<color><param>0100,0100,0100</param>Hello all - this one is a day or so early... see - I CAN make a deadline!
<<<FontFamily><param>Courier New</param>E<FontFamily><param>Arial</param>-mail to Kathy@linuxgrrls.org>
Deep in the heart of Nerima crosdressers go bump in the night. Or
at least Tsubabsa did, earning marks of 7.3, 8.2, and 3.0 from the east
german judge for style and control of fall. Konatsu deftly avoided that
fate, simply fading into the shadows, unnoticed, unseen, invisible, able
to see an opponants eyes at fourty feet, and then hide in their blind
spot. He could do this while sprinting, but chose not to. Sprinting
meant a greater risk of detection. Not that he needed to hide, but the
habit was ingrained by now.
Konatsu was one of the best of his school teahouse ninjitsu,
despite the flaw of his gender. Konatsu on a mission for his Ukyo-
Sama would have reduced his instructors too awed plebes. He could
do things that weren't even conceivable to the average person with the
ease we might have whistling. But then he lived in Nerima, where over
eighty percent of the population could perform near miraculous feats of
strength, skill, and/or power. Hence Shampoo noted him. Konatsu was
good, he shook Shampoo off inside of three streets, following his
circuiticious route to Ucchan's.
Shampoo was better. And all appearances to the contrary, very
intelligent. Her cat form was safely ensconced in the ceiling tiles of
Ucchans' by the time the kuonichi completed his roundabout return.
When Ukyou finally persuaded him to stop bowing long enough to
deliver the
message he carried Shampoo was already starting
to regret her outburst at her airen the day
before. She was also starting to harbour nasty
suspicions....
But first, Hibachan had to be told...
*************************************************
*********
Effexor entertainment presents
A Prozac production
Ranma: Endless Complications
Written and directed by
Someone who doesn't sleep nights...
Ranma 1/2 and Sandman are copyrighted to their
respective creators
Episode Five:
"When the Wives collide, send George Childs
to his bride, it's time for some terrible
thrills..."
*************************************************
*********
Dawn broke softly across the rooftops of
Nerima. No martial artist leapt from roof to
roof. Superpowered foreign princes were
conspicuous by their absence. Even in the
Tomobiki outskirts of the small district a
princess of the Oni slept the sleep of the just.
Her fiancee slept the sleep of the just
electrocuted, but even this was peaceful. And
for them, normal. The sun was a soft golden
light, playing across the much abused tiles like
a mothers healing kiss. Late night workers bowed
politely to early rising salarymen, delivery
people smiling happily to the recipients of
their goods.
Tendo Akane stared sightlessly out of her
window, unseeing, uncaring, unsleeping. Dry eyed
she watched the view from a deep place where no-
one could reach. Slowly, softly, a single finger
was raised to her cheek and wiped absently at a
dried line of tears. The act seemed to consume
all the volition she possessed. Her hand fell
gently down beside her, and she fell deeper into
her sightless reverie.
****
Ranma awoke feeling good. Not the sort of
good that comes from merely getting an extra
hours sleep, nor the sort of good that follows
the completion of a really tough task. It was
more the sort of good you feel when somebody
very annoying has been removed from your
presence with a backside so padded it looks like
a beachball on each buttock. It was the good you
feel when you don't have to listen to them snore
all night, combined with the happiness of
knowing that for once he would actually get to
eat breakfast as a male without worrying about
being jump-kicked into the koi pond by his
Martial Arts obsessive father.
At least that's the physical side. When Ranma
stops to think about what's happened he's going
to feel like hell. His life is about to implode,
several his female friends are about to come
after him with either murder or marriage in
their minds, and more than one of them with
both; plus he still needs to work his way
through Telute's little bombshell a little more.
However since he gets so little time off let's
leave him here half-dozing happily into his
sheets. The poor boy periodically turned
unwilling girl never gets the equivalent of the
Sunday morning snooze in. And being the
haplessly loveable sort he is, he probably won't
worry to much about his mortality, or possible
lack thereof, until it becomes an issue of
instant import.
Let us instead gently pan back as he draws
the covers over his head. If we remained focused
on him then we'll feel it necessary to drop a
rival, or a scantily clad female depending on
how evil you're feeling, on his head; that
would be... unfair. Instead let's shift our
attention slightly lest the attention brings
down the attention of the creator, or at least
the attention of the more lecherous of the fan
girls, or possibly fan boys depending on
preference and water. There are other people out
there after all... And for once they're going to
play a pivotal role...
********
Kho Lohn was beginning to feel her age. She
was the eldest of the elders, a title that had
come about purely and simply due to the fact
that the Nichieuzu had been waiting with baited
breath for the last 300 years for her to drop
dead. The Amazons had history that went back
three thousand years... and she remembered far
too much of it for her own comfort. Still, the
games she played with the young ones always left
her feeling renewed, one of the reasons that
she'd allowed the lunacy to play itself out for
as long as it had.
But today she was old. Death had come to
town, and seemed to be preparing for an extended
stay. When you were as old as her that caused
concern. She'd seen her childrens childrens
childrens childrens live to be old enough to
pass away naturally.. In all she was old enough
to know when to worry. The Endless didn't make
casual jaunts... although Delirium was known for
coming to perform tasks and forgetting what she
was doing halfway through, Jusenkyo being one of
her less dangerous mistakes. Dream had been
known to come and search for companionship in
his endless vigil over the dreams of mankind...
There were even Rumours that Destruction himself
had helped found the original Greek Amazon tribe.
But that was all beside the point, the fact
was that she was going to have to talk to Death,
and there was no special manoeuvre that could
defeat her. Grimly Kho Lohn began updating her
will. If all failed then Xian Pu would have to
know of things that she had shared with no-one
over the course of her very long life.
Assuming she deemed it safe enough to let her
out of the cage...
******
Happosai watched the early bathers Atami
beach and grimly held himself in check, if he
went out now then he'd miss out on the main
bonanza around midday! He drooled a little
cakling quietly to himself, before sucking
happily on his pipe.
No-one was going to stop his fun today!
******
Telute paused in front of the Tendo furo. She
politely tapped at the door waiting for an
answer and receiving none before entering and
washing. A few minutes later Nabiki walked in.
"Oh... sorry to interrupt you," she murmured
to the woman in the bath. She turned to leave
and flipped the sign to 'occupied'
"Hey, not a problem," smiled Death. "Look,
pull up a chair and talk... you look a little...
stressed, and I'm a pretty good listener."
"Erm... are you sure?" Death nodded, smiling
pleasantly. "Okay..." Swiftly, and with no
wasted motions, Nabiki walked back in, stripped
and began to wash.
"So what do you want to talk about kid?"
"um... I don't know.." said Nabiki very
quietly.
"You're sure about that? The great Tendo
Nabiki lost for words?" Teased Death gently.
"Yes!" she barked. Backing down she continued
in a more conversational tone. "It's just...
what could I have to say to you that would be
worth it. You're DEATH for kami's sake! I'm just
me, the Tendo mercenary..." She added bitterly,
distaste and loneliness seeping through her
words like water through a baly made barrel.
" I could try to pump you for the secrets of
the universe, but I don't think you'd bite, or I
could sit here and yell at you for what happened
to my mother... but then you don't kill people..
you just take them when they're done, and how
the hell can i get mad at you for just doing
your job, it's not like you killed her or
anything!" Nabiki flushed as she hastily
gathered the shreds of her control back around
herself. She hadn't meant to be so accusing, but
now the words were out there was no way to
recall them.
"You're right."
"What?!" Nabiki's thoughts hiccuped a she
tried to accept the idea of someone who she
didn't have to fight with to make things come
out the way she wanted. Draggind her mind back
to businesss, she watched as Telute continued.
"Nabiki, you resent me. You don't have to
lie, it's perfectly normal." She sighed. "I
truly am mortality personified, and very few
people like being reminded of it. So when I show
up it's a bad thing.... And you have more reason
than most not to like me. After all there was
your mother..." She sighed again, softly, mind
adrift between the encounter of now, and the
memories of then. Nabiki's reaction was rather
more pronounced; she stiffened and turned a long
slow glare at her companion. Death held up a
forestalling hand.
"I know it hurts. I had to take my brother
recently, he'd been there for me for... well,
for a period of time greater than there's been
life on this planet.... and it hurt to have to
take him. I know it hurts to lose family. It
hurt when I had to take my sister as well. But
there is no choice. I don't have a choice in the
matter either, there's no justice, there's just
me, always me. It's part of who I am; it IS what
I am. Do want to know the punchline?" She smiled
bitterly. "All I can do is be there and let
people go with a smile. Do you really think I
enjoy doing what I have to?"
Nabiki glowered slightly, but there was a
slight crease to her forehead that hadn't been
there earlier. With a small grunt Nabiki
upturned the bucket of cold water over herself,
before deliberately lowering herself into the
furo... at the opposite end to Death.
"So why are you still here."
Death winced slightly.
"Well?"
"Ranma. He was one of the first people to be
nice to me in what feels like an age, even
knowing who I am. I like being liked... it's one
of the things I'm GOOD at, helping people over
the transition is nice, and usually they're nice
for a awhile, but it always ends... I just want
to be around someone for a while who doesn't
have to go in five minutes..." She looked down
at the surface of the water sadly. She reflected
on the distorted reflection for a moment before
raising her face to continue.
"Nabiki, I know scores of people who don't
die, there are gods, angels, spirits, all of
whom I could know, and do know... but
immortality is a special kind of curse. We tend
to do the same things over and over, or we're
trapped by our roles, Destiny is cursed by his
foreknowledge, Angels are highly restricted in
their roles, Demons are constrained by their
natures... Mortals are different. You're...
well... Alive! Once every century I'm allowed to
become mortal for a day -"
"So who carries out 'The Duty' while you're
mortal?" interjected Nabiki sceptically, her
lightly sarcastic tone not as cutting as it's
normal wont. Feeling somehow that what she was
hearing was the one hundred percent unglossed
truth was a rarity that she wasn't quite
prepared to deal with...And these truths that
she was one of the few people to know. It was a
slightly dizzying thought.
"I do. It's ... complicated. I am Death...
And while I try to be there for the people, and
other intelligence's I don't go for everything
usually. I tend not to turn up in person for
plants, but I'm still aware of their passing.
And even limited, I still have to be in a
million different places all at once. Just
accept that I can be all those places, and be
all those various me's at once. Then imagine
that just one is allowed to be a mortal, to
live. To experience time, not to have to worry
about being the grim reaper as your people so
quaintly put it... " She raised her head to
Nabiki, who was astonished to see a single tear
roll down her face, tracing the outlines of the
oddly commpelling spiral tattoo's under her
eyelids.
"And then I have to come back. I have to die
myself. And then I have to keep going,
separating those who are from those who were."
Nabiki despite herself began to feel pity for
the being... the Woman opposite her.
"Then wonder why I'd want to stay with
someone who knew all that and accepted it, who
could allow me to feel even a little alive
myself.. even if it's only for a little while."
Death rose and towelled herself off, then
left the furo. Nabiki leant back and began to
honestly consider what she'd been told. Inside
herself she actually felt pity for someone who
was the closest thing to omnipotent she could
think of. Then she thought of her mother and
sighed.
"You... you're...I do resent you. But I don't
know anymore..." Nabiki raised her eyes to the
ceiling, meditatively watching the steam rise
off the surface of the furo, gently twisting
under her exhaled breath. She slipped under the
water, covering herself completly, before
surfacing with a clean movement. Slowly her face
returned to it's customary mask.
"And why does it always come back to Ranma?"
She asked rhetorically...
******
Ranma paused in his early morning warm up,
sneezed and blinked owlishly around him.
Frowning, he dismissed the fleeting impression
of being watched and continued to fold his body
into shapes more appropriate for a car crash
than practice.
******
Ukyou stood in front of a large mirror
reflecting in more than one sense. If Konatsu
was to be believed, and he'd never lied, then
something awful had happened to her Ranchan,
something she had to save him from! Visions of
Cologne animating his poor dead body, forcing
him to dance to her tune beyond the pale,
visions of Akane feeding him that garbage she
called food... Visions of Ranchan in exquisite
agony while the black fruitloop danced on his
grave...
"I swear I'll protect you Ranchan!" She
vowed, trying to force the vision out of her
head.
But still, she asked herself... what if it
were all a mistake? Worse? If it were actually
TRUE! There would be bloody vengeance, swift,
sure, and almost certainly okonomiyaki
influenced. She knew her strengths and played to
them. Currently her best bet right now was to
try and find out what happened... and then try
to save Ranchan even from himself. Possession by
oni, devils, youma and mystic beings was not
unknown in Nerima.
Yes, she would be the anchor that her Ranchan
would pull himself up by, then he would love her
and they would finally have their happy ever
after! Wiping a small tear away from her eye she
tested an experimental smile. Good. She was the
very *picture* of the cute fianc�.
She bounded through the Ucchan almost
ignoring the critically bonked Transvestites in
the corner. She paused. Konatsu had really been
looking out for her interests when he tapped her
knockout point, calming her from her murderous
frenzy. He didn't really deserve to have an
unconscious Tsubasa thrown on him.
"I don't know why I put up with you, useless,
obsessive weirdo..." She grumbled to the lurid
pink snoring mess on the floor. Opening the door
and aiming for a soft landing area she applied
bakers peel to brainless posterior. There.
Tsubasa could have a nice day at the beach,
Konatsu could take care of business when he woke
up, and she could beat the holy heck out of
anyone who would hurt her Ranchan. nodding
happily Ukyou stepped out into the beautiful
Nerima morning.
******
A withered figure stood at the doorway to the
Tendo house. An aged hand shook as it reached
for the doorbell, not from the passage of time,
but from the uncertainty it felt. A sense of
fatalistic gloom fell across the features of the
visitor. Just for once it would be nice to relax
and not have to worry about the confounded
boy/girl, but family was all after all... The
door opened, revealing Kasumi in an apron, eyes
shining brightly, although *something* about
them suggested deep depths tightly locked away.
Kasumi recognised her visitor, and with more
than her usual cheerfulness she welcomed her.
"Good morning Cologne-Sama."
"Good morning Child, I have come to speak to
your guest. May i come in?"
"Of course, would you like tea?" Offered
Kasumi politely, as a good hostess.
Cologne nodded and smiled pleasantly to the
eldest Tendo child. Then she stepped into a the
metaphorical lions den.
"I do hope you'll be patient while I go and
fetch our visitor," worried Kasumi seeing no-one
around in the lounge. "Please help yourself to
biscuits. I should only be a few - Oh good
morning!" she said happily to the newest guest
at the Tendo home.
"Good morning Tendo-San, good morning Kho-
Lohn, matriarch of the Joketsuzoku." Announced
Death cheerily in her pleasant voice. Kasumi
flushed happily at the display of good manners,
Cologne momentarily forgot to swallow, and
started to cough.
"Yes, good day Lady Telute, I am honoured by
your greeting" She managed to return, with none
of her usual aplomb. Kasumi gestured her guests
to be seated at the table, then left to get the
tea things. Kho-Lohn looked everywhere but at
the reason for her visit. Death waited
cheerfully for the matriarch to come out and ask
her questions. She also began to eat Kasumi's
biscuits, rather astounded by the flavour. She
reached for a second, then swiftly for a third.
"You do seem to like Kasumi's baking." Began
Kho-Lohn in her native tongue, looking for a way
to break the silence. Language was irrelevant to
the woman she had come to see, and the
translation between two languages was never
exact - the images and desires of her Chinese
mind never quite entirely meshing with the
Japanese tongue she had learnt so long ago. She
looked up, watching closely for any subtle clues
that would help her.
"Yes, I haven't tasted anything this good
since the last time I ate with Dream." Sighed
Death in remembered sorrow, before forcing
herself to go on. "I'm amazed by the skill she
has, Dream's servants tend to have centuries to
practise, so for one so young to be so
capable... " She smiled. "... But why talk waste
time talking of biscuits - that's not what
you're here to talk about is it?" she asked
shrewdly.
Kho-Lohn paused and *looked* at Death, the
smiling eyes, the concerned look, the innocence
that survived even her awesome task and was
shamed. "No," she admitted. "That's not why I'm
here at all." Gathering herself, she looked
Death with a gaze as close to equal as she
could.
"It's about my great grandson-in-law."
Death looked ready to respond, until with a
puzzled frown she looked out of the window. "I
think we might need to talk to him right now."
******
Shampoo meowed and hissed at the walls of her
cage in a fury. Temporarily paralysed by great-
grandmothers vast knowledge of pressure point
strikes, switched to her cat body then trapped
in this damn cage! She swiped with all of her
strength at the walls, producing nothing but a
grating noise as her claws scraped across the
tempered, wire reinforced glass. In her current
form the damage she would produce by using the
Bakatsu Tenketsu would almost certainly be
fatal, and it was far too difficult to break
through by use of her puny cat strength.
Mousse snored in the far corner, and would
for hours yet, so was not going to be terribly
useful, normal for him really... Calming she
tried to fit her paws through the metal door and
twist the key in the lock of the padlock, so
tantalisingly close...
She had to get out and help protect her
grandmother! The imperative drove her to fury
once more, pacing the small confines of her
temporary prison while she tried to think of a
way out. It didn't look hopeful. Her grandmother
had designed this trap to well. In all, she
should be thankful that she had left that idiot
in a position to help her... and that was
worrying. It implied that Kho-Lohn, one of the
greatest ever matriarchs of the Niechezu wasn't
sure she was coming back...
Once again she lashed out at the walls.
******
"Heya Ucchan!" Called Ranma cheerfully to his
long-time friend. "Whatcha doin' here so early?"
Ukyou closed the back gate to the Dojo grounds
behind her. Inwardly she smiled brightly. Ranma
stood so hale and hearty, athletically bounding
across the well manicured garden, smiling as
brightly as the early sunshine reflecting off the
pond. He was allright! He wasn't dead! The thought
consumed her, and she grinned stupidly to the
world. Ranma's smile faded a little, shaking her
out of her reverie.
"Oh, sorry, got side-tracked by a dumb thought.
I just came to see my fiancee, and see how he's
doing," *damn girl, but that's wrong track, his
smile's really starting to fade!* She held up an
small insulated box. "...And I brought you
something to eat as well," look at the eyes, why
aren't they brightening? Ranchan always smiles
when I bring him something to eat...
"Oh." Said Ranma sadly. He knew how much this
was going to hurt his old friend, and hated what
he was about to do.
"What's wrong?!" asked Ukyou in concern, moving
swiftly to his side, and taking his arm. Unusually
Ranma didn't look uncomfortable at the affection,
his eyes deeply reflecting pools of sorrow,
mightier than Jusenkyo. Ukyou began to shriek
inside. "The rumour... it can't be true - nothing
can kill you, right?" she tried hopefully,
attempting to provoke her Ranchans brilliant,
cocky, devil may care smile. Instead Ranma patted
her hand and began to walk.
Ranma led the highly discomforted Ukyou by her
arm to a seat overlooking the small stone
garden, and gently sat her down. For Ukyou this
was the last straw. She flung herself crying at
his chest. She knew. his words were just nails
in the coffin of her dreams.
"Yeah, who'd have thought it - I guess I'm
dead...."
She screamed and wept faster.
"...Kinda."
"Indeed, son-in-law, I would like to hear
more of this," added Cologne from the top of her
staff. Ranma's head span around at the
unexpected interjection. The old ghoul sneaking
up on him he could credit, but Telute didn't
have the martial arts skill to do it, he'd seen
enough of how she moved to know that. Ukyo's
head raised itself over Ranma's shoulder, her
puffy eyes narrowing at the unwelcome
interlopers.
"Who're you," she sniffled in miserable
jealously.
"My names Telute, and you're Ukyou aren't
you?" She looked at the sobbing chef
compassionately. "Here have a hanky, and then
lets get your face washed up dear, you look an
absolute fright." Ukyo sniffled, a rather wet
sound, provoking compasionate looks from the two
women, and a small smile from Ranma. Smiling in
embarrasment she followed them all inside.
******
*Oh dear!* Thought Kasumi as she hastily
added more cups to her tray, *I do hope that
there's enough food...* Deeper below the mundane
thoughts of her day to day life, deep in the
little used reptile node of her brain a picture
formed. It involved Ukyou finding out just who
Telute was, and over-reacting in fine Nerima
style. A lone neurone, looking for her libido
with hibiki-esque results stopped in, saw the
picture and fled, passing on the message to her
higher consciousness, before attemting to hide
deep in the medulla corposa.
*I'd better add another plate of biscuits,*
was the eventual decision on how to defuse the
situation.
Even Kasumi would admit that she was a
little... absent.... at times, her vast mental
energies consumed in fighting against her
emotions, rather than analysing her world. One
of the reasons she never realised why that nice
Dr Tofu acted was so silly around her, or how
she could tell herself that Akane beating Ranma
was because she loved him...
Bad example. Just because she was right
didn't mean that she knew WHY Akane did it, or
what was happening around her. She just thought
it was sweet that Ranma wouldn't hit back as he
would with almost anyone else who tried to hurt
him.
But even she had noticed that people tried
not to fight around her. The result of her
leaving for more refreshments before the end of
the talk would be analogous to the damper rods
in a nuclear reactor taking the day off to go to
the beach during a meltdown. And as cathartic as
it was to see Ranma's friends hit each other,
see blood flying, fists doing their best to
drive through flesh, feet smash bones....
Kasumi shook herself down. She'd let the bad
thoughts in again, the ones that made her hurt
poor Saotome-San so much yesterday. Pausing for
her mental discipline to firmly re-establish
itself, leading to a short hiatus whle her mind
stopped off in wickedly amused recollections of
how flustered Ranma looked when people caugh him
in the bath (the wanderer finally hittig
paydirt), Kasumi was ready. Smiling, she entered
the lounge as her guests seated themselves back
at the table.
******
Happosai looked up at the whistling sound of
an incoming body. Tracking its motion he fairly
cackled to himself when he saw the dress! The
pretty lady was going to land just by his cave!
Oh joys! oh rapture! He could fondle her now,
and not worry about disturbing the main beach -
MORE glomping possibilities!
He bounded over to the impact site, before
glomping on, opening his chi to the feminine
esence of the unconscious young pretty in front
of him. A moment later he made a choking noise
before pasing out next to 'her'. Ranma he could
glomp when the boy was female - the chi the body
generated was female, no matter how much Ranma
protested, and with a pair of bazongas like that
Happosai was perfectly content to ignore any
male taint to the chi, as long as he got to have
his fondle!
But male crossdressers confused the hell out
of his 'little drains' - the equivalent of
shoving an AC line into a DC appliance without
an adaptor.
All in all, Happosai hadn't felt this poorly
since the last time he'd eaten a bento Akane had
prepared... Sick to his stomach the old lech
passed out next to Tsubasa, muttering unhappily
about perverts...
******
Ranma sat at the head of the table, chewing
vacantly at a fingernail. To his right sat
Telute, Ukyo sat on the other side of the table
at his left, next to Cologne. Across the table
he faced a smiling Kasumi, who fixed him to his
chair with pleasant look, before relenting and
pouring cups of steaming hot tea for them.
"..." He offered, hoping someone would say
something intelligent he could could reply to.
Not that he was totally incompetant at
communication, he just prefered to respond to
other people, it allowed for a greater focus to
the interactions. Or put another way, he hoped
to god someone else would say something because
he hadn't a clue what to do here. It wol be too
easy to hurt people, and when that happened...
Even Ranma had discovered the causal relaionship
between temper and violence levels in his
fiancee's.
Cologne looked across the table at Telute,
who was profusely thanking Kasumi for the
refreshment. Death was a person who Cologne was
not really comfortable opening up to, her usual
position of ancient knowledge was hardly one she
could asume, and she hated being talked down to,
it reminded her far to much of her first
childhood, back before she'd met the amazons.
She found herself nervously twitching one foot
Ukyo sat and stared at Ranma as if he was a
ghost, beyond her reach. He'd seemed that way
before, but this was new - Ranma was acing like
he was afraid of her, and that frightened her.
Always before she'd been the one he came to when
things became too bad for him to cope with -
he'd always been there to calm him, sooth his
hurts and help him. He was also incapable of
keeping his mouth shut at times; that he was
regarding her with worried eyes meant something
was nagging at him that he needed to talk to his
'ol' pal' Ucchan about. That he wasn't talking
was hurting her - couldn't he se how worried she
was for him?
Worse - he could but wouldn't - couldn't -
say anything. That frightened her the most.
And who was the womn with the pale skin sat
opposite her? Jealousy suggested that if she was
here, and invited to a conmversation of this
iportance, then she HAD to be another fiance�
for Ranma,and that stirred up dark thoughts as
she regarded the good natured woman with hostile
eye's. Somethig in the back of her mind didn't
agree though, the timing was just to
coincidental to just be that. She might be the
person who had hurt her Ranma! Softly, without
changing her expression, Ukyo began to glow a
sickly green, invisibly to all but the most
highly trained martial artists, magi and
supernatural beings.
Fortunately it was scarcely above the level
of a normal persons aura, and relatively easy to
miss if you weren't looking. Ranma was, and
gently reached out to touch her shoulder
comfortingly. No-one was rude enough to mention
it however, as Ukyo calmed herself enough to
merely be suspicious of the 'Goth Girl' as a
certain waitress might put it...
The Silenc dragged on, disturbed only by the
slight rhytmic tapping of Cologne's foot, and
the clinking of chinawear. Eventually, after a
drawn out pause that could hav been seconds, but
pased like years, the old amazon spoke up.
"So son-in-law. You have been busy
recently... Shampoo tels me that you are dead,
You tell me that you are engaged to Death, and
now I find you sharing a house with a young
woman..." Colougn strove for her usual good
natured banter, and, she suspected, failed
miserably. "What I swould like to know is just
going on," here Cologne paused, and breathed
deeply, casting a worried glance at Death, "...
and if I can help."
Ranma's face shot around to the withered
Matriarch, who sat sipping her tea with less
than her usual poise. He smiled at her,
genuinely smiled as he regarded the woman who
had so often made his life hell... But who, he
finally realised, only wished the best for him.
He found himself regarding the matirarch in a
new light, less of a an annoying old ghoul, and
more of an irritating familly member.
"Er yeah," he replied. "Ucchan, Cologne... I
guess I am engaged to her... I'd like you to
meet Telute... She's Death."
Cologne sat back with a defeated expression
that didn't quite reach her eyes. If one of the
endless had chosen Ranma as a mate, then all she
could do would be allow it, or end up
unpleasantly dead trying to help him. Somewhere
deep inside, she found that the prospect of
dying tring to help the young sometimes man near
her didn't worry her. She'd lived long, she was
fond of him, he was familly, and it would ensure
her name lived in legend forever.
Ukyo sat back with a pained look on her face.
Another rival?! It was too much - all of these
people trying to take her Ranma, and they always
vbrought trouble and heartache to those around.
She wasn't sure she could take it anymore!
Better to eliminate the obstacle now...
Ranma laid a comforting hand back across
Ukyo's shoulder, and resumed speaking.
"I don't think so good, an' Nabiki explained this ta me last night..." He
glanced at the blushing Telute, who was softly muttering 'why me' to herself.
"Yesterday i was supposed ta die. Telute here saved my life because I was in my
girl body. That makes me dead..." Ukyo looked at him with horror in her eyes.
"...Technically. An' that means that I don't have to marry anyone anymore.
Dead people don't marry, and it's till death us do part an all that... Ucchan
I'm sorry," he continued softly, his face full of concern, "but the engagements
off, and you can have your honour back - I'm dead."
The crosdressing chef looked at him with pure loss in her eyes. Yes she had
her honour back for being abandoned a decade ago, she no longer had to be
forced to marry someone for a promise her father had made.
And Ranma wasn't hers anymore. She wailed softly and flung herself back across
his chest, weeping desperatly.
"But I love you," was all she managed to sniffle out, leaving Ranma with a
totally non-plused expression, fading into empathic concern as he rather
awkwardly patted his old friend on the back.
Nabiki, paused outside the door shook her head sadly. He'd botched it. All she
could do now was try to run enough damage control that she idnt find herslf
forced to mary the dumb lug. Steeling herself she walked in to the room and
began to talk to them.
******
Delirium settled down into the steaming pool with relief. She loved the mortal
world for many reasons, the nice people, the pretty colours, the way that baths
didn't tend to up and walk off halfway through, as they were wont to do back in
her own realm. Sitting back with a happy sigh she watched the clouds in the sky
as they danced and plaleyed for her amusement.
"LooK tHerE'S a dRAgoN ClOUd, AnD ThAt OnE iS a kiTTy... aNd ThEY're aLl
prEtTy piNK ANd oRaNgE..."
Smiling blissfully to herself she relaxed, and let the tension flow out of her
muscles into the pond in little octarine streamlets. She'd been looking for
Destruction for a day now, and couldn't quite find him. She'd lost her Gallery
back in the pre-history of the world, back in an era when Atlantis was unborn,
and couldn't call for her favorite brother. So in one of the bursts of twisted
inspiration that so often occured to her, she decided she'd go and find him
herself. And wouldn't he be happy to see her when she arrived!
Delirium contented herself with this happy thought for all of ten seconds,
before a small moth flittered past her nose, causing her to forget all about
it. Hopefully she extended a finger towards the moth, that obligingly settled
onto her extended digit. With the look of intense concentration of someone
trying to thread a needle with a brick, she lifted the finger to in front of
her mismatched eyes.
"Aww... YOu ShOUld bE PrETTy ColOrS Not BrOwN paTChIEs..." A moment later the
startled insect was, multihued reds oranges, pinks, NHS wall paint green
clashing luridly along the length of its wings. It flew off in a complete daze,
its senses confused by the new colours of the fur in fromt of it's complex
eyes, a viriulent ultraviolet that confused its altameter while it tried to
process the change. It flew down, and landed in the edge of the pool, wings
becoming sodden, dragging it back into the water, where it swiftl drowned.
Delirium, already ditracted by a falling leaf found herself changing into a
moth. This was not unusual for her, but was rather inconveient at times, such
as now when she was in the bath. She willed her usual form back, but found
herself unable to shapeshift. Instead hundreds of sodden, miserable,
eye-searing moths lurched around the edge of the pool.
'i DoN't lIkE THiS,' she thought to herself, attempting to morph back into her
usual humanoid form. This time was more successful. She glanced at the pool
suspiciously, pushing the enchantment that had locked her into the moth form
away from her, and back into the pool. She flickered out a moment later,
transported to realms that half poets would kill themselves with drugs to
glimpse, the pool behind her, swiftly forgotten.
Behind her the pool glittered for a few moments, Deliriums magics sealing the
curse into the pond, the clash of enrgies diverting one of the feeder rivers
that fed the area, leaving only the cool Jusendo flow into the valley.
Hundreds of years passed, flint was utilized, Bronze rediscovered, and the
little pool remained, luckless animals finding themselves changed suddenly,
until all the local creatures gave the immediate area a wide berth. Humans begn
their inexrable rise towards dominion again, unti a small tribe of
semi-domestic hunters chanced upon the valley. Seeing the pool as a good place
to hunt they set up temporary camp, and began their routine slaughter of the
local wildlife.
One of the young men hefted a brace of small nameless birds, and waved them to
his compatriots. Then, having gutted and disembowled the creatures, he turned
to the pool, dipped his hands to wash the gore from them... and vanished. His
friends startld back in supersticious terror, until eventually, they gathered
around the little pool. It was clear save for a dead insect or three, all of
most terrible aspect. Deeming this an omen, they swiftly filld the mystic pond
in, and fled as far and fast as they could, pausing only to reclaim the days
kill.
Decades passed. The area suffered minor erosion and earthquakes, unti small
dperessions began to form. Water from the jusendyo again began to pool in the
valley. Animals began to return, safe from the terrible cursed pool. Eventually
humans returned as well. A trapper checking to see if he would eat that da,or
whether he had failed to catch his supper walked past the pools. As he
returned, he startled a a small boar out of the brush, only a small black
piglet, but a tasty apertief nonetheless. Drawing his knife he advanced with a
cunning expression an a mad grin. The piglet, understandlably fled, its path
taking it across the pools.
Half an hour later the trapper rushed into his village shreiking of how a pig
turned into a Musk-Ox before his eyes. He was, understandably, laughed at, but
he was given the chance to show this magic to the elders.
Shortly after this demonstaration, the village ceased its precarious ride
along the catastrophy curve, the hunters settled down to become farmers, and
all became plump through the use of this blessed pool. Careful experimentation
over the next two hundred years revealed how to turn scrawny chickens into
pigs, small mice into milkcows, insects into duck. Even better, once you killed
whatever you had dunked, it stayed the cused shape! Early experiments with
attempting to drop small black piglets into boiling water showed how to reverse
the change, a frak rainshower showed the duration of the curse.
The village prospered for a time.
The magic Delirium had so casually discharged sank deeper into the earth
around the area. Filling the original pool had lessened the power fo the curse,
but had also made it more widespread. The warping effect became present in the
very people who lived in the region. People became more than their neoghbours.
A group of women warriors from the west settled down in the area, and began
their swift transformation into the superhuman Amazons, fleeing the immediate
area once the dangers became known.
The local people found themselves changing too. One soul who was twisted in
spirit rather than body learned how to create pools for his own use, showing
his people how to use the magic of the pools, this twisted individual changed
the simple pastoral people of Musk-Ox village into the demi human Musk tribe.
Women who had scorned the man for his twisted atitudes were driven out or
killed, replaced by animals dropped in pools where he had murdered the more
vocal of the tribes women. The survivors fled to the Amazons, and began the
long series of implacable wars against their old people.
Amazons used the knowledge of magic gained from the pools, along with the
knowlege gleaned from the ancient lore of their founder, the Greek godess
Artemis, and created the Kaisafu, hoping to unlock the souls of the women
trapped in the cursed bodies of animals. Swiftly after, renegade males of the
tribe along with magus of the Musk created the Chiisuiton to preserve the
bodies of the women they needed for their continued survival.
Centuaries passed, until the original purposes of the two mystic buckets were
long forgotten, merely known for the effects they had on locking the states of
curse victims. And throughout it all the two tribes hated, and plotted and
fought, and died.
*******
Nabiki smirked as she sat by Telute, legs slipping easily into place under the
rim of the table. Nearby Ukyo snored deeply, a recipient of a shiatsu jab by
Cologne, wh wasunwilling to have Nabiki beten to death before she plumbed her
secrets and machinations.
"So you want to know just what I cooked up this time eh elder?" she smiled at
the old woman, radiating nothing but goodill and charity. "Nothing. It was
something Ranma said - 'Till Death us do part'." Cologne made an inticulate
protest, Ranma winced, Nabiki continued unpeterbed, not deigning to acknowledge
the outburst, "I think you'll agree that our guest here," she inclined her head
pleasantly to Telute, "has more than adiquately fullfilled that role. As I
understand it, that means that Ranma is off the hook - dead aquatransexuals
don't marry."
"But Ranma is still alive," snapped Cologne irritably, "he didn't die, so he
still must fulfill his duties and marry my great-granddaughter!"
"Ranma is dead. He did die. He should be dead. Deals off." Nabiki snapped
back, eyes starting to flatten. "If he's alive, I have to marry him, and that
isn't going to happen."
"Then let Shampoo marry him!" retorted the elder.
"All of his engagments are annulled you say Nabiki?" Telute interjected,
halting the fuming Cologne before she could get into a proper rant. Taking
Nabiki's smile for assent she continued. "If he is dead, and he was - I would
know, then all engagements are off... including the one where I have to marry
him... " She looked up at Cologne craftilly. "Well... Shampoo would never
defeat me in a marriage challenge elder... so I think you'll have to accept
it's over Cologne!"
Kasumi replaced her teacup on its saucer with a small clink of china, raised a
hand to her cheek, and blushed. Cologne, perching on her staff froze, then fell
in a long graceful arc that ended with her side-down on the floor twitching.
'If I accept them, then Shampoo is outclassed! If I don't then son in law wil
lget away!' ran through her head.
All apearences to the contrry, Cologne quite liked Ranma, and the thought of
playing with lots of little great great granchildren of his was VERY appealing,
teching them to fight, watching them grow up, seeing them surpass her in the
art, seeing THEM get married ad nausem.
Over. the dream was dead. She slowly regained her feet, picked up her staff,
and trudged away from the table. She smiled defeatedly at Kasumi, and left.
Ranma watched her go with a sense of sadness.
"I actually think I'm going to miss her." he announced conversationally to the
room. Nabiki boggled, Kasumi smiled happily, Telute refilled her teacup. "Not
that she hasn't made my life hell, but she's always good in a pinch and she
knows lots more moves..." Telute STARED at him.
"Okay," he admitted bashed, "I kinda like the old ghoul... And Shampoo's okay
hen she's not calling me her husband..." He paused. "ONE DOWN!" he cheered and
bounded out of the room.
"Oh my," said a nameless valium addict who we all know and love, "that was
rather rude of him..."
"Yeagh sis, but it's Ranma all over," chuckled
Nabiki, hoisting the comatose Ukyo over her
shoulder in a foreman's lift, (what? you thought
she only did arobics for the fun of it?) and
carried the sleeping chef to a guestroom to sleep
of the pressure point strike.
"He is rather lively though, isn't he?" Observed
Telute of the madly capering figure of Ranma as he
bounced around the grounds of the Dojo. On the
whole she was glad it had been so easy With Kho-
lohn. if she accepted then Ukyo would be the last
person to deal with, and then she could leave
without worying about compromising her honor, or
Ranma's.
Somehow that thought felt wrong.
********
Desire sat crosslegged at the bottom of it's bed
and sulked. All that effort manipulating Genma
into selling Ranma off, all the effort of seting
this up over the ages...
IT WASN'T FAIR! Ranma was supposed to date it's
Elder Sister! Desire took this as a challenge. If
it didn't act fast then nothing would happen, and
Telute would continue alone... It needed just a
little tweak... Small enough to be missed, but
large enough to work...
*********
Cologne suddenly smiled. So what if son-in-law's
marriage was over? It was a technicality! She'd
leave Shampoo to stew for a while, and then send
her against Ranma again...
She began to laugh maniacally, before coughing
and looking sheepish. Checking to see no-one had
seen the slip, she bounced onto a rooftop, staff
held negligently in one hand, kicking her heels as
she went, cackling gleefully as she bounded
towards the Nekohanten.
And it was ALL for the boy's own good!
*******
I'm minded to end this chapter here... Hell, why
not?
The big bangs come later, they will effect the
gang, there will be a quest ine of these days, NO I still don't know who
ranma ends up with (if anyone), YES I'm gonna try to write the big
Ukyo, Akane scenes (Kodachi? what Kodachi?) but I've been killing
myself trying to make this run on... and this seems like a good cut off
point. For now. Plus it gets all of you greedy person (singular) to stop
asking for more... (why aren't more of you asking for more?<<smiles>)
23-10-00
End part 5
<<E-mail to Kathy@linuxgrrls.org>
<nofill>
Ryoko
I need a hero!
Mail Eternal Power, MAKE UP!