POKENET - The Big Egg Scramble part 2
ASH: Brock and I were hot on the trail of the thieves who had stolen
Misty Skies� Togepi when the thieves attacked us, knocking us
unconscious with chloroform. Fortunately, we know how to survive
dangerous situations...
MISTY: Oh, that is so not true! You were the ones who stuck your faces
in the chloroform!
ASH: Anyway, when you�re attacked it can mean only one of two things. It
could mean that you�re hot on the trail, or it could mean you said
something stupid while standing too close to Misty.
Misty hits Ash over the head with a mallet.
BROCK: I guess that rules out being hot on the trail...
JENNY: What we need is a lead on the suspects.
ASH: They just stole my Pikachu, so they can�t have gotten far. All we
need to do is catch up with them.
MISTY: Earth to Ash! You�ve been unconscious for an hour now! The
thieves have had plenty of time to get away!
ASH: Well, why didn�t anyone chase after them?
MISTY: Because you�re the one with the car, and we couldn�t find the
keys!
ASH: That�s because I always give them to Pikachu for safe keeping.
Misty�s mallet arcs toward Ash�s head, but stops an inch short as
Ash pulls a keyring out of his pocket.
ASH: Of course, when I had to leave Pikachu on the box I decided to hold
onto them myself, just in case.
BROCK: That was smart thinking, Ash. But what do we do now?
Ash glances at Misty, who quickly hides the mallet behind her back.
ASH: You know what would be really neat? If we could get some of that
chloroform stuff for ourselves!
BROCK: Yeah, that would be cool! Maybe we should ask Nurse Joy at the
Pokemon Center if she has any.
Misty and Jenny blink in disbelief.
JENNY: They actually came up with a good idea... We should see who got
chloroform from the Pokemon Center! That will give us a lead on the
thieves. Great work, guys!
MISTY: Are you two always this brilliant when you�re trying to be dense?
BROCK: Sadly, no. Most of the time we just solve cases by sheer dumb
luck. Remember that time we had to hunt down the missing Ditto?
ASH: Oh, yeah! Didn�t it try to disguise itself as a building?
BROCK: Would have worked, too, if you hadn�t had to stop there and ask
for directions.
Misty hits both of them over the head with a mallet.
MISTY: We�re wasting time! Let�s just get to the Pokemon Center already!
BROCK: Yeah, that�s right! We don�t want to miss the �Sell By� dates on
the chloroform bottles!
Ash climbs into the car and drives off before the others can get in.
They all shrug.
ASH: Ten minutes later, I arrived at the Pokemon Center and got out of
the car �
ASH: I need to get that radio fixed.
Ash gets out of the car and nearly trips over a box with a sign on
it that says �Leave your Pokemon here.�
ASH: How did this box get here?
JENNY: Congratulations, Rand-McNally. You�ve managed to take ten minutes
to get right back where you started!
ASH: Great! That�s the shortest time yet! But isn�t this supposed to be
the Pokemon Center?
Officer Jenny points to the building next door to the Pokemart.
JENNY: The Pokemon Center is right here!
ASH: I can see that! So why were you all standing around here waiting?
Everyone facefaults.
JENNY: The worst part is, I don�t really have an answer for that
question...
MISTY: The investigation would go a lot faster if Ash and Brock weren�t
here.
ASH: Oh yeah? Well, Brock and I will take care of the interrogation
here. You�ll see us in action soon enough!
BROCK: That�s right! Your Togepi is as good as found!
ASH: Just one thing before we go in...
MISTY: What?
ASH: I still don�t know what a Togepi is.
Misty hits Ash over the head with a mallet.
MISTY: It looks like an egg with little arms and legs, OK?
ASH: OK, OK! I got it!
They all enter the Pokemon Center and approach Nurse Joy at her
desk.
JOY: Hello there, how may I help you?
ASH: I�m Ash Wednesday, and this is my partner, Brock Oli.
JOY: Oh! Like the vegetable, right?
BROCK: Huh? What vegetable?
JOY: Broccoli, of course! I expect everyone tells you that...
BROCK: Brock... Oli... Broccoli! Hey, what do you know? My name sounds
like broccoli!
ASH: Hey, you�re right! That�s neat!
JENNY: (fuming) Can we please get on with the interrogation?
ASH: Right! (puts on a serious face) Miss, I regret that I�m obliged to
require that you refrain from belaboring on the extraneous trivia and
extrapolate exclusively on the relevant and pertinent information.
JOY: (sweatdrops) What?
MISTY: (whispering to Jenny) I didn�t know Ash knew any words that
big...
BROCK: I think what my partner means to say is, �Just the facts, ma�am.�
ASH: Hey, that�s kinda catchy. I like it!
JENNY: How did I ever get stuck with these two morons?
MISTY: As soon as they find my Togepi, I�m getting as far away from them
as possible!
BROCK: And after you�ve told us what you know, how would you like to go
out with me?
MISTY: Then again, nowhere in the world could possibly be far enough!
ASH: Sorry, Brock, business comes first. The woman comes second.
BROCK: That reminds me of a joke I heard once, but I still don�t get
it...
ASH: Nurse Joy, do you have any chloroform in this Pokemon Center?
JOY: Of course, we always keep a supply of chloroform. It makes a
wonderful anesthetic.
BROCK: You�d make a wonderful girlfriend...
ASH: Have you used any of it to kidnap Pokemon?
JOY: Of course not! We use it for surgical purposes only!
JENNY: Did someone take a bottle of chloroform from this Center within
the past week?
JOY: Let me think... we are missing a bottle. It�s possible that someone
could have taken it.
JENNY: Do you have any idea who might have taken it?
BROCK: Yeah, we need to borrow some. (whispering) I might need it as
long as Misty�s around...
Misty hits Brock over the head with a mallet.
MISTY: Here�s your anesthetic!
BROCK: I think it�s working! I don�t feel the pain anymore... it�s all
blurring together...
JOY: Oh, dear. Anyway, I�m sure that whoever stole a bottle of
chloroform is not associated with the Center. I�m the only person here,
and none of the Pokemon would have taken it...
JENNY: Could I please speak with one of your Pokemon?
JOY: Sure. Come out here, Chansey!
The Chansey waddles in from the operating room.
ASH: Aha! There it is! Misty�s Togepi!
MISTY: No, Ash, that isn�t it.
ASH: Well, it looks like an egg with little arms and legs, right? What�s
the difference?
CHANSEY: Chan?
ASH: Oh, no! They�ve confused the poor thing! It thinks it�s a
Hitmonchan!
BROCK: It�s a Chansey, Ash.
ASH: Now they�ve even confused you! I�m the only one here with any
sense!
JENNY: In whose opinion?
MISTY: It really is a Chansey, Ash. Not a Togepi at all.
ASH: Well, it seems suspicious to me. I�m afraid we�re going to have to
take Nurse Joy in for further questioning. Brock, do the honors.
BROCK: Right away!
JENNY: Brock, aren�t you going to try to convince Ash that he�s making a
mistake?
BROCK: No way! If Ash says she�s suspicious, I agree one hundred
percent! Nurse Joy, I�m afraid I�ll have to ask you to step into the
back room for a strip search.
JOY: (sweatdrops) Is that really necessary?
BROCK: Standard procedure. I can pat you down out here first if you
want...
Nurse Joy quickly dives through the door to the back room. Brock
sighs and follows her into the room. Misty and Officer Jenny sweatdrop.
JENNY: No wonder he agrees with Ash...
MISTY: I am SO going to kill both of them when I get the chance!
CHANSEY: Chance? Chansey! Chan chan chansey!
JENNY: Chansey says that the chloroform went missing shortly after they
examined a Meowth with a mild headache. The owner was wearing a mask, so
Chansey didn�t get a good look at his face.
ASH: Aha! That�s very suspicious!
MISTY: (sarcastically) You think?
ASH: Yes! Why would a Meowth need chloroform to cure a headache when
aspirin works just fine?
Misty hits Ash over the head with a mallet.
ASH: Good answer... I think I feel a chloroform headache coming on...
JENNY: Obviously, the Meowth�s headache was just a distraction so that
its owner could steal a bottle of chloroform. If we can figure out who
owned the Meowth, we should be able to find the stolen Pokemon!
BROCK: Okay, Nurse Joy is bound and gagged and ready to go!
ASH: Never mind that, Brock. We have to find someone who owns a Meowth
and get them to confess to the crime!
JENNY: It�s not that easy, guys. There are hundreds of Meowth owners in
the city, and we�ll have to check out each one.
BROCK: She�s right, Ash. We don�t have your Pikachu anymore, so we can�t
use our usual shock therapy. Now people will only confess to the crime
if they really committed it.
ASH: Oh, yeah. Darn. Okay, let�s go check every Meowth owner in the
city!
MISTY: What about Nurse Joy?
ASH: No, she doesn�t own a Meowth. Just the Chansey.
Brock and Ash herd Jenny and Misty out the door. As soon as they�re
gone, the Chansey sweatdrops, while muffled screams and banging can be
heard from the back room.
ASH: So how are we going to figure out who in this city owns a Meowth?
JENNY: Fortunately, you haven�t managed to get your hands on my computer
yet, so it should still work.
Jenny pulls a small computer resembling a Pokedex out of her pocket.
JENNY: This computer has the records of every registered Pokemon trainer
in the city. I�ll do a search for trainers who own a Meowth.
MISTY: That�s a handy gadget...
ASH: Sure beats our method of searching.
MISTY: You have a method of searching for trainers?
ASH: Sure. (cups hands over mouth and screams) HEY! ANY POKEMON TRAINERS
IN THIS CITY WITH A MEOWTH AND A BOTTLE OF CHLOROFORM, COME OUT WITH �
Misty hits Ash over the head with a mallet.
MISTY: What are you shouting for? Do you want them to know we�re on to
them?
ASH: They�ll know soon enough anyway.
JENNY: There are too many names here. We�ll never be able to check all
of these people.
Ash grabs the computer and scrolls the screen down.
JENNY: What are you doing with my computer?
ASH: There�s a name I�m looking for on this list. The name of a master
criminal who�s never been caught.
BROCK: Oh, yeah! I bet he�s the one behind this! He has to be!
JENNY: I�ve never heard of this person...
BROCK: Nobody knows exactly who he is, but whenever a crime is committed
that no police force in the world can handle, he�s almost guaranteed to
be the one responsible.
MISTY: Giovanni of Team Rocket?
JENNY: Mewtwo, the rarest and most dangerous Pokemon?
BROCK: No. Even greater than both of them put together...
ASH: That would be a geneticist�s nightmare... Hey! Here he is!
He points to a name in the list.
JENNY: �Unknown.�
BROCK: That�s him. The world�s most prolific criminal.
ASH: The crimes he�s committed could fill the pages of every book
�Anonymous� ever wrote.
Misty clobbers Ash and Brock with a mallet.
MISTY: �Unknown� isn�t some master criminal! That just means they don�t
know who committed the crime!
ASH: See how good he is? That many successful crimes, and he�s never
been discovered!
BROCK: We could be the ones to unmask one of the greatest criminals in
the history of ambivalent labeling of crimes with no suspects...
JENNY: Well, I can trace the location of this Meowth, but there�s no
certainty that anything concrete will turn up.
ASH: Then we want to go to the abandoned warehouse five blocks from
here.
Jenny taps a few keys, then looks at Ash in astonishment.
JENNY: That�s exactly right! How did you know?
ASH: That warehouse is a huge storage facility for concrete. They have
tons of unlaid cement for building foundations there. So if you�re
looking for something concrete, that�s the place to go!
MISTY: Amazing. Every time I think Ash can�t possibly get any stupider,
he proves me wrong.
JENNY: And yet, he still manages to solve crimes... it just goes to show
you, for every dumb detective there�s a dumber criminal.
BROCK: So for Ash and me, there are two dumb criminals, right?
ASH: Oh, good! I love beating up criminal duos. Usually you can get them
to rat each other out, which removes some of the guilt. I hate having to
rough up innocent people. They crack too easily.
MISTY: I would never hurt an innocent person.
ASH: That�s a relief... I think...
Misty hits Ash over the head with a mallet.
MISTY: A stupid person is another thing altogether! You�re a menace to
society! You�re a danger to people you�ve never even met! How is it
possible to be so dense?
ASH: Believe me, it takes a lot of hard work...
Misty hits Ash over the head with a mallet.
BROCK: Well, Misty, as much fun as it is to watch you bash my partner�s
brains out, you�d probably better stop it until we get to that
warehouse.
JENNY: He�s right. We�ll need Ash at least partially conscious during
the drive there.
BROCK: Besides, once we get there you can hit him with a concrete slab.
That will be even more fun.
ASH: Gee, thanks a lot, Brock. What a great friend. Remember, she hits
you all the time too.
BROCK: Good point. Better make it a small concrete slab.
ASH: With tension threatening to tear our group, not to mention my head,
apart, we decided to pay the criminals a call at the abandoned concrete
warehouse. Hopefully, we�d get a few answers there, as well as a few
aspirins for this colossal headache I�ve been feeling ever since �
BROCK, JENNY, and MISTY: KEEP YOUR INTERNAL MONOLOGUES TO YOURSELF!
MISTY: What I wouldn�t give for a bigger mallet...
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Welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" where we make things up as we go
along, whether they make sense or badger.
JOHNNY BRAVO: *sigh* The only woman I ever really loved... and she's
gone. I wonder if I'll ever get over - Hey! Nuggets!
JACKIE CHAN: Oh, sorry. I broke your spy camera! (pause) SPY CAMERA?!
My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp