Here it is... the conclusion! After this, I'll be sending my uncompleted
(as of yet) stories, one chapter a day except when I write new chapters
of stories that I've already sent.
POKENET - The Big Egg Scramble part 5
ASH: It was late, and almost time for my favorite wrestling show. But
Brock and I didn�t have time to find a television. We were in the middle
of a difficult hostage situation. I opened the negotiations.
Ash walks up to the desk sergeant.
ASH: I demand the release of Officer Jenny! And you might as well let
Misty out, too!
SERGEANT: The bail has been set at one hundred dollars.
ASH: The kidnappers had made their ransom demand, and the feud became
personal. I have a policy never to pay ransom, mostly because I never
have enough money. So, a more delicate method was needed.
ASH: (in an Austrian accent) I�ll be back.
Ash turns and walks out of the police station. Minutes later, an
engine revs and a car plows into the front of the police station. The
car is smashed, but the wall of the station is undamaged. Armed officers
surround the car and drag Ash and Brock out at gunpoint.
ASH: It worked in that movie �The Terminator.�
BROCK: You�re supposed to aim for the glass door.
ASH: If I did that, I might break something!
The police store Pikachu in a silver Pokeball and take Ash and Brock
into the lockup. They are thrown into the cell with Misty and Jenny.
JENNY: I wondered how long it would take you guys to get thrown in here
with us.
BROCK: Officer Jenny, nothing would ever keep me away from you!
MISTY: I wish I still had my mallet...
ASH: I wish I still had my pneumatic drill...
BROCK: They didn�t take your pneumatic drill, Ash.
ASH: Oh, yeah.
Ash pulls out a large pneumatic drill, like the ones used in road
construction.
MISTY: Where did you get that?
ASH: Some of us have more useful implements than mallets secreted about
our persons...
JENNY: I don�t see how a drill is going to get us out of here... we don�
t have a place to plug it in.
The warden enters the lockup and peeks into the cell.
WARDEN: Where did you get that? You�d better hand it over!
ASH: It won�t fit through the bars of the cell. You�ll have to come in
here to get it.
The warden unlocks the cell door and steps into the cell. Brock
trips him and he falls onto the floor. Ash lets the drill fall onto the
warden�s head, knocking him unconscious.
ASH: That�s how a drill is going to get us out of here. I always use a
pneumatic drill as a distraction.
BROCK: Yeah, what else would you use a drill for? To make holes in
something?
JENNY: Both of you just shut up and follow me.
Jenny grabs the warden�s keys and uses them to escape from lockup.
She leads the others to the evidence retrieval area.
JENNY: I need the possessions of the criminals who were brought in this
afternoon.
The officer behind the desk hands Jenny a large bin.
OFFICER: Weren�t there four people brought in here? Where�s the fourth?
JENNY: Ummm... she�s in the bathroom.
The officer shrugs, and everyone grabs their belongings. Ash
releases Pikachu from its confinement.
ASH: Are you happy to see me, Pikachu?
Pikachu shocks Ash.
JENNY: Come on, we have to get out of here before someone catches us!
They all run out of the police station.
MISTY: Ash, why is there a smashed-up car that looks exactly like yours
sitting out front of the police station, as if you stupidly rammed your
own car into the building and destroyed it?
ASH: Don�t blame me, blame Arnold Schwarzenegger.
JENNY: Whoever�s to blame, we need a car!
Ash stands near the street and whistles. A car identical to his own
(but intact) drives up and parks itself in front of him. He climbs into
the driver�s seat.
ASH: What are you all waiting for? Get in!
JENNY: How...
MISTY: Don�t think about it. Just get in the car and let the anime
conventions take care of themselves.
They all get into the car and Ash drives off.
ASH: Reunited once again with our comedic sidekicks, Brock and I headed
for the power plant...
ASH: Whoever owns this car listens to the same boring detective program
we do!
BROCK: Ash, pay attention! This is the power plant!
They enter the power plant facility.
JENNY: OK, so we�re at the power plant. What now?
BROCK: Ooh! They have a pretty secretary at the front desk!
Brock runs to the front desk and swoons.
ASH: Excuse me, miss, but are there any Pokemon thieves on the premises?
SECRETARY: Down the hall, through the secret passage. Pull a leaf off of
the second tree on the left.
Misty and Jenny facefault.
MISTY: Is Ash beginning to wise up, or is it still just luck? Everything
recently has been going our way!
JENNY: Whatever the reason, don�t complain.
Ash approaches the tree and pulls a leaf off. Nothing happens. Ash
shrugs and pulls off a second leaf, then a third, continuing to remove
leaves until the tree is completely bare.
ASH: That secretary lied to us! There�s no secret passage here!
JENNY: Ash? That�s the third tree on the right... This is the tree with
the secret passage behind it.
ASH: I knew that... I was just claiming these leaves as evidence...
Pikachu shocks Ash. A stray spark leaps to a door marked �HIGH
VOLTAGE� and a high-pitched whine can be heard from behind the door.
MISTY: Pikachu, maybe you�d better let me handle Ash while we�re in the
power plant...
PIKACHU: Chuuu...
Officer Jenny removes a leaf from the plastic tree, and a secret
passageway opens behind it. Ash, Misty, and Jenny descend the staircase
beyond, as the door closes behind them.
MISTY: Where�s Brock?
ASH: He�s asking the pretty secretary for various phone numbers around
the plant. He�s hoping that when he asks for hers, she�ll be too
distracted to notice and give it to him.
JENNY: I bet she would... she�s such a ditz.
ASH: I don�t know... it takes a real idiot to get THAT distracted.
JENNY: Prove it: Tell me YOUR phone number.
ASH: 555-DUMB. What�s your point?
JENNY: Never mind.
The staircase ends at a small office. Seated behind a desk is a
familiar individual.
JENNY: Giovanni! We�ve finally found your hideout!
GIOVANNI: (staring blankly) Je ne parle pas anglais.
JENNY: What?
MISTY: He�s speaking in French... he says he doesn�t speak any English.
JENNY: That�s odd. Giovanni�s an Italian name. Why would he speak
French?
ASH: Maybe they�ve always spoken French in Italy, but we Americans
couldn�t tell the difference. I can�t.
MISTY: I�ll ask him. (to Giovanni) Si tu es italien, pourquoi tu parles
francais?
GIOVANNI: Mon pere etait italien, mais ma mere etait francaise.
MISTY: He says that his father was Italian, but his mother was French.
ASH: Was your mother French, Misty?
MISTY: Of course not! Why?
ASH: Because you can speak French... I was just wondering.
Misty hits Ash over the head with a mallet.
JENNY: Just tell Giovanni that we want to search the premises.
MISTY: Nous voulons chercher le bat�ment.
GIOVANNI: Je n�ai rien a cacher.
ASH: He knows Officer Jenny�s name! He must be guilty!
JENNY: That did sound like my name, actually...
ASH: All right, Giovanni! Come along quietly and we�ll only hurt you a
little bit!
GIOVANNI: You stupid detective! It means �I have nothing to hide!�
JENNY: Then you DO speak English!
GIOVANNI: It would appear so... but I wasn�t aware that speaking English
was a crime.
ASH: Is it? All right, you�re ALL under arrest!
Misty hits Ash over the head with a mallet.
ASH: Resisting arrest... that�s a serious offense!
JENNY: I give up... Giovanni, I�d like to search this area of the
building.
GIOVANNI: Very well... search all you want.
Ash leads the way down a long hallway, stopping to peer into each
door.
MISTY: Do you really think there�s a clue down here?
ASH: I found a clue! Colonel Mustard in the study with a candlestick!
JENNY: Wrong kind of Clue, Milton Bradley.
GIOVANNI: No, the boy is quite correct...
They all stare into the small study. An army colonel sits at the
desk holding a candlestick.
MUSTARD: How long do I have to sit here like this?
GIOVANNI: I�ll tell you when you can leave!
ASH: Don�t mention leaves... I had enough trouble finding this secret
passage in the first place.
Ash steps into the study and pulls a leaf off of the potted plant on
the desk. A secret cupboard in the wall opens and several Pokemon spill
out.
MISTY: TOGEPI! I�m so happy to see you!
TOGEPI: Toge! Togebrrrrrri!
JENNY: It all makes sense now. You had Jessie and James chloroform the
Pokemon and bring them here to you. Then you hid them in this closet...
but why?
GIOVANNI: It�s an obsessive-compulsive thing. I can�t sleep at night
unless I know I have a closet full of Pokemon.
ASH: It would make sense if one of those Pokemon was a Jigglypuff.
JENNY: Come on, let�s just get him out of here and into jail.
Jenny handcuffs Giovanni and leads him out of the room, with Misty
following closely behind.
ASH: Colonel Mustard, so you have any advice for a young up-and-coming
detective?
MUSTARD: Of course I do! However, you�re a washed-up nobody, so it
wouldn�t apply to you.
ASH: OK. Thanks anyway.
Ash leaves the study.
MUSTARD: Thank goodness... I was worried for a minute there!
Colonel Mustard pulls down on one arm of the candlestick. Another
secret closet opens, revealing a huge pile of money, bags of white
powder and dried grass, and hundreds of Pokeballs. Ash walks back into
the room.
MUSTARD: Oh no...
ASH: They sent me back for the stolen Pokemon.
Ash grabs the Pokeballs from the first secret closet and puts them
into his pockets, then turns and leaves the room.
MUSTARD: That was close...
ASH: (leans back in) By the way, Colonel... you might want to close that
closet full of illegal stuff. If the cops catch you with it, you�ll be
busted for sure!
Meanwhile, in the lobby...
BROCK: ...so what�s the number for plant security?
SECRETARY: 555-COPS.
BROCK: ... and what about for the janitor?
SECRETARY: 555-MOPS.
BROCK: ... and what�s your number?
SECRETARY: 555-T-
Ash grabs Brock by the ear and drags him away from the desk.
BROCK: Ash! I was that close! Now I�ll never know what her number was...
ASH: Never mind that, Brock. She wasn�t your type.
BROCK: Are you kidding? She was the TOPS!
They make their way out to the car, where Officer Jenny is trying to
keep Giovanni under control.
GIOVANNI: Arrest me if you must, but the Team Rocket empire will live
on! As long as our hideout stands, we will never be destroyed!
The power plant explodes in a huge fireball.
MISTY: I think Pikachu�s spark must have set off a chain reaction
somehow.
GIOVANNI: My beautiful hideout...
BROCK: Not anymore.
JENNY: Don�t worry, Giovanni. From now on, you�ll be operating out of a
jail cell.
GIOVANNI: Can I have a jail cell with a secret passageway?
Jenny pushes Giovanni into the car and everyone else climbs in. They
drive off, past a pair of billboards.
BILLBOARD: Chuck�s Auto of Viridian City. We deliver! Just whistle...
BILLBOARD: Collapsible pneumatic drills from Squishco, a subsidiary of
Silph Enterprises, the people who brought you collapsible mallets...
*
ASH: Well, it turns out that in addition to being Team Rocket�s hideout,
the power plant served another important function: providing power.
Without electricity, I couldn�t watch my wrestling show. It was too dark
in my office to find the remote.
BROCK: At least the power�s back on now. Say Ash, have you seen the new
plastic explosive I�ve been working on?
ASH: What�s it look like?
BROCK: I disguised it as a bottle of ketchup.
Pikachu leaps down from Ash�s shoulder and runs out of the room with
a scared expression on its face. Ash shrugs. Shortly, there is a knock
on the door.
MISTY: Ash, Brock... I�d like to thank you for finding my Togepi.
BROCK: We found her Togepi?
Misty pulls out her mallet to smash Brock over the head, but Ash
raises his hand.
ASH: Allow me...
Ash hits Brock over the head with a pneumatic drill.
ASH: That was actually pretty fun. I can see why you do that to me all
the time.
MISTY: Ash, I�ve been meaning to apologize for hitting you with that
mallet all those times...
ASH: It�s okay. I think I deserved it for being such an idiot.
MISTY: You mean it?
ASH: Of course! And because I ran over your bike, there�s no charge for
the work.
MISTY: Thank you, Ash! That�s wonderful!
ASH: Also, to make up for getting you arrested, I have a little
something for you.
Ash hands Misty a bouquet of flowers.
MISTY: They�re so beautiful...
Misty smells the flowers and falls unconscious.
ASH: Oops, put them in the wrong pocket...
*
Giovanni Longname was found guilty of every crime in the book, including
several that had to be penciled in during the trial because nobody had
ever thought of them before. He was given a suspended life sentence in
prison. He will spend the remainder of his life hanging from the ceiling
of his cell.
Cash Tango and Gary Out were found guilty of kidnapping a Pikachu and
were sentenced to shock therapy.
PIKACHU: PIKA! (ZAP!)
Jessie James, James Jessie, and Meowth were found guilty of being
accessories to kidnapping, assaulting a police officer, and resisting
arrest. They were forced to volunteer for a dangerous space mission to
find the planet of origin of the Clefairy tribe. Looks like Team Rocket�
s blasting off again...
Colonel Mustard was found in the study with a candlestick. Nobody cared.
Pikachu was found guilty of arson for destroying the power plant. It was
sentenced to be burned, but at the advice of Ash Wednesday, its stomach
was pumped first.
Misty Skies was charged with excessive violence and assaulting a private
investigator. The charges were dropped when it was discovered that Ash
Wednesday has no credentials.
Brock Oli was found guilty of multiple counts of sexual harassment. He
was sentenced to five years in prison. However, he got onto the wrong
bus and was accidentally transferred to a women�s prison. He is
currently appealing for a longer sentence.
Ash Wednesday was found guilty of impersonating a private investigator
without credentials, damage to property, reckless driving, escaping from
jail, false arrest, telephone fraud, and gross stupidity. In a plea
bargain, all charges but the last were dropped under the double jeopardy
clause. The sentence for the final offense was an intense period of
psychological treatment, during which Ash finally learned how to hold a
silent internal monologue. He still, however, has not overcome his fear
of mallets.
--------------------------------------------------------
Welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" where we make things up as we go
along, whether they make sense or badger.
JOHNNY BRAVO: *sigh* The only woman I ever really loved... and she's
gone. I wonder if I'll ever get over - Hey! Nuggets!
JACKIE CHAN: Oh, sorry. I broke your spy camera! (pause) SPY CAMERA?!
My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp