Dear Mass Dahn
Thank you for bothering wif reading my Prologue ^_^
Heh, to be honest, actually I was hoping for more constructive C&C than
what u have given me. How was the overall read? How did the character
strike u? Language and interest induction? How was the flow? How to
improve the writing quality?
Well, as for those points u pointed out, here are some tips I hope will
maybe explain your dislike for this particular fic.
-First thing to is.. delete that "No Need For" in the title.. there
are far
to many Tenchi stories that are called No need for whatever and
frankly I
think it is starting to sicken people as much as it sickens me-
Gomen on the title, but it was chosen a loong time ago, and I have to
stick wif the NNF as it prevails for the series. I also employ its
ambiguity sometimes, as there are chapters where it truly is NNF
something. In this particular chapter, that is the case ^_^, although
it only shows up later.
-one word.. EXTREMLY DRAB! .. no waith that is two words.. umm well
the
monologue seems very monotone in the biggining if you ask me.. -
Hmm, I shan't comment on the errors I see above in your writing, except
that they number 3...
Sorry if u found that part drab, but that might be personal preference.
I thought it might induce interest, if anyone wishes to understand the
motivation for not wanting to do well in a test... But apparently it
passed you by, so I do beg your forgiveness for my overestimation of
human perception.
"There you are, Yoda," an eager, husky voice greeted him as he
emerged from his room. "I�ve been looking for you."
-Yoda.. .. someone building a machine.. great Scott NO!-
I'm sorry, but I do not understand the complaint here. Perhaps u think
I'm referring to the Star Wars Jedi Master, and therefore this fic is a
cross-over? You mean all Angelas must be good girls? Maybe u have
something against a certain Harry being wizard? Do names have
stereotypes written all over them?
Marasa�s eyes widened as she felt a cold metal point press hard
against her clothing into her side.
-But then again... maybe not-
??? Well, maybe u're wondering if u would be surprised and bewildered
if someone who was threatening you poked what might well turn out to be
a weapon, maybe a gun, into your side. Do tell me if the said condition
does not cause you to bat an eyelid. ^-^
As for the msg u signed off wif...
please remember, if I (the sole person u intended this msg for) don't
understand, surely nobody will either.
As for that msg itself, I truly suggest u do not C&C pple wif that msg,
whether or not it is a signature. It certainly does a good job of
making them take pleasure at your compliments, as I have. ^_^
Good day, and thank you once again. I do deeply appreciate your C&C
though I doubt I'd make much use of it unless you grace me wif the
answers to the following qns, hopefully in a more enlightened mood than
when u composed your original reply, and please send it privately.
How was the overall read? How did the character strike u? Language and
interest induction? How was the flow? How to improve the writing
quality?
Feel free not to answer ^_^. Thanx for reading, and all the best to
you.
Sincerely and Gratefully
Zyraen
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