charset="iso-8859-1"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
X-Priority: 3
X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.00.3018.1300
X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.00.3018.1300
X-archive-position: 15640
X-listar-version: Listar v0.128a
Sender: ffml-bounce@fanfic.com
Errors-to: ffml-bounce@fanfic.com
X-original-sender: karaohki@snet.net
Precedence: bulk
X-list: ffml
----- Original Message -----
From: "Gary Kleppe" <kleppe@mediaone.net>
To: <ffml@fanfic.com>
Sent: Sunday, November 05, 2000 9:55 PM
Subject: [FFML] [fanfic][Ranma]Travels, Trainfing and Trials, Chapter 6
For those who are wondering where I've been lately... my ISP's incoming
email server has been down for most of this past week. I pulled this
story from the FTP archives. To anyone who may have sent me mail over
this past week, I apolgize for not responding, and will do so as soon
as I can get my mail.
Notes
Travels, Training and Trials
A Ranma 1/2 fanfic by June "KaraOhki" Geraci
karaohki@snet.net
Kasumi jumped. "I, um, we, it was okay."
"You're supposed to be in love with Tofu! How could you make out with
Ranma!"
"I DID NOT MAKE OUT WITH RANMA!!!"
NABIKI: If you say so.
KASUMI: There was absolutely no making out. No, we went straight to--
NABIKI: I don't want to hear this.
Suure she doesn't
If Ranma thought that being safe from water was going to give him a
better
day, he was mistaken. The boys in his class took every opportunity to
annoy
him. If they weren't throwing things at him when the teachers weren't
looking, they made excuses to get up and walk past him. Every time they
did, Ranma would have a foot stepped on, or would have his belongings
knocked off his desk. He refused to acknowledge the harassment,
concentrating instead on whatever subject was being taught. This had the
effect of infuriating the boys.
Seems like it would be more effective and just about as easy to show
this as a (brief) scene, rather than summarizing it for the reader. I'm
not sure that I buy this kind of characterization of the Furinkan boys,
given what we know of them from the manga -- Hiroshi and Daisuke, for
example, who seem pretty typical. None of them took this kind of
attitude toward Ranma in the manga; why are they doing so here?
I'm writing a different universe, remember?
When Ranma and Akane were about to re-enter the school the same bunch of
boys who were glaring at Ranma in the morning surrounded him, separating
him
>from Akane. Ranma looked rather annoyed. Then he realized Kuno wasn't
among their number, and thanked the Kami for small blessings.
kami (no caps; it's a class of being, not a proper name)
Thank you, will fix
"We don't like what you're up to, Saotome," said their leader.
"What the heck are you talking about?"
The boy poked him in the chest. Ranma glared at him, but didn't
retaliate.
"You know what I mean! First you show up and claim Akane, and now your
friend is after Sayuri! These are OUR girls. Leave them alone!"
HIROSHI: Yeah! The fact that none of them would ever go out with any of
us if we were the last guys on Earth doesn't make them any less ours!
DAISUKE: Keep away from our chicks, Ranma! It's OUR right to ask them
out and get rejected!
BOY: Guys, you aren't helping here.
Laughs
"Well it has been a while." Mrs. Hibiki saw Ranma hesitate, then he
grabbed
her and gave her an affectionate hug. "I'm sorry I never got to say
goodbye. Pop never gave me a chance."
"That doesn't surprise me. From what you told me of the way your father
treated you, I-" Mrs. Hibiki stopped short and put her hand to her lips.
"I have to find Pierre and put him out!" Before Ranma or Ryoga could say
a
word she ran upstairs.
FYI, it was established in the manga (the Yoiko story) that Ryoga's
family (1) has a dog, not a cat, and (2) are away from home lost just as
much as Ryoga himself, if not more. It's your fic, obviously, and your
decision what to change, but it's rather annoying to have a character
pointing out Genma's faults when her own are being ignored. By all
indications, the Hibikis are far worse parents than Genma.
Are they worse because they are absent? If they are absent, that's really
something beyond their control. We don't really see what they're like
because we don't get to meet them. As far as Pierre is concerned, he gets
along very well with the black and white dog...
"They probably wander around in circles 'cause Ryoga can't find her
house!
He's really embarrassed about getting lost all the time, and he's too
proud
to ask directions. They probably wouldn't help anyway. His Mom hardly
ever
Actually, he has no problem asking for directions; he's shown asking for
them many times in the manga. He's simply incapable of following them.
Repeats altaverse line
Ranma ran over to the older boy and looked him over. He bent down and
touched his face then ran back to Akane. "I think you broke his jaw."
"GOOD! Then I don't have to listen to his stupid speeches anymore!"
Ranma had only one word in response. "Hypocrite."
"What?"
"You heard me. How can you give me a hard time for beating on people and
then do this? If there's nothing wrong with what you just did to Kuno,
then
there's nothing wrong with what I did to Shin and Kenji."
"I guess you have a point." Akane would have said more, but a loud groan
>from Kuno distracted both of them.
Urk. Is that all the reaction she has to this? I mean, *nobody* likes
being told this bluntly that they're in the wrong. Even if Akane
begrudgingly accepts that Ranma has a point, I'd still expect a little
resentment.
I'll see what I can do with this.
All of her favorite things were in the bag, including her nightgown,
bathing
suit, and underwear. Nabiki was about to start calling Ranma a sneaky
pervert when she took another look. All of her makeup was in the bag,
packed with great care. So were her favorite earrings, her most
comfortable
slippers, and clothing appropriate for a spa weekend. No man could have
chosen these things. No stranger could have known which things she loved
the most. Most of all, there was no way Ranma could have known how long
Nabiki had wanted to go to Momiji Spa.
"Akane. You were in on this!"
Okay... on the positive side, I'm somewhat happier with the treatment of
Ranma here than in previous chapters. He's showing more of his
personality, and that's good.
Thank you
But on the negative, things are working out too easily between Ranma and
Akane for my tastes. You've tried to throw some obstacles in their way,
but it seems clear that none of them will amount to much.
Since you don't know where I'm going with the story, I won't fault you on
this. There IS a reason for what I am doing.
Even if Nabiki
becomes a significant problem for them, it doesn't seem like the sort of
thing that will require character development on Ranma's or Akane's
part, and this kind of "friends and family get in the way of true love"
is something you've explored a lot in your other fics already.
This isn't a "friends and family get in the way of true love" fic. It might
look like one, but it's not. Wait and see.
I'd
really like to see more inter-personal tensions between R&A and some
indication that while they may be more comfortable with each other than
in canon, there are still important things they need to work out.
There are.
Thanks for taking the time to look this over!