On Fri, Oct 27, 2000 at 05:41:47PM -0700, Nibun Yuri wrote:
seems, Ranma and Akane had run off together. But that wasn't the end
Mr. Connor,
Whozat? I'm Sean.
it sounds a little awkward to have a present-tense verb
smack-dab in the middle of a past-tense sentence... ^^;
Except that it's not a present tense verb. It's a past perfect tense verb.
If indeed it's awkward, then at least it's awkward in a grammatically
correct way. :P
their dead masters for years. There was no doubt in her mind that
Konatsu would be such a dog, if he were a dog.
::laughs::
"Now I've found you, Saotome! Now you will face my darling Shampoo's
wrath! Now that she finally knows what a dishonourable rat you are...
She'll have no mercy on you! Come on, will you!"
Wouldn't Mousse be happy that he can have Shampoo now? ^^; Unless she's
giving him hell about it...
Konatsu watched the behaviour of the long-haired, Chinese robed youth
Is that Chinese-robed, as in wearing a Chinese robe, or Chinese, robed
youth, as in a Chinese youth who's wearing robes of some kind, Mr. Connor?
^^;
Whoops. 'Chinese-robed'
"Indeed I am," the youth replied dramatically. "And now that I've
found him, he shall pay for hurting my darling Shampoo!"
9_9;;
"Now look at it from my perspective. I love a woman above all else.
Unfortunately, she loved Ranma Saotome. Now that the pusillanimous
Wouldn't it be 'loves'? Unless Shampoo doesn't love him, anymore...
Uhh... I'll have to think about that. Both would be correct; it would just
change the nature of Shampoo's response to the elopement, which isn't
particularly critical to this fic.
Uh, 'pusillanimous...' ^^;;; ::searches frantically for dictionary::
.. ^o^ Wow, for once something is actually in my dictionary, and the
definition is actually understandable! >:} Now THERE'S a nice word to
use to insult somebody; the odds of them knowing the definition is very
very low.
cur has run off with Akane Tendou, my darling is inconsolable! If I
can bring him back to her, and she can make him pay for his actions,
she will be forever grateful to me!"
Oh, so that's his plot, eh? It's just about skewed enough for Mousse, I
guess. ^_^
telephone pole," he said, obvoiusly disappointed.
^_^ I believe someone like you could notice the error in the above
sentence fragment.
Yup.
"Well, I'm looking for Ranma Saotome too. If I find him, I'll bring
him to you after Ukyou-sama is done with him. How about that?"
Would it be, "Ranma Saotome, too"? That seems to be the way my teacher
taught us to set 'too' off... ^^;
Whoops.
in and out, dodging a few recklessly aimed blows. Finally, he managed
to latch onto a piece of clothing that didn't give when pulled on.
::grin:: Is it that super-strong underwear?
Read on and find out... :)
had no chance. She tripped on a tree root, piled head first into the
Would you possibly consider "plowed" as a substitute for 'piled,' Mr.
Connor? ^^;
Personally, when I think of someone 'plowing' into something, I have this
mental image of them displacing a large amount of whatever material they
land in -- a skier wiping out and a plume of snow flying out in all
directions, for example. I don't really think that was the case here.
Konatsu nodded, and continued to hold Ranma up off the floor -- by his
underwear.
I'm SO good. *^_^*
There you go...
the kind of man that she thought Ranma was. He still had
Do you think adding 'had' after 'she' would make things a little clearer?
Since most of the fic is written in past tense, and Ukyou doesn't
presently think that about Ranma, 'she had thought' would make it clearer
for the reader, I think... ^^;;
You're right about this one. I should have used the past perfect there.
face, and a frisson to her body. She turned to her grille and started
'Frisson'... ::dictionary:: Not a lot of people have the kind of
vocabulary you have, Mr. Connor... ::contemplates her current choice of
friends over E-mail:: I take it back... -_- Well, that word's not in my
dictionary. ^^;
A 'frisson' is a shiver of excitement -- kind of a 'shiver up your spine'
feeling.
conditions. Not to mention that he didn't really want to think about
the permanent damage this may have caused.
::snickers::
[Author's Notes: I may be the author of this, but even I'm not exactly
sure
what I've wrought. It seems to border on spamfic territory if you ask
me.
Your comments are welcome; they might just help me understand it better.
:]
Well, I suppose I would have to know what a spamfic is to know if this is
like one, but I thought it was very charmingly written... ^_^; Thanks
for the pleasure and entertainment, Mr. Connor.
No problem. Thanks for the comments.