here." Shampoo quickly ducked out the back door.
"I can take care of myself, Ranchan," said Ukyo.
"You shouldn't have to," replied Ranma. "She has no right
interfering in our lives."
"You were still pretty cold, Ranma honey. You should apologize to
her before she does something she'll regret."
"First Akane, now Shampoo... I'm not in the mood for apologizing
now," snapped Ranma. "I've got more important things to worry about
right now."
Ukyo nodded. "Right. We've got to find someone else who can get us a
couple of contracts. We've got two matches to break up now."
"Really? I thought you'd be happy if we couldn't break our
agreement. You've finally got me all to yourself."
Ukyo's gaze fell to the floor. "True... but if it's what I want...
why do I feel so bad about it? I've had this sick feeling in the pit of
my stomach ever since I signed the damn thing."
Ranma's forehead creased. "You don't suppose that has anything to do
with -"
"No," she interrupted him, shaking her head. "It's not because of
the contract. It's just the thought that I've screwed up not only your
life, but Shampoo's and Razor's as well. All because I couldn't trust -"
"We've been through this before," said Ranma. "Worrying about what's
happened can't change it. What we need to do is find a way to set things
right."
Ukyo nodded again. "So, what's our plan?"
"Akane's trying to attract the guy's attention and buy a contract of
her own."
"Akane? Are you serious?" asked Ukyo. "I hope that guy's got an iron
stomach."
"I hope he's got a lot of contracts," added Ranma. "We're probably
boosting his business, but if he decides to close up shop..."
"Don't even say that!" shouted Ukyo. "We're going to get that
contract and use it, right?"
"Right," said Ranma definitively. "I'll go see how Akane's doing.
You hang out here. Your work isn't going to do itself."
"Thanks," said Ukyo with a smile. "And good luck with the contract."
Ranma turned to the door. "Although..."
"Although what?" asked Ranma.
"If we don't manage to break the contract, and we end up having to
get married... would you ever be able to forgive me?"
"What do you mean?"
Ukyo bowed her head to hide from her fiance the tears that were once
again forming in her eyes. "I wouldn't be able to be happy married to
you... unless you were happy."
"Ucchan, it's not going to happen! Just have faith!"
"OK, Ranchan. Go sign that contract!" Ukyo blew Ranma a kiss once
his back was turned and then returned to preparing for the lunch crowd,
fervently believing that everything would work out. After all, Ranma
honey was on the job. And Ranma Saotome never left a job unfinished.
*************************************************
Akane put the pan into the oven and beamed with pride. Her brownies
were going to be the best ever! She'd followed the recipe to the letter
this time; nobody could complain about THAT. She'd even had the
ingenuity to juice some carrots and celery when she couldn't find the
vegetable oil - although judging by the cuts on her hands, she still had
to learn to use the juicer properly. And this time, she hadn't made the
mistake of using baking soda instead of baking powder... she'd mixed it
with sugar to "powder" it properly. And she'd crushed the eggshells so
finely that they couldn't possibly be as crunchy as the last time. The
corn flour would make them taste SO much better than ordinary, bland
flour... and the same could be said for using sweet chocolate instead of
that bitter stuff. And instead of buttering just the pan, she'd poured
the butter right into the batter... why make the pan non-sticky when you
could just bake non-sticky brownies?
Before long, black smoke began to pour out of the oven, and a strong
burning smell filled the entire house. Akane threw the oven open and
yanked the pan out before the brownies could be damaged, coughing out
lungfuls of the smoke all the while. "What went wrong?" she asked. She
quickly grabbed the fire extinguisher that Kasumi helpfully kept near
the kitchen in case of culinary inspiration on Akane's part and sprayed
its contents liberally into the oven. Opening the window and fanning the
smoke out of the room made the air breathable again within a few
minutes.
"Brownies," said a deep voice behind her. "Did you bake them
yourself?"
"Ranma, they're not for you," began Akane as she turned around, only
to find herself staring at - for lack of a more fitting preposition - a
colorless yet very much opaque cloak, wrapped concealingly around a
figure that could only be assumed to exist, since it was invisible
within the still-flapping folds of whatever material could possibly have
been used to construct the garment. She was aware that there was
SOMETHING in front of her, but her eyes refused to focus on it. "Are
you..."
"I sell happiness for a small price," replied the man. "I take it
that you are familiar with my services?"
"Yes! I need one of those marriage contracts!"
"Then here you are," said the man, handing her the paper. "Enjoy."
The cape floated easily out the open window and into the Nerima sky.
"Wait!" shouted Akane, running to the window. "You forgot the
brownies!" She grabbed the pan without looking, marveling at how light
the pan was given its contents... She looked down at the pan and gasped.
It was completely empty, and as clean as it had been before she had
started cooking. "Maybe he didn't forget them after all..."
She sighed and turned her attention to the contract. Surprisingly,
her signature already adorned the paper. "How did that get there?" she
asked. "I didn't..." She glanced at the cuts that her hands had received
from the juicer. "Well, gee. I guess it doesn't matter whether or not
you WANT to sign the contract... it's the blood that counts." Akane took
off her apron and hung it next to the door. "That doesn't matter now..."
she said. "I have to get Ranma's signature so he can break his
engagement to Ukyo!" She ran through the house and out the front door,
nearly plowing right over her uninvited guest in her haste to get to
Ranma.
"Ah, the fair damsel detected my presence and flung herself directly
into my arms, unable to restrain herself until I had reached the door!
Wait no longer, my beloved! I, Tatewaki Kuno, am here for you!"
Akane pounded Kuno on the head. "I don't have time to mess with you
right now! I have to get to Ranma!" She started for the gate, but
stopped in her tracks as she realized that she was no longer holding the
contract.
Kuno got to his feet quickly and brushed himself off. "Could this
paper be the cause of your timeliness, dear Akane? What could possibly
provoke one such as yourself to these extremes of expression?" He
glanced at the paper and quickly ascertained its purpose. "A marriage
contract? And already signed with the blood of my beloved! I cannot
refuse!" He drew his bokken and pressed the sharp edge to his skin,
stopping just short of drawing blood. "But what of the pigtailed girl?
How she will pine, when she discovers that I have signed my life's blood
to marriage with Akane! And yet Akane has asked, and it would torture
her heart so to decline thus!"
"I didn't ask you!" shouted Akane, reaching for the paper. Kuno held
it just out of her reach.
"Fear not, Akane, for I have not yet decided against your offer. Ah,
but what decision is most right to make? To bleed or not to bleed; that,
truly, is the question..."
"Kuno!" shouted Ryoga from the doorway, wiping warm water from his
brow. "Give Akane that paper!"
"Ryoga!" cried Akane gratefully. "When did you get here?"
"Soon enough to find out what that paper's for," replied the lost
boy. "Kuno, I can't let you sign that contract." He grabbed his belt in
one hand and snapped his wrist, turning the belt into a blade. "Now,
give it back to Akane!"
"Never!" replied Kuno. "When sweet Akane is the prize, my heart
shall guide me to victory!" He charged at Ryoga, who parried the bokken
thrust and stabbed his finger into the ground. The rock beneath Kuno's
feet exploded, and Ryoga leapt clear of the blast.
"That should take care of him," said Ryoga, too soon. Kuno charged
out of the dust cloud and slashed at Ryoga, who was a split second late
in dodging. The bokken cut a nasty slash across Ryoga's cheek. "He
really is more determined," worried Ryoga to himself. "But I just let
down my guard. I won't make the same mistake again."
"Touche!" said Kuno. "If this is how poorly you fight, my victory is
yet more firmly assured."
"Not a chance," retorted Ryoga. He struck back at Kuno, forcing the
kendoist on the defensive. Ryoga wasn't quite as skilled with the sword
as Kuno was; but he was no slouch, and he was more than capable of using
his entire body as a weapon. He rammed Kuno with his stone-hard head,
then slashed him on the upper arm as he fell backwards from the impact,
winded.
Kuno staggered back to his feet and pressed the attack again, using
his superior kendo skills to his advantage as best he could. Ryoga
fought as hard as he could, but couldn't go all out for fear of damaging
the contract. He couldn't understand why exactly it meant so much to
Akane, but he did know that if Kuno managed to sign it, then Akane would
be forced to marry him... a fate that only Kuno would be pleased with!
Still, he was fighting a losing sword battle, and Kuno's ability to
avoid Ryoga's hand-to-hand attacks was enough to prevent Ryoga from
getting in more than a few good hits of his own. However, Ryoga could
safely make full use of his dodging skills, keeping Kuno's successful
attacks to a minimum.
As the two continued to fight, sweat mixed with the ever-increasing
blood flow until both of their faces were barely visible through the
red, sticky coating. Akane circled them, trying to find some way to help
Ryoga, but the combat was too fast and too close for her to interfere.
She'd be as likely to hurt Ryoga as help him if she tried to take out
Kuno, and Ryoga wouldn't appreciate the interference no matter how it
turned out. Still, it was her life at stake...
Before Akane could decide whether or not to risk it, Ryoga pulled a
bandana off of his head and hung it on the end of his belt. "It's time
to finish this, Kuno," he said, beginning to twirl the bandana. "Senbuta
Gufuukiru!" Kuno paused to see what Ryoga would do - a mistake, since
before he had another chance to react, he was surrounded by hundreds of
identical copies of Ryoga. He struck out randomly... and the real Ryoga
was behind him. Kuno spun around, only to find Ryoga to his side now.
Ryoga punched Kuno once before restoring the illusion, then began to
strike from all directions at once.
Kuno retaliated, swinging his bokken in a circle to slash all of the
images at the same time. Ryoga fell back, the spell broken, allowing
Kuno to gain the advantage. Ryoga was forced once again to dodge until
he could find an opening, and this time Kuno would be prepared for the
Senbuta Gufuukiru. It was all down to pure fighting skill now, a fight
that Ryoga would win under most circumstances... but not while he had to
protect that contract! Kuno seemed to be using it as a shield, forcing
Ryoga to pull his punches.
The gate opened to admit Ranma, who froze as his eyes fell on the
ensuing combat. He slid sideways to stand next to Nabiki without taking
his eyes off of the fight. "What's going on?" he asked.
"I haven't been here long myself," replied Nabiki. "Looks to me like
Akane got her contract, then Kuno got it, and now Ryoga's trying to get
it."
Ranma scratched his head. "I don't get it."
"Let me put it this way," said Nabiki. "What do you think will
happen if Kuno baby ends up with the contract?"
"She already signed it? That idiot!" Ranma launched himself into the
fight. In a single smooth motion, he kicked the bokken and the contract
out of Kuno's hands. The bokken spun end over end before embedding
itself in the ground next to Kuno, while the contract made use of the
yard's natural convection currents as it fluttered past each person in
turn, barely eluding their grasp.
It was Ryoga who finally managed to grab the contract as it floated
by. "I got it!" he shouted triumphantly.
"Great!" shouted Akane. "Quick, give it to me!" Akane reached for
the contract, but before she could get to it, a hand appeared from
nowhere and snatched it right out of Ryoga's hand. Both the hand and the
contract vanished instantly, giving Akane barely enough time to see a
second red mark above her own signature. "No! Somebody signed it!"
"How could they?" asked Ranma. "They were only just fighting over
it."
"And they both got pretty badly cut in the process," Akane pointed
out. "All it took was one drop of blood, and the contract was signed."
"But which one of them signed it?" asked Nabiki. "Did you see the
signature?"
Akane shook her head. "No... it could have been either one of them."
"So how are we supposed to figure out which one of them it was?"
asked Ranma.
"Seems to me that there's only one way," said Nabiki, her voice
dripping with implication.
Akane's eyes darted back and forth between Kuno and Ryoga. "No! No
way! I am NOT going to kiss them!"
*************************************************
Kodachi slid the baking pan lovingly into the oven. "Ranma darling
always did so love my cookies," she said. "He couldn't eat enough of
them when I showed him those pictures of us in the grip of passion and
offered to let Akane have a look." She sighed happily. "Ranma... this
gift will show you my true and undying love for you!" She cackled,
causing the man in the concealing cloak to cringe as he watched her.
"What an annoying girl," he said to himself. "I feel sorry for
whoever ends up married to her."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" where we make things up as we go
along, whether they make sense or badger.
JOHNNY BRAVO: *sigh* The only woman I ever really loved... and she's
gone. I wonder if I'll ever get over - Hey! Nuggets!
JACKIE CHAN: Oh, sorry. I broke your spy camera! (pause) SPY CAMERA?!
My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp