POKENET - The Big Egg Scramble part 4
ASH: Well, our bust at the concrete factory was a bust. A lot of heads
got busted, as well as... Anyway, the stolen Pokemon weren�t even there.
The Construction Crew, as well as my partners, had all fallen
unconscious under mysterious circumstances, and so I would have to
continue on this case alone.
Misty hits Ash over the head with a mallet.
MISTY: HELLO! I�M not unconscious!
MEOWTH: Meowth�s awake too!
ASH: Like I was saying, only Misty and Meowth were �
Misty hits Meowth over the head with a mallet, knocking him
unconscious.
ASH: � only Misty was still conscious by the time we got out of there.
MISTY: We can�t just leave everyone lying here! Aren�t we at least going
to bring them with us?
ASH: They�ll be fine. They won�t be going anywhere.
MISTY: That�s not what I meant! What happens if someone comes in and
finds them lying here?
ASH: They�ll wake up with empty pockets, if they�ve got any clothes left
on at all...
MISTY: Just help me get them out to the car!
Ash and Misty try to lift Brock off the floor.
MISTY: Oh no! He�s not breathing!
ASH: That�s no big deal. You just brushed his face against Jessie�s
chest. He�s blushing, see?
MISTY: This isn�t funny, Ash!
ASH: Fine, just touch him with your chest and he�ll start breathing
again.
Misty bashes Ash over the head with a mallet.
MISTY: That�s enough toilet humor! Let�s just get everyone packed in the
car!
ASH: Packed in? That could be interpreted in several ways...
Misty hits Ash over the head with a mallet.
MISTY: I told you to can it with the toilet humor!
ASH: Can it... that�s a good one!
MISTY: I�m about to lose my patience with you!
ASH: You�re the one making all the dirty jokes! You said �loos.�
MISTY: I don�t get it.
ASH: �Loo� is the British word for a toilet... you would understand if
you were in England.
MISTY: Great time for you to grow a brain... since we still don�t know
where the stolen Pokemon are.
ASH: Sure we do. They�re in a cabin just outside Viridian City.
MISTY: What makes you think that?
ASH: The tracking device planted on Pikachu. See? That�s the blip right
here on the monitor...
Misty facefaults. When she stands up, everyone else stands up as
well, surrounding Ash against a background of anime flame, their faces
expanded in demonic rage.
EVERYONE: WHY DIDN�T YOU TELL US?!
ASH: (shrugs) I didn�t think it was important.
Everyone else stands back as Misty pulls out the biggest mallet yet
and smashes Ash with it.
BROCK: Yeah, I forgot about that. Pikachu ate the tracking device just a
few hours before Misty came into the office. I told Ash we shouldn�t
have disguised it as an apple.
ASH: No, YOU disguised it as an apple. I wanted to disguise it as a
grape, but it was too big to fit.
MISTY: Your brain would have fit perfectly.
JENNY: As soon as I get over this colossal headache, we�re going to have
to investigate that cabin.
ASH: You have no right to complain about a headache, believe me...
Misty hits Ash over the head with a mallet.
MISTY: What a complainer...
Misty and Brock drag the half-conscious Ash out of the building.
JENNY: Aren�t we going to arrest Team Rocket?
She turns around to see the settling dust trail left by Team Rocket�
s escape.
JENNY: Looks like they�ve blasted off again...
ASH: Having determined that Team Rocket hadn�t kidnapped the missing
Pokemon, we set off for the cabin where the Pokemon were in fact being
held.
MISTY: You sound really indifferent about the whole thing, Ash. Aren�t
you at all worried about Pikachu?
ASH: Sure I am. It was just another one of those emotionless, monotone,
and apparently non-private internal monologues.
MISTY: I�d tell you the only thing you have that is private, but after
berating you for the toilet humor a few minutes ago, I would actually
feel guilty about it.
JENNY: I can�t imagine why...
The car pulls up outside a small log cabin.
BROCK: This doesn�t look like the kind of place to bring your date.
ASH: That�s okay. I didn�t bring my dates. I left them next to the figs.
Misty hits Ash over the head with a mallet.
BROCK: If there aren�t any pretty girls in there, then this becomes
business.
Brock opens the door and steps inside, joined momentarily by the
rest of the group. Ash clenches his hand into a fist as he sees who is
sitting at the table.
GARY: Well, well... if it isn�t Ash Wednesday, private loser.
ASH: Gary Out... I should have known you�d be here.
MISTY: You know him, Ash?
ASH: He�s been my rival ever since police school...
BROCK: What are you talking about, Ash? You never went to police school!
ASH: No, but he did, and he�s been my rival ever since.
GARY: Nice to see you still hang out with losers, Ash.
BROCK: Hey! Misty and Officer Jenny are NOT losers!
ASH: Well, Officer Jenny isn�t, anyway...
MISTY: You�re really asking for it, Ash!
GARY: I wouldn�t judge your friends until you�ve met MY partner, Cash
Tango!
A very large man steps into the room.
CASH: You�re pathetic, all of you. Only Gary is worthy to wear a Private
Eye Patch.
GARY: BADGE, moron. Private Eye BADGE.
JENNY: Great. Cash and Gary... what a pair.
ASH: This tracking device says that my Pikachu�s in this cabin!
GARY: Who are you gonna believe, me or that lame tracking device?
ASH: Well...
JENNY: Hand over the stolen Pokemon now, Gary! Your game is up!
CASH: We�re playing a game? Am I winning?
GARY: Sometimes I wonder how I got stuck with such a moron for a
partner...
MISTY: I know exactly how you feel.
ASH: I don�t know why you feel the way you do, but I don�t feel that
way.
GARY: Anyway, I don�t have the stolen Pokemon. I just caught the thieves
in the act of stealing this Pikachu that some loser had left on the box,
and decided to grab it myself to lure the thieves here.
BROCK: Too bad your plan didn�t work! The only people who came here were
the four of us!
GARY: Well, maybe the real thieves didn�t come, but the four of you will
make great suspects.
MISTY: What?!
GARY: I�ll be thinking of you when I get my promotion... Book �em,
Tango!
Cash wrings his hands gleefully as he advances on the group.
MISTY: OK, Ash, let�s see your clumsiness get you out of this one!
ASH: Right.
Ash turns, throws the door open, and runs out of the cabin. Cash
gives chase, �throws open� the already open door, and smashes his head
into the wall behind the door trying to run out. Ash runs back in,
closes the door, and leans heavily against it.
ASH: Let�s see him try to get in HERE.
JENNY: It takes an idiot to catch an idiot...
MISTY: Ash has caught PLENTY of those...
GARY: So, you�ve managed to defeat my bodyguard... how � CLEVER � of
you...
ASH: That�s right! So hand over my Pikachu before someone gets hurt!
Gary picks up the bound and gagged Pikachu to hand it to Ash.
Pikachu shocks Gary.
ASH: Okay... so someone got hurt anyway.
Ash removes Pikachu�s gag and unties the ropes.
BROCK: So, Pikachu, did you get a good look at the thieves? Who were
they?
PIKACHU: Pika, chu pikachu!
ASH: The case is solved, then! Pikachu is the kidnapper!
PIKACHU: (angrily) Pika...
Pikachu shocks Ash.
BROCK: Wow, Misty. You�ve got some competition now.
JENNY: Pikachu didn�t see the thieves because Cash and Gary got there
first. So now we have no leads left, and we still don�t know what to do
with these two!
ASH: Arrest them! They stole my Pikachu! Only Team Rocket is allowed to
do that!
GARY: Oh, no you don�t! CASH! Wake up and barricade the door!
Cash stands in front of the door, blocking it.
GARY: You managed to take out my partner once, but this time I�ll deal
with you myself. I�ve tripped a silent alarm, and when the police get
here, they�ll find you with the stolen Pikachu and you�ll be the ones
under arrest.
ASH: What silent alarm? I didn�t hear any silent alarm.
Misty hits Ash over the head with a mallet.
JENNY: Your plan won�t work, Gary! You have no evidence!
ASH: Well, I have some evidence here that might work...
Ash pulls a dripping wet hairball out of his pocket and hands it to
Gary.
GARY: What is this? A hairball? Why is it all wet?
He sniffs carefully at the hairball and falls unconscious.
CASH: I wonder why he fell asleep... it couldn�t have been that
hairball, could it?
Cash walks over to the desk and sniffs the hairball, falling
unconscious immediately.
ASH: Well, it looks like we�re all done here. Let�s go, people!
MISTY: How does he manage to make all the criminals look dumber than he
is?
JENNY: We still don�t know where to go, Ash.
ASH: That�s never stopped Ash Wednesday before! If we all just think
about this, we�ll come up with something!
MISTY: Careful, Ash. Don�t hurt yourself...
ASH: Let�s summarize what we know. Team Rocket had the bottle of
chloroform, but they didn�t have the Pokemon. Cash and Gary have
Pikachu, but none of the other Pokemon or the chloroform. And now we
have the chloroform and Pikachu, but none of the other Pokemon, leaving
Team Rocket and Cash and Gary with nothing! Which means...
BROCK: WE must be the thieves! Great thinking, Ash!
Misty hits Brock over the head with a mallet.
JENNY: There must be a connection somewhere...
ASH: Why don�t we try the power plant? They have lots of connections
there.
Misty raises her mallet to bash Ash, but Jenny stops her.
JENNY: For once, let�s just do what Ash says, however stupid it may
seem. So far, he�s been right all along without intending to be...
MISTY: Well, we are dealing with some extremely stupid criminals... it�s
worth a shot.
PIKACHU: Pika... pi?
BROCK: Isn�t it great to be back with us, Pikachu?
PIKACHU: Pi. Chu! Pikapi!
ASH: You should have thought of that before you got kidnapped.
Pikachu shocks Ash.
ASH: Wow... feels like we�re already at the power plant...
Ash collapses to the floor.
BROCK: That�s weird... I didn�t see him sniff any chloroform...
MISTY: Are you REALLY sure we should be listening to these two?
The sounds of approaching police sirens can be heard in the
distance.
JENNY: Maybe not... but whatever we do, it�s definitely time for us to
go!
ASH: I told you, you should have thought of that �
Misty hits Ash over the head with a mallet.
MISTY: YOU should have thought, PERIOD!
ASH: What was that about toilet humor?
Misty screams and smashes Ash repeatedly with the mallet.
JENNY: Come on, let�s just get out of here and let the two of them
fight.
BROCK: Oh, yes! Let�s get away from this boring cabin and find a more
private place...
Jenny lays out Brock with a swift karate chop. She and Misty both
step back to admire their handiwork.
MISTY: Not bad for bare hands...
JENNY: I never appreciated the value of a good, solid mallet...
They stare at each other for a few seconds. Misty hands her mallet
to Jenny, and they continue to pound on the helpless (and hapless)
detectives as the police sirens draw ever closer.
ASH: There are times when no internal monologue will accurately describe
a situation. This is one of those times. But if there were words to
summarize this whole affair, they would be: OWWWWW! OW OW OW! THAT�S
ENOUGH! MISTY, STOP HITTING ME ALREADY! AAAAAAH! HEY, CASH BUDDY, WAKE
UP AND GIVE ME A HAND HERE! A FAVOR, ONE IDIOT TO ANOTHER!
Two police officers walk into the cabin, look around at everyone,
and immediately drag Misty and Jenny out of the cabin.
JENNY: Wait! This is all a misunderstanding! I�m a police officer!
MISTY: It�s really not what you think! Ash, tell them we�re working
together!
ASH: (smiling evilly) Take these crazy women away, officer!
Misty pulls out her mallet to whack Ash, but the officer grabs it
away from her and throws it into the squad car. Misty and Jenny soon
follow the mallet, and they are summarily driven away screaming.
ASH: Let that be a lesson to both of you. Never mess with Ash Wednesday.
BROCK: Great. Thanks to your little prank, Cash and Gary aren�t going to
be arrested, and both of the girls have been taken away!
ASH: Some famous guy once said, �Parting is such sweet sorrow.� Well, I
don�t know about the sorrow part, but it sure is sweet!
PIKACHU: Pikaaa...
BROCK: We�re going to have to get them back. Officer Jenny was so
pretty... and I know she won�t come unless we bring Misty as well.
ASH: I hate to say it, Brock, but you�re right. We do need them back.
(pause) I don�t know how to get to the power plant.
BROCK: All right then! To the police station!
ASH: Um, Brock... about knowing the way to the police station...
BROCK: Don�t worry. There�s a road map in the glove compartment.
ASH: That�s why I�m worried... I still haven�t figured out how to unfold
it!
BROCK: Normally, people have trouble figuring out how to FOLD it.
ASH: I did that... once. I�ve never been able to unfold it since.
BROCK: You�re the only person I know who needs directions to open a map.
ASH: We�re wasting time... the sooner we leave, the sooner we�re out of
here.
They leave the cabin. The sound of the car starting and driving away
wakes Cash.
CASH: Wow... that�s a pretty potent hairball. Could that be why I fell
asleep?
Cash sniffs the hairball.
CASH: Nope... it�s not the hairba-
Cash falls unconscious.
ASH: And so, with the traditional �idiot sniffs the chloroform-covered
hairball� ending that we�ve seen oh so many times, our heroes drive off
into the sunset...
BROCK: It�s still early in the afternoon, Ash. The sun won�t be setting
for hours.
ASH: That�s all right. We can wait. The sun isn�t going anywhere...
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Welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" where we make things up as we go
along, whether they make sense or badger.
JOHNNY BRAVO: *sigh* The only woman I ever really loved... and she's
gone. I wonder if I'll ever get over - Hey! Nuggets!
JACKIE CHAN: Oh, sorry. I broke your spy camera! (pause) SPY CAMERA?!
My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp