Knight Writer <Jedediah@tri-countynet.net> wrote:
[The camera fades in on Knight Writer and Hikaru Gosunkugi, who are
seated in their usual places in the grand MSTing ampitheater. All around
them, service droids are picking up various pieces of garbage while others
attempt to clean several odd stains in the carpet.]
Knight: Howdy-ho, and welcome to another Knight and Gos MSTing!
Gos: Sorry the place is such a mess, but we don't just do MSTings in
here. Last night we rented the place out for a concert...
[We pull back to see that the aforementioned scene is actually on a
computer monitor, being watched by Gary along with Hiroshi and Daisuke.]
Daisuke: Hey, how come *we* don't have our own cleanup crew provided for
us?
Gary: Are you kidding? We haven't done a MSTing in what, two years? Why
should the Principal bother to send us anything like that?
Hiroshi: So what *are* we doing here?
Gary: Well, Jed was kind enough to do a MSTing of the fic I sent him, so
we're responding, as is always proper when someone takes the time and
effort to comment on one's work.
Knight: Yeah. But first, let's introduce our special guest reviewer.
Straight from his latest appearance in Resident Evil: Code Veronica
Gos: You know him, you love him, you kill him at every turn...
Knight: Phil, the dyslexic zombie!
[The camera focuses on a decomposing corpse shuffling down the
aisle, flies buzzing around his rotted flesh. He finally takes a seat next
to Gosunkugi, who glances at him nervously.]
Knight: Phil, glad you could make it.
Phil: BRAIN YOUR WANT I EAT!
Hiroshi: The fic's being reviewed by... Yoda?
Gary: Fic sucks or sucks not. There is no try.
Hiroshi: Why would a dead person need to eat, anyway?
Gos: Who booked this guy?
[A voice sounds over the speakers in the ampitheater]
Laura: Sorry, guys, he's all I could get on short notice.
Daisuke: Who's that? Laura Baurtram?
Gary: I kinda doubt it.
Hiroshi: Doctor Laura?
Gary: Don't get me started.
Gos: I don't like the way he's looking at me...
Knight: Anyway, on with the MSTing. Gos?
Gos: Ahem. Our fic this time is "The Kasumi Syndrome" written by...
this can't be right!
Gary: It's not right. It's actually "Kasumi's Syndrome."
Hiroshi: Close enough.
Knight: What?
Gos: This is a Gary Kleppe fic!
Knight: Well, he sent it to us.
Gos: It just isn't right! Kleppe-sama... he's one of the best Ranma
writers out there!
Gary: He only says that because I let him get some from Ukyo in "Tangled
Web."
Daisuke: Could be. I, for one, would have better things to say about
your fics if you wrote something called "Daisuke Gets Shampoo."
Gary: C'mon, guys, all writers, no matter how experienced, depend on
their readers for a little feedback. It's invaluable for anyone who
cares about the quality of his or her stuff.
Hiroshi: Then why did you complain the time we hooked up the computer
microphone to the speaker?
Gary: That wasn't a little feedback. It was a LOT of feedback.
C&C is welcomed and appreciated from those who do decide to read onward.
Knight: That's why we're here.
Phil: Urg... Eat want Gary brain...
Hiroshi: Hey! Now we know what happened to the author of "An Awakening
of Demons!"
Gary: There's more than one Phil in the world, guys.... Anyway, the
first part of this is by Matt, so let's skip ahead to the part that I
wrote.
Daisuke: The best thing about a collaborator, of course, is that it
gives you someone to blame for whatever problems the fic has.
Hiroshi: Yeah, I know how that goes.
[H&D exchange dubious glances]
Daisuke: Of course... that doesn't happen with Hiroshi and ME because...
because there's never anything wrong with any of our fics. From first
word to last, they're the coolest thing in fanfiction.
Hiroshi: Yeah!
She wished she didn't have to resort to such extremes. If only
things had turned out differently. If only Ran-chan and his father had
taken her with them all those years ago. The two of them would have
grown up to be the perfect couple... always supportive of one another,
anticipating each other's every need, never ever insulting or arguing.
If only that misbegotten father of his hadn't ruined everything.
Gos: Extremes? Given the Passion Spice, Cologne's mind-wiping
shampoo, and everything else, a note is considered extreme?
Hiroshi: Well, Passion Spice is fanfic cliche, for one thing. As Cologne
herself said in the first Akari storyline, if she really had such a
thing, she'd have used it on Ranma.
Daisuke: Ukyo has no way of knowing about the memory-erasing Shampoo.
She did do the cave of lost love, true, but that was later in the manga.
So she might well consider it extreme to plot a deliberate break-up of
someone else's engagement.
Knight: Extremely low-key, maybe. And then the anit-Genma sentiments...
Gos: I agree, Genma is a real bastard.
Knight: Me, too. Next?
Gary: Hey, those are the character's sentiments, not the author's. Ukyo
was known to be pissed at Genma at this time in the series.
Gos: I personally like glimpses into the mind of our long-suffering
chef. This fantasy fits her, given her past. I like.
Phil: Okonomiyaki brain-flavored want eat I...
Knight: This guy's got a one-track mind...
Daisuke: Is there actually such a thing as okonomiyaki flavor? Wouldn't
it be pork flavor, or seafood flavor, or whatever was actually *in* the
okonomiyaki?
Gary: Does it matter?
Hiroshi: I went to Ucchan's once and asked for some strawberry flavor
okonomiyaki. She just looked at me funny.
Knight: Do I sense a hard streak in Ucchan?
Gos: Dark alert... dark alert... Kinda reminds me of Lawson's "Thy
Inward Love."
Knight: How?
Gos: The part where Ukyo accidentally hurts Akane. I don't think
Ukyo would want to really hurt her, but she just might anyway. Or maybe I'm
just talking out of my ass.
Gary: Well, that sort of thing depends on the story tone. This is a
comedy, so we're not really revoking the slapstick rules here the way
many fics do. Right, guys?
[Gary notices that H&D are at the other computer]
Hiroshi: Can this thing run Heroes of Might and Magic 3?
Daisuke: I think so.
Gary: (sigh) Now they know why we've stopped doing MSTs....
A woman wearing a kitchen apron opened the door. Her
neatly-bound ponytail fell over her shoulder as her head turned. "Hello!
Good afternoon!" the woman said brightly. All in all, she looked like
someone's idealized dream of the pretty young homemaker. Mr. Tendo
must've robbed the cradle, Ukyo thought. Or maybe his wife was older
than she seemed; she'd pretty much have to be to have a daughter as old
as Akane.
Knight [choking on last swallow of Heineken]: Oh... shit...
Gos: I saw a dojinshi once where Soun and Kasumi got it on. Scared
the crap outta me.
Knight: Ukyo must have just gotten to Nerima, then. Kinda early in
the series. That would justify Ukyo's thought that Soun had robbed the cradle.
Gary: Yeah, this is set right between stories. 7 and 8 of vol. 9. Just
after Ranma's first meeting with Ukyo as a teenager.
"Oh, duh." Ukyo slapped herself on the forehead. Of course! "My
fault, sorry." The woman had just been giving her name! Being called
Fucking Ass Bitch was certainly weird, but for a family that had a
daughter as violent as Akane, it wasn't that unbelievable.
Knight: Good LORD!
Gos: I take it this is an attempt to keep the Ranma humor while
dealing with such a serious topic. Not bad, Kleppe-sama.
Gary: Yup. More on this below.
"Still what, Father? Grrr! Die, scum queen!" Taking the teapot
>from the stove, Kasumi filled two clean cups.
"That young lady is going to have to learn proper behavior
sooner or later. There are some things that one just doesn't say in a
proper household."
"Of course not, Father." Kasumi handed him one of the cups of
tea. "Eat shit and die, fucking bastard."
Gos: Man, Gary... This is just too well done.
Daisuke: (Kasumi voice) Actually, Father doesn't know it, but I took my
medicine an hour ago. Hee hee!
Gary: I thought you were playing games on the other computer.
Daisuke: Oh yeah.
"Thrown...." Ukyo's train of thought derailed, spinning around a
hundred and eighty degrees and landing with all of its wheels on the
track. "Thrown out? Of the Tendos?" His engagement to Akane ended,
forcing him out into the cold... right into the waiting arms of his
eternally faithful cute fiancee.
Knight: Wow. Ukyo can be diabolical, can't she?
Gary: Yep. Read the "Cave of Lost Love" story.
Gos: Gary, this... well, what can we say?
Knight: It was pretty well written, as is your trademark, but,...
Gos: This is just one of those fics we really don't feel comfortable
commenting on. Kasumi with Tourette's would be rather touchy...
Knight: Not to mention likely controversial.
Gary: Well, yeah, I can certainly understand that. Personally, I happen
to agree with George Carlin, who said that you can joke about anything;
but, of course, with some things you have to be very careful about how
you do it.
Gos: But making Kasumi and Soun think that Ukyo also has it is a bit
of a stretch.
Knight: I may not be an expert on how mental illness is regarded in
the Land of the Rising Sun, but I think Ukyo would recognize that something
is wrong with Kasumi. Fucking Ass Bitch and Asshole Motherfucker hardly
qualify as pet names...
Gos: Unless some SERIOUS S&M was involved...
Gary: Yeah, a few people had this problem, and again, I can understand
it; you can only push absurdity so far before it becomes too
unbelievable to be workable.
Knight: Shut up, Gos. Anyway, Gary, you tossed us a real curveball
here, and we thank you. MSTing this fic was a real challenge. We don't want
to make any jokes to offend those with this syndrome, or those who are close
to people who do.
Gos: But please, don't do this to us again. MSTing this kind of fic
was really awkward.
Gary: No problem. I certainly wouldn't have been offended had you just
said no. Lawrence Chu once asked me to MST a series of his, and I wasn't
able to. Even though I enjoyed his story, I have trouble MSTing
something that doesn't take itself very seriously to begin with. Anyway,
thanks very much for the MSTing; I appreciate the jokes and the honest
feedback.
Gary Kleppe
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html