I'll send a few one-shot fics before starting on my longer stories
again... I've got one more complete multi-part story (but only 5 parts
long) to send in, and many more unfinished stories after that. So... My
only real one-shot Ranma fic:
In the proud tradition of JOHN WALTER BILES� SHAMPOO QUEST comes the
next homage to both Rumiko Takahashi�s RANMA � and the masterful text
adventure games from the days of ZORK:
RYOGA QUEST
Unrecognizable place
You have no idea where you are or how you got here.
LOOK AROUND
Unrecognizable place
You still have no idea where you are or how you got here. However,
�here� appears to be the interior of a cave. Narrow beams of sunlight
filter down from tiny holes in the cave roof, barely illuminating the
area.
LOOK AT MYSELF
Ryoga Hibiki
You are wearing an orange shirt, green pants held up with a sturdy
leather belt, and a yellow bandana with black spots. You�re feeling a
little hungry.
INVENTORY
You are carrying:
A map
A shirt (worn)
Pants (worn)
A pack (worn)
A large bamboo umbrella (secured to pack)
A leather belt (worn)
1000 yellow bandanas (worn)
READ MAP
It appears to be a map of a place called �The Cave of the Sacred Gem� in
Togenkyo.
OPEN PACK
Your arms are not nearly long or limber enough to do that.
REMOVE PACK
You remove the pack from your back.
OPEN PACK
You untie the straps securing your pack closed.
LOOK IN PACK
There is a map, a canteen, a thermos, a knife, a box of bandanas, and a
glowing green gem in the pack.
OPEN CANTEEN
As you open the canteen, its contents splash down the front of your
shirt.
CLOSE CANTEEN
Your hooves are not capable of that manipulation.
LOOK AT MYSELF
P-chan
You are a small black pig wearing a yellow bandana with black spots. You
�re getting pretty hungry.
SCREAM
BWEEEEEE!
OPEN THERMOS
You pull the thermos out of the pack and lay it on its side. By rolling
the thermos across the ground, you manage to remove the top. The hot
liquid inside begins to spill out and evaporate immediately upon
touching the dry ground, emitting clouds of steam.
TOUCH WATER
Which water do you mean: the hot water or the cold water?
HOT WATER
There is no hot water here.
LOOK AT WATER
Which water do you mean: the cold water or the steam?
SCREAM
BWEEEEEE!
GET GREEN GEM
You can�t pick up the green gem.
PUSH GREEN GEM OUT OF PACK
You enter the pack and begin to push the green gem with your snout.
PUSH GREEN GEM OUT OF PACK
You continue to push the green gem.
PUSH GREEN GEM OUT OF PACK
You continue to push the green gem.
PUSH GREEN GEM OUT OF PACK
You finally emerge from the pack, pushing the green gem.
PUSH GREEN GEM TO COLD WATER
You maneuver the green gem next to the puddle of cold water. Sunlight
begins to shine through the green gem into the puddle.
LOOK AT WATER
The water is beginning to emit steam.
TOUCH HOT WATER
You dive into the puddle of water.
LOOK AT MYSELF
Ryoga Hibiki
You are wearing a yellow bandana with black spots. You are very hungry
now.
GET CLOTHES
Pants: Taken
Shirt: Taken
Belt: Taken
1000 bandanas: You�re already wearing them.
WEAR CLOTHES
Pants: You put on the pants.
Shirt: You put on the shirt.
Belt: You fasten the belt securely around your waist.
1000 bandanas: As incredible as it may seem, you are already wearing all
of them.
GET PACK
You retrieve your pack.
CLOSE PACK
You tie the straps securely, preventing the pack from spilling its
contents.
WEAR PACK
You swing the pack over your shoulders.
INVENTORY
You are carrying:
A shirt (worn)
Pants (worn)
A pack (worn)
A large bamboo umbrella (secured to pack)
A leather belt (worn)
1000 yellow bandanas (worn)
LEAVE
Which way do you want to go?
DOES IT MATTER?
Not in the slightest.
Unrecognizable Place
You have moved deeper into the cave. Little sunlight penetrates this
area. Some sort of moss appears to be growing on the wall.
GET MOSS
You scrape off some of the moss.
EAT MOSS
The moss doesn�t taste very good; however, it does drive off the
encroaching hunger pains.
GET MOSS
You scrape off some more moss.
EAT MOSS
You�re not hungry anymore.
GO SOUTH
Unrecognizable Place
You are still in the cave.
GO SOUTH
Unrecognizable Place
There is moss growing on the wall here.
SCREAM
AAAAAARGH!
The moss is beginning to feel strange in your hand.
SAVE
Game saved.
GO NORTH
Front of House
You are in front of a small white house. There is a mailbox here.
OPEN MAILBOX
There is a letter in the mailbox.
READ LETTER
The letter is addressed to Ryoga Hibiki. Wait a second... that�s you!
You read the letter with interest. It appears that you have won a
sweepstakes! The prize is either a free trip to Jusenkyo, China,
including a personalized tour of the Cursed Spring of Drowned Man... or
a free session at a tanning salon. There is a silver dot at the bottom
of the letter.
SCRATCH SILVER DOT
You eagerly scratch away the silver dot... you�ve won a free tanning
session!
SCREAM
AAAAAARGH!
The moss has eaten its way into the flesh of your hand. You watch in
horror as it continues to consume your soft tissues until it devours
your eyes. You collapse to the ground, a pile of bones, clothes, and
hair.
RESTORE
Game restored.
DROP MOSS
You can�t get the moss to let go of your hand.
PUT MOSS IN PACK
The pack is closed.
OPEN PACK
You are still wearing the pack.
REMOVE PACK
You take the pack off of your back.
OPEN PACK
Your moss-covered hand can�t grip the straps properly.
PUT MOSS IN POCKET
Your pants don�t have pockets.
PUT MOSS ON HEAD
You put the moss on top of your head. It settles happily onto your hair.
WEAR PACK
You put the pack back on.
GO TO FRONT OF HOUSE
Unrecognizable Place
Funny... this is where the Front of House SHOULD be...
GO EAST
Unrecognizable Place
You can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The cave entrance is
just to your west.
GO NORTH
Unrecognizable Place
You are standing at the base of a mountain. A cave mouth opens in the
side of the mountain nearby. A man wearing imperial robes is staring at
you expectantly.
MAN, WHERE AM I?
�This is Togenkyo, of course!�
MAN, WHO ARE YOU?
�There is no time for idle chatter! Do you have it?�
MAN, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
�The Emerald Key, of course!�
MAN, WHAT IS THE EMERALD KEY?
�It�s the green gem I sent you into that cave to get!�
OPEN PACK
You�re still wearing it.
REMOVE PACK
You take the pack off of your back.
OPEN PACK
You open the pack.
LOOK IN PACK
There is a map, a knife, and a box of bandanas in the pack.
�Hurry up! I haven�t got all day!� urges the impatient man.
FIND THE GREEN GEM
The green gem is somewhere inside the cave.
�It looks like you don�t have it, then,� says the man. �I suppose that
means I can�t give you any of the water from the Togenkyo spring that
turns anything it touches into a man permanently.�
SCREAM
AAAAAARGH!
TAKE UMBRELLA
You pull the umbrella out of its sheath.
ATTACK MAN WITH UMBRELLA
You swing your umbrella at the man. He runs into the forest. A small
round object falls from his belt.
GET OBJECT
You pick up the canteen of Togenkyo water.
OPEN CANTEEN
You open the canteen, careful not to spill a drop of the precious water.
POUR WATER ON MY HEAD
You pour the water on your head. Suddenly, you feel a great weight
pressing down on you.
LOOK AT ME
Ryoga Hibiki
You are wearing an orange shirt, green pants held up with a sturdy
leather belt, and a yellow bandana with black spots. A green moss-man is
sitting on top of your head.
SCREAM
AAAAAARGH!
The moss-man jumps off of your head and shakes himself vigorously,
splashing water everywhere.
SCREAM
BWEEEEEE!
The moss-man looks around, confused, then runs off into the forest.
FOLLOW MOSS-MAN
You set off on the moss-man�s trail...
Unrecognizable Place
You are in the middle of a forest.
FOLLOW MOSS-MAN
Unrecognizable Place
You are in the middle of a forest.
FOLLOW MOSS-MAN
Unrecognizable Place
You are in the middle of a rocky, crater-strewn landscape that reminds
you oddly of pictures of the surface of the moon. A huge blue star can
be seen in the sky above you.
FOLLOW MOSS-MAN
Unrecognizable Place
You are standing at the base of a mountain. A cave mouth opens in the
side of the mountain nearby. There is a pack here, amidst a pile of
clothes. There is an umbrella here.
SCREAM
BWEEEEEE!
GET MAP FROM PACK
You pull the map out of the pack.
READ MAP
The map is closed.
OPEN MAP
You tug at the corners of the map with your teeth until you have managed
to unfold it.
READ MAP
The legend in the corner of the map reads �Nerima District, Tokyo.�
GET MAP
The map is too large to carry while it is unfolded, especially given
your current condition.
FOLD MAP
The thin paper tears as you try to fold it. You�re about as good at
folding maps as you are at following them.
FOLD MAP
The paper tears further.
FOLD MAP
The paper finally tears completely into several sections.
GET MAP
You grab a detached corner of the map in your teeth. The rest of the map
is picked up by a mysterious breeze and floats away.
ENTER FOREST
Unrecognizable Place
You are inside a cave.
EXIT CAVE
Unrecognizable Place
You are inside a small cardboard box.
EXIT BOX
Unrecognizable Place
You are standing on a bridge over a deep chasm.
CRY
You shed a few piggy tears.
The ropes holding up the bridge begin to snap, strand by strand.
GET OFF OF BRIDGE
You are still on the bridge.
The ropes creak as another strand snaps.
GET OFF OF BRIDGE
You are still on the bridge.
Only one small strand of rope remains intact.
STAY ON BRIDGE
OK.
The rope snaps, and the bridge collapses. You plummet into the chasm.
SCREAM
BWEEEeee...
You land on something soft.
LOOK AROUND
Unrecognizable Place
You are sitting on top of a backpack amidst a pile of clothes. There is
an umbrella nearby.
SCREAM
BWEEEEEE!
FIND AKANE
Akane is probably in the Nerima District right now.
GO TO AKANE
Unrecognizable Place
The ground here is covered with snow. Large domes made of ice blocks dot
the landscape.
GIVE UP
You let your body sag with grief, knowing that you will never find
Akane.
A man with a palm tree on his head picks you up. �Aloha, what is dis?
First we got de strangest weather I�m ever seein� in Hawaii, an� den dis
pig is showin� up heyah...�
RUN AWAY
You can�t run while Principal Kuno is holding you.
Principal Kuno grabs the map piece from your mouth. �It�s headin� to
Furinkan, eh? We can do dat!�
BITE PRINCIPAL KUNO
�It�s bein� a feisty devil!� says Principal Kuno. �Definitely a wahini.�
Something hits you on the head, and the world goes black.
LOOK AROUND
Blackness
Everything around you is black.
LOOK AT MYSELF
P-chan
You are a small black pig wearing a black bandana with black spots.
LOOK AT BLACKNESS
The blackness is black.
EXIT BLACKNESS
Greenness
Everything around you is green.
LOOK AT GREENNESS
The greenness is green
LOOK AT BLACKNESS
The blackness is green.
LOOK AT ANYTHING
The anything is green.
LOOK AT BLUEBERRY
The blueberry is green.
EAT BLUEBERRY
You don�t see a blueberry here. You couldn�t see it if it was here.
Everything looks the same here: green.
GO TO BLACKNESS
Chartreuseness
Everything around you is chartreuse.
GO TO MAROONNESS
Maroonness
Everything around you is maroon.
You do a double take. You�ve found the place you were looking for! That�
s a bad sign...
RYOGA�s sense of direction drops by 1 point.
SCREAM
BWEEEEEE!
A shaft of light can be seen in the distance.
GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT
Beigeness
Everything around you is beige.
The light is beginning to fade...
GO AWAY FROM THE LIGHT
Transparentness
Everything around you is transparent.
LOOK AT PLOT
The plot is transparent.
There�s almost no light left.
GO IN RANDOM DIRECTION
You head off in the random direction of the light. The light surrounds
you and you awaken.
Unrecognizable Place
You are in a large freezer. Huge slabs of pork hang on hooks set into
the ceiling.
FAINT
You lose consciousness at the sight of so much pork.
Blackness
Everything around you is black.
SCREAM
BWEEEEEE!
WAKE UP
You awaken to find yourself having great difficulty breathing.
LOOK AT MYSELF
Ryoga Hibiki
You are wearing a yellow bandana with black spots. Your skin is turning
red.
Your lungs are beginning to burn.
LOOK AROUND
Unrecognizable Place
You seem to be in a very large pot full of very hot water. There are
carrots and onions floating in the liquid.
If you don�t get some air soon, you�ll drown!
SWIM UP
You swim into the side of the pot, banging your head.
This is your last chance to get a breath of air...
FLOAT
You let yourself float to the surface of the pot. Your head finally
breaks the surface, and you gratefully begin to breathe again.
A voice says, �Hey! You�re not a pig! Get out of my soup!�
WAIT
Not trusting your own sense of direction, you wait until the chef
extracts you from the pot himself and throws you into the street.
�Hey, look, it�s Ryoga!� says a voice that you recognize. It�s Ranma!
ATTACK RANMA
�You might want to put these on first,� says Ranma, throwing your
clothes to you.
WEAR CLOTHES
Shirt: You put on the shirt.
Pants: You put on the pants.
Belt: You fasten the belt securely around your waist.
1000 bandanas: You�re still wearing each and every one of them.
�Bet you�re happy to see those,� says Ranma. �I found them on a trip to
Togenkyo Island. Some guy named Toma gave me some water in exchange for
some green gem I found lying on the floor of a cave. Pretty cool, huh?�
SCREAM
�RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!� you scream at the top of your lungs.
Ranma takes a fighting stance. �Bring it on, pig-boy!� he taunts.
THROW BANDANA AT RANMA
Ranma dodges the bandana.
THROW 10 BANDANAS AT RANMA
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
THROW 50 BANDANAS AT RANMA
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
...
Ranma dodges the bandana.
THROW 100 BANDANAS AT RANMA
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
...
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
...
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
Ranma dodges the bandana.
...
Ranma dodges the bandana.
THROW 500 BANDANAS AT RANMA
Ranma dodges the bandanas.
SCREAM
�RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!� you scream at the top of your lungs.
Ranma appears confused. �Didn�t you already say that?�
THROW BANDANA AT RANMA
Taking advantage of Ranma�s confusion, you catch him in the forehead
with a bandana. He staggers, completely off balance.
REMOVE BELT
You take off your belt and snap it, turning it into a lethal blade.
ATTACK RANMA WITH BELT
You charge forward at Ranma, but the pair of pants around your ankles
trips you, and you fall flat on your face.
REMOVE PANTS
You kick off your pants.
ATTACK RANMA WITH BELT
Ranma has recovered enough to kick the belt out of your hands.
INVENTORY
You are carrying:
A shirt (worn)
338 bandanas (worn)
THROW 337 BANDANAS AT RANMA
As the bandanas fly toward their target, Shampoo leaps in front of
Ranma. �Airen!� she shouts.
�Shampoo, move!� shouts Ranma, throwing Shampoo aside. One of the
bandanas slices through her hair, chopping most of it right off. �Oh
god...�
SCREAM
�RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!� you scream at the top of your lungs,
inappropriately.
Shampoo reaches behind her head and feels what�s left of her hair. Her
face turns red. �RYOGA!� she shouts. �I KILL!�
RUN AWAY
For once, your survival instincts override your lousy sense of
direction, and you manage to avoid running straight toward the furious
Amazon.
Unrecognizable Place
You are standing next to a large building. A sign on the building reads
�FGAUSHUFDEOW, North face.�
Shampoo charges into the area, waving her bonbori threateningly.
RUN NORTH
Unrecognizable Place
You are standing next to a large building. A sign on the building reads
�FGAUSHUFDEOW, East face.�
Shampoo is here.
READ SIGN
Upon examining the sign closely, you can make out the words �Furinkan
High School.� Funny how well you can find your way around when you�re
paying attention.
Shampoo shouts, �Why you ignore Shampoo?� She hits you on the head with
her bonbori.
PAY ATTENTION
Your awareness increases.
Shampoo hits you on the head with her bonbori. Due to your increased
awareness, you determine that she has hit you with 736.4 Newtons of
force.
USE BAKUSAI TENKETSU
You stab your finger into the ground beneath Shampoo�s feet. The ground
caves in, revealing a deep tunnel below. Shampoo plummets into the
tunnel, screaming the whole way down.
Mousse enters the area. �Shampoo, what�s wrong?� he shouts.
TRIP MOUSSE
Mousse nimbly leaps over your outstretched leg. �Ha, bet you thought I�d
fall for that, didn�t you, Ranma?� He laughs one more time before
walking away and falling into the hole.
FIND AKANE
Akane is most likely at the Tendo Dojo right now.
GO TO THE TENDO DOJO
Unrecognizable Place
You are standing atop a tall mountain. The Dalai Lama is here.
DALAI LAMA, HOW CAN I GET A BETTER SENSE OF DIRECTION?
The Dalai Lama�s eyes open. �Pay attention to the world around you,
son,� he says. �While I meditate to increase my awareness, you must
anti-meditate. Instead of suppressing the senses, you must focus them.�
THANK THE DALAI LAMA
�You�re welcome. By the way, you might want to put on some pants.� The
Dalai Lama�s eyes close, and he returns to his meditation.
STEAL PANTS
The Dalai Lama isn�t wearing any pants.
CLIMB DOWN MOUNTAIN
It�s too steep. In fact, you don�t even know how you got up here in the
first place.
SAVE
Game saved.
USE BAKUSAI TENKETSU
The mountain shatters at your touch, plunging you and two million tons
of rock toward the Earth. Unfortunately for you, you hit first.
LOOK AT MYSELF
Ryoga Hibiki
You are about the shape of an okonomiyaki, but much larger. Needless to
say, you are dead.
RESTORE
Game restored.
LOOK AT DALAI LAMA
The Dalai Lama is in a deep trance. He is wearing a tunic and has a
turban wrapped around his head.
STEAL TURBAN
You remove the turban from the Dalai Lama�s head. He doesn�t notice.
OPEN TURBAN
You unravel the turban. It is now merely a large square of cloth.
HOLD CLOTH ABOVE HEAD. JUMP
Holding the cloth above your head, you leap off of the mountain. Air
fills the cloth, which acts as a parachute to slow your descent. You
narrowly miss being impaled on various sharp rocks on the way down, and
finally come to a soft landing.
LOOK AROUND
Unrecognizable Place
You are standing at the base of a mountain. A cave mouth opens in the
side of the mountain nearby. There is a pack here. There is an umbrella
here.
SCREAM
AAAAAARGH!
LOOK IN PACK
There is a knife and a box of bandanas in the pack.
GET KNIFE
You take the knife out of the pack.
OPEN BOX OF BANDANAS
You take the box of bandanas and open it.
WEAR BANDANAS
Bandana: You�re already wearing it.
Bandanas in box: You deftly tie the 5000 spare bandanas around your
head.
GET UMBRELLA
You pick up the bamboo umbrella.
INVENTORY
You are carrying:
A shirt (worn)
5001 bandanas (worn)
An empty box
Large square cloth
A knife
A large bamboo umbrella
PAY ATTENTION
Your senses become more acute. You can hear birds chirping somewhere.
One of these chirps is followed by a splash, and a human voice saying
�tweet tweet.�
GO TOWARD THE SPLASH
Unrecognizable Place
You are standing inside a restaurant. Steam rises from the large grill
in the center of the room. The delightful smell of cooking okonomiyaki
is overpowering.
Ukkyo is here. �Hey, Ryoga,� she says. She seems to be staring at you.
STARE AT UKKYO
You closely examine the okonomiyaki chef. She�d be rather stunning if
she didn�t dress as a boy all the time. Even so, you have to admit that
she�s still pretty cute. She�s wearing a white apron and chef�s hat. A
belt around her waist carries her supply of spatulas, and a very large
spatula is strapped to her back.
Ukkyo slowly shakes her head.
TAKE SPATULA
Which spatula do you mean: the small spatula belt or the battle spatula?
Ukkyo glares at the parser. �What are you asking HIM for? He�s not
getting any of my spatulas, at least not until he puts some pants on!�
One of the chairs laughs.
PICK UP CHAIR
Which chair do you mean: the left chair, Tsubasa, or the right chair?
PICK UP TSUBASA
You lift the chair off of the ground. �Hey!� shouts Tsubasa. �Put me
down, you big butt-ugly freak!�
THROW TSUBASA OUT DOOR
You throw Tsubasa at Ukkyo. The hard costume hits Ukkyo in the face,
knocking her unconscious.
GET BATTLE SPATULA
You carefully extricate the spatula from the tangled mass of wood,
Tsubasa, and Ukkyo.
Ukkyo leaps to life. �Give that back, you jackass!� she shouts, reaching
for the spatula.
HIT UKKYO WITH SPATULA
�Don�t you dare hurt my Ukkyo!� shouts Tsubasa, leaping up to block your
swing. He lands on Ukkyo�s head and presses her face into the grill.
UKKYO, ARE YOU OKAY?
Ukkyo throws Tsubasa off of herself and straightens up. Her face is
black, and the front of her apron has been burned through. She exhales a
puff of smoke. �I�m fine,� she says before collapsing onto the grill
again.
PAY ATTENTION. GO TO TENDO DOJO
Tendo Dojo
You are standing in the dining room of the Tendo home.
Kasumi is here. She gasps as she sets eyes on you. �My goodness... you�
re not wearing any pants!�
KASUMI, WHERE IS AKANE?
�I think she went to Ucchan�s with Ranma.�
SCREAM
AAAAAARGH!
Nabiki enters the room. �What�s with all the screaming?� She looks at
you. �Nice package, Ryoga.�
STEAL PANTS
[from Nabiki]
Nabiki backs away. �Keep away from me, pervert, or I�ll make you regret
it.�
GRAB KASUMI
You grab Kasumi roughly around the waist. She screams.
Nabiki snorts. �Like I�ll fall for that. You find your own pants.�
Soun Tendo enters the room. �Unhand my daughter, you fiend!� he shouts.
STEAL PANTS FROM SOUN TENDO
Your hands are full.
INVENTORY
You are carrying:
A shirt (worn)
5001 bandanas (worn)
An empty box
Large square cloth
A knife
A large bamboo umbrella
A battle spatula
Kasumi Tendo
DROP KASUMI
You drop Kasumi on the floor. �Ouch,� she says.
Nabiki grabs a golf club. �Now you�re going to pay!�
SAVE
Game saved.
HIT NABIKI WITH UMBRELLA
Nabiki smashes the umbrella with one swing of her golf club. The next
swing smashes your head in.
�Oh my god! You killed Ryoga!� gasps Kasumi.
�He had it coming,� replies Nabiki.
RESTORE
Game restored.
HIT NABIKI WITH SPATULA
Nabiki ducks the swing of the spatula and smashes you in the gut with
the club. You double over, unable to breathe. Before long, everything
goes black.
Blackness
Everything around you is black.
RESTORE
Game restored.
ATTACK NABIKI WITH KNIFE
You slice a deep gash across Nabiki�s chest with your knife. However,
instead of blood, molten gold gushes from the wound. (Did you expect
anything cheaper?) The liquid disintegrates your flesh on contact.
SIGH. RESTORE
Game restored. (Again.)
Incidentally, you might try running away. Nabiki may not be the most
capable woman warrior in Nerima, but she�s pretty dangerous.
THANK PARSER
You don�t have time for that. You restored, remember? Nabiki�s about to
kill you!
PAY ATTENTION. RUN AWAY
You run out the door, past a panda holding a teakettle, and fall into
the koi pond.
Nabiki charges into the yard. �Where are you, you pig?� she shouts.
WAIT
You wait patiently in the water, not making a sound.
�Hmph. He must have gotten away,� says Nabiki. �But he left his things
behind.� She picks up the umbrella, the spatula, and the knife, and
returns to the house, closing the door behind her.
SCREAM
BWEEEEEE!
ATTACK PANDA
The panda blocks your attack with the closest object to hand � the
teakettle. The kettle shatters, splashing hot water all over you and the
panda. Genma�s eyes grow wide as you revert to human form.
ATTACK GENMA
You punch Genma in the face, knocking him unconscious.
STEAL PANTS
You deftly remove Genma�s pants.
GET SHIRT
Which shirt do you mean: your shirt or Genma�s shirt?
BOTH
Your shirt: You fish your dripping shirt out of the koi pond, careful
not to let any of the water drip on you.
Genma�s shirt: You slip Genma�s shirt off over his head. He doesn�t
appear to notice.
WEAR PANTS AND GENMA�S SHIRT
Pants: You pull on the pants. They immediately fall down around your
ankles.
Shirt: You pull the shirt down over your head. It immediately falls down
around your ankles.
SCREAM
AAAAAARGH!
LOOK AT GENMA
The large man is unconscious. He is completely naked except for a
kerchief wrapped around his head.
STEAL KERCHIEF
You remove the kerchief from Genma�s head.
WRING OUT MY SHIRT
Good thinking! You wring out your shirt, removing enough moisture to
prevent the garment from transforming you on contact.
WEAR MY SHIRT AND GENMA�S PANTS. TIE PANTS WITH KERCHIEF
Your shirt: You slip the shirt on over your head.
Genma�s pants: You pull the pants on and tie them shut with the
kerchief. They fit as well as you could hope for, given the size of
their former occupant.
GO TO UCCHAN�S
Unrecognizable Place
This place looks similar to the place you just left, but the buildings
are slightly different. Can it be that you have managed to remain in
Nerima despite your random, senseless wandering?
RYOGA�s sense of direction drops by 1 point.
A girl wearing a tiger-striped bikini flies from the sky and lands next
to you. She has tiny horns protruding from beneath her aquamarine hair
and the cutest set of fangs you�ve ever seen on a girl.
GIRL, WHERE AM I?
�I don�t have time to talk to you-tcha! I�m looking for Darling!�
GIRL, HOW DO I GET TO UCCHAN�S?
A small boy floats down, hovering in the air next to the girl. �Why are
you bothering Lum-chan?� he asks. �She doesn�t want to talk to you!�
SAVE
Game saved.
ATTACK BOY
You punch the small boy. �Ten-chan!� shouts the girl (Lum?) as he falls
to the ground. The girl turns red and begins to emit clouds of steam.
�You�re going to pay for that-tcha!� she shouts, pointing a finger at
you. Electricity leaps from her finger, electrocuting you to death.
RESTORE
Game restored.
ATTACK LUM
A single punch knocks Lum to the ground. �Now you�ve hurt Lum-chan!�
shouts the boy (Ten?). He opens his mouth and breathes fire all over
you, roasting you to death.
RESTORE
Game restored.
GRAB LUM�S HORNS
Lum screams as you easily grab hold of her horns before she can react.
�You monster!� shouts Ten, but he can�t breathe fire at you without
hurting his older cousin as well.
Lum�s face grows red. �You grabbed my horns!� she says. �Only one man
has ever done that before-tcha!�
APOLOGIZE PROFUSELY
You begin to stammer an apology to the beautiful girl in front of you.
�I � I � you � he � she ��
Lum�s face turns an even deeper shade of red. �You�re cute. And you can�
t be as much trouble as Ataru-tcha.� She pulls you closer as if to kiss
you.
SCREAM
AAAAAARGH!
Lum backs away. �What�s wrong... Darling?�
Ten claps. �Hooray! Lum-chan has found a boyfriend who�s not an idiot!�
(Opinions, however, may differ on the subject.)
SCREAM
AAAAAARGH!
A rumbling can be heard in the distance.
�Oh no,� says Lum. �Here comes my pushy boyfriend-tcha!�
SCREAM
AAAAAARGH!
The rumbling noise is getting closer.
�Yep, it�s Rei,� says Ten. �And he looks pretty pissed off!�
SCREAM
AAAAAARGH!
The rumbling is almost deafening now.
You turn to see this �Rei.� He�s a monster! He�s easily the size of
Pantyhose Tarou�s beast form, but looks more like a giant bull with
tiger stripes that match Lum�s bikini.
Lum clutches you protectively. �Don�t worry. Darling can take care of
himself.� She lightly kisses you on the cheek. �We won�t get in your
way-tcha,� she whispers in your ear.
SCREAM
AAAAAARGH!
The monster is almost on top of you now!
�You can beat him, Darling-tcha!� says Lum. With one final kiss for good
luck, she flies into the sky with Ten, leaving you alone to face Rei.
All this screaming is starting to depress you.
USE SHISHI HOUKOUDAN
You collect your depression into a large ki ball in your hands. Aiming
it at Rei, you let fly with a powerful attack. When the energy finally
dies down, a rather attractive � although severely burnt � young man
with horns, fangs, and a tiger-striped jumpsuit is standing where the
monster used to be.
�I want to go out with you,� he says, before collapsing to the street.
A boy turns the corner and sees your handiwork. Frozen in place, he
turns his eyes skyward to see Lum and Ten still floating above you. Lum�
s face twists in fury. �Ataru!� she shouts. �You�ve stood me up for the
last time-tcha!�
ATARU, WHERE AM I?
The young man has other things on his mind right now and ignores you.
�Lum, wait!� protests Ataru.
�You�re not my darling anymore!� shouts Lum, shooting Ataru full of
electricity. Miraculously, he survives.
�You keep away from Lum!� shouts Ten, breathing fire on Ataru. He
survives this too.
ATARU, HOW DO I GET TO UCCHAN�S?
Ataru continues to ignore you.
Ataru runs away, screaming. Lum and Ten chase after him. Lum turns back
just long enough to shout, �Don�t move, Darling! I�ll be right
back-tcha!� before disappearing around a corner.
PAY ATTENTION. GO TO UCCHAN�S
Outside Ucchan�s
There is a sign on the door, which is closed and locked.
READ SIGN
Which sign, the banner or the sign on the door?
READ BANNER
The banner reads �Okonomiyaki Ucchan�s.�
READ SIGN ON DOOR
The small sign seems to have been hastily written in a man�s
handwriting. It reads: �Gone to doctor�s.�
SCREAM
AAAAAARGH!
PAY ATTENTION. GO TO DOCTOR�S
Doctor Tofu�s Clinic
You are standing in the waiting room of Doctor Tofu Ono�s clinic. Ranma
and Akane are here.
Ranma straightens up as you enter the room. �Hey, those are Pop�s pants!
What are you doing wearing those?�
THROW 5000 BANDANAS AT RANMA
Ranma tries futilely to dodge the attack, but five thousand bandanas are
too much even for Ranma. He collapses to the ground, unconscious.
Akane shrieks. �Ryoga, why did you do that?�
AKANE, WILL YOU MARRY ME?
Akane gasps. �Ryoga... I�m engaged to Ranma!�
AKANE, WHY CAN�T YOU BREAK UP WITH RANMA?
Akane shrugs. �Shampoo went back to China in disgrace for some reason,
and Ukkyo�s in a coma from some major burns. I�m the only fiancee Ranma
has left.�
SCREAM
�RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!� you scream at the top of your lungs.
�What are you yelling about?� asks Akane. �You knocked him out, you
moron!�
WAKE RANMA
You kneel beside Ranma and shake him. However, your attack has left him
incapable of responding to your buffeting.
�You can�t wake him up like that,� says Akane. �Let me show you how it�s
done.� She grabs a bucket of water and hurls its contents at you.
SCREAM
�RANMA, PREPARE TO BWEEEEEE!�
Akane gasps. �Ryoga! You turned into P-chan!�
Ranma coughs and sits up. �Hey, what happened? Last thing I can
remember, Ryoga was attacking me, and...� He trails off and looks down
to see you sitting in a puddle of water. �Hey, Mr. P.�
ATTACK RANMA
You leap at Ranma and claw at his face with your hooves. He casually
bats you away.
�Ranma, did you know that Ryoga was P-chan?� asks Akane.
�Sure,� Ranma replies. �I tried to tell you, but you didn�t believe me.�
DUCK
You back into a corner and cringe as Akane�s temper reaches fever pitch.
�RANMA, YOU JERK!� she shouts, smacking him in the face. She storms out
of the building.
�Akane, wait!� shouts Ranma as he chases after Akane.
The door to Doctor Tofu�s office opens, and the doctor steps out. �Ukkyo
�s going to be...� He stops when he realizes that the room is empty. �I
wonder where they went...� As he begins to search the room, you notice
an object lying on the floor.
HIDE OBJECT
You stand in front of the object, hiding it from view.
�Oh, hello, little pig,� says the doctor. �Are you lost?�
SHAKE HEAD
You do your best to indicate that you are not lost. You nod vigorously.
�Oh. Then I�ll have to do something to help you.� He reaches toward you.
PRAY FERVENTLY
You hastily utter a piggy prayer to whatever gods may be listening at
the moment.
The phone rings. Doctor Tofu picks up. �Hello?� His eyes glaze over.
�K-Kasumi!�
THANK GODS
A bolt of lightning crosses your vision, leaving an imprint on your
retinas.
LOOK AT IMPRINT
�YOU WILL BE BILLED.�
The imprint fades.
LOOK AT OBJECT ON FLOOR
It appears to be a small thermos.
OPEN THERMOS
You use your teeth to turn the lid of the thermos. Water flows from the
thermos and forms a puddle on the floor.
ENTER WATER
You splash into the puddle of water.
LOOK AT MYSELF
Ryoga Hibiki
You are wearing a yellow bandana with black spots.
WEAR CLOTHES. TIE PANTS WITH KERCHIEF
Shirt: You put on the shirt.
Pants: You put on the pants and tie them shut with the kerchief.
Bandana: You�re already wearing it.
A familiar voice reaches your ears from outside. �Darling! Are you in
here-tcha?�
SPLASH MYSELF WITH COLD WATER
You grab a handy bucket of cold water and splash yourself. Nothing
happens.
�Darling! I�m coming in-tcha!�
LOOK AT THERMOS
The thermos bears the label �Togenkyo Spring Water.�
The door opens, and Lum flies into the room. �Darling! I�m so happy to
see you-tcha! Let me give you a token of my affection!� She throws her
arms around you, and electricity courses through your body.
SCREAM
AAAAAARGH!
Doctor Tofu hangs up the phone and turns around. �Oh dear,� he says.
�Looks like you�re going to need some first aid.�
�Don�t worry, Darling,� Lum assures you. �I�ll be here with you the
whole time-tcha!� She grabs your hand, shocking you once again. This
time, you fall blissfully unconscious. As your eyes close, the imprint
of the electricity remains swimming across the inside of your eyelids.
READ IMPRINT
�PAID IN FULL.�
THE END
------------------------------------------------------------
Welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" where we make things up as we go
along, whether they make sense or badger.
JOHNNY BRAVO: *sigh* The only woman I ever really loved... and she's
gone. I wonder if I'll ever get over - Hey! Nuggets!
JACKIE CHAN: Oh, sorry. I broke your spy camera! (pause) SPY CAMERA?!
My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp