Disclaimer: The characters in the story, the general plot, the
background... in other words, basically everything about this fic is NOT
my idea. I just combined them into one, ridiculous, stupid idea. Don't
blame me, and DON'T sue me.
Ranma Papa!
Chapter 1
< Just when you thought things couldn't possibly be worse... BAM! >
Doctor Tofu hung up the phone after a long conversation with one of his
colleagues. While the conversation had lasted only a few minutes, the
shock it had enduced was greater than any event he had experienced in
his lifetime. Well... maybe meeting Kasumi for the first time, but this
one came in really close second.
Tofu stared off at the empty space in front of him for a while. He then
slowly raised his hand, formed a fist, and punched himself on the nose.
_POW!_
"Ouch!"
Tofu rubbed his sore nose. The pain confirmed it, though. He was NOT
dreaming.
'Well, well. I think you are gonna be in BIG trouble now, Ranma. One
that is even bigger than anything you've had faced so far...'
He looked up to the clock planted on the wall. 'Hmm... about an hour
left before Kazuo drops her off... Well, I hope Tendos are ready for
this... or Ranma won't live to see tomorrow...'
******************************
"Ranma, hold it right there!!"
"No way, you uncute tomboy! I ain't eatin' your cooking!"
The Tendo Dojo shook with yelling of a mallet girl and an aquatransexual
boy. However the rest of the family paid no heed at them, as they
gathered around the dinner table and quietly ate their food. Well,
Genma still ate with his usual table manner, in other words, loud and
messy, but it was less vulgar now since Nodoka had joined the dinner.
More precisely, since Nodoka's SWORD had joined them...
Ranma also wanted to have some dinner, but right now he had a more
important thing to do, like running away from the disaster that was
Akane's cooking.
"You want ME to eat that weird smelling rice cake? Dream on!"
"It doesn't smell weird! It's not even a rice cake! It's a fried
noodle!"
"THAT's a fried noodle?! Hah, if that's a fried noodle, then a lumber's
a toothpick!"
"Ranma you jerk! Why can't you just eat my cooking silently?! Why do
you have to keep insulting it!?"
"Because it deserves it! What you do ain't cooking! That's poisoning!"
"What did you say?!? That's it! You are not getting away this time,
Ranma!"
Nabiki rolled her eyes as she chewed another piece of meat. "As if you
EVER let him get away before, Sis. If you did, there would be less
holes in this house right now."
Akane stopped in the middle of her chase to glare at her sister.
"Nabiki! Why are you taking his side?!"
"I'm not taking his side. I'm just worried about the welfare of this
house. Our insurance company almost went under last month because of
the amount of money they had to pay us. Thank goodness our contract was
a guaranteed flat-rate, or it would have been us who had gone bankrupt."
Nabiki absent-mindedly added more in her thought. 'When the contract
expires, I am sure that company won't even TOUCH anything in Nerima with
a ten-foot long pole.'
"Yeah, Akane! Did you hear that? If you were less violent, everyone
would be happier around here!" Ranma paused in his mid-step to add a
side comment to the conversation. Unfortunately this enabled his upset
fiancee to get within the striking distance.
"Ranma you idiot!!"
_POW!!_
"Urgh!!"
The flight of Saotome Ranma was so beautiful and natural, and as it had
been for last twelve months. He flew higher and higher, until his
trajectory peaked. Then he quickly fell towards the koi pond in the
Tendo's backyard.
_SPLASH!_
"Gah! Whacha do that for, you uncute tomboy!!"
"Hmph! You deserved it!!" Akane scowled at her angry fiance and sat
down on the dinner table. She then started to eat her portion, after
briefly glaring at the now-panda-Genma for the disappearance of some of
her share. Of course, the panda was doing his best impression of an
innocent-panda-playing-with-a-ball. Ranma grumbled as she came out of
the pond and also sat down on the table. She splashed herself with the
tea which was still hot enough to change him back, and started to eat
his rice. Nodoka frowned a bit at the sight of her son splashing
himself in front of the dinner table, but kept silent.
When all of them had finished their food, Kasumi served out some
watermelon pieces for the dessert. It was at that moment when the
doorbell suddenly rang, catching everyone's attention.
"What's that?" Ranma blinked, a piece of melon almost reaching his
mouth.
"That's the doorbell, you idiot." Akane rolled her eyes as she
answered.
"We have a doorbell?" Ranma raised his eyebrow. "How come I never
heard anyone using it before?"
"Because, Ranma," Nabiki replied with an annoyed look on her face.
"...none of your FRIENDS ever uses it. They either crash through the
wall, or sneak in, or wander in looking for a bathroom, or simply ignore
the bell and just walk into the house."
"Hey, it ain't my fault!" Ranma frowned. "I never bring them here! In
fact, most of them ain't even my friends!"
Nabiki shrugged. "Doesn't matter. They all come here because of YOU.
All the same to me."
Ranma hmphed mildly before going back to his watermelon. It was then
when they heard the voice of Kasumi greeting their visitor at the gate.
"Why, Tofu-sensei! What a pleasant surprise!"
"Ka-Ka-Kasumi! What a pleasant surprise, too! I didn't know you come
to this place often!"
"*giggle* You are so funny, Tofu-sensei. I live here!"
The Tendo family members rolled their eyes when they heard the panicked
voice of their family doctor. They decided not to ask him this time for
the reasons for his visit, since he was in in his "Ka-Ka-Kasumi!" mode.
They figured he'd come back again if needed. Besides, it was clearly
too dangerous for them to go near him. Even Happousai avoided him in his
current state.
But today was different from the rest, as Kasumi's surprised voice was
heard not long after.
"Oh my. Aren't you a cute little thing? What's your name, dear?"
Then the cheerful voice of a small child, a girl actually, rang through
the air. "I'm Makoto!"
"Oh my. Hello, Makoto-chan. Welcome to our home... Tofu-sensei? Who
is this lovely young lady?"
"I-I-I'll explain when we get in..." Somehow Tofu's voice didn't sound
so eager, although it clearly showed that he had managed to get back to
his senses somewhat.
******************************
"Her name is Kino Makoto. She's 4 years old. Her parents died in an
airplane accident. She has no known relative, and her family wasn't
well off in the first place. It wouldn't be nice to send her to the
orphanage, so my friend, who was her family doctor by the way, has been
taking care of her for a while."
"We got that already. What I don't understand is why did you bring her
here?" Nabiki asked with a scowl. "Mind you, just because we host SOME
freeloading goofs doesn't mean we are some sort of a charity."
"Nabiki!" Kasumi softly scorned her sister, carefully watching the girl
who was now playing in their yard. "It wasn't very nice! What if she
hears you?"
"What I'm curious is," Ranma cut in. "...why do *I* have to hear this
too? I mean, what's that got to do with me? I'm really busy, you
know. I gotta go and work at the ghoul's restaurant or I won't have
enough money to pay back Nabiki. If I don't pay her back by this
weekend, she'll have my neck."
"You got that right." Nabiki smirked at Ranma, who put on a small scowl
on his face.
Tofu cleared his throat for a moment, then turned to Ranma with a
serious expression.
"That's because, Ranma... she's your daughter."
The sky was blue, and the weather was nice. The Tendo Dojo was silent
once more... at least for full sixty seconds. After that, all hell
broke loose.
"You cheating, dirty, perverted, idiotic, casanova bastard!!!" Akane
kept on swearing as she busily throttled Ranma. "How could you?! I
thought you were at least more decent than this!"
Ranma would have protested for his innocence if his throat was open to
let the sound out. Right now he had hard time for even breathing, as
his face began to slowly turn purple.
"Akane! Let go of him right now!" Nodoka scorned the upset fiancee of
her son, after she recovered from the initial shock.
Akane reluctantly let go of Ranma's neck, but still continued to glare
at her fiance, who was now trying to get his breath back. Kasumi sighed
in relief from the yard, where she had been covering the confused girl's
ears. Nabiki's face showed no emotion, but that was because she was so
confused to produce any this time. Soun? He did his usual thing, which
was crying. The Tendo Dojo was about to have another pond added to its
yard collections.
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!! My future son-in-law cheated on my
daughter!!"
Genma, who was now in a panda form thanks to his friend's tears,
produced a sign that said, ['Ranma my son! How you shame me so! You
are a disgrace to our family!'] Then he flipped the sign as he
sweatdropped, looking down at now gleeful little Makoto hanging on his
leg. ['Um... kid? Can you let go of me?']
The girl didn't let go, though, as she giggled happily, hugging the
panda's leg. "Wow, a panda! It's like a zoo or something!"
Nodoka shook her head to clear her mind. She took a deep breath. Then
she calmly addressed her son. "Son, I know you are manly and all, but
you should have been more careful. A boy in your age really is not yet
ready for the responsibility of being a father..."
"Wait a minute! I ain't no kid's father! I got no kid! I did nothing
of that sort! I've never... never..."
Nabiki finally responded with a still cool face. "Done the deed?"
"Nabiki!" With a blush, Kasumi chastised her sister as she again
covered the ears of Makoto, who blinked in confusion. "There's a child
present!"
"Actually..." Tofu cleared his throat to catch everyone's attention,
after sighing deeply while watching the chaos unfold. "...Ranma's
correct. If I am not mistaken, he has never done any...deed yet. I can
read it from his ki." Ranma furiously nodded his head, although Akane
mildly blushed at the implication.
"But..." The confused Nodoka asked. "...then how could she be his
daughter? I mean, if he never..."
"The thing is," Tofu quickly interrupted, not wanting the child to hear
the certain part of their conversation. "...I cannot really say this in
front of a child... so could you please take her somewhere else,
Kasumi?"
"Okay, Tofu-sensei." Kasumi then smiled at the little girl. "Now,
Makoto-chan. Do you like cookies?"
"Cookies? Yes! I love them!" Makoto smiled happily at the mention of
some cookies.
"Then follow me. I got some surprise for you back in the kitchen."
Kasumi led the happy girl out of the living room and into the kitchen.
When he saw that the coast was clear, Tofu turned back to the crowd with
a serious expression.
"My friend, Kazuo, has been taking care of her ever since her parents
died. But he himself is not very wealthy, so he decided to find someone
who could take her in. In hopes of finding anyone related to her in any
way, he looked through her family's medical files."
The rest in the living room closed in trying to hear every bit of
information. Ranma himself snorted in disbelief, but his ears still
continued to take in the words of the doctor.
"...but he failed. You see, both of her parents were orphans who met
each other at the orphanage where they grew up together. They fell in
love and married each other. Basically, they had no known relatives,
dead OR alive. So simply put, Makoto has nowhere to go."
"Then what's her relationship with Ranma? How come you said she's his
daughter if she's NOT related to him?" Curious, Soun tried to get more
answers out of the doctor.
"Well... you see..." Tofu's face began to flush as he went on to
explain. "...Kazuo discovered that... Makoto's birth... was not
natural..."
"Huh?" Nodoka blinked in confusion. "What do you mean?"
But Nabiki could now see where this conversation was going. However, it
was still more than what she had prepared for. "No way... you mean..."
"Yes..." Tofu, now blushing really badly, continued. "Makoto's father
was... not able to produce... an heir. But they really wanted a child,
since they themselves had grown at the orphanage. So they decided to
take chance with... the sperm bank."
"EEEEEEEEHH!?!?" The crowd wide-eyed at this.
Akane slowly turned to her fiance, who was now a frozen statue. "You
mean... it was Ranma's..."
Tofu wiped his glasses nervously as he spoke. "Yes... it was Ranma's...
seed... that was used to... give birth to... little Makoto... 4 years
ago..."
Nabiki rubbed her forehead. "I guess it's possible... I read it
somewhere that a boy could produce sperms during their early teens.
Kids these days reach puberty earlier than the older days, so it's
feasible. After all, some people mature faster than others."
"Wa, wait a minute!" Ranma got his sense back and retorted. "I didn't
do nothing! I did no sort of those things! And I certainly didn't go
to any sperm bank! I would remember it if I did! I was on the road
with Pop four years ago! There is no way..."
Ranma froze again when he realized what he had just said. Slowly, he
turned to the spot where his father was a moment ago, and so did the
rest of the family. But now, there was no man standing there, just an
innocent panda playing with a ball...
"Pop... don't tell me..." Ranma glared at his father who now was
sweating rather badly. Then the panda raised a sign.
['Pop? Who? I am just a little panda!']
"Why you dirty rotten..." Ranma was about to jump on his father when
Nodoka stopped him. She was smiling, but it definitely wasn't a happy
smile as Ranma edged away from her after seeing some steam rising from
her body.
"Dear. I think you should explain this... RIGHT NOW."
Genma-panda froze for a moment, but continued to play innocent.
['Dear? Who? I am just a little...']
_SRNNG!_
Genma-panda was doing his "Crouching Tiger" technique as he bowed to his
wife who had drawn her family sword. 'I am sorry I am sorry I am
sorry...'
"No need to apologize, dear... at least, not YET." Nodoka still managed
to smile despite a large vein on her head. "You have a chance to
explain. Use it wisely."
'Well, it was...'
_SPLASH!_
"Explain it like a man, as a man!" Nodoka scorned him with now empty
tea kettle in her hand.
"Well, it was one of our days on the road..."
---------------
"Geez, Pop. How long we gonna keep walking? I'm hungry, you know."
"Quiet, Ranma. We don't have any resource to get some food. As a
martial artist, we should endure this suffering like a man!"
"*snort* We'd have some money left if you hadn't INVEST it into that
stupid horse race of yours."
"Hey! How should I know the one I picked was going to be the loser? I
was absolutely sure it was the sign from heaven when I saw its name! I
didn't know it was such a weak one!"
"You SHOULD have known it was a loser when the clerk said that the odds
of it winning was 1000 to 1! If that wasn't the sign, then the people
around us rolling on the ground while laughing should've been! Who
picks a horse named "The Pig from Heaven," anyway?!?"
"What's done is done! If you have strength to yell at your father, then
go and find some food!"
"How am I gonna find food here?!? We're on a street, not in a forest,
you fool!"
"Have I taught you nothing? There is always the way! All you have to
do is to find it!"
"You want me to steal food AGAIN? I ain't doing it! If you are so
hungry, then you go and do it yourself! I am gonna sleep!"
Ranma yelled at his father one more time before walking off toward a
park nearby to set up their camp. Genma was tempted to teach his son a
lesson or two, before the growl coming from his stomach stopped him.
"...well, I'll let this one slide. After all, there is no need to waste
my precious energy..." Genma sighed. They hadn't had any decent meal
for last three days. Their, or his rather, last attempt for one failed
miserably when he picked the wrong horse at the horse track. He was
sure that the one he picked would win, seeing it as the sign from
heaven.
If he thought about his life, it was sure that heaven really didn't like
him that much, and it was himself who probably made it that way. Of
course, Saotome Genma wouldn't think about such things. Only thing he
cared about was his stomach, and how to fill it. Currently it was empty
and was complaining to its owner for lack of nutrients. Genma sighed
once more, and decided to for the food "hunt" as he walked away.
However, Genma couldn't find anything at the moment. He couldn't find
any opened restaurant, nor a residence where some meal was being
prepared. This was largely due to the fact that it was almost
midnight. Even the master food thief... HUNTER like Saotome Genma
wouldn't be able to steal... HUNT food that did not exist.
"Maybe I am gonna have to starve today..." Genma's shoulders sagged in
defeat.
It was then when he noticed a small pamphlet lying on the ground.
Its cover said something about "Get paid!"
Of course, Genma quickly grabbed and started to read it. It was an ad
looking for a volunteers who would donate some sperm samples. It said
that some of the samples given would be used in research, while the rest
would be stored in the sperm bank for the need of barren couples who
still wanted to have children. At the end, it mentioned something about
small compensation, at which Genma's eyes widened.
'Cash!' The bell was ringing in his head as his eyes watered with
delight. But even Genma had some trouble when he realized the task that
would be needed to be done to get this cash.
"...should I, or not? This is the problem..." Genma pondered for quite
a while. It was either that or sleeping with an empty stomach for a
day. While he was not the most ethical person in the universe, he still
had some pride as a man. He was also a bit old-fashioned so this was a
quite disturbing thing to do even for him.
_GROWL!_
...but then again, a man's stomach was stronger than any reason,
especially in Genma's case.
"Sperm bank, here I come!" After the exclamation, he ran according to
the directions written on the pamphlet, not noticing the weird looks
people were giving to him...
---------------
"What?! It doesn't matter how much I donate?!"
The nurse at the counter winced when Genma screamed at her in
frustration. "Yes. You only get paid once no matter how much you...
donate. It's only the head count that we pay according to."
"Are you crazy?! Do you have any idea what I did inside that... Head
count, you say?" Suddenly Genma's eyes began to glimmer with
expectation. "So... if I come with my son... he will get paid too?"
"Um, yes..." The nurse was confused, but answered nonetheless. "As
long as he donates, he should get paid. But you wouldn't even if you
come again, since you already got paid."
"Alright, lady. Sorry to have bothered you... I'll be back... with my
son. See you later!" Genma then quickly ran out the door, leaving a
bewildered nurse staring at him.
"...what was THAT about?"
---------------
"...so I went to the pharmacy and got some chloroform. I found Ranma
sleeping at the park, so I sedated him with that, and went back to the
hospital..."
"What?!?! Why you!!" Ranma again attempted to jump on his father, but
again his mother stopped him.
"Stop, Ranma! Don't interrupt! It's not right for you to try to beat
your own father."
Genma sighed in relief when he heard his wife defending him somewhat...
"Frankly, it's my job! Continue, dear!!"
...but the shining blade now rested against his neck told him that he
wasn't off the hook quite yet...
"Ipaintedhiseyelashessoitlookedlikehewasawakethen..."
_BONK!_
"Slowly! You are not making any sense!" Nodoka scowled after she hit
her husband on the head.
"I painted his eyelids so it looked like he was awake, and then..."
---------------
"Um... Saotome-san?"
"Yes?" Genma looked back at the nurse who had a curious look on her
face. He had one of his arm around Ranma, both not to look suspicious
and also to hold up the sleeping body of his son.
"You sure your son is okay? I mean, I don't mind but it doesn't look
like he wants to do this, with his feet hanging and all..."
"Oh don't worry! I explained it to him very clearly. This is all for
helping people who can't have children! He knows what he has to do.
Isn't that right, Ranma?"
"..." Of course Ranma was still asleep so he didn't answer. His head
only nodded because Genma was moving it with his own hand.
"Oh, alright then." The nurse smiled as she took the form Genma had
just handed to her. "The room is over there. I'll show him the way..."
"Oh no need!" Genma waved his hand. "I know the way, and I'll show it
to him."
"But..."
"Come on! My boy is really shy about this sort of thing. You going
with him will only make him nervous. Isn't that right, boy?"
"..." Ranma again did not answer, but his head nodded again due to the
courtesy of his father.
"Um... okay... It's not allowed to have more than one patient in the
room, but I'll let this one slide, him being so young and all." The
nurse then thought to herself. 'I can't believe this guy is 18. He
looks so young! Not to mention cute... oh well. Back to work.'
"Thank you, Miss! I'll take over from here."
"Okay, Saotome-san. Don't worry, Saotome-kun. It won't take long."
The nurse gave the young Saotome a devious look before going back to her
counter. Ranma would have paled at this if he was awake, but alas, he
wasn't.
Genma grinned. 'I didn't think this would go so smoothly... All I have
to do now is...'
---------------
"...so I took him to the room. Mind you, I was gonna use my own...
samples at first. But I figured since this would be Ranma's pay, why
not let HIM do the work? Of course, he was still sleeping. So I..."
"STOP!" The audience held up their hands simultaneously. "WE DON'T
WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE!"
"Oh." Genma then shut his mouth tightly. "Well, we got paid, and we
ate the most delicious meal next morning. You wouldn't believe how good
a breakfast tastes after a day of a hard work."
Tofu shook his head sadly, while Soun also frowned showing his
disapproval. Nabiki was holding onto her stomach, trying to supress
both the vomit and the laughter. The rest? Well, Nodoka and Akane was
about to explode with anger and disgust, while Ranma had already
exploded.
"You rotten bastard!!" Ranma lunged at his father who began to run
away. "How could you do this to your own son?!?!"
"Hey, I did it for our sake! You enjoyed the food next day, didn't
you?" Genma quickly replied before he ducked to avoid a table flying at
him.
"I'll kill him!! I'll maim him until he dies!! I don't care what they
say, but this monster is gonna die today!!" Akane screamed in anger and
hatred as she also joined the chase with a bokken in her hand.
"Dear, you are NOT getting away this time!! You've gone too far!!"
Nodoka also followed after her husband with her sword drawn out. The
look on her face told others that she was damn serious this time.
"I only did it for Ranma's sake! Doesn't that count for anything?"
"Oh yeah it does! It counts for your death, POP!"
"Hold it right there so I can kill you, you monster!"
"Face your fate like a man, dear husband!"
All the while, the girl who brought this chaos to this house was happily
munchings down another cookie into her mouth. "This is really good,
oneesan! When I grow up, I want to be a good cook just like you!"
"*giggle* Of course you will. Just call me Kasumi, Makoto-chan."
"Okay! Kasumi-neesan!"
***************
Happousai's day was consisted to only a few things......
First of all, he ate. After all, he was a human. Barely.
Second, he slept. After all, he was a living being, an unfortunate fact
for the world, and a horrifying one for hell much later.
Third, he fought. Living with an ingrate student gave the master of the
Anything Goes some conflicts. He had to teach Ranma a lesson or two
about how to respect his master in a regular basis. Or sometimes it was
some of the pigtailed boy's friends who had a problem with his hobby.
It was a sort of fun for him anyway.
Fourth, and the most important one of all, he bugged women. He couldn't
help it, really. After all, what was a pervert to do if he couldn't
glomp on women and steal their underwear? He was just following the law
of the nature. Of coures, the Mother Nature herself never wrote such a
law, but he didn't care.
Fifth, one minor detail Happousai himself often ignored, was that he was
beaten up by a mob of angry women almost everyday. The only one
weakness Happousai had was that he loved women, maybe a tad too much for
the good of his health, and a LOT much more for the bad luck of women in
Nerima. Although even the mightly Hercules himself wouldn't be able to
struck Happousai down, a passingby schoolgirl could step on him for
hours, AFTER he bugged her enough, of course.
Today was like any other day for the master of the Anything Goes.
Happousai ate the breakfast, another wonderful meal prepared by the
lovely Kasumi. Then he took a nap briefly, since he would have to
preserve his energy for something more productive, like stealing...
hunting for women's delicates... some treasures. When he woke up, the
first thing he did was to bounce off Ranma's head, which irritate the
pigtailed boy enough to chase him around for a while. Naturally, Ranma
was late for school, the fact he knew so well since he followed his
student to the school so he could sneak into the girls' locker room.
Unfortunately for his cause, and fortunately for his lecherous eyes, it
was occupied by the Furinkan girls' volleyball team at the time.
'I must say, those girls really know how to spike. They will grow up to
be a fine Olympic team.' Happousai reminisced about his experience as
he rubbed his still sore head. Even Ryoga's lucky hit, the one he had
received last week when he squared off against the pig boy and the
pig-tailed boy as he tried to peep on Akane bathing, felt like a
mosquito bite compared to the spicy hands of those girls.
"Still, they didn't have to spike me around for THAT long! I'm now late
for dinner! Kasumi said today's menu was terriyaki beef, too!"
Happousai grumbled as he walked into the Tendo Dojo. 'Odd. Why did
Kasumi leave the door unlocked? Is someone here?'
When he arrived at the living room, the scene before his eyes confused
him somewhat. This was too weird, even in the Nerima standard.
The most noticeable one was Genma, who had kneeled down at a corner with
both his arms raised, with a bucket full of water in each of his hands.
He was all battered up and bruised. Must've had a fight with Nodoka,
Happousi assumed, as he also noticed a handprint on both of his cheeks.
The rest of the family was acting a bit distracted, too.
Nabiki wasn't there, the fact which Happousai just shrugged it off.
Akane was upset again, the state she was in frequently. Soun was...
crying like a baby for a god-knows-what reason. Ranma was grumbling
like a... a grumpy old man, casting occasional glare at his sweating
father. Nodoka was... SHARPENING her katana?! 'Wow, Genma must have
done something REALLY bad this time!'
Happousai could care less of what Genma did, really. Right now he was
getting too hungry to even think. In the Tendo Dojo, there was only one
person whom you could really turn to when you were hungry.
The men of the house were no help, actually. They were either too macho
to cook, too lazy like a sloth, or too much of a crybaby.
Even with the women, you would have to pick carefully. Asking Nabiki
for some food would make him go bankrupt. Asking Akane was... WAS HE
INSANE?! Nodoka was also a great cook actually, but she would lecture
on his table manner so much that he would have an ulcer before he could
even lift the spoon.
There was only one person who was reliable and sweet enough for the job,
and it was Kasumi. The same Kasumi who was a wonderful cook. The same
Kasumi whom Doctor Tofu love with all of his heart, for an obvious
reason. The same Kasumi who could smile in the face of an apocalypse.
The same Kasumi who was......
"...and then, you put this thread between here... and it's done! Isn't
this cute?"
"Wow! It's a small doll! It's so cute!"
......playing with a small girl??
'Who the heck is that girl??' Happousai was curious, so he searched for
someone who could answer his question.
Nabiki wasn't there, and even if she was it would cost him to ask her.
Akane was in one of her "mallet" mode, so she was out. Soun was crying
too much to even speak. Nodoka was... busy with her katana. Genma was
an idiot, so it ruled him out. Finally, Happousai decided to ask the
OTHER idiot in the Saotome family.
"Yo, Ranma. Who's that kid?"
"Get lost, old man! I am not in the mood!"
"Why you ingrate!! You dare talk that way to your master?! I'll teach
you some manner..."
Before Happousai could jump at Ranma, Kasumi suddenly appeared beside
him with a plate. "Grandpa Happousai, you are home! You missed dinner,
didn't you? I saved some for you. Here."
Happousai was the master of the Anything Goes, but he was also the
master of Genma. Naturally, he jumped at the mention of some food.
"Why thank you, Kasumi-chan!"
Within next few seconds, yes seconds, Happousai devoured the food laid
before him. When he finished eating, he rubbed his belly contently.
"Now, that's a good meal! You did it again, Kasumi-chan! What a great
cook you are."
Kasumi smiled at the compliment. "Why thanks, Grandpa Happousai."
Since his stomach was now full, Happousai went back to his usual
routine, in other words bugging Ranma. "Now, where was I? Oh right!
Ranma, who's that kid?"
"I said get lost, old man!!"
"Why you ingrate!!"
But again, before Happousai could jump at Ranma, Kasumi answered the
question herself in a very cheerful voice. "Oh, she's Ranma's
daughter. Isn't she cute?"
"!" Happousai froze in the mid-air. His eyes buldged as if he saw
Britney Spears taking a bath. His head slowly turned to Kasumi, and
asked her again in trembling voice. "Wha... what did you... say...?"
Ranma grumbled mildy as Kasumi answered again in her usual sweet voice.
"She's Ranma's daughter."
A second in silence passed, before an angry yell of the old pervert
shook the house. "WHAT?!"
Happousai huffed as he glared at Ranma. "How could you, Ranma?!? How
could you?!"
"Wha, what is this got to do with YOU?!? It ain't none of your
busniness!!" Ranma hissed at the old man while clutching his ears in
pain.
"Of course it is! How dare you! Even myself, the great master of the
Anything Goes, didn't have a child at your age! This is a great shame
of our school! The school of the Anything Goes had never had such a
disgrace like this one before!"
Ranma snorted at now angry Happousai. "You sure? I thought YOU were
the greatest shame of the school."
"Shut up! You ruined the good name of our school, not to mention
breaking poor Akane-chan's heart! Oh you poor thing!"
"Huh?" Akane blinked in both surprise and confusion. "What about me?"
"Ah you are so strong, my dear Akane-chan! Don't worry, I am here! Let
your Grandpa Happousai comfort your broken heart in your lovely bosom!"
With that, Happousai jumped toward Akane's chest.
Seeing him flying toward her, Akane smiled cheefully. "Why, thanks!"
_POW!_
"You're welcomeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......"
Nabiki, who walked into the living room just in time to see Happousai
fly away in Akane-Air, decided to make a comment. "Wow. That must be
your new record, Akane."
"I really needed that." Akane cracked her knuckles.
Happousai flew and flew up in the sky, but he really didn't want to
land. Unfortunately, he had no choice as the gravity did its work.
_CRASH!!_
"Ouch!!" Happousai rubbed his head as he struggled to stand up.
"...geez. It's head again. What a day. It just ain't... my... day..."
Happousai paused when he notieced a shadow that somehow... glowed. He
carefully look up to see the glowing Shampoo who was scad only in a
towel. From god-knows-where, she also had drawn her bonbori in her
right hand, her left still keeping the towl around her body.
"You... you... dare... peep... Shampoo... in bath!?!" Her glazing eyes
clearly showed the flaming anger, and it was so great that it made even
the great pervert like Happousai back away in fear. Shampoo raised his
bonbori up high. "Shampoo no forgive!! You die!!!"
"But, but I didn't see anything yet!" Happousai tried to protest for
his innocence. How rare it might be, it was true this time. He was
innocent. Of course, even OJ Simpson would have more credibility than
him. Basically, nobody would believe him and neither did Shampoo.
"Die!!!!!"
"Eeeeek!!" Happousai quickly dodged the bonbori which smacked down the
place where he stood a moment ago. He landed on a feet away, only to
jump again to escape the Bonbori of Death.
"Sit still and die!!!!"
Shampoo was a good fighter, but not good enough. She kept smashing
around with her weapon only to succeed in damaging the bathroom more.
Happousai dodged another attack, before putting on a wide grin.
"You think you can hit ME? The great mater of the Anything Goes? You
are hundred years too early for that!"
"How about me, Happy?"
Happousai froze abruptly when he heard the calm voice of Cologne right
behind him. He slowly turned his head, only to scream when he saw the
wrinkled face of the Amazon elder.
Cologne smirked at the frightened display of her old acquiantance. "My
my. I didn't know you were scared of me THAT much."
"It's not you! It's your FACE!! Do you have any idea how frightening
that is this up close, especially at night?!"
Cologne scowled. "How rude." Then she bonked him with her staff.
"Ouch!!! ...what the... I can't move!! What did you do to me?!"
"Oh nothing. Just an old Joketsuzoku secret." Cologne shrugged her
shoulders. Then she suddenly put on a little smile. "Now, what should
we do with you? Okay, Shampoo. Let's have a little test on your
knowledge of our law. What's the punishment for a male who tries to
peep on an Amazon warrior during her bath?"
"Huh? Well, that is......" Shampoo's face brightened with a
realization, before turning into a malicious grin. "...we cut off
manhood!!"
"WHAT?!?!" Happousai's eyes widened. "Wa, wait a sec! We are in
Japan, not in China!! You can't do this to me!! There's a law here
too!!"
"Well... you are right. Maybe we should respect the law here..."
Cologne grinned widely. "But then again, I don't think anyone would
object, since this is about YOU."
"Wait, wait!! I object!! I object!!" Happousai frantically screamed.
"Don't I count for something?!"
"Nope!" Both Cologne and Shampoo shook their heads cheerfully.
"Eh... ah... gah..."
Happousai shivered in fear as the two now too happy Amazons stepping
toward him. The master of the Anything Goes was in a pinch. He had to
find something, anything, or he would be... less of a man. Then
suddenly, he quickly remembered something. "Wait a minute!! Let me go
this time!! I have some very important news about Ranma!!"
That did catch their attention, as the Amazons stopped in mid-step.
"What you mean, pervert? What about Ranma..."
Shampoo was cut off by the staff of her great-grandmother, who scowled
at the now relieved Happousai. "What is it, Happy? You better tell me
now, or you won't be walking the same way tomorrow."
"Um..."
Chapter 1 ends...
Well, you did it, everyone. You made me work on this thing again... My
hotmail account was ready to explode after I sent this chapter
before... I thought my Stallion was hit, but this one took it to a
whole new level! If I didn't work on this I was sure I was going to be
bombed! Well, I can't guarantee you anything since this is my side
project... but I will see what I can do...