RANMA 1/2 -- The Contract
Chapter 4: This Really Does Hurt Me More Than It Hurts You!
Soun slowly sipped his tea. "It's so refreshing, isn't it, Saotome?"
"Yes, the flavor of this tea is especially strong, due to the -"
"No, I meant how quiet it is without Ranma and Akane fighting each
other."
Genma nodded. "I quite agree. It's been a peaceful day so far."
"Aren't you two worried at all?" asked Akane.
"Hmmm..." Genma scratched his chin. "You're right. The boy could
come back at any time and destroy the perfect mood. We'd better enjoy it
while it lasts!" He reached under the table and pulled out a large box.
"Who's up for a nice quiet game of Monopoly?"
Akane slammed her chopsticks onto the table. "That's not what I
meant! He and Nabiki have been gone for a long time! Aren't you worried
that something might have happened to them?"
"Nabiki's in very good hands with Ranma," said Genma. "Nothing could
happen to them."
"Can I be the pot of money?" asked Soun.
"No! The pot of money's mine!" shouted Genma, lifting the box away
from Soun.
"Please, be reasonable!" urged Soun.
"You're not listening to me! Ranma could be in real trouble! Aren't
you two going to do anything but sit and play games?"
"We're not playing anything until Saotome gives ME the pot of
money!"
"Fine! I'm taking the car then!"
Soun scowled. "Actually, you're right. The car is better. You can
have the pot of money."
"I gave you the pot of money, so I get to have the car!"
"SHUT UP!" shouted Akane, kicking the table, which took the game
box, the food, and both fathers with it on its path into the koi pond.
"I'm going to Ucchan's to find out what's happened to Ranma!" She
stormed out of the house.
Soun sat up and spat out a mouthful of water. "He went to Ucchan's?
And spent the whole morning there?" He pounded his fists on the table,
and his head grew to monstrous proportions. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS
MEANS, SAOTOME?!!"
Genma, unfazed, nodded and held up a sign. "MORE FOOD FOR US."
Soun's head returned to normal. "Well, that's true. Perhaps there
are still some noodles in the kitchen!" Genma leapt out of the pond and
ran into the house. Soun paused to grab the car, the pot of money, and
the iron from the Monopoly box before following him.
*************************************************
"Ukyo?" called Ranma as he made his way into Ucchan's. The chef was
upon him in an instant, squeezing him for all she was worth and
apologizing profusely. "Hey, calm down! It's okay!"
"Really?" asked Ukyo, tears just beginning to stain her pretty face.
"Yeah, I understand why you would swap a worthless paper for the
contract."
"It's not worthless," Ukyo fumed. "It's my family's secret recipe! I
didn't want to use it, but I couldn't find any other papers quickly
enough."
"I didn't mean it like that," said Ranma. "I meant that you kept the
contract so that Shampoo couldn't use it to force me to marry her. But
Shampoo wouldn't do that, even if she could. She gave her word, and I
trust her to keep it."
"I know," said Ukyo, nodding slowly. "But I panicked. I just thought
about all the sneaky, underhanded things she's done to try to win your
love unfairly... and I couldn't give you the tool that would let her do
it once and for all. I just couldn't!"
"She would never break her word," Ranma reasserted. "Her honor means
too much to her, even more than any blood contract. After all, it's
because of that honor that she's supposed to be marrying me in the first
place!"
"Ranma!" shouted Shampoo from behind him, interrupting his defense
of her. He whirled to see both Shampoo and Nabiki standing just inside
the doorway. "Is you think the only reason Shampoo want marry you
because of honor?"
"That's not what I said!" protested Ranma.
"Shampoo need remind Ranma why she want marry him? Is love!" Ranma
quickly shook his head. "Oh, sometime you make Shampoo so angry!"
Shampoo grabbed the sides of Ranma's head and pressed her lips against
his. As she shifted to her cursed form, Shampoo's claws dug into Ranma's
chest hard enough to draw blood. Ranma screamed and threw Shampoo out
the door.
"What did she go and do that for?" he asked.
Nabiki examined the holes in Ranma's shirt. "She seemed a little
upset. Maybe it was the implication that you don't think she really
loves you."
"I never said that!" shouted Ranma. "Why else would I be trying to
help her get out of that crazy marriage to Razor? Speaking of which..."
He turned back to Ukyo, whose cheeks were beginning to puff up from her
tears. "Where is the contract?"
"It's... gone," she sobbed.
"Gone?" echoed Ranma. "What the heck did you do with it?"
"I thought it was for your own good..."
"Look, I'm tired of people doing things for my own good! Pop, Mr.
Tendo, the old ghoul... they all want me to do what THEY want! What
about what I want? Doesn't that mean anything to them?"
"Ranma, just think about it," said Nabiki. "The girl really likes
you and doesn't want to see you forced to marry the Amazon bimbo. So she
destroyed the contract that had your signature on it to prevent you from
using it."
Ranma sighed. "Well, we can always try to find another one. The
contract didn't say WHEN the people who signed it have to get married,
did it?"
"Not that I can remember," said Nabiki. "Although I do seem to
remember some kind of stipulation about the conditions getting worse as
time goes on. Like, right now, they can't kiss anyone without reverting
to their Jusenkyo cursed forms. In another week, they probably won't be
able to touch anyone else. After that, who knows?"
"Ranchan..."
"It's all right," Ranma assured Ukyo. "I told you, it's no big deal.
If you destroyed the contract, we'll just get another one. And this
time, we'll get someone like Mousse to sign it. That way, there'll be no
chance of -"
"I didn't destroy the contract!" Ukyo finally forced out.
"What? Then, where is it?" asked Ranma excitedly.
"I... I..."
"Spit it out already!" shouted Ranma impatiently. "Where is it?"
"I... I... I CAN'T SAY IT!" Unable to hold back her tears, she ran
into the kitchen and slammed the door behind her.
Ranma started after her, but Nabiki grabbed his shoulder and held
him back. "Hey, what's the big deal?"
Nabiki scowled and prodded Ranma's chest. "Didn't you say that last
time Shampoo kissed you, you turned into a girl?"
"Yeah, what's your point?" asked Ranma. His hands went to his chest.
"Hey, I'm still a guy! How did that happen?"
"You were a girl when she kissed you, but you turned back right
after you threw Shampoo out the door... speaking of which, what happened
to her? And where'd Razor run off to?"
"I have more important things to worry about right now than those
Amazons," said Ranma. "Shampoo always turned back right after she kissed
someone, but whoever she kissed didn't turn back. Now I've turned
back... Oh no." He grabbed Nabiki and pressed his lips firmly to hers.
Ranma had to stand on tiptoes to continue the kiss as his body shrank
into its female form. A powerful blow to Ranma's head broke the kiss,
and he collapsed to the floor, male once again.
"Ranma, how dare you!" shouted Akane. "And here I was worried about
you because you missed lunch! Then I find you kissing my sister, of all
people! Where will you stop?" Akane paused, thoughtfully. "Weren't you a
girl just a couple seconds ago?"
"I think I figured it out," said Ranma, rubbing his head. "Ukyo
signed the contract."
"Wouldn't it have been easier to just ASK Ukyo whether or not she'd
signed it?" asked Nabiki, who was still panting heavily from the shock.
"What are you talking about?" asked Akane. "You were just supposed
to get a copy of the contract so you could figure out how to break it!"
"We figured that out," explained Ranma. "We had to get someone else
to sign it, along with one of the people who signed the original
contract. Then whoever signed both of them can break both agreements and
everyone's off scot-free. I signed the extra contract, but Ukyo didn't
trust Shampoo, so she stole the contract and signed it herself."
"Which means," Nabiki pointed out, "that you now have to marry
Ukyo."
Ranma couldn't find words until Akane smacked him in the face.
"What's the idea of signing a contract with Ukyo? In case you've
forgotten, you're engaged to ME!"
"Hey, chill out, Akane!" said Nabiki. "It's really not his fault
this time. He wanted to use the contract to release Shampoo from her
contract, but Ukyo interfered."
"She's gone too far this time!" shouted Akane. "I'll kill her
myself! Let's see Ranma marry her then!"
"Akane, don't!" warned Ranma. "Ukyo was just doing it to protect me.
I have to admit, if I were Shampoo, I'd have been tempted to break my
word. And if she did that, I'd have to marry Shampoo..."
"You don't seem to be very upset about having to marry Ukyo," Akane
pointed out. "In fact, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you wanted
her to sign that contract!"
Ranma stopped short. "I didn't think about it, really... I was so
angry at her for not letting me use the contract, I completely
overlooked the fact that I would have to marry her until Nabiki
mentioned it just now... and then you started yelling at me..." He
laughed. "I guess I didn't have time to be upset about it until the
shock was out of my system."
"And what about now?" asked Nabiki.
Ranma shrugged. "What's to be upset about? Like I said, it's
happened, and there's nothing I can do about it now. I'm just going to
have to deal with it."
"Don't you dare accept it!" shouted Akane. "We're going to get you
out of that contract, do you hear me?"
"How?" asked Nabiki. "Ukyo and Shampoo are both out of the running,
and there aren't any more chefs in the city."
"Oh yeah? What do you think I am, chopped liver?"
"That's about all you could possibly ever cook," mumbled Ranma.
"Forget it! I don't know why I ever considered helping you in the
first place!" Akane stormed out of the building.
"Are you sure you want to make her angry, Ranma?" asked Nabiki. "If
she does get a contract, you're going to have to be at least moderately
civil if you want to get your hands on it."
Ranma sighed. "You're right. I should probably go and apologize to
her."
Nabiki shook her head. "She needs some time alone. There's someone
else you need to talk to first."
"Who - oh, right. Ukyo."
"She needs your support, Ranma. Show her you're not angry at her.
I'll soften Akane up for you."
"Good luck," said Ranma as he made his way back to the kitchen. He
pushed the door open slowly, pausing as he heard the heavy sobs coming
from within. He crept over to the corner where Ukyo was sitting with her
hands over her face and sat down next to her.
"Go away, Ranch- Ranma."
"Don't cry, Ukyo. I'm not mad at you."
"You have every right to be," she replied. "I just screwed up your
life with one drop of blood I didn't have any right to shed."
"It'll be okay," he assured her. "We'll get through this. Akane's
working on getting another contract as we speak."
"If it weren't for me, this would all be over by now," she insisted.
"It's all my fault."
"But you're not the one who signed the first contract," Ranma
reminded her. "Neither Shampoo nor Razor had to sign theirs. And I
didn't have to try to help them. It was wrong for me to get you mixed up
in all of this. If anything, I brought this on myself."
"You're just saying that to make me feel better."
"If I am..." Ranma put his arm around Ukyo's shoulders. "It's
because you look so much cuter when you're not crying." He carefully
wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs and even went so far as
to lean his head lightly against hers. "See? You're the cutest little
chef I know when you smile."
"Oh, Ranchan, don't!" cried Ukyo, grabbing her spatula and absently
swinging it at Ranma's face. Ranma closed his eyes and awaited the
impact... but a cry of pain from Ukyo gave him a start. He opened his
eyes to see Ukyo holding a hand to her bleeding nose. "Whad habbeded?"
she asked.
"I was about to ask you the same question!" Ranma grabbed a
dishtowel and handed it to Ukyo, who held it to her nose before
realizing what it was.
"Radchad, thad was by good dishdowel! Dow I'll habe do ged a
reblacebedt!"
"Shucks, Ukyo, how much can those things cost? What I want to know
is, what happened to your nose?"
"I dod't kdow! I jusd god a bid excited, lige I always do whed you
say dice thiggs aboud be, add I hid you id the face with by sbadula, bud
idstead of hurtigg you, by owd dose god sbashed id!"
"That doesn't make any sense! Why would you get hurt for hitting
me?"
"The goddragd," said Ukyo.
Ranma pulled the dishtowel away from Ukyo and examined her nose. "I
saw Doctor Tofu do this a few times on me... hold still." He lightly
pressed on the side of Ukyo's nose a few times, then grabbed it and
twisted it hard. His nose suddenly twisted painfully sideways, causing
him to sneeze.
"You jerk! What was that for?" asked Ukyo, grabbing her nose. "Hey!
I can talk!"
"Yeah... but for some reason, I felt the pain instead of you."
"That's the same thing that happened to me! I think it's because of
the contract."
"The contract? But... that only affects kissing -" Ranma trailed off
as he remembered Nabiki's words. She'd mentioned the effects becoming
worse over time... but he and Ukyo had only just signed the contract!
Then again... had Shampoo or Razor tried to hurt each other? Maybe the
triggering of the Jusenkyo curses through kissing wasn't the only effect
of the contracts! Which raised an interesting issue... "Say Ucchan, what
happens when you try to kiss somebody other than me? You don't have a
Jusenkyo curse!"
"I don't really want to find out!" said Ukyo. "I don't want to kiss
anyone other than you!" As soon as her brain had caught up with her
mouth, she immediately blushed and turned away from Ranma, covering her
face with her hands.
"I know what you meant," said Ranma. "Still, we can't kiss anyone
else, and we can't hurt each other... I wonder what else is going to
happen to us." As he said it, he knew that his words were far more than
idle speculation. Somehow, he had a feeling that even if Akane's attempt
to get a contract was successful, this incident was far from over... and
its effects would last long after the last engagement was invalidated
and the last contract was torn to shreds.
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Welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" where we make things up as we go
along, whether they make sense or badger.
JOHNNY BRAVO: *sigh* The only woman I ever really loved... and she's
gone. I wonder if I'll ever get over - Hey! Nuggets!
JACKIE CHAN: Oh, sorry. I broke your spy camera! (pause) SPY CAMERA?!
My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp