On Thu, 26 Oct 2000, Hair Care Productions wrote:
Untitled Sailor Moon crossover
At least have a tentative title.Pick something random. I, and many people
I know, have been known to delete untitled fics out of hand. If the author
doesn't care enough to name it, why should I care at all?
Something had been on the edge of Rei Hino's senses all day. She had
no idea what it was, but she knew that it was something big. As she
The sky turning purple could be polution, the dead rising was
inconclusive, and her sudden shift to masculinity had to be unconnected.
walked home from the day's classes she felt the sensation growing.
Rei stopped outside a small shop which seemed to be the source of the
feeling. She slowly entered the store to discover it to be filled
with items of all varieties. Everything from shelves and chairs to
antiques and knick-knacks.
The shop-keeper entered the room from an office in the back and met his
young patron at the counter as her eyes wandered the many items in the
room. "Could I help you find something, miss?"
Yes, do you have eighteen pounds of spanish cheese, any type will do, and
a selection of butterfly knives?
Rei could tell that whatever had drawn her into this place was emanating
from the office which the shop-keeper had come out of. "I'm not sure,"
she answered carefully. "There doesn't seem to be much out here that
interests me, is there anything else back there?" she indicated the
office and made a motion toward it.
While technically, so far as I can see, its doing pretty well, you may
want to be a little less orthodox in sentence construction. All of yours
are subject, verb, predicat modifiers. Break it up, move things around.
The shop-keeper cut off her progress toward the back office. "Just some
trinkets, old books, and various other odds and ends that weren't
selling," he explained. "I was in the process of packing them up to
ship to a friend who seemed to think he could sell them for me."
Oh. Oh well, later! and Rei was never seen at this store again.
"Would you consider letting me take a look?" Rei asked. "I might like
to buy some of the things in there."
"Well," he started, his mood changing from defensive to inviting. "I
guess it wouldn't hurt anything. Come on back."
You know, this is begining to sound like a criminal transaction.
She followed him into the office where she saw several open boxes
setting on a table.
"I was just going over the shipping list when I heard you come in,"
explained the shop-keeper. "I'm sorry about my behavior back there, you
just broke my concentration and I lost track of where I was." He
chuckled for a moment, then continued. "Since I'll have to restart the
inventory on these things anyway I figured I might as well give you a
chance to see if you want anything."
I'd join the above two paragraphs, but thats just me.
Rei started to rummage through the boxes until her hand grazed something
at the bottom of one of them which set off a signal inside of her. She
carefully uncovered the items and lifted it from the box. "I'll take
this please."
items=plural. it=singular. change as necessary.
***
"So what is this all about, Rei?" Usagi asked angrily. "Mamo-chan was
gonna take me shopping this afternoon. Why did you make us all come out
here now?"
Lesbian sex? =D
Minako, Ami, and Makoto looked on interestedly with their own curiosity
as to the reasons for the emergency meeting. There had been no sign of
a new enemy in months. Not even Artemis or Luna had detected anything
strange so all watched closely as Rei lifted a large bag before them.
"Because of this," she answered, pulling something out of the bag. Rei
placed the item on the table in front of the rest of the girls revealing
it to be a large book with a cover of copper-toned silk. The words on
the front were almost faded out from age but a metallic emblem rested
prominently in the shape of two serpents intertwined, each one biting
the other's tail. Upon further inspection the faded title was
determined to be written in English letters.
Oh kick ass. <= My initial reaction to this paragraph.
"'The Neverending Story,'" Minako read aloud.
Never seen this done before. Kick more ass!
And you don't need nesting quotation marks,n so far as I know. Pick a set.
"I was on my way home from school when I was drawn to this book," Rei
continued. "I sense that this book is a gateway of some sort, and I
have a feeling that something is terribly wrong on the other side of
that gate."
"So how are we supposed to do anything about it?" Usagi inquired.
Rei: Its a book you moron. What else would you do?
And she began feed it cheesy puffs.
Ami, who had begun an analysis of the book using her mini-computer,
looked up at the other girls. "There is definitely something odd about
this book. I think Rei might be right, it's quite possible that it is a
gateway of some sort."
"But what do we do with it?" Usagi proceeded to ask again. "Even if we
are needed there, how do we get there?"
This again. The CHEESY PUFFS!
"There's only one way to find out," Minako stated as she lifted the book
from the table and pulled it into her lap. She went on to open the book
and started reading it aloud for the assembled group of four girls and
two cats.
Why only four girls? There are five of them.
______________________________________
The end? That's up to all of you. If you want to see more let me know,
if people like it I'll keep it coming. If you have suggestions on how I
might improve it, feel free to let me know. All input is welcome, even
flames (my room is a little chilly lately after all). Thank you all for
reading.
I'm curios what you would do with this. I don't seem to recall much room
for improvment left by the movie and the two sources don't really seem to
have a connection. If you can pull a plot out and don't rely on "Gee,
isn't this cool! A New crossover!" disease, you could have something.
Oh, and for the obligatory disclaimers, I do not own either Sailor Moon
(property of Takeuchi Naoko) or The Neverending Story (property of
Michael Ende). They are used without permission with no profit being
made from their use. No infringement is intended.
Again I hope you enjoyed reading my story.
I'm a big Smoon fan, and a big NES fan as well. If you can cross them,
create a good plot, and avoid all the other classic errors, I'll be hooked
out of sheer fandom alone. Lets see what you got, boyyeee.
Miashara
-Reincarnated Moon Kingdom bartender.