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I like this, Thryth. I like this a lot. So do Rhyloss, my Krynnish
Half-Elven Cleric, and Celidon Preideu Annwfn, y Aasimar Paladin, from
Greyhawk, transplanted to Krynn. Which makes jokes about caffinated Kender
even more amusing. (Interestingly enough, before the 2nd cataclysm, my
character was a half-Kender fighter/cleric of Shinare named Marller "Lucky"
Deville, who now runs a series of deity-themed restaurants called Holy
Orders.) So, anyway, all three of them are going to help me comment on
this, and then maybe go back to the others.
Hmm...I'll start off with the one thing that bugged me a little, even with
the helm of opposite alignment thing. Succubi are normally always chaotic
evil, so with a helm of opposite alignment, one would become lawful good.
Oh, I see.
So this Ranma is a chaotic good succubus. How strange.
Ranma Saotome
Half-fiend/Half-human
Medium Size Outsider (Magically Good, Chaotic)
Hit-Dice (assuming 10 year trip): 15d10+80 (208HP - damn.)
Initiative: +6 (Dex)
Speed: 40 ft, fly 60 ft (average)
AC: 20 (+6 Dex, +4 Natural)
Attacks - Not gonna bother.
Damage - Not gonna bother.
Face/Reach: 5ft. by 5ft./5ft.
Special Attacks: Spell-like abilities, energy drain, summon tanar'ri
Special Qualities: Damage Reduction 20/+2; SR 18; tanar'ri qualities;
alternate form; tongues; Poison immunity; acid, fire, cold, electricity
resistance 20; telepathy (100 ft)
Saves: (I have no idea what class ranma is - monk/sorcerer?
fighter/wizard? I'm not figuring out any of the other special monk
abilities. They have 16,000.)
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 22, Con 20, Int 17, Wis 13, Cha 20
Feats/Skills - I dunno
Spell-like abilites: Well, since he/she/it's not evil, Ranma probably
doesn't have access to the normal half-fiend spell like abilities.
This has been a part of the Patch Has Too Much Time segment of this letter.
Hey, where'd my fork go?
LUCKY: Oh, is this yours? Well, it's a good thing I found it, it might
have gotten lost.
PATCH: Aw, jeez.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Thryth" <thrythlind@yahoo.com>
To: "Role-Playing Children of Nerima Freeform" <crazy_con@egroups.com>;
"Fanfic Mailing List Slayers Fanatics" <zellinaxeros@listbot.com>; "Fan
Fiction Mailing List" <ffml@fanfic.com>; "Chorus of Ryouga and Ukyou Fan Fic
List" <ru_chorus@egroups.com>
Sent: Wednesday, November 01, 2000 05:22 AM
Subject: [FFML] [Ranma][fusion][alt] MA&M: 3rd edition [4]
Part 4: The Ryoko to my Tenchi...
"So what was that all about anyway?" Ranma
asked as he caught back up with Akane on the way to
the main hall.
"Where'd you get the hot water?" Akane asked
curiously.
"I know a little magic," Ranma shrugged.
"Like you know a little bit about fighting,"
Akane asked levelly.
"Nah, its a blood thing," Ranma shrugged.
"Whatever," Akane shrugged.
"You didn't answer my question," Ranma noted.
Akane growled quietly before sighing in resignation.
"You know the story how Tenchi Masaaki defeated
the demon Ryoko and won her heart, right?" Akane
asked. "Before they and the dryad queen, Ayeka were
elevated to power status after who knows how many
adventures."
"Yeah, Auntie likes telling that story," Ranma
agreed, not mentioning who "Auntie" was.
CELIDON: My dear auntie was a Solar. In the personal service of Pelor, she
was.
PATCH: I like this a lot. Lucky, get away from Celidon's greatsword.
"Well, every once in awhile, one of us battle
priests sets an engagement challenge," Akane explained
further.
"I thought you said this wasn't your idea,"
Ranma said.
"It isn't, let me finish, or I WILL hammer you
into something unrecognizable," Akane growled. "I
have a few spells left."
This works well...if people understand the D&D spell system.
"Heh, heh" Ranma waved his hands in a warding
manner. "Go ahead."
"Good," Akane growled. "Anyway, about the end
of last winter, Kuno deciced that as a paladin of
Tenchi..."
"Hmph," Ranma snorted. "I'm surprised he
hasn't been damned already for that crap."
PATCH: Haha...Paladin of Tenchi is a funny phrase.
"Would you stop interrupting?" Akane snapped,
whacking Ranma on the back of the head. "Anyway, Kuno
made this speech and decided to make the stupid
challenge for me."
PATCH: And not noticing that Ranma took no damage...
RHYLOSS: Was that a +2 table earlier?
"So you have to fight all those guys every
morning?" Ranma said in disbelief.
"I always win for some reason," Akane shrugged.
"Guys let up a lot when they fight girls,"
Ranma said angrily
"Don't underestimate me," Akane said,
misinterpretting the comment. "Try me for real some
time."
CELIDON: I know not which one is the succubus.
"No way," Ranma said, flat out. "I couldn't do
it."
"Because I'm girl, right?" Akane demanded.
"No, of course not," Ranma snapped in response.
"It's because uhh...yeah you're right, it's because
you're a girl." Akane narrowed her eyes, she wasn't
always the sharpest, but she could tell he'd bee about
to say something else. She still leapt to the wrong
conclusion.
PATCH: "been about to say something else." spelling error.
"We're not getting married," Akane snapped.
"And don't mention that while we're around here!"
"Hey, you're the one that brought it up," Ranma
protested.
RHYLOSS: Hey, I'm a cleric! I do that sort of thing. Here's my card.
Hey, Patch?
PATCH: Yeah?
RHYLOSS: I have an uncle Xelloss too.
PATCH: Swell.
"Whatever," Akane shrugged as they came to the
main doors of the hall. "Just behave and wait for
them to introduce us."
"This is stupid," Ranma muttered. "I shouldn't
be here."
"Stop acting like a vagabond," Akane snapped,
and then bit her lip to keep from shouting anything
more volatile.
PATCH: Gee, you would think that such a fine clerically raised girl would
not insult the poor.
Gosunkugi read the message in his hand, and
read it several more times just to make sure he got it
right. This couldn't be, his beloved promised to
vagabond adventurer with nothing to his claim but a
name. He would have to remedy that situation, later.
"Introducing the berserker priestess Akane of
the Tendo House and...and...and," Gosunkugi couldn't
even say it. He sighed, and took courage in the fact
that nobody would notice him anyway. "Her betrothed,
Ranma of the Saotome House, an adventurer and follower
of the monastic life." Ranma and Akane both twitched
at various parts of the small introduction.
PATCH: Ah, he is a monk.
Saves: Fort +26 Ref +30 Will +23
"Betrothed!!" came the general cry. "How could
you Akane, you said you despised men!"
"Hey, it's not true!" Akane shouted
desperately.
PATCH: Haha.
"Its freakin' arranged, you jerks!" Ranma added
his own comments. "We never a--"
"Nay! It shall not be so!" everyone turned to
face Kuno appearing in the hall. "I, Tatewaki Kuno,
the Blue Thunder vow before my patron Tenchi Masaki,"
there was a crack of thunder outside of the keep from
the ongoing rain storm. Kuno took it as a sign of
support, nobody else was quite that oblivious. "That
I shall free the valiant Akane Tendo from this
obviously unlawful engagement." The enraged nobleman
charged forward and slashed at the dodging Ranma.
CELIDON: Methinks his god hath abandoned him or dislikes him.
RHYLOSS and LUCKY: No, duh.
"Stand your ground!" Kuno shouted.
"Hey, this ain't a place to fight!" Ranma
snapped back. "Follow me!"
"That I shalt cur!" Kuno snapped back. He
followed close behind.
"A duel!" a nameless courtier shouted
excitedly.
PATCH: Nameless courtier. Cute cute cute.
"A duel for the hand of Akane," one of the
maids clarified. "How romantic!" A small mob
followed the fighters, Akane at their head. The
captain of the guards stepped to the side to avoid
being overrun as the younger generation swarmed by.
"Hey, no running in the hall!"
"Yes, sir!" the crowd said, without doing as
they said. After a short run Ranma moved to a window
and nimbly made ready to jump. Of course the fact
that it was big enough to jump through signified that
it was above arrow range, but Ranma didn't care.
PATCH: This is also funny. Thryth, you got style.
"Let's take this outside," Ranma shouted on his
way through. "Follow me!"
"Fear not!" Kuno shouted in return.
"But...this is the cliff side of the keep!"
Akane shouted as Ranma and Kuno exited the building.
She rushed to the window to look down, seeing a
Ranma-chan descending through the rain down the keep
and the cliff. A little above him, Kuno's had frozen
in shock on realizing what he had just done.
"No sweat, I can..." Ranma paused and took
stock of her body parts. "Damn baka trigger. Damn
act. Baka Pop. Kawaiikune berserker priestess."
RHYLOSS: See, that's why I avoid spell triggers. That, and I'm a cleric.
PATCH: I still hate seeing romanji in fanfics. Always bugged me, always
will. (Just a personal thing.)
She stopped grumbling in time to gather enough
power to incant a spell to slow her fall. She really
hadn't used that since she was learning to fly, but
Ranma really didn't want to be sprouting wings at the
moment.
"Did Saotome shrink?" somebody asked as the
crowd hit the windows.
"Must be some sort of illusion," another person
said.
"At least this tunic is loose enough it
wouldn't be too damaged," Ranma thought before
glancing down and saw that she was still some fifty
feet from the ground, then looked up just before
Tatewaki Kuno collided with her. Ranma grabbed
tighter hold of the fainted nobleman. "Pathetic,
losing it over a little fall." Of course, having the
wings and magic to back her up, Ranma's definition of
little fall included the hundred feet of castle and
the hundred fifty feet of cliff following. Even
without magic, he knew how to handle falls that would
break bones on most people.
PATCH: This works well as well.
"Huh?" Kuno's eyes blinked open as he was slung
to Ranma's back. Then he clamped on his reluctant
rescuer. "I fight on!"
"Kuno has to know now!" Akane said despairing,
making for the stairs.
"Hey! Let go!" Ranma shouted as his spell
started to falter with the combined activity and
weight. Kuno's grasping hands found Ranma's breast,
and squeezed. Ranma gasped and slumped for a moment
as her eyes glazed. Then the half-succubus shook her
head clear and narrowed her eyes angrily.
Kuno was ripped from Ranma's back as the girl's
hair darkened to a crimson and she grew about three
inches, tall enough she'd no longer be mistaken for a
short elf. A pair of great batwings completely
stopped their descent as Ranma snapped her face into
Kuno's.
PATCH: Man, nothing but compliments.
"Did I say I was hungry!" Ranma shouted before
kissing Kuno and drawing out his life force. They
landed as Ranma pulled away from Kuno leaving the
swordsman with a dreadfully confused, and somewhat
esctatic look on his face. Ranma shrunk back down to
her normal petite size as she dropped the offending
nobleman. Then looked about frantically for
witnesses. "Baka! Baka! Baka!" The redhead ran off
from the scene through the finally clearing rain.
CELIDON: This is all quite confusing to me. A good succubus? That is
against the very laws of nature.
Kuno lay back and dreamily tried to figure out
what had happened. He managed somehow to cross his
arms and was fingering the ring he was wearing on one
hand.
"That person was female," Kuno thought, as he
remembered the angry red-eyed face shouting at him.
"Which means..." Kuno flipped to a seated position.
"Ranma Saotome, you cur! Do you think that you've
escaped me!?"
PATCH: Ah, Kuno is one of those paladins. INT 10, WIS 8.
*******
"Damn pervert!" Ranma snapped to herself as she
wrung out her breeches, hiding in a tree. Normally,
Ranma didn't mind perverts...much. Being squeezed
like a ripe was certainly something that went beyond
her limits.
"That HURT!" She looked into her shirt to see
if the nobleman had bruised her...again. The last
bruise was only just fading. "And of course I had to
go and show myself. I'll bet the pervert even thinks
it was a reward!" Ranma decided not to peek into that
possibility, she wouldn't have to deal with Kuno for
another couple of days anyway. "Everybody has to know
about me now. Baka! Baka!"
"All they saw was that you'd shrunk," a voice
called from below.
"Akane?" Ranma blinked looking down and saw
Akane holding a metal kettle. ~She's not trying to
banish me.~ "What?"
"What the hell were doing jumping into the RAIN
anyway?" Akane demanded.
"I ain't used to this yet, okay?" Ranma hmphed
sticking her tongue out. "Its only been
one...uh...month."
"That's a lot of time," Akane snorted.
PATCH: Hmm...it's a good thing Nabiki wasn't here for this one. She'dve
caught the pause immediately.
"Shut up!" Ranma snapped, returning to ring out
her pants.
"Then maybe I'll just throw away this..." Akane
held up the kettle. "...hot water."
"Whatever," Ranma shrugged. "I can..." He
stopped as he saw Akane was no longer paying attention
to him. ~Gee, I feel so wanted.~
~Sir Kuno!~ Akane said. She tossed up the
kettle, never having heard Ranma's response. "Catch!"
"Whither Ranma Saotome!?!" the stomping Kuno
shouted. Ranma snapped to attention at that sound.
~How, by Zechs' mask is he walking around!?!~
Ranma asked. ~He's not a true paladin, but he's
got...~ There was a clang as something hard and metal
passed through Ranma's distracted defenses.
PATCH: I'm a little confused here. He's got what? Divine constitution?
Lay on hands? What?
<<SNIP>
"Ugh," Ranma groaned, ~What hit me?~ Ranma
pulled the kettle up away from her face and resignedly
checked her face for damage again. The slight burning
sensation caused her to look at the near-empty kettle
in her hands. "Cold iron, of course, maybe I don't
want to know what I look..." An upside down head
suddenly appeared atop the now destroyed kettle,
spilling the remaining water over the ground.
PATCH: Cold iron works on fairies. +2 weapons work on succubi and
half-succubi.
"Eh," Kuno paused. "You're that woman." Kuno
paused and recalled his "rescue." Nay, this was no
woman, this was a demoness. It truly mattered little
to Kuno, she had to know where the cur had vanished
to.
"You're still a woman!" Akane yelled as she
came to the scene. She apparently didn't notice the
bruise deveolping on Ranma's forehead, or the red mark
from where the kettle had settled.
RHYLOSS: This Kuno guy doesn't seem quite bright enough to recall his
"rescuer".
"You have good arm Akane," Ranma said dryly.
"You'd do the hill giants proud." Akane fumed but
Kuno spoke before she could retaliate.
"So, did you see where the man in the pigtail
went?" Kuno asked. Akane's expression went from one
of rage to one of disbelief at Kuno's question. Ranma
shook her head know, it wasn't quite a lie, she hadn't
seen a man leave anywhere. "That coward, running away
from a fight! No doubt he feared my prowess. Bah!
He is no man!" Ranma narrowed her eyes again and
tossed the jerk upward.
PATCH: Like that'll do anything.
~This pervert saying I'm not a man!?~ Ranma
snapped. ~As if he knows anything more about being a
man than the berserker knows about being a woman.~
Kuno landed as Ranma was standing up.
PATCH: I laughed here. Funny. Hey, is there any more of Ryoko Saotome
coming ever?
"That hurt you know," Kuno said. Ranma
twitched, he should be unconscious already.
"I don't have to take this," Ranma snapped,
falling into stance. "I can take you anytime! Just
try it!"
~I see it now, she has been summoned and bound
by that warlock Saotome,~ Kuno declared. ~Obviously
he uses her as a distraction to enable his escape. I
thought Akane was my Ryoko, how ironic that she, a
priestess of the demoness, should turn out to be the
Ayeka to my Tenchi.~ Kuno's musings ended shortly
before Ranma focused on reading the swordsman's
thoughts, fortunately for both of them.
LUCKY: I didn't. My brain hurt...hey, what's this?
RHYLOSS: Marller, please remove your hand from my gembag.
<<SNIP>>
"You're an embarrasment to your God, Kuno!"
Ranma spat. "You'll never beat Ranma Saotome." Ranma
glanced over him and saw a bit of magic. A bit of
strong magic actually. Hunting it down, he found a
simple ring. She slipped it off and looked at a bit
before shrugging as she slipped it back on his finger.
~Who is she?~ Kuno asked himself as she started
to walk away with Akane.
PATCH: Not enough time to cast a Identify spell, I guess.
"Okay, let's go home," Ranma said, slipping her
breeches on.
"Court isn't over yet you know," Akane growled.
"I'm not going out in public like this," she
gestured at her face. "I'm hideous!" The demoness
drew out a large bandanna and wrapped it around her
head to somewhat hide the cosmetic damage.
"Are you sure you're not a girl?" Akane
demanded.
PATCH: This works real well, as well.
"A ring of regeneration, Little Kuno?" a
disembodied voice mused. "You've been holding out on
me." The voice faded as it followed Akane and Ranma.
Kuno lay sprawled on the ground, the ring had been
taken off, as far as it was concerned, all the wounds
had already been there before being on Kuno's finger,
and those kind of wounds it couldn't heal. Kuno
ignored the pain.
"Obviously she is a mystical vassal to
Saotome," Kuno pondered. "If I could free her and
convince her to turn from the darkness...I would do my
Lord Tenchi the greatest honor!"
PATCH: Or he'll just get beaten up again and again and again.
*******
"Ranma," Genma said from his upside down
position. "Akane really looked out for you today,
didn't she?" He looked over at his son, who was
sporting a simple mask over his face.
"Its not like I asked her too," Ranma said from
his own upside down position. "Besides she ruined my
face, it'll take me all night to heal this bruise."
Ranma as surprised as Genma suddenly manipulated him
into a seated position, then the younger man prepared
for a lecture.
*******
"What business is it of yours how he acts,
Akane," Nabiki sighed. "What's the big deal about a
boy that changes into a girl. There are some
creatures that can do that from birth."
PATCH: Like succubi and waremen?
"That's easy for you to say, Nabiki!" Akane
snapped, she was wondering why her sister was doing
her exercises in Akane's room. "But there are already
rumors spreading about me over this. They're saying
that we're REALLY engaged. When this curse gets
revealed, do you want everyone to think I'm a pervert
too?"
"You battle priestess marry women all the
time," Nabiki pointed out.
"Yeah, but what if they think that I cast the
spell on him!?" Akane demanded.
Outside the door, Ranma paused, about to knock
on the door. He glared silently.
"Why that little," Ranma growled as he walked
away from Akane's room. "How am I supposed to thank THAT?"
PATCH: All in all, this entire story works really really well. A lot of
the jokes, however, are lost on people who don't role-play. I do, and I
laughed a lot.
RHYLOSS: Write more, and I'll not cast a Geas on you.
LUCKY: Stop by my restaurant!
CELIDON: May you travel well in the eyes of the gods.
----------------------------------
Jerry / Patch Monkey
Lord of Darkness, Brenin of Light
patchmonkey@patchmonkey.net
maddhatter@earthling.net
jlevine@wam.umd.edu
http://www.patchmonkey.net
"You can find true love in the Konan Empire,
but no fast food." - Miaka's Lesson
Hi. Pleased to meet you. I'm a man of wealth and
taste. I've been around for many years, and I've
stolen many a man's soul and faith. Hope you can
guess my name.