Thanks for the positive comments, Gary! Rest assured, the search for a
way to break the contract between Shampoo and Razor begins now. Readers
of my previous stories please note that I have finally corrected the
spelling of Ukyo's name, including a massive search-and-replace effort
spanning my entire webpage.
RANMA 1/2 -- The Contract
Chapter 2: It's Just One Plan After Another!
Ranma walked into the Cat Cafe as the sun was beginning to set.
Mousse motioned him to an empty seat at his own table. Ranma hesitantly
took it. "What do you want?" he asked.
"You must be hungry," said Mousse. "You should order something to
eat."
"No thanks."
Mousse shrugged. "Suit yourself. You won't find Shampoo here. She
never came back."
"Believe me, this is the last place I looked. You don't have any
idea where she is, do you?"
Mousse shook his head. "She's hiding somewhere. Razor told us that
much. She'll come back once she gets over her shock about this
engagement."
"You don't seem to be very upset about it," said Ranma.
"That's because I plan to do something about it," replied Mousse.
"What are you going to do?"
"Shampoo can't marry Razor if he's dead," said Mousse, brandishing a
knife. He clapped a hand over Ranma's mouth as he tried to protest.
"Don't say a word about this! I didn't tell you my plan so you could
blab it to anyone else!"
Ranma pulled Mousse's hand away from his face. "Then why did you
tell me?"
"You don't think I can pull this off alone, do you?"
Ranma stood up, knocking his chair over. "I'm not going to help you
kill Razor!"
"Keep it down," hissed Mousse. "Great-grandmother doesn't want
Shampoo to marry Razor any more than I do, but she'd never let me kill
him if she found out about my plan."
"I don't blame her," said Ranma. "I may not like the backwards
freak, but I'm not going to help you kill him. If you want him dead,
you're on your own."
"Whose side are you on, anyway?" asked Mousse.
"Hey, he helped us in the past, didn't he?"
"He didn't do a very good job."
"The point is, he's not such a bad guy. He's just backwards. And he
doesn't deserve to die just because he signed a contract by mistake."
"I knew it," fumed Mousse. "You're a traitor!"
Ranma shrugged. "What are you going to do, kill me too?"
"If I have to," said Mousse ominously. He raised the knife above his
head - and collapsed onto the table, unconscious.
Cologne lowered her staff, its work done. "Nothing is secret from me
within these walls, foolish boy! I know of your plan, and I certainly
don't approve!"
"Can he hear you?" asked Ranma.
"Probably not any better than he can see me," replied Cologne.
Ranma accepted that. "So, what are you planning to do about this
contract thing?"
"Contracts can be difficult matters, particularly blood contracts.
If there is a way to break the contract, it certainly won't be easy to
do. And there's no way we'll find it unless we can get hold of that
contract ourselves."
"How do we get the contract?" asked Ranma.
"I don't know," admitted Cologne. "Whoever supplied the contract
obviously wants it to be enforced, so he won't risk letting anyone get
their hands on it. If the contract is torn, it loses its binding power.
The only solution is to try to get a copy of the contract."
"A copy? How do we get a copy?"
"The same way we got the original, I suppose."
"How did we get the original?" asked Ranma, beginning to tire of
repeatedly rephrasing Cologne's statements in the form of questions.
"Only Shampoo knows," replied Cologne. "We'll have to find her."
Ranma avoided asking the obvious question. "So there's no problem,
right? All we have to do is wait until Shampoo gets back, find out how
she got the contract, get a copy for ourselves, and figure out how to
break the agreement."
"All of which, I'm sure, is easier said than done."
"What are you talking about? Shampoo lives here, right? So she's got
to come back eventually."
"No," said Razor, who had just entered. "Another place for staying
finding did Shampoo. Where me telling not did she."
"Another place to stay?" asked Ranma, more to himself than to
anybody else in the room.
"You sound as if you know where it is," said Cologne.
"There's only one other place in the city that Shampoo's ever
stayed," said Ranma. "Even before the Cat Cafe opened in Tokyo."
"Then there going should you," said Razor. "You needing now
Shampoo."
"Hey, I don't need..." began Ranma. "Oh, right, it's backwards. SHE
needs ME."
"Ranma, Shampoo needs your support now," said Cologne, rephrasing
Razor's thought. "You've got to bring her to her senses, at least enough
to find out where she got that contract. We can't let her lose hope!"
"I know," said Ranma. "There's no telling what she'll do if we can't
cheer her up."
*************************************************
Doctor Tofu tripped over the step and fell to the floor. "Oh, I
heard a crash!" cried the voice from the phone. "Is everything all
right?"
"Oh, everything's fine," he assured his sandal. "I'm really looking
forward to seeing you again."
"Your voice sounds so far away," said a voice from near his foot. "I
hope the connection isn't fading."
"Oh, no! Everything's fine!" he repeated, grabbing the phone and
holding it to his ear, the earpiece facing out into the room. "There's
no need to worry about a thing!"
"Oh, you're so silly," said the voice. "I'll be sure to let you know
when I get back to town."
"Thank you so much, Kasumi!" said Doctor Tofu. "I can't wait!"
"Goodbye, Doctor Tofu," said Kasumi.
"Goodbye, Doctor Tofu," said Doctor Tofu. He hung the phone up on a
picture frame and walked into the wall.
The silhouette of an angel bent down over Doctor Tofu as he lay on
his back. "Aiya! What happen you?" asked the figure.
"Kasumi!" shouted Doctor Tofu, wrapping his arms around Shampoo.
"Aiya!" screamed Shampoo. "Let go of Shampoo!" Doctor Tofu's glasses
cleared, and he let go of Shampoo, falling down again and hitting his
head on the floor. "You just like Mousse when she call you."
"Oh, Kasumi..." sighed Doctor Tofu. "What will I do without you?"
There was a knock at the door. "Betty, could you get that?" called
Doctor Tofu, still delirious.
Shampoo glanced sideways at Doctor Tofu's resident skeleton. "Who
there?"
"Shampoo, is that you?" asked the visitor. "It's Ranma."
"Go away! Shampoo no want talking to you!"
"We don't have to talk if you don't want to. But can I at least come
in?"
Shampoo snorted. "If want. Not Shampoo house."
Ranma opened the door and stepped into the foyer. "I'm just going to
sit down here, and if you feel like talking or just keeping me company,
then you can."
"You going to be alone long time," said Shampoo, heading into the
kitchen.
"That's okay with me," said Ranma.
There was a splash from the kitchen, and Shampoo came running into
the waiting room on all fours. "Meow!" she challenged Ranma.
Ranma leapt onto the back of the sofa. "Shampoo, don't! I just
wanted to help!"
"Meow!" Shampoo hissed, swatting at the air with her claws.
"Shampoo, I'm begging you! Don't make me do it!"
"Meow?" Shampoo sat back and licked her paw.
Ranma edged away from her as best he could. "I'm not leaving, no
matter what you do!"
Shampoo backed away, seeing that Ranma was serious. He would sooner
lapse into the Cat Fist than leave her alone. She darted back into the
kitchen and upended the teakettle over herself.
Ranma started to scream as the kitchen door opened again, but
stopped when the human Shampoo came out. "If you don't want to talk,
that's fine," he said. "But you can't make me leave."
Shampoo sat beside Ranma without saying a word. "Shampoo ready to
talk now," she said once she had settled herself comfortably.
Ranma didn't seem the least bit surprised. "Do you want to start, or
should I?"
Shampoo looked questioningly at Ranma. "You start."
"You're not alone. Cologne, Mousse, Razor, and I are all going to
help figure out how to break this contract."
"Why?" asked Shampoo.
"Why what?"
"Why you help Shampoo? You not want marry Shampoo, right?"
"I don't want to be FORCED to marry anyone," replied Ranma. "And I
don't think it's fair to force anyone to marry against their will."
"But Ranma not love Shampoo."
Ranma quickly changed the subject. "We think there might be a way to
break the contract, if we can get hold of a copy."
Shampoo nodded. "Razor say that. But Shampoo not know how to get
copy."
"Well, how did you get the copy that you and Razor signed?"
Shampoo sighed. "Man in big robe come into Cat Cafe. He say, 'You
give ramen and I give contract that say whoever sign have to marry you.'
I give him Mousse's lunch." She chuckled, but it was a forced chuckle.
"Then he cut Shampoo hand and put Shampoo signature on contract."
"No way! He traded that contract for FOOD?"
"That what I say," agreed Shampoo.
Ranma snorted. "Must have been Pops. I can't think of anyone else
who'd trade marriage for food."
Shampoo slapped Ranma in the face. "You be serious! This important
to Shampoo!"
"Sorry," said Ranma, rubbing his cheek. "I guess we'll just have to
hope he comes back."
"Hope nothing," said Shampoo. "We have to make him come back!"
"Yeah, right," retorted Ranma. "How?"
Shampoo smiled. "Is simple. We make food, man come. If want man come
back... make more food!"
"Only one problem," Ranma pointed out. "You've already signed a
marriage contract. Do you really think he's going to give you another
one?"
Shampoo's face fell. "Oh, you right. We have to get someone else to
make food."
"I hope it'll work," said Ranma. "After all, you've been making
ramen for months. Why would he appear here and now? And what would make
him appear again?"
Shampoo shrugged. "Shampoo not know. Only..."
"Only what?"
"If he just passing through town, selling contracts, he sure to show
up again. If he after Shampoo only..." She didn't bother to finish the
thought.
"Don't worry," Ranma assured her. "I'm not going to rest until I
find a way to break that contract."
"Wo ai ni," said Shampoo, lapsing into her native Chinese in her
emotional state. She threw her arms around Ranma to kiss him, but
stopped just short, remembering what the consequences would be. She
pulled back. "Shampoo go room now," she said, and stood up without
waiting for a reply. Ranma watched her go until she was out of sight
before making his own way out of the building.
"Next!" called Doctor Tofu deliriously.
*************************************************
"Goodbye! Come again!" said Ukyo as her last customers paid their
bill and left Ucchan's. She grabbed a squirt bottle of water and sprayed
some on the grill, scraping it off with a spatula. Her brow creased.
"It's nice to get a break, but this is usually a busy time of night!
Where have all the customers gone?"
As if in answer to her question, a large cloak entered the building.
Ukyo could almost tell, when she squinted very hard, that there was a
person under the cloak. However, she couldn't distinguish any features
at all. In fact, it almost hurt her eyes just to look at him. His voice,
however, was oddly calming. "Ukyo Kuonji, I have a proposition for you."
"What sort of proposition?" she asked, keeping her guard up.
"I am a peddler of the heart's most intimate desire," replied the
man. "A lifetime partner."
"I've got enough problems with fiances, thanks," said Ukyo.
"That's what I've come to help you with," he replied. "I can sweep
all of your troubles away in an instant."
Ukyo squared her hips. "All right. What's your story?"
"Start cooking," ordered the man. "Anything will do. Is there a
house special?"
"Coming right up," replied Ukyo, spreading the batter on the grill.
The man reached into a fold of his robe and drew out a sheet of
paper. "I shall pay for my meal with this."
Ukyo stared at the paper. "The only papers I take as payment are the
little rectangular ones with numbers on them."
"I'm sure that this paper will be the exception," replied the
stranger. "This is a marriage contract."
"A marriage contract? How's that supposed to solve my problems?"
"This is a very special contract," replied the man. "It's signed in
blood, and the two signing parties are bound by the strongest possible
contractual obligation to marry."
"So, if I could get Ranchan to sign this contract..." Ukyo thought
aloud as she added the toppings to the crisping crust of the
okonomiyaki.
"Exactly."
"But signed in blood... I don't like the sound of that."
"There's no need to be squeamish," the man assured her. "All it
takes is a single drop." He reached for her hand, but she pulled it
away.
"I don't want to sign it. Not yet. Let me at least think about it
first."
"Of course," said the man, stepping backwards and letting his robe
billow up around him. The flowing robes swept their way out through the
door as if blown by the wind, unaffected by any body that may have been
contained within.
"Wait!" shouted Ukyo. "Don't you want your -" She looked down at the
empty grill. "I guess he took it when I wasn't looking..." She carefully
rolled up the contract he had left behind and put it into the pocket of
her apron. She turned from the grill, trying to picture the man in her
mind - and found that she couldn't. She couldn't even remember what
color his cloak had been. Had it HAD a color? She didn't think so. But
how could it not have had a color? That was just ridiculous! Still...
Ukyo shivered. As long as she had this contract in her possession,
there was the danger that someone might steal it from her and use it,
which was a good reason to use it herself, as soon as possible. But if
she signed it now, and some creep managed to get hold of it... She
pictured herself marrying Tsubasa and quickly squelched the thought. The
only other alternative was to destroy the paper... and her best chance
at winning Ranma honey's heart. She couldn't bring herself to do that,
surely! There was only one answer. She'd hide the contract, and sleep on
it. There would be plenty of time to decide what to do with it in the
morning.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" where we make things up as we go
along, whether they make sense or badger.
JOHNNY BRAVO: *sigh* The only woman I ever really loved... and she's
gone. I wonder if I'll ever get over - Hey! Nuggets!
JACKIE CHAN: Oh, sorry. I broke your spy camera! (pause) SPY CAMERA?!
My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp