On Tue, 24 Oct 2000, DB Sommer wrote:
Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot
Chapter 4
I had about half the C&C written out and then it goes and dies on me.
Sheesh.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The sound of static reminded Iria of someone crinkling an empty candy
wrapper into a ball right before they tossed it in a nearby garbage can. The
noise awakened her from the half-dream state she had drifted off to, one she
had not remembered entering. It took a moment for the return of full
cognizance, and the understanding that the crackling sound was that of a
I really liked the above two lines, given the situation. Irony of
ironies.
caused her to make a quick stop by Kei's quarters. There was nothing there,
save a mess that reminded Iria that no matter now much Kei grew up, there
were still some things that never changed.
Or a mess that was pulled from her own memory and inserted in the modern
world. But thats just quibbling.
"Why did you want me to come over to the ship?" She proceeded forward,
wanting to talk to the women face-to-face. Upon moving next to the chairs,
Iria noted that would prove to be a difficult task, considering that there
was nothing but a mangled mess of blood, bone and gore where their faces had
been but hours before.
Curiously, Iria's only reaction was a feeling of detached revulsion rather
than the outright loss of all bodily functions, horror, and complete
psychological breakdown that she would have predicted upon something like
this happening.
Almost casually, Iria backed away from the lifeless bodies. A sound from
behind caught her attention, and she turned in its direction.
Very good distance. The whole scene is detached. I like.
"Gren, what happened?" Iria asked, not as comforted by her brother's
presence as she thought she should have been.
Thats because he's here to eat your soul, dear.
Gren shrugged, his fingers brushing back one of his bounty hunter braids: a
trademark habit of his. "They seem to have died when I ripped their faces
off."
Sigh. They just don't make trouble consultants like they used too.
And with that declaration, his face shifted, warping and inverting until it
became an albino, red-eyed, pupiless horror with needle sharp fangs and a
cry of hunger that came from the empty void where there should have been a
soul. Iria remained where she was, motionless as the face emerged from the
rest of the brim of the head on a long band of red muscle and sinew. It drew
close enough to exhale a breath across her face, the fetid exhalation not
affecting Iria in the least as she watched, motionless.
The jaws opened impossibly wide, easily large enough to clamp themselves
over Iria's head as its moist tongue danced softly across her face, trailing
a thin line of saliva a moment before the face moved forward, the maw
encompassing Iria's entire head before starting to close. The dagger-like
teeth touched against her chin and forehead at the same time, pressing
against the skin with enough pressure to break it and...
I don't quite know what reaction your going from here. I'm still feeling
somewhat removed from the action by the effects of the first part of the
dream sequence so this whole bit seems off.
She pressed a surprisingly cold hand to her forehead to try to relieve the
throbbing force that threatened to split her skull wide open from the
inside. "What happened?"
"You drifted off to sleep," Bob's disembodied voice informed her.
Bob himself was locked in the Quake v.5,438 battle of ages.
Iria looked around the bridge curiously, trying to make sense of what had
just happened to her and what impact it would have. "I shouldn't have done
that. We only have two hours until we get to K12. I had to get ready. You
should have awakened me the instant you saw I was asleep."
"You've been awake for close to seventy two hours straight and were in a
major firefight. You needed the rest." There was disapproval in Bob's
synthesized voice.
"I need to get ready to confront Zeiram!" Iria shot back.
And we see slight irrationality beget more irrationality.
Bob remained silent, refusing to engage in a verbal debate with his partner.
Once it became obvious he had nothing further to say, Iria ended things with
a snort of disgust. Seeing they still had approximately forty minutes before
arriving at their destination, she began pulling off her armor and went to
grab a quick shower before making final preparations for the fight with
Zeiram.
Here come the methamphetamines.
Somewhere in the electronic vastness of the ship's primary computer, Bob
released what for him now passed as a sigh. That little confrontation had
been mostly his fault. He had been concerned about Iria going into battle
against Zeiram with as little sleep as she had. Though the bounty hunter
herself would never admit it, she stopped operating at peak efficiency after
forty-eight hours straight, and there was a sharp drop off in her abilities
for every hour after that. The whole Zeiram issue had her so agitated she
In short, right now she sucks.
hadn't come close to getting any rest. So when they had returned to the
Creeper V and set their course for K12, Bob suggested to Iria that she catch
what sleep she could. When she refused, he decided to take matters into his
own 'hands' by slowly cutting the percentage of oxygen in the room until
Iria, for all practical purposes, passed out. Once satisfied she was asleep,
he restored the air to its normal ratio and planned to awaken Iria a half
hour before their arrival.
It might be more effective for him to gradually increase the oxygen level.
Ozygen overdosage will get Iria very high and then she would probably pass
out on her own. I would imagine its also healthier.
It was much to his distress that she had awakened on her own, obviously from
the throes of a vicious nightmare. And now she was getting snappy towards
him, her little bit of rest not seeming to have helped her at all. Bob just
hoped she'd be back up to fighting form once they arrived at the asteroid.
There was no telling what they'd meet once they arrived.
Sure there is. You're telling it right now.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
"There it is," Yuri said, gazing out the cockpit of the Lovely Angel.
"That sure doesn't look good," Kei murmured.
See?
Iria, who had boarded their vessel after re-outfitting herself, said nothing
as she joined hem in staring at the scene before them.
"How do they put that much tobacco in a furby?"
The mining outpost on Asteroid K12 had been one of the more economical
versions of such an operation, as was so often the case when the minerals
that were being mined were useful, but not particularly valuable. The small
base was almost completely subterranean, buried within the largest asteroid
that would afford them the most protection from the occasional collisions
that they suffered from the other asteroids within the belt they were
mining.
Asteroid collisions aren't that frequent. Remember, even in the extremely
dense regions of the asteroid belt, there is still a miniscule amount of
matter as compared to empty space.
The only obvious point of entry to the operation was the ship's docking bay.
It was nestled within a depression of the three kilometer diameter piece of
rock where the workers mining ships, as well as supply vessels, would emerge
and land as they brought in their cargoes. A forcefield and emergency
titanium door effectively protected the bay from the possible collisions
with some of the smaller asteroids and possible decompression.
You say possible twice in repid succession. may want to sub in 'explosive'
for the second.
But now the docking bay hung wide open, the shape of the depression making
the scene vaguely resemble a giant maw carved out of the brown-colored stone
I really don't like that word maw. It always seems pretensions to me. /me
shrugs.
face of the asteroid. A steady stream of objects slowly drifted from the
And you also say Asteroid a lot.
opening as though the giant rock had grown tired of its occupants and was
disgorging them and their belongings, casting them off in the void. Machine
parts, equipment, and even a handful of bodies were spread out amongst the
debris.
Bad?
Yes, Bad.
Kei focused her attention on the bay. "I don't see any lights at all in
there. It's pitch black."
As opposed to the pitch black which comes of having lots of light in
there.
"I think the power's completely down. I'm not getting even a distress beacon
from the place," Yuri noted.
"Think Zeiram was here?" Kei asked.
"It's definitely his sort of handiwork," Iria confirmed. "We're going to
have to go out and take an up close and personal look."
But not necessarily. If we find any doors with hand prints in them, I'll
give it fifty fifty odds.
Kei picked up on her partner's expression, and why she was making a face.
"Hey, Yuri, why don't you let me and Iria handle going outside and you watch
our backs from here?"
Like this bit. Shows they look after each other while still being
competetive.
"I'll suit up too when... I mean if you need me to go outside and help you
out," Yuri shot a mischievous smile at Kei who scowled at the deliberate
implication that she'd need her partner to bail her out of a jam.
As immediately above.
Twenty minutes later, two figures emerged from the Creeper V's small
airlock. They were dressed in medium-sized spacesuits, the kind that
afforded decent protection while allowing a maximum range of motion. The
pair proceeded to use the directional thrusters attached to the suits' backs
to maneuver towards the open bay.
Surprised they just don't jump and save the packs. The DP has, atleast,
always seemed to be fond of floating around.
fond of floating around with no
Avoiding the floating debris was easy with the years of spacewalking
experience the duo had. Both held their rifles at the ready, halfway
expecting Zeiram to suddenly be expelled from the maw and charge at them,
guns blazing away.
But nothing happened (much to their disappointment) as they drew closer to
the docking bay and eventually made their way to the opening itself. As both
had anticipated, the interior was nearly jet black, no lights within and
only the distant stars providing any source of illumination for the large
chamber.
I'm not sure I understand. Is the hole in the shadow or in sunlight?
Kei examined Iria's face through the huge, almost marble-shaped, clear
helmets that protected their heads. It was true that the clear plastics were
not as durable as the stronger helmets that were made of metal alloys, but
the tiny faceplates on those limited vision so greatly that Kei considered
it worth the additional 'risk' of a more fragile clear shield. Besides, the
metal helmets weren't powerful enough to stop a laser round, making the
first shot in a fight the most critical. Under those conditions, a wide
range of view far outweighed potential protection.
I must recomend adding "still" between helmets and weren't. Otherwise the
sentence seems to be lacking the contrast which I think you want.
Iria shook her head. "It's nothing."
Kei noted the "It's nothing" as being of the "It's something all right but I
don't feel like telling you right now so shove off," variety. Kei would
This was one of the bits where my smart ass comments turned out to be the
actual events. I'm left feeling oddly deflated.
Kei smiled at the 'adults' reference. "Yuri would have something asinine to
say about that."
"What was that?" Iria asked, having only heard something about Yuri over
their link.
And Yuri didn't hear?
"Nothing," Kei quickly replied as she returned her full concentration to
examining the bay again. There was one bad thing about Iria's return: it was
serving as a major distraction to Kei. Not a bad one, just inappropriate
given the circumstances.
How would any distaction not be a bad thing given the circumstances?
"This really doesn't look good," Kei admitted out loud, moving past the body
of a dead dog, one that appeared to have been blown up from the inside.
For most people, this would be an understatement. For these two, it isn't.
I find that very entertaining.
"Wait, Iria! There might be atmosphere on the other side," Kei protested as
she began to glide over.
"Fuck the atmosphere, full steam ahead."
The lights flashed on immediately to reveal the face of a person not more
than three feet away, floating towards Iria. His eyes were wide open, and he
was without a spacesuit, a look of intensity on his handsome features.
Death had been the greatest orgasm of all.
The cry of "GREN!" was ripped out of Iria's throat as she recoiled in horror
at the apparition before her. She reflexively hit the maximum reverse power
switch on her suit's directional thrusters to escape from the figure. They
ignited, the force making the bounty hunter recoil as quickly as if she had
been hit by a truck and was hurled backward. The uncontrolled flight took
her right into Kei's path, who was caught completely unaware by Iria's
unexpected reaction. The bounty hunter struck Kei head on and hard. Both
were driven back into the bulkhead of the docking bay.
Since Iria could have been fleeing the sudden apparition of our boy
the Z-man, I'd imagine Kei would have been prepared for such an action.
fear and forced her to think things through. The idea that Gren had been
floating before her was impossible; he had been dead for decades and his
body consumed. And even if there was some part of him that was still alive,
it would have continued to be a part of Zeiram, not separated as a normal
human being, or even one severed in half.
<snip>
forward by the decompression, and subsequently into the better lighting cast
by the Lovely Angel, Iria noted that the upper torso positively did not
belong to Gren. It was much more slender and the face was wrong, only
bearing a slight resemblance to her long dead brother. Only the nightmare
that had put her on edge, combined with the lack of sleep, had made her
panic like a green rookie on her first mission.
With all the foreshadowing of Gren being somewhere not dead, I'm going to
be very put out if he doesn't stop by and do something. I have my
suspicioncs, but I'll keep them to myself.
Kei was hardly idle either as she regained her breath and came up with a
rifle in hand. Seeing which direction Iria had come from, she gasped out,
"What is it? What happened? Did you see Zeiram?"
"Are we still alive?"
"Yes."
"Involved in a fight for our lives?"
"No."
"Running like our butts are on fire?"
"No."
"Then did I see Zeriam?"
"Probably not."
Before Kei could ask Iria what was troubling her, the older woman announced
in non-debatable tones, "This place is a tomb. We're out of here."
Aw, no room for really over the top necrophilia jokes?
"Everyone, back off!" Kei forced herself between partner and mentor before
the inevitable fight broke out.
well, if she prevented it, it wasn't inevitable now was it?
She turned to Iria first. "I realize something down there got you spooked.
Bob told me on the way back you've been operating without any rest for a
while, so you're tired as well as stressed out, which is perfectly normal
with what we've been through. We're your friends, and the last thing in the
universe we need right now is to bicker with one another while Zeiram's
still out there. We can do it after we've taken care of him, though
personally I'd rather have a drink to celebrate."
Oooh. Patronizing.
"Do you think the odds are better we'll catch up to him, or that we'll
actually find a clue in that mess"? Kei asked.
They both suck. You're screwed.
After considering that for a moment, Yuri reluctantly nodded. When her
partner put it that way, it did make sense, amazingly enough. Sometimes
matters of life and death came down to playing the odds, proving that life
really was nothing more than an elaborate crapshoot. "Fine. Let's do it."
Load the dice.
"What's going on?" the redhead asked, concern evident in her voice.
"Zeiram's running loose killing everything in his path and you ask me what's
wrong?!" Iria snapped.
"I meant what went down outside," Kei clarified, though she had a feeling
"Oh. I really had to pee."
Kei decided that was enough. "Why did you call out Gren's name?"
"I didn't. You misheard me."
Kei scowled now. She knew damn well what she had heard. "I don't think so."
"Then you need to think again." Iria terminated the conversation by turning
away and moving more quickly than before to her ship.
"I have it on tape."
"The tape's wrong."
"Yuri heard it too."
"Yuri heard wrong."
"I have this signed affidavit by you admitting you said Gren."
"I was drunk."
For a moment, Kei contemplated pursuing, then reconsidered. Iria was too
hunter to open up. A smile blossomed on Kei's face as she knew exactly what
to do. Past experience let her know it was prefect. She'd have Iria eating
Oh dear.
The Ship dropped out of hyperspace less than five minutes after the Creeper
V and Lovely Angel had departed the system by entering it. The Ship was jet
black, an obsidian shade projected against the eternal night of deep space.
The surface absorbed even the faint starlight that traveled the distance to
the asteroid belt.
Really good solar power?
The Ship was large, almost half again the size of the Lovely Angel, but it
flowed through the eternal silence like a breeze flowing through the air.
Because as Star Wars told us, even in the vacuum of space, sounds can
travel.
The Ship's shape was similar to an oblong discus, but with a number or
projections along its surface and a pointed shape that marked that part as
the front.
No phallic jokes. No. Silence.
Where before there had been the ruined remains of an outpost, there was now
only a huge gaping hole of blackened jagged mineral that dotted the surface
of the asteroid. The Ship observed its handiwork, reacting to it only by
Surprised they did not blow the whole thing up.
spinning on its axis and leaving the asteroid field more quickly than it had
entered. It eventually headed into hyperspace once it was able to do so
safely and without the obstruction caused by other asteroids in the field.
And cleanup continues.
After fifteen years of partnership, one would have thought there could be no
more surprises between the two women. Blood, sweat, joy, and even tears had
They started age 18? Thought there was something mentioned about it being
after that.
amazingly like century old shoe leather left in a sulfur spring, as though
it were a steak of the rarest cut, but never had they sat down to a home
cooked meal by Kei.
And as we can easily tell, this was a good thing.
If only they would receive an alarm that Zeiram was attacking a colony
somewhere. That would definitely save the day. But there was no cry of
klaxons, at least, not yet.
Mmm-hmn
noticed that among the items she had picked up, there was some kind of
squiggly pet that reminded the raven-haired troubleshooter of the 'Many
Limbed Tentacle Monsters of Phallus Five'. Now there had been an 'adventure'
to be certain. Yuri hadn't been able to sit down for a week after
encountering one of the more 'mighty' members of that particular species...
"Oh dear god, tell me she didn't buy it for that," Yuri murmured.
...
The answer to her unspoken question was delivered as Kei emerged from the
kitchen. She was decked out in a chef's hat with a white apron. On the
apron, in black lettering, were the words, 'Mess with the chef, and die like
the rest'. In her hands she bore a covered hot dish that was still steaming.
A faint scent that would be more correctly classified as an odor drifted
from it and towards the others.
I can see this oh so well. Complete with disgustingly cute picture of
someone messing with the chef and dying horribly emblazoned on the back of
the apron.
The dangerous glare Kei shot Yuri let it be known that further attempts to
escape would be dealt with even more harshly. Yuri considered leaving
More flashbacks to Chicken Run.
anyway, but then decided to give Kei the benefit of the doubt. Besides, they
had a full complement of stomach medicines that could take care of any
indigestion problems brought on by whatever concoction Kei had prepared for
them.
Or so you think.
Seeing what happened, and having some definite suspicions as to what was
lying underneath the silver lid, Iria considered making a run for it too.
But then she remembered how enthusiastic Kei was about cooking. And more
importantly, that Kei was a better shot than her, as well as being damn
quick on the draw.
I like this build up. Working well.
Oh, Kei. You shouldn't have," Iria said, sounding on the verge of tears."
You really, really shouldn't have."
Opening quotation mark missing. spacing wrong on second.
And without any further pomp and circumstance, Kei lifted the lid and
allowed the others to bask in the sight of the culinary masterpiece before
them.
It rested in a bed of deep green lettuce, surrounded by a variety of longer,
stringy steamed vegetables that touched upon every color of the spectrum.
Thats not too bad.
Several turnip shaped spheres surrounded the main dish in the center,
obviously intricately cut and made to be ascetically pleasing as well as
functional.
Still somewhat appetizing
A creamy white liquid with tiny fuchsia colored berries rested
in a small bowl along the edge, obviously meant to be used as a sauce for
the dish.
Good, good.
And in the center was the main course: a multi-tentacled octopus-like
creature. It bore at least a dozen eyes, surrounding the body, that looked
in all directions at once. There was also a set of huge, misshapen tongues
that emerged from two mouths located on different parts of the lump in the
middle. Pustules dotted along irregular intervals along its length, and
everywhere a series of sickly-looking veins covered the entire body of the
puss green colored life-like creature. For a moment Yuri thought she could
see them throb as though the creature was still alive.
"I knew it: boiled Klatuu Beast," Iria's grimaced
...
"What's a Klatuu Beast?" Yuri nearly whimpered as the full scent of it hit
her, causing her to recoil.
Cthulhu's bovine cousin.
"Oh no, she prepared it perfectly," Iria assured her. It was just that
properly boiled Klatuu Beast normally smelled (and tasted) like shit; two
facts that had apparently been lost on Kei.
oh boy.
"It's still alive!" Yuri blurted out in panic, backing her chair away from
the table and going for her sidearm.
Alrighty. With the whole galaxy basically colonized, one little moving
dish couldn't be that surprising.
In a deeper state of shock, Yuri looked across the table at Iria, no longer
irritated in the least by the bounty hunter's previous behavior. It appeared
that Kei's attempt at them resolving their issues peacefully had worked,
though not in the way the redhead had expected. What truly drew Iria and
Yuri closer together was not that they were breaking bread, but that they
were being forced to suffer through a mutual horrible experience together.
Wonderful scene.
Given the tumultuous state of her stomach, pride gave way to the necessity
of talking and getting the stomach remedies. "What did you need to know?"
I'm surprised she said need instead of want.
sure to slow me down or hesitate like back on Daowajon, when Gren overrode
Zeiram enough to give me a chance to kill him. What if that same thing
happens again, now?"
"We'll all die horribly."
"Oh, good."
"And then thousands of other people."
"Ah. Well, that makes me feel better. I'll go stick my head in an oven, if
you'll excuse me."
Her stomach shifted in her abdomen. Emotionally better, anyway. It was time
to get the stomach medicine, and fast.
Do you really need that last comma? Its been sitting there, mocking me,
since the firsttime I read this chapter.
Iria just threw her hands up in disgust. Maybe it was time to break out a
couple of bottles of alcohol and split them with Kei. With the way their
luck was going, they could drink all the liquor on both ships, recover from
their hangovers, and still Zeiram would elude their grasp.
There's really so much to say about that one I'm speechless.
"No response from the operation," Kei informed the others.
Iria looked quizzically at Yuri. In reply, the dark haired woman shook her
head doubtfully. "They've had plenty of time to respond."
"Yes, but they're all dead. Come on now, Iria. Put two and two together."
"How many?" Iria asked.
Yuri knew what the bounty hunter was inquiring about. "According to
operation records, two hundred and thirty three people."
"Shit!" Kei hissed.
"Thats no less than a thousand pairs of womens undergarments. Zeriam's
power grows by leaps and bounds."
The other two just looked at her for a long, silent moment.
The control tower used to guide ships down was a ruin. Several other
buildings were in a similar state, holes all the way down to their
foundations in several cases. Smoke poured from a variety of vehicles and
ships that had been smashed beyond recognition, eliminating any means of
escape. The devastation appeared total.
Well, if the devestation was total, you wouldn't even have that much.
"This was recent," Iria declared, as they hovered over the main landing
field.
"Fires are still going near that condenser unit over there," Kei pointed
out. "Those things won't burn for more than an hour, tops."
"Zeriam's chilling in a burned out starbucks with a Grande Latte. That cup
is no more than half empty. He couldn't have finished blowing stuff up
more than fifteen minutes ago."
"Watch where you fire if he's in there," Iria warned. "I can see the primary
shield array is toast, which means that sucker's the only thing that's
maintaining the atmosphere. If it goes, it'll be a race to see if we freeze
solid or suffocate without breathable air."
Actually, you'll die as your lungs explode and you bleed to death out your
mouth. But don't worry about it.
"Aw, come on. Have some faith in us," Kei complained.
"We are professionals," Yuri reminded her. "We know what we're doing."
"Fine." Iria refrained on commenting that many referred to the duo as being
'Professional Avatars of Destruction' with all of the damage they caused
throughout the universe. But now was not the time or the place for such a
Yes, but they always seem to survive. Iria's the one who should be scared
here.
"Think we have enough firepower?" Yuri suddenly felt uneasy with only a
laser rifle and sidearm for protection. Perhaps she should have grabbed a
grenade launcher on the way out.
Two words for you. Nuclear fucking weapons.
-Dennis Leary
Yet oh so applicable.
Another sound came from the wall. Kei set her feet firmly to brace for the
recoil of eight rotating barrels spitting out two thousand rounds per
minute. Fifteen seconds passed with no further noise, then there was a
Thats not actually that high. A .50 caliber eight barrels gatling gun
assembly can fire eight thousand.
Kei started to do likewise as the wall they originally had their weapons
pointed towards burst open with an explosion of shattered plastic and
tearing metal as Zeiram ripped its way through the wall as though it had
been made of tinfoil. The weight of Kei's bulky weapon slowed her down, and
Now thats a sentence! And the last its has an unclear antecedent. Sounds
like Zeriam is made of tinfoil.
However, there was no third blast as the tremendous sound of a repeating
firearm filled the corridor, deafening Yuri. Zeiram fell forward hard from
the hundred or so rounds that Kei had unexpectedly fired into his back.
Actually, the sound of that thing going off would be an attack in and of
itself.
The spinning barrels were a blur as Kei fired continuously at her target.
Rather than each projectile flashing from a barrel, it looked more like a
continuous stream of light emitting from the huge firearm.
Wahoo! Really big freaking guns!
Smart Gun ceasing fire. The redhead looked at the ammunition count on the
digital display on the top of the gun. It read zero.
D'oh!
She started to draw her sidearm when Yuri placed a hand on her shoulder and
said, "My turn." She firmly pushed Kei to the side and brought her laser
rifle up. It might not have had anywhere near the damage capacity her
partner's weapon had, but it still had a kick to it, and more importantly,
ammunition.
Doesn't anyone bring a syringe with 100ccs of Nerve poison with them? Be
done with this problem real sudden like.
"Shoot him!" Kei insisted upon seeing Yuri hesitate.
"I want a clear shot," Yuri insisted, despite Zeiram protecting his vitals
and Yuri knowing damn well shooting him in the arms would do little good
given what happened the last time she fired upon him.
So? Shoot anyway.
"What's happening?" Yuri asked her partner, who had far more dealings with
Zeiram than her.
"Haven't the faintest idea," Kei replied.
I say again. So? Shoot anyway.
Iria was examining the remains of what might have been a person when she
heard the sound of a particle beam cannon come from the atmospheric
And she didn't hear 2000 rpm of cyclic fire?
"DIE!" Iria shouted at the top of her lungs as she began running forward,
firing wildly as she drew nearer her goal.
Doesn't anyone nuke people from orbit any more?
Nice final fight. Had my attention well in hand.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I think this was a better chapter than some of the early ones. It seemed
for a bit like you were searching for a way to write and justnow found
your methodology. Huzzah, huzzah.
Miashara
-Why vote for the lesser of two evils? Cthulhu for president in November,
2000