>At 08:34 AM 10/28/00 -0500, D.F. Roeder wrote:
>> >> The tinkle of the front door bell
>> >
>> >'jingle' sounds better to me. I get the image of someone
>> >taking a leak when you say 'tinkle'
>>
>>Ah, the demon of unfortunate word association rears it's horned
>>head.
>
>Actually, "jingle" _does_ mean taking a leak in Filipino slang.
>
>But who cares about Philippine English? ^_^
>
>What is it about the sound of ringing bells>
Well, on that note...
A little piece of demented prose on the subject of water and
bells... and perhaps indirect scatological humor... maybe. The
lynching begins at midnight. BYO torches and pitchforks...
*******************************************
Golden Bells
A Ranma 1/2... something or other
by
D.F. Roeder
=======================
Onna-Ranma stood before her gathered family and selected friends in
the Tendou doujou, although she wasn't sure just exactly who had
done the selecting. The whole setup smacked of Nabiki. The fact that
she was off in one corner, counting a stack of bills, didn't help.
"Ahem," Ranma began, "my English class project." She glared at
Akane. "By *request*, grrr... Ahem, 'Golden Bells'... Oh, gag. I
can't believe I wrote somethin' so girly-soundin'!!"
"RANMA!!" Akane shouted from the front row. "Get ON with it!"
"Yes, Saotome-kun. I'm late for my evening candy snack!"
Hinako-sensei was already quivering in the first stages of a sugary
delirium tremens.
"TAKE IT OFF!" Daisuke yelled.
"WE WANT SKIN-- OWWW!! URK!!!"
Sighing, Ranma waited for the female audience members to finish
assorted acts of violence on Ranma's 'friends'. After a moment, she
cleared her throat again.
"AHEM!! 'Golden Bells,' by Saotome Ranma--"
"-CHAN!" Ryouga yelled.
"Grrr. Keep it up, P-CHAN!"
"Hey! Who you callin' P-chan?!"
"Wanna fight?!"
"YEAH!"
A mallet, flying from the front row, pegged Ranma on the head, while
a bonbori was delivered to Ryouga's cranium, courtesy of Shampoo.
"READ!!" several voices screamed.
Climbing to her feet, rubbing her sore head, Ranma muttered, "Uncute
tomboy..."
"I HEARD that!!"
Grumbling, Ranma straightened her now crumpled sheaf of poesy.
"'Golden Beels, er, Bells." She rolled her eyes.
"I was walkin' down the street,
When the sound of furin tinkled in my ear.
I stopped and wondered
At the thousand golden bells I did hear--"
"BWAAAHAHAHAHA-- UUURK!!" Shampoo's second bonbori sent Ryouga into
an unplanned nap, and severely dented her weapon. She blinked at it,
then hit Ryouga again for good measure.
"A-HEEEEM!!!"
Shampoo smiled cutely, winked at a steaming Ranma, and sat back down
on the doujou floor. "Airen go on, now."
"Errr... thousand golden bells I did hear.
Like drops of fallin' rain,
That, er, tinkled through my brain."
A few audience members shifted around, unconsciously glancing out
the open shoji of the doujou..
"I was walkin' down the street,
When bicycles chimed in my ear.
I stopped and wondered
At the ringing, tinkling, jingling I did hear."
Yuka turned to Sayuri. "You know, this is really awful."
"Shhh!"
"Like drops of fallin' rain,
That ran sloshing down the drain."
Akane smacked her forehead and, after a moment, crossed her legs. A
light rain began to fall outside.
"I was walkin' down the street,
When cell phones went off all around."
Sayuri said, "Yeah, this is really bad."
"SHHH!" Akane glared at her friends and turned her attention back to
Ranma.
"Tinkle, tinkle, jingle, jingle,
A million beepers made a sound.
Like a rushin' waterfall
Drenchin' me and all."
Groans echoed throughout the doujou, and several people were
squirming in their seats. Rainwater ran off the roof and poured into
puddles, the noise clearly audible to the listeners.
A few minutes and several stanzas later, the writhing crowd of
friends, rivals, and relations hoped desperately that the next verse
would be the last. With her own legs crossed and hopping from foot
to foot, Ranma sallied forth with the final lines.
"I was walkin' down the street,
When drops of rain I did meet... Ooog.
The sun shone through and well
The golden drops of bells."
The redhead whimpered.
"Drip drop, drip drop
... ... Now I gotta STOP!!"
Ranma bolted from the doujou, down the covered walkway, and into the
house, locking the bathroom door behind her. A few seconds later,
the pained and now enraged former listeners pounded on the door,
demanding to be let in. The door gave way, not having been designed
to withstand such abuse, and the crowd flowed in to see Ranma-chan
sitting on the potty, her drawstring pants down around her ankles,
topped off with a pair of boxer shorts.
"GAAH!!! PERVERTS!!!"
~~~~~
The only two people left in the doujou were Akane, refusing to
acknowledge any biological need on her part, and Genma-panda, who
had just walked in from the rain looking terribly relieved.
"Was it my imagination or did that last verse not match the rest?"
Genma held up a sign. <"Water under the bridge... ..."> *Flip.*
<"Anou, forget I said that.">
____________________
END
Now, excuse me. I have to see a man about a horse...