Title: Kasumi 1/2
Episode: Prologue (revision)
Author: Rainman
Email: raemowse@aol.com
Homepage: http://lwf58.tripod.com/fan_fiction/raemowse/index.html
Archived at above
Date Sent to FFML: August 24, 2000
Archive Number: 13655
Size: 13 KB
Title Summary:
Kasumi has gotten pregnant but she really shouldn't have. Now they must
deal with her pregnancy as well as all the trouble that will accompany
the world-breaking news.
Episode Summary:
Kasumi makes a trip to Tofu's clinic and receives the shock of her life
- she's pregnant! So who's the father?
Review:
Okay, let's be honest. First of all, the title makes me want to chuck this
baby
in the trash bin. Anyway, after it hovered over the DEL key for awhile I
relented, remembering never to judge a book by its cover.
=Trust me, I've thought about changing the title on more than one occasion.
Honestly, the title was a spur of the moment kind of thing. I figured after
revisions, I would just change it over to something else that would make more
sense. Well, it pretty much stuck from there, and I haven't heard anything
against the title (probably because they already deleted it and never
bothered to read the blooming thing ^_^). I am open to suggestions, though.
Try to fix the format. I don't indent in my reviews because they're informal
pieces more or less.
=I use to indent, really I did. After the mass style revision, though, I did
away with it because it took up a lot of effort to constantly put in five
spaces at the beginning of a new sentence (pressing the TAB key sent the
cursor like halfway across the page, and since I don't have Microsoft Word on
this computer, I use WordPad, which isn't very consistent) and I oftentimes
forgot to do so while writing. Rather than go back and splice in the
artificial tab, I just axed them all. Ctrl+H does away with so much in a
snap. Lazy, I know, but it helped to keep one recurring headache at bay for
me.
Also you miss a few periods (pardon the pun).
= ^_^
That's what you get when you spell-check after working the graveyard shift
with two hours of sleep under your belt.
Also why
are there two spaces instead of one after periods. Could you at least make it
easier on my eyes?
= [perks brow] Doesn't everyone double space at the end of a sentence? Not
to sound flippant or funny, I'm being serious here. I thought that's how you
would normally write a sentence. Maybe it's just a Southern thing...
Sorry about that, professional side taking over.
=Ah, it's all right. You should see me when I really get onto a tear.
Anyway, the story on the overall
is well-written, just a bit scruffy on the format side, though I don't get
it.
=Grammatical differences and over-simplification. At least, the Japanese is
reduced to a minimum.
I'm willing
enough to go for a ride though.
=That's always a good thing. Just for that, you don't have to pay the toll.
^_^
Thanks for the comments.
Adrian D. Rainman