Spotlights sweep the sky. Helicopters circle like vultures.
The structure is huge. Not astronomically huge.. just huge. 15,000
people contained under one roof kind of huge, occupying a huge expanse
of land just outside of Tokyo. If it could have fit everybody from
Tokyo, they would be there; the rest have to make do watching the
action on cable.
Because it's been a long time coming, construction having started by a
mandate from the heavens shortly after the spectacle known as Magical
Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Tournament Beta. And now, it is
finished.
And tonight is opening night, to a packed house...
LIVE!
FROM THE ULTRADOME!
THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE
IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME
SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT
AND IMPROFANFIC!
IT'S TIME FOR...
{ M A G I C A L C R O S S O V E R }
{ F I G H T I N G F E D E R A T I O N }
{ .-----------. }
{ | U-L-T-R-A | }
{ `-----------' }
{ http://www.pixelscapes.com/improfanfic }
Summaries by RST -- Season 1 -- Episodes 01-11
Note: Actual website is at www.mtcffultra.com, I am merely leaving the
old title screen in as verbatim.
Episode 01: Ultra Battle to Commence!! -- Stefan Gagne
Hiroshi and Daisuke are the announcers. Hiroshi is established as the
color Commentator, with Daisuke as the black&white Commentator. Kasumi
is God, but hasn't changed much. Ranma resents that Kasumi (?) tricked
him into participating by making him think that he'd be getting away
from his life, but Shampoo, at least, is still there.
First, the Gamma division, for lone, relatively normal fighters. Stone
Cold Dan Hibiki, after a pathetic beginning to a fight, which Ranma
Saotome, his opponent doesn't even think worthy of a counterattack,
makes the mistake of calling Ranma a weak little girl. Ranma,
attacking him in rage at this, wins the Gamma Belt, which is the
championship for 'normal' fighters. Dan threatens to tell "Cousin
Ryo-kun" (Guess) about it.
Next, the Lambda Division, a tag-team championship, has its first
fight. Gambit and Wolverine were sent by Prof X to try and get public
support for mutants. Lilith and Morrigan are arguing about which of
the X-Men is hotter. First, Lilith fights Wolverine, defeating him
with what will become her trademark move, "Gloomy Puppet Show". He
attempts to tag Gambit in, but he's too busy being seduced by Morrigan
to accept the tag.
Finally, Omega Division. This is an unrestricted division for
super-powered fighters and mecha, whose matches take place in a Outside
the UltraDome to prevent destruction. The match is Washu Hakubi in
her new mecha, the UltraDeath Cybertron Megamax 6000 vs Shinji Ikari
in EVA-01. NERV had agreed to Ultra because of a lack of funding. This
time, the match takes place in Tokyo-3. Later Omega matches will take
place in various different places. EVA-01's AT field is used as a
weapon to cut the mecha in half after protecting the EVA against 6000
nuclear weapons fired at the same time. Washu begins a vendetta
against EVA-01. We learn from Daisuke's comments that the one rule in
Omega is that destruction of the world and/or the universe is a
technical foul.
Hiroshi finds that he is not allowed to say any really good catch
phrases due to copyright problems. Kaworu is seen conspiring with
Kasumi, but to what end?
Episode 02: Friday Night Mayhem -- David Tai, Stefan Gagne, Todd Harper
Ranma discovers just what kind of a mess he's gotten himself into in
this episode. Not only are Mousse, Kunou, and Shampoo all also in the
league, but he's being merchandised. He is 'attacked' by Dan Hibiki in
the beginning of the episode. Ranma refuses to turn over the belt or
accept the challenge without evidence of improvement on Dan's part,
and to prove this, Dan must win a match.
There are now going to be several Gamma matches to decide who gets the
right to face Ranma in a future episode. The first is a "Hell in a
Cell" match, with both fighters trapped in a cage and not allowed out
until the match is over. Hiroshi accidentally drinks motor oil and has
to be taken out on a stretcher, setting the stage for various injuries
of Hiroshi caused by his stupidity. The replacement announcer is Ash
Ketchum.
The "Hell in a Cell" match is between Tatewaki Kunou and Sakura
Kasugano. Sakura seems to be hoping for an easy win, evidently
unknowing of Kunou's amazing durability. After the third time she
thinks she's knocked him out, he starts to take the fight
seriously. She manages to hold him back, but then he electrifies his
modified steel-core bokken, and while Ash is bragging that Pikachu's
thundershock is better than that move, Pikachu misinterprets his
saying the name of the move as an order to attack and does so,
electrifying the cage and Kunou's bokken. He is knocked out, and
Sakura kicks him once in the head in order to be able to claim that
she defeated him, thus winning the match. For the third time, she
cheers her own victory, this time non-prematurely.
The next Gamma match is between Stone-Cold Dan, who has sworn on his
father's grave to eventually win a match, and Johnny Cage, an actor,
who has been possessed by the Orochi, an entity of hate and rage who
was assigned to the Omega devision. He says that all must return to
nothing, and that Shinji is his first target. Background information
for the Orochi can be found in Omake episode 3, at the ultra website.
The Gamma match is therefore preempted, and we go on to the Lambda
match for the night. The first team, the "Fatally Furious Fighters",
consists of Andy Bogard and Mai Shiranui. Their opponents, Team
Hentai, whose members are those two that you all know and love (to
hate), Happosai and Ataru Moroboshi. Starting are Ataru and
Andy. Ataru mallets Andy, KO'ing him immediately. Mai just barely tags
in to replace Andy, and then Team Hentai uses the Double Glomp attack,
which results in Mai exploding literally, sending Ataru into the
Spanish announcer's table (said table later to become an in-joke) and
resulting in Happosai being unconscious, winning the match for Andy
and Mai.
This week's Omega match takes place on the planet Arrakis, between
Ifurita and Lina Inverse. Ifurita alienates any potential support from
the crowd immediately, while Lina shows that she LOVES being the
center of attention. On the other hand, she HATES the guest referee,
Naga the White Serpent. Every attack she uses on Ifurita is very
simply doubled in a more powerful state, frustrating her to no
end. Back in the Dome, they find that the Orochi has stolen Naga from
the scene.
Episode 03: The Black Serpent Strikes! -- Ash
Naga, currently being enslaved by the Orochi, learns the -voice- of
power, which is done by placing [BRACKETS] around words for emphasis.
She changes her title to Naga the [Black] Serpent. Kasumi detects a
disturbance in the force. Wrapping and formatting errors abound in
this episode, which was evidently composed in Word. On the plus side
but inconsistent with the rest of this season, each paragraph is
indented with only a single space and separated by blank lines.
Kasumi detects a disturbance in the 'Force', leading to future Star
Wars inspired in-jokes.
Yotsuya, from the series Maison Ikkoku, is hired as the "Man on the
Beat" for Ultra. He can't find Gambit, who he was assigned to
interview, and interviews Sakura and her boyfriend, David,
instead. These interviews seem merely incidental, but Sakura's
response to one of his questions manages to get Gambit to show up. We
find from these interviews that the Gambit/Wolverine pair has broken
up, and Gambit intends to compete in the Gamma league. He's currently
waiting on a ruling on whether he is allowed to use his staff. He
manages to bring down David's anger by trying to pick up Sakura. This
brings an instant response from God Herself, and Gambit and David are
scheduled for an exhibition grudge match at some point in the future,
locked in a flaming steel cage and allowed to fight with staves.
Unfortunately, a chainsaw, the only weapon that David has any skill
with, does not qualify as a staff.
This week's gamma match is between Ken Masters and Gambit. Gambit is
distracted, as always, by his own attempts to hit on someone, but
recovers by making an extremely acrobatic entrance. As the camera
zooms in on him doing this, Rogue (?), his girlfriend back in New York
and another of the X-Men, sees it and plans revenge against him for
cheating on her. We also find that the reason David likes Sakura is
that he saw her in a black leather miniskirt and saw "something". That
"something" will become an in-joke later on in the series, much to
Sakura's dismay. Anyway, the fight between Ken and Gambit begins with
both throwing off energy projectiles (kinetically-charged cards count
as such in my book) but quickly moves into being a brawl. Gambit
somehow manages to sabotage one of Ken's later moves, leading to Ken
losing the match. Gambit gets away with it, but the questionable
strategy may lead to new rules against such things. No hard feelings
between the two opponents, though.
The Lambda match is between the Jusenkyo Survivors, consisting of
Shampoo and Mousse, and Team X-Men, who have replaced Gambit with
Shadowcat, a somewhat more obscure character in the X-Men comics with
the ability to walk through matter. The music director, driven insane
by Gambit's failure to pick a song and then his failure to make an
entrance, is terrorized by Shadowcat as revenge for picking a Spice
Girls song. The match begins in a catfight between Shadowcat and
Shampoo, with Shadowcat having an overwhelming (IMO unfair) advantage
over Shampoo. Shampoo manages to tag out, and Mousse is similarly
beaten on by Shadowcat. Shampoo tags back in when Wolverine enters the
ring, but there's something terrible coming for the Jusenkyo Survivors.
Shadowcat earlier (in her revenge against the music director) set off
a short in the electrical system, causing the sprinklers to go off at
this point and transform Shampoo into a cat. Wolverine easily KO's
her, and wins the match for the X-Men. Goku has joined the Ultra
staff as a referee for Omega matches.
The Omega match is Goku's debut as a referee, and takes place in a
generic alternate dimension. Omega rules have been extended to
disallow suicide attacks. The opponents are Cyber Akuma and
Sephiroth. Naga attempts to interfere with the match and thus earns a
fight with Goku. This also leads to an impromptu interview with the
Orochi. The fight goes on, with an ice spell contrasting sharply with
Sephiroth's earlier fireball, the two extremes shorting out Akuma's
cybernetics. Sephiroth wins.
Shampoo and Cologne are confronted with confusion as to the
implications of her various wins and losses as applies to the
Joketsuzoku's marriage laws. Goku's fight with Naga was glossed over,
with the only information shown in the episode being that it lasted in
excess of eight hours and that Kasumi allows Naga to join Ultra.
Episode 04: Title unknown, Author unknown.
The show is going on tour in the US. Yashiro Nanakase and Shermie
LastNameNotGiven steal tickets from two hapless fans. This episode
takes place in San Jose, CA, and Hiroshi's chocolate/caffeine
addiction continues. He's currently busy with that, and is replaced
for this episode by Shinji. This week is the grudge match between
Kunou and Pikachu. The match will be won by KO and is limited to 30
minutes. Kunou's anger is interfering with his aim as he chases
Pikachu around the ring. Ash, for his part, is at ringside holding a
sign ridiculing Kunou as Pikachu mocks him. Kunou then continues
ridiculing Ash's ability at being a pokemon trainer, while Pikachu
decides to finish off the match, warned by Ash to at least wait until
they're back inside the ring. Pikachu ends up winning the match once
they are back into the ring.
The Orochi demands to fight Sephiroth in order to qualify to challenge
Shinji, who if you'll remember before he plans to destroy. At this
point, the fight between Goku and Naga is still skipped over, but we
now know that it lasted a full 24 hours and came out a draw.
Today's Gamma match is between Johnny Cage and Shingo Yabuki, who is
trying to find a catchphrase for himself. Shingo opens first with a
solid punch, copied from Kyo Kusanagi but with no flames (yet). Shingo
will continue copying moves from other fighters for the duration of
his career. After this, they both use the same move, with Shingo
having copied it from one of his opponent's movies. The match almost
ends in a double KO, but they both get up at eight during the
ten-count. Shingo immediately attacks Cage again, ending the match.
The second Gamma match of the evening features Iori Yagami vs
Sofia. Iori opens the match with a fireball and then throws Sofia to
the ground, but she manages to get up and sends a ki blast off of the
end of her whip. Iori counters with a traditional jumpkick, and then
uses his most powerful move to finish the match. However, he evidently
does not have the favor of the crowd, which boos his win and then
cheers Yashiro's surprise attack after the match.
The Lambda match tonight is between Andy/Mai and the X-Men, with Mai
and Wolverine starting. Mai flashes the crowd while changing into her
combat uniform in the ring, then they both attack each other, but Mai
clearly has the advantage, being more flexible due to what Daisuke
phrased as a fundamental difference between Capcom and SNK's fighting
system, in the first of a long string of fourth-wall violations by
this series. Incidentally, Wolverine earns the nickname Canucklehead
due to his Canadian origin and certain other factors. Shadowcat
manages to convince "Canucklehead" to tag out, again using her phasing
power to an unfair advantage. However, once Mai tags out, Andy's ki
blast is unaffected by her phasing ability, showing how pathetic she
is without it. Shadowcat tags back out, and Wolverine is defeated
quickly with the Chou Reppa Dan. Mai and Andy win.
Another Star Wars joke falls flat as Kaworu attempts to explain why
Orochi wishes to destroy Shinji. The match between Shinji and Lina is
to be fought on Terra Nova from Heavy Gear, in an area called the
Badlands. Michael Buffer, the 'ring' announcer for this match, proves
to have quite an infectious lack of popularity with the audience. Even
after being booed quite extremely by the audience, he chooses not to
commit suicide by staying on the scene. Shinji hesitates, then fires
paintballs at Lina, as Lina prepares to fire a Dragu Slave. She does
even as he's almost emptied an entire magazine of paintballs at the
ground around where she's standing, and expecting the EVA to be
defeated, is completely caught by surprise as it grabs her. Naga again
interferes with the match, causing Goku to then arrive on the scene
to stop her. The match is thrown out.
Episode 05: Tuesday Night CHAOS!!! -- John Evans
Kasumi takes it upon herself to interfere with David and Sakura's
relationship for whatever reason, then the episode proper begins.
For the first time, the usual audience is using placards, an idea
which they picked up from the American audience last week. Washu is
evidently planning to do something, but there are no details as to
what.
We have no less than *eight* matches in store for you tonight, with
title defenses in all three divisions. "YES! Exhibition matches,
grudge matches, a FLAMING STEEL CAGE MATCH, and maybe even a surprise
or three! PLUS! The debut of an astonishing new fighter! I know all
you guys out there will love her because, and I'm not making this up,
she FIGHTS...TOTALLY...NAKED!!!"
The ring announcer has been replaced with someone who has a name,
Touga Kiryu. This incites the first of many voice-actor jokes. The
first match is between Kunou and Johnny Cage. The crowd seems to have
mixed feelings about Cage. Mario is hired as Gamma/Lambda referee in
this episode. This Gamma match is to avoid gaining the title "Biggest
Loser in Ultra". Both fighters have overinflated egos and thus the
match almost has more taunting than fighting. Cage almost gets a foul
for not saying the name of his attack, and after a lame attempt to
name the attack in question the fight begins in earnest. Someone in
the audience interferes after distracting Mario by claiming that
Bowser was kidnapping the Princess. Also, the Mortal Kombat announcer
voice makes its debut here. Kunou Wins.
The second match of the eight is the FLAMING STEEL CAGE EXHIBITION
MATCH, the one mentioned earlier between David and Gambit. However,
Kasumi has interfered in David's relationship with Sakura, so it may
be moot. That won't stop us from enjoying the ULTRAVIOLENCE, though.
Evidently the crowd is overdoing it with the signs, however. After the
cage is set aflame, they begin fencing verbally at first, and before
they can actually start fighting, the Orochi interrupts. Orochi seems
to possess David, giving him the ability to manipulate wind. However,
it's revealed after the fight that David had that innate ability
beforehand, and was destined to join the Orochi. Evidently, Kasumi's
manipulations didn't have much effect on his relationship with Sakura,
though.
Guest announcer Isawa Norikazu makes a prediction. Today...is the day
of chaos. The day of the thirteen. Thirteen conflicts shall there be,
four hidden and nine public. Battle...darkness...sex...CHAOS! The end
begins TONIGHT! NOTHING can save us! Nothing, all nothing, and only
nothing. In other news, NERV/SEELE is trying to figure out whether or
not to continue the Instrumentality Project despite the replacement of
the previous God by Kasumi.
Third of eight (or is it nine?) is also Gamma: Sofia vs Sakura. This
match begins with insults, and then Sakura skips out. This match shall
be continued later this evening.
Fourth match is in the Omega league: Shinji vs Sephiroth. This one
also takes place in a generic alternate dimension, but Shinji is still
apprehensive about everything. Daisuke, 'ring' announcer for this
match, introduces Sephiroth and EVA01/Shinji. Sephiroth goes for a
surprise attack with his sword and a fire spell, then as Shinji fires
his paintballs he goes for an ice spell. After this proves
ineffective, he calls down a meteor shower, which misses. Then he
finally uses an attack that works, literally disarming the EVA. the
Robot Carnival, letter-shaped buildings on tank treads spelling out
"ROBOT CARNIVAL", runs over Sephiroth, ending the match. As a natural
hazard, this is not interference, and the match goes to Shinji. Well,
Norikazu had predicted the match would be ended with "big words", and
the word-shaped buildings of the robot carnival were quite big.
Back to the third match of the eight. This one will determine the
Sexiest Woman of Gamma. This match, or rather contest, is being judged
by Team Hentai. Sakura has decided to wear her black leather fuku, and
the crowd definitely appreciates it. The clothes seem to be influencing
Sakura's behavior, helping her to win (?) the match. Nabiki is working
in the video room, and it turned out a censoring was not necessary,
but that didn't stop the writer from making a scene in the video
room. The judges award this match to Sakura. Sofia attempts to attack
her, but the new director, Tron Bonne (?!), prevents that with one of
her robots.
In Daisuke's interview of Shinji, the Omega champion's typical
apprehension shows up. Also, the reason Ultra exists is explained by
Kasumi. Kasumi also has a private word with the EVA-pilot, but that is
not shown to the readers.
Match five is Andy and Mai vs Morrigan and Lilith. Rules for this
Lambda match are one fall within a 30 minute limit. Mai and Morrigan
start. Morrigan transforms herself into Mai, mocking her. It begins as
a fireball fight, but the mocking leads Mai to refuse to tag out,
cutting Morrigan and Lilith's required effort by half or more. Lilith
easily defeats her after tagging in, and the match goes to them. The
next lambda match is Team Hentai vs Pikachu and Ash.
Match 6 begins with Ataru and Pikachu, Ataru definitely having the
upper hand with his resistance to electricity. Evidently Team Hentai's
challenge was due to the fact that this was the one pair they could
beat. They easily win, in order to be able to challenge Morrigan and
Lilith. Later, Sakura asks Kasumi about the package she got from "a
secret admirer", unknowing that Kasumi was responsible for it.
Match 7, the surprise one, is an Omega match between Lina and the
Orochi. Lina opens with a fireball. The Orochi counters, only to have
its attack miss as Lina casts a Raywing. Eventually, Lina casts Dragu
Slave, but Orochi seems to be up to something. And it turns out that
as the god of hate he cannot be harmed by black magic. Orochi attempts
to finish her off, but is stopped by Goku. Evidently Goku had fought
Orochi earlier in the week, which can be observed in Omake episode 4
at the website.
Match 8 of NINE (!!) is a Gamma title match with Shingo challenging
Ranma for his title. Shampoo is trying to convince Ranma to marry her
to avoid having to marry Wolverine, but he is unwilling to. He tricks
Shingo by showing off his moves and then punching him while he's busy
writing them in his little black book. Shingo concedes the match in
exchange for Ranma accepting him as a student, not giving Ranma much
of a choice.
The Ninth and Final match is Stone Cold Dan Hibiki vs the TOTALLY
NAKED fighter, whose name is revealed to be Felicia! The battle is
cut, but ends predictably in a victory for Felicia.
Hidden conflicts were Kodachi vs Mario, as she continues to interfere
in the fights by distracting him, Gendo vs SEELE, wrestling with the
idea of continuing with the Instrumentality project, and Sakura and
Shinji vs their respective selves. The editor of this summary didn't
see the one with Kodachi, so don't blame yourselves.
Episode 06: The Incredibly Long Episode -- Aaron Peori
Author's Note: Well, looks like I stand to lose all the ground I've
gained on the "same-size-as-an-average-episode" front.
The Orochi is conspiring with someone, but we're not told who. Tarou
(my guess, anyway), is drafted by Kasumi to do something, but we're
not told what.
No exhibition matches and no new entrants. Many Omega grudge matches
and many Lambda and Gamma challenges are foreshadowed at the outset of
this episode, and also a preview of ULTRARAGE. Pantyh...nevermind
Tarou is a guest commentator. "What did you say your name was again?"
"I didn't." The first match is Iori Yagami vs Gambit. They are
fighting for the title of Biggest Badass in Gamma. Gambit jumps in,
forcing Iori onto the defensive. Iori uses an energy attack once he
finds an opening. He destroys Gambit's staff, turning it around so
that at least Tarou thinks he's already won. He unleashes his full
power just then. Gambit can't dodge, but Iori is hurt by his own power
as well. Gambit takes a fall so that Iori will think he's unconscious,
leaving an opening as he prepares his finishing move, the Maiden
Masher. He jumps just as Iori is flying at him, and kicks him in the
stomach. However, the pain from the match overtakes him, and he falls,
to be attacked by Iori, who then wins the match.
Daisuke is still out, and Yotsuya plans to interview Iori. Iori
refuses to participate in that interview, and then is confronted by
Yashiro and Shermie. The Orochi prevents them from fighting, however.
He does not want his Harbingers destroyed before his time, evidently.
Yotsuya was entirely unable to get an interview. Shermie, however,
suggests that the Orochi may decide to make her and Yashiro into a
Lambda team.
Daisuke's back in action for the Omega match between Naga and Lina.
First, the ring announcer kicks Gourry out of the dimension, but
before he goes, he offers Lina the Sword of Light. Lina declines, as
she thinks her magic will be enough. However, her magic doesn't work
in the dimension the match is to take place in.
Despite this, she attempts to use a Dragu Slave against Naga, who is
still overutilizing the [VOICE] of [POWER]. Fortunately, it still
works (inexplicably, and Dave Peori has some explaining to do.)
"[MOMMY]..." Two 'Natural Hazards', or in other words natives of this
dimension, are just minding their own business when off on the horizon
they see a flash of light. One of them, whose name is Bart, chases
them down out of some sort of righteous anger at them for defacing the
planet or something (his companion doesn't get it either.) Yotsuya
plans to interview Lina. She dances around the questions until the
'Natural Hazards' arrive. They land on top of Yotsuya and Lina. Bart
tries to push off, but as happens to anyone who falls on top of a
woman and tries to get up, what he happens to grab for leverage just
happens to be a pair of rather tiny (oww! don't fireball me!)
... nevermind.
Dan is transformed by a mysterious figure into some sort of massive
annoyance (what change, you ask me? you expect ME to have a clue when
you don't have one?) Another battle for the Biggest Loser in Ultra
title, this Gamma match is Johnny Cage vs Dan Hibiki.
Dan has changed. A lot. His new name is "SHIN DAN!". "I am Dan, Of the
Arousal of Unpleasant Intent! Fear my NASTY Power! Tremble at the
Uncomfortable Fist of Shin Dan! Swoon at my Mercyfulless Power! I am
Not Nice! I am Non-educational! I am your worst daydream! I am SHIN
DAN, The most evil thing since Barney!" This is evidently the product
of the evil that the Orochi was seen conspiring with, since the Orochi
says something incomprehensible to that effect.
It's commonly known that all Shotokaners are much faster and more
powerful in their evil state. It will be interesting to see what this
does to Dan. That from Daisuke. Tarou also comments. I find this
terribly amusing... This was almost worth being forced to commentate
here. If you read one episode, read this one. Dan has many more funny
and stupid quotes.
Dan's pants catch on fire during this match, and just as he puts them
out he gets punched in his "very special area". However, Dan
retaliates in kind. There was a solemn moment of respectful silence.
Every man in the stadium took off his hat, placing it over his
heard. The orchestra began to play 'taps' as Johnny Cage crumpled to
the mat. Shin Dan also fell, obviously unconscious. The ref looked at
both of them, saw neither was rising, and with practiced ease began
the ten count. End Verbatim quote. Cage gets up at two, Dan at
three. Dan eventually uses the "Mighty Tiger Leaps Upon the Mountain
of Shrieking Bird Goblins" to defeat Cage. Shin Dan is the winner.
Yotsuya is required to interview Sephiroth at the moment. He is going
to fight Orochi because he was challenged to the end of Orochi being
able to challenge the title. Sephiroth explains why he is in despite
not wanting the title:
And I looked, and beheld a pale horse: and his name that sat on him
was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them
over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with
hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.
Many religious overtones as Kaworu debates the point made here.
Yotsuya asks the obligatory question then, whether Kaworu wants to be
gay with Shinji.
Here, Team Hentai challenges the Aenslands again in the first Lambda
match of the evening. Tarou's hatred of Happosai clearly shows through
as he shows up. Happosai and Lilith start the match. Happosai seems
unaffected by any of Lilith's attacks, due to the energy type. After
Morrigan tags in, We find out why the double glomp is illegal, as they
have until ten count to get their illegal man outside the ropes.
However, Lilith and Morrigan strike back after the double glomp with
their own double team, joining together to become one being.
Unfortunately, they have the disadvantage of that the ten count has
already started. They hardly need any time at all, though, and easily
win the match with a Soul Eraser.
We find out that UltraRage, the PPV event, will include a brawl IN
THIS PLANE between all Omega fighters. Three matches to go.
Felicia vs Ken Masters. We find out exactly what Tarou thinks of the
idea of people wanting to do things with Felicia. Three Shoryuken,
then Shoryureppa, then Shinryuken without anything from Felicia. Most
impressive. He might try actually going over and using them on his
opponent next time, though. Felicia walks over and kicks him in the
face. He then actually attacks her, forcing her into a corner, then
using a Shinpu Jinrai Kyaku against her, winning the match. Yotsuya
then interviews Ken, and hits hard with allegations that he's just a
cheap copy of the much more famous Shotokan disciple Ryu. Then he asks
about the whole Shin Dan thing. "I've seen people who use Shotokan go
insane before, but it's Dan; I think he's harmless." *grimace* "More
or less."
Then Ranma is shown 'training' Shingo in the Hiryu Shouten Ha. After
that, Ken promises to challenge Ranma for the title, then insults him
by suggesting that Sakura might have a chance. Bart lands on him after
having been fireballed into the air by Lina earlier, and then Ken
accuses him and Rico, the other native of the dimension that Lina and
Naga fought in, of attacking him. Incidentally Shingo does the same
thing as Ataru, referring to his school as "the Anything Blows School
of Martial Arts". Tarou suggests that Ranma and Sakura should fight
over the sexiest woman title, but then it turns out that Shingo will
be fighting in Ranma's place. "What!" Sakura talking here. "But if i
don't get that belt I'll never be able to get Ryu to finally notice me
and lose all his self control and want to make mad passionate..."
David interrupts here "...respect. Mad passionate respect! I mean get
him to respect me..." Tarou's response "Sadly, I can much more easily
picture the Training Dummy giving her mad passionate respect than the
other thing." The match itself between Sakura and Shingo seems
anticlimactic. An attempt at a Hiryu Shouten Ha ends up with Shingo in
the air and Sakura's skirt blowing up, the latter being a common
theme. Shingo is KO'ed immediately as he lands headfirst.
The final match is a new team in Lambda vs one of the existing
ones. the 'X-Team' are fighting Yashiro and Shermie... no, wait! it's
Bart Fatima and Rico Banderas, the two 'Natural Hazards" from the
Omega arena earlier in this episode! Bart and Shadowcat begin, then
continuity is violated as Shadowcat phases through an energy
attack. She phases through several more attacks, then a reactive
attack works against her, hitting her after she attacks more quickly
than she can phase out. Rico and Wolverine both tag in, and start
arguing over which one of Gambit or Bart makes a worse partner. They
keep talking. Thirty minutes later, at the time limit, they're still
talking. They didn't even notice as the match was declared a draw
after time was up.
Yotsuya was assigned to interview the Orochi before the main
event. Evidently, there was a very cheesy discussion between it and
Kasumi, and his motive was not to fight at UltraRage.
The announcers are for once LIVE at the site of the Omega match,
taking place in the world of Paranoia! "Citizen Seph-I-RTH and
Or-O-CHI: I demand you stop immediately and report for termination!"
Sephiroth and Orochi stopped for a moment, looked at each other,
looked at the city, and then calmly unleashed flaming death upon
it. "Or not," the Computer added nervously, "Your choice, really." The
two god-like warriors nodded, and then continued to try to rip each
other apart.
After this scene (you had to be there. this is the one episode you
have to read.) the battle pales in comparison, but suffice to say
Sephiroth emerges the victor.
In the epilogue to this episode, something incomprehensible
happens.
Episode 07: The Horribly Delayed Episode! -- Chris McNeil, Aaron Peori
Note: Originally mistakenly aired with '6' in the episode number
field.
Ranma and Tarou have a 'discussion' at the beginning of the episode.
Gamma match. Shingo, who is now dressed up as Ranma, vs Shin Dan, who
made his usual unusual entrance. He seems somehow capable of replacing
random shirts with "I'm a Dan Fan!" T-shirts. After Shingo trips over
his own feet backing up in an offensive stance, Dan uses a move similar
to one that didn't work last week. Likely, he forgot that it didn't
work, what with the knock on the head last week. Later on he almost
KO's Shingo, but not quite. Shingo then copies one of Dan's moves.
Normally, his copies are inferior, but Dan is no ordinary fighter.
After he uses some sort of move with a black aura (the Orochi
responsible?) Dan retaliates with similarly huge amounts of power.
All that expended, Shingo is simply able to poke him and then he falls
over. Shingo gets the match.
Mysterious Stranger with Red Spiky Hair has a surreal conversation
with Tarou. You bet your ass more on this later.
Omega match. Washu in a mecha named Nuenzehn. Toguro Ani. Tokyo3
Crater. She steps on him but most of his body mass has already
transferred to a backup (?) body.
Cut back to Tarou and Red Spiky Hair. Something to do with Ranma's
match.
Ani uses (tries to) various attacks on Washu, gets swatted around, but
is quite resilient. We find out why Kasumi let Ani in. Ani discovers
he's on TV and destroys the camera. Washu distracts and destroys.
Tarou makes a deal with RSH. However, Tarou finds out who put the Dan
Fan shirt on him, after all. However, RSH is able to disappear before
he can do anything.
The little bits of Ani turned into mini-Anis. Little bits of vaporized
mini-Anis re-formed. She teleported out of the mecha and tried to make
a gravity field swallow up the Ani's, but Ani recovered and almost
killed her. She knocks his head off, and his body and head start
arguing. After several other incidences, she traps him in a pokeball.
Then she kills him with a cyclone thing within the confines of the
pokeball.
Yotsuya tries to interview Ranma but is stopped by about a zillion
distractions. He ends up saying something about rumors that he "just
made up" about Ranma being accused of sexual harassment and the
distractions prevent Ranma from responding.
Tarou manages to distract Ranma at the beginning of the match against
Iori, and this continues for a while with his opponent getting in many
hits. Ranma manages to get him tied up with the cables and spins him
around, evidently getting ready for a modified Hiryu Shouten Ha. The
new move is called Hiryu Korin Dan, whose translation is not given in
this episode. The narrator manages to fall flat with a joke about
Kasumi, but anyways Ranma wins the match. More sneak peeks of
UltraRage. New competitors include Tifa Lockheart, who is going to be
competing in the Newcomer Invitational, which will have "Four
newcomers, each competing in a two round elimination tournament with
the winner getting into the Gamma league!" You guessed who, Hiroshi
with that line. Tifa will also be announcing for the next match,
Lambda between Andy/Mai and Bart/Rico, who are naming their team.
Whoops, looks like Rico is taking exception at his partner's idea for
a name, "Beauty and the Beast". Rico, for those of you who don't know,
is a hulking green-skinned monster. No match here, then.
Tarou interviews Shinji in the new feature, The Commentator Interview
Segment Without A Catchy Name. He lamely recovers by claiming it's
called "Tarou's Interview Segment". He manages to make Shinji even
more insecure about himself and then walks away. Typical Pantyhose.
*Sounds of Grievous Violence as Tarou beats up editor* Sorry, okay?
The next match, anyway, is a title rematch between Sephiroth and
Shinji. This one takes place on Endor, which is a heavily forested
moon. The narrator makes another lame joke, and then the opponents
arrive. Sephiroth opens at once with a Flare spell, then he knocks
down the AT field with a DBarrier spell. After that, the match is over
almost instantly. Sephiroth gets the title, in the first title change.
We see another lame sight gag about the [VOICE] of [POWER]. Reproduced
here since I've got 30 lines to spare and might as well fill about
seven of them.
"I [HATE] this food!" Naga the Black Serpent said from her hospital
bed, "I [HATE] being beaten! I [HATE] humiliation! I [HATE] you Lina
Inverse!"
As Naga continued to rant Orochi pulled a pillow over his face and
said softly, "I [HATE] my life..."
More angst for Shinji, and then some interference from Red, Spiky, and
Hairy. (owwie... sorry I won't call you that again Mr. Lysias...)
Anyway, Shinji gets a long-due personality transplant. He walks out
into the hallway and kisses Rei. and I don't mean just any kiss. Read
the episode. "Something," as Kaworu says "Has gone horribly wrong."
Episode 08: Monday Night Controversy -- Sean Gaffney, Twoflower
It seems that Tall, Red, and Pointy is planning on making this the
most controversial Ultra ever. Who will he go after next? Will we ever
know his name?! Well, it seems that Kasumi wants him to be less
messy. However, he will have no part in it. How dare he defy GOD
HERSELF? Well, your guess is as good as mine.
Well, it seems that the new Shinji is using the "Use her and lose her"
strategy in his relationship with Rei. Just trying to make Asuka
jealous, it seems. And it's working. (Please don't hurt me.) They make
a deal. Shinji will kiss Asuka if he wins his match, as he plans to
fight someone so that he can fight Sephiroth to get back the title.)
Hiroshi reaches a record level of excitement due to too much coffee.
We are still left to wonder why the newcomer invitational contestants
have to compete in order to get in when they could just ask as Bean
Bandit from Chicago is introduced. Then a commercial that all you
mindless antidrug freaks should probably skip over. We're back with a
match between Sofia and Johnny Cage in order to avoid the fate of
being in the Biggest Loser in Ultra final showdown, another UltraRage
event. Evidently, whoever 'wins' the title at the showdown is slated
to be fired, or so the rumors go. According to Hiroshi, Sofia only has
two losses under her panties. "Belt, Hiroshi" (Tarou or Dai? You
decide.) You live in your universe and I'll live in mine. (Hiroshi
again). Shin Dan will be a color commentator for this match... oh,
joy. They begin fighting after hesitating for just a minute, and
they're definitely going at it. Daisuke manages to distract Sofia for
only a second, but there is no visible effect. She throws a chair at
Cage, but he ducks and it hits --
"Oh my GOD! Sofia just knocked Stone Cold Shin Satsu no Hado Evil Dan
Hibiki senseless in less time than it takes to say his name! Dan!
Speak to me, Dan!" "...ow" Both fighters suddenly attack Dan,
revealing their true plan for the evening. The match was a
setup. Johnny did the same move he's used many times before. a split
down to waist level and then a punch right in the -- well, you
know. Dan's "Special Place". Evidently Cage and Sofia have been
hijacked by the spiky redhead for his own sinister controversial
purposes. They aren't technically a Lambda team yet, but they're
calling themselves "Sex and Violence".
Someone was there, at the door to the backstage area to greet
them. His arms wide, grinning in manic joy... a small yellow duck on
his shoulder. Sofia tossed him the microphone, and pointed at the
crowd. Yup, you guessed it. Red/Hairy/Spiky (All right! I'll quit
making up names just as soon as you tell me you real one.) "Kasumi's
tossed down the gauntlet, people, and I'm DONE hiding in the shadows!
As the personal manager and trainer of Sex and Violence, I would like
to introduce you to the coming reign of chaos! Look out, folks,
because I'm CONTROVERSIAL JACK, and I'm gonna make your day!" Read the
Controversial Jack Improfanfic for more information about Mr. Lysias.
Lina is trying to get day-glo orange crackers from a vending machine
when she is interrupted by... "Miss Inverse, you seem to be taking on
the machine in combat. Has this bout been cleared with the judges?"
...You guessed it, Yotsuya with a lame lead-in line. Eventually, the
vending machine gives up... a pack of gum. "Wha... what is this?" "It
would appear that the battle with the vending machine has damaged Miss
Inverse's senses, to the point where she can no longer recognize the
smallest of objects. It is unknown whether this means that the machine
will be challenging Sephiroth for the Omega title." "I... WANT...
MY... FOOD!!!" "Darkness beyond twilight, crimson from blood that
flows..." "In addition, she also seems to have forgotten the rules
about the use of major magicks in a backstage environment." Yotsuya
chooses this point to run away. *thunk* "...DRAGU SL..huh?" She
decides that having gotten what she wanted, she'll stop harassing the
poor vending machine. "Fireball." ...or not.
The next competitor that will be in the UltraRage Invitational is
Haohmaru! He's clearly even more of a blowhard than Kunou. He will be
able to use a sword because it only has one edge, which is not facing
his opponent. The final participant, incidentally, is Karin Kanzuki!
Haohmaru immediately starts ranting because her helicopter is in her
way. She gives him a business card, confusing him. More lame signs,
then an interview with Sex and Violence.
It seems that Jack has stolen a copy of the Gamma belt and turned it
into a Hardcore championship belt with a blowtorch and the letter
'H'. Hardcore means that anything is legal and any non-omega person
can challenge for it. KO's happen anywhere and any weapon you can find
in the 'dome is legal. Sofia gets the Hardcore belt first so that she
can be challenged and have it taken violently away. Johnny Cage,
pissed that he didn't get it, plans to challenge for it.
Meanwhile, Hiroshi is dead. Don't worry, fangirls, it's only a
temporary condition... Kasumi plans to have NERV make a clone of
Hiroshi that will be just as good or better than the original.
Meanwhile, Ultra's ratings are slacking in the 5-13 demographic, and
so there's a guest announcer; Sana Kurata. *Shudder.* Evidently, God
is a sadist. Incidentally, as we learn in said sadist's office,
Ifurita is back, and wants to fight Washu. This is a crucial match as
Washu needs a win in order to challenge Sephiroth. However, they seem
to be using a MENTAL battle, rather than a PHYSICAL one. After Sana is
finished pissing Daisuke off even more, back to Arrakis. Washu was
amazed at the cruelty and lust for power of Ifurita's creators and
master, while Ifurita, never having felt emotion before, was
confronted with 20,000 years of all sorts of emotions. Washuu then
takes Ifurita back to her lab to "free you from the evil creatures
that created you and the one who currently holds you against your
will!" Before entering the portal to her lab, she bonked Ifurita on
the head with her staff in order to get the win.
Shinji has challenged Naga, and their match is next. It takes place on
the planet Alashaki, a big ball of rock in the sky and nothing more.
Daisuke then is given a cash donation in order to plug their tourist
services. The next time you go on holiday, why not try a godforsaken
piece of stone billions of light years from anything at all? You'll be
glad you did.
Well, Hiroshi's back, and Ritsuko has these pieces of advice about
Hiroshi's clone: Don't get him wet, don't expose him to bright light,
and don't feed him after midnight. In case you've forgotten, Naga
belongs to the Orochi at the moment. She doesn't think that Shinji
stands a chance against her [HATE]. Shinji arrives and starts making
fun of her [BREASTS]. He's having trouble synching with the EVA,
though. Naga thinks that he will be unable to enrage her with such
comments, but loses control when he says that if she wins he'll "let"
her kiss him. She immediately strikes with an Ankoku Dragon Slave and
decides not to take him up on that offer. Hiroshi says his first word
since the cloning, "Bitchin'" in reference to the fight. Sana
threatens to come over to your house and sing to you if you don't keep
watching Ultra.
Well, the next match will be Sofia against any taker for the Hardcore
belt. Kasumi has sanctioned the belt after the fact, and Gambit is the
one challenging her first. Well, the only thing the ref is useful for
in Hardcore is the ten-count, and Mario is busy eating and doesn't
even know the match is started till someone tells him. Mike feedback,
a kick in the crotch, tossing Gambit onto the table, whipcracks, and
then Sofia distracts the ref by seeming to try to seduce him, and
Johnny hits Gambit over the head with a chair, but then Gambit slams
Cage into the table. Sofia is distracted with her distraction efforts,
and doesn't notice Gambit then throwing Cage at her. She tries to whip
him, but then he kineticizes her whip, causing it to explode. Gambit
gets the belt. Gambit issues another open challenge, and Wolverine
accepts immediately. The episode ends, however. Jack is MAD.
Evidently, David is now associated with the Orochi. He comes into
Sakura's room and knocks her out. Evidently, this is also part of
KASUMI'S plan ?!
Episode 009 -- Mankillers in Miniskirts -- Brian Stricklin
Rumors are spread that Goku is joining the Omega league.
Clone Hiroshi still has problems functioning normally, and evidently
has red eyes. Jack ran Tarou off on an errand... "Sometimes you want
to go, where everybody knows your na-a-ame..." nuff said. Well,
Sakura is evidently hung from a cross in a temple of the Orochi, and
David is one of his "Harbingers". CyberAkuma, however, "rescues" her
from whatever horrible fate the Orochi had planned for her.
Well, we're back to the 'Dome for tonight's match. Daisuke is
effectively solo, with Hiroshi nonverbal. I think I have a lucky shoe!
Vermillion! Give me your wired, your hopeless, your muddled
hairballs... Oh, well, change nonverbal to nonsane. Daisuke has a
stagehand go get the NERV goons again. Well, Sakura is now under the
UltraDome, and thinks "just because someone corrupts you and grants
you vast and powerful... powers, they think they can take advantage of
you." Jack and Ken are arguing in the cafeteria, but evidently, also
evidently from Sakura's ki-sense sensing him (don't ask), Ryu is
here. Sakura escapes and goes to meet Ryu, but Ryu's "spider-sense"
mistakes her for an attacker, and he kicks her in the head.
"RYU-SAMAAAck." Evidently from their conversation, Ryu is the new
Omega fighter. The guest announcers, Lumi and Ikea, from Furniture
Warriors, evidently (at least Lumi) Can't count past seven.
Ken vs Stone Cold Shin Satsu no Hado Evil Dan Hibiki of the Arousal of
Unpleasant Intent. Fight! Dan is either trying to psych Ken out or is
having a seizure. Ken keeps punching Dan, though. "Lumi-chan wants to
beat up that guy too!" Well, she does despite that announcers
shouldn't interfere, and the match is thrown out. Yotsuya then
interviews Jack. His insipi--erm... insidious plan is to cause changes
in ultra and end up on the top of some kind of heap. "Well, once
again, interviewing you has been an experience I hope never to
repeat."
Well, Hiroshi is back and nearly in full form! Well, Ryu conspires
with Kasumi on something, and then cut to Ranma, who wasn't hiding.
really. He was just meditating. In a storage closet. Well, Ataru has
surpassed his master, but decides to glomp Ranma anyway just for
kicks. Then, since the door had been open, Sakura reached in, closed
it, THEN kicked it open. Ataru tries to get Sakura to show him her
panties but she punches him into LEO. Anyway, back to Hiroshi.
LAAAADIIIIIEEEEES AND GENTLEMEEEEEEEN! This is Hiroshi, coming to you
VERY live from the UltraDome! Yes, I'm back from the dead and ready to
ROCK YOUR WORLD! Our FIRST match tonight... {Dai: We've had it
already} ...our SECOND match tonight has been in the works for weeks!
Well, then. Couldn't have said it better myself. I'll try anyway.
Finally, at LONG LAST, Sakura vs. RANMA!!!!!!!!!! Hiroshi is going
cold turkey on stimulants and sugar, incidentally. Ranma says he
doesn't fight girls (shut your yakking... I don't writes em, I just
summarizes 'em) but has to fight in order not to forfeit the match.
Kasumi offers an alternative, though, and now to win either one has to
knock the other off of a chain from corner to corner. Morrigan
interferes, however, by blasting the chain. We learn that Clan
Aensland is now a member of Sex and Violence. like you didn't see THAT
coming. They're trying to control who has which belt. First panty shot
in a long line for Sakura, and Ken attacks Morrigan. Ken and Ryu get
rid of the Aenslands for now, and Jack is MAD. Both Ranma and Sakura
falls down towards the mat, but Sakura uses a Hadoken to rocket-blast
herself up. The belt goes to Sakura.
We go to Washu's lab now, where she is working on Ifurita. She has
been possessed with something called "Psycho power."
You punched my. Head! You're hurting my. Spleen! Whoops. Sorry.
*summarizer puts away SD Shin Dan plushie* Yotsuya interviews the
Shotokaners. They are forming a stable called "Spirit of Shotokan."
Yes, this means Dan can join. Evidently, "the balance of power in
ultra is shifting, though whether it's for the better or for the
worse, is yet to be seen."
Jusenkyo Survivors vs Team Hentai. They've ironed out the legal issues
of Shampoo being defeated by a MALE lambda fighter, but she still has
to kill any FEMALE one who defeats her. Hopefully if this ever comes
up Kasumi will take exception. Enter ring Shampoo and Ataru. Shampoo
removes her poncho, wearing virtually nothing underneath and causing
Team Hentai to both glomp her. Count out. Sephiroth has a strange
encounter with someone with a sword. It turns out to be his barber,
Goemon.
Mister Satan shows up for the first Omega match of the evening... hmm,
seems that the rumors about Ryu were wrong. See Mr Satan be put in the
omega league. See Mr Satan sweatdrop. Erm, isn't this supposed to be
Earth's Greatest Hero? Well, he talks to Goku, who is oblivious of how
nervous he is. Well, seems that today's match is not Satan (Sah-Tah-uN,
for any of you mispronouncers) Washu vs Sephiroth. She manages to
insult his ability subtly. They plan not to use any giant mecha or
Jenova powers. Just swords. Except for Washu is using a light-saber.
It violates the traditional physics of parrying and manages to confuse
Sephiroth to no end. Wait, he's not confused, he's amused. "Not very
effective," he says. It can't penetrate his skin at all since it has
no edge of any kind nor any matter. But WHOOPS. it's a temporal
displacement field, not a laser blade. She displaced her parries and
slashes into the future, and then activated the blade. But, of course,
sometimes the old ways *are* best. She pressed a third button ... And
a fifty-foot tall replica of the Death Star appeared from hyperspace
and fell on Sephiroth, knocking him out. She takes him to her lab to
get Jenova DNA samples, according to her interview with Yotsuya.
CyberAkuma senses that he's being hunted. Hiroshi is alone at the
table and eating junk food he's not supposed to have. Daisuke is
investigating Satan's delay in showing up, which seems to be a
bellyache. Kasumi heals it, or what bit of it existed at all, and then
sends him on his way. They are fighting in an abandoned industrial
zone in Oddworld, having to get past the defenses before reaching each
other in the central warehouse. Goku realizes that Kasumi must have
something in mind for Satan, but vows to prevent him from being killed
anyway. A native has Goku follow him to... wherever. Goku's appetite
gets the better of him, and he eats a crate of Preservative Pie.
(Paramite Pie, but it's mostly preservatives) Satan finds his
confidence surging as he easily destroys defense robots. Evidently,
however, the industrial zone is still active, and they are extracting
beverage ingredients from sapient life, which pushes Goku over the
edge. Goku went SSJ, and was extremely PISSED. Meanwhile, Satan
grovels for Naga not to kill her. He also offers to bribe her 'ka',
and her [HATE] begins to battle with her <GREED>... The (VOICE) of
(POWER) is further 'me' explained as The [BRACKETS] of [HATE] do
battle 'ha' with the <CARETS> 'me' of <AVARICE> and Naga is �FREE�.
'HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Well, Goku accidentally interferes with the match,
but in his words, "For all I know, you defeated her before I blew
stuff up. And that's the story we're sticking with, ne?"
Well, it seems that his purpose was to free Naga. We see Kasumi
conspiring with Xelloss, or evidence seems to point to that. May the
force be with you.
Episode 10: Sunday Evening Blasphemy -- Andy Kent
Ash gets a Pokedex upgrade. Jack is the delivery guy for it?!
Crowd hits 9.1 on the Richter scale. Combat Extravaganza, as Hiroshi
says. Special Grudge Rematch. More fights in Lambda and Gamma. Not
one, not two, but THREE high-intensity Omega bouts of destruction,
including a title challenge. The crowd was unimpressed, as the card
was already on their tickets and on posters plastered to the seat in
front of them's back. Daisuke abandons Hiroshi for the episode. Karin
Kanzuki is guest announcer for fight number one. GRUDGE rematch with a
capital G-R-U-D-G-E between Stone Cold Dan Hibiki, Formerly of the
Arousal of Unpleasant Intent and Ken Masters. Dan brags about his
non-victory against Kasumi in Beta. Uh-Oh... Looks like Ken is
accusing Beta of being rigged. What Blasphemy! Of course, Dan only
cares that he was accused of throwing the match. Kasumi is MAD.
Hiroshi gets tripped up on semantics. Dan seems to have a Halo. Ken
hits him, but Dan is unhurt. He thinks it's his special training.
"This morning, I stood underneath the COLD WATER FAUCET in the shower
for TWENTY MINUTES! After watching an entire half hour of the morning
aerobics!"
Half the arena nodded and said, "Me, too", before being smacked by the
other half.
his final move is the "FINAL SUPER LEGENDARY EXTRA-MANLY DAN KICKS ASS
TAUNT"
Rally and Bean have a conversation I don't understand. 2f?
Second Guest announcer Sana. Match Lambda, Jusenkyo Survivors vs
Pika+Ash. Starters Butterfree and Shampoo. Mousse and Mario are both
KOed by sleep powder. Jack is getting the transnosebleed section to
chant "Use the Squirtle!" After the chant spreads from there, Ash
complies, wanting to please the crowd. Squirtle fell into epileptic
shock from the flashing lights, but reflexively squirted Shampoo when
she questioningly prodded it. The Pokedex upgrade also covers Jusenkyo
forms of known fighters evidently. Ash catches Shampoo in a Pokeball
after softening her up with Bulbasaur, then sends Pikachu in after
Mousse. Pikachu ends up shocking him through the chains he ensnares
him with. Team Pokemon wins. Meanwhile, Cologne is training Ranma to
be able to fight girls. LAME "but you're NOT getting my bud light!"
commercial follows with Shinji and Gendo. If you thought that was bad,
wait till the "waaaazzuup" CHAOS hack next year.
Divine vengeance against Ken continues during his conversation with
Ryu about how Kasumi is making his life miserable. What a b***h...
^W^W^W oh no please don't let her see that! Oh no who the f**k am I
praying to anyway?! god^H^H^Hheaven^H^H^H^H^HANYONE help me!
Hello. Daisuke here. Rebeka has been unavoidably detained *looks over
and winces* and I will be doing the summary for the remainder of
Episode 10. ARE YOU READY FOR SOME COMPRESSED ULTRAVIOLENCE!!!!!!!!
Oh, don't mind him, that's the other announcer, Hiroshi. ANYWAYS,
WE'VE GOT ONE EXCITING LINEUP FOR YOU TONIGHT! Whatever. Work with me
here, Daisuke! In any event, there is what seems to be a recruitment
meeting of Spirit of Shotokan, and they're basically naming many
different obscure Shotokaners who probably will never actually
appear. *sweatdrop* I meant the match... That'll be exciting, right?
Erm... I've gotta go, I just got summoned to appear in court as a
witness for Controversial Jack's trial. DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE,
DAISUKE! IT'S JUST LIKE THAT ONE TIME! What, you mean the one we're
summarizing now? Yeah. Ah; want me to get your replacement announcer?
Sure... who is it? GREETINGS, TEEMING THRONG OF LAZY BUMS! I AM CALLED
HAOHMARU AS I AM CERTAIN THAT YOU REMEMBER FROM THE LAST TIME THAT I
ADDRESSED THIS GATHERING! MY LEGENDARY SELF HAS BEEN SUMMONED HERE IN
ORDER TO SUMMARIZE ONE OF THE EPISODES OF THE TOURNAMENT SO THAT THOSE
OF YOU TOO LAZY TO WATCH IT MAY STILL ENJOY IT! *Sweatdrop* Maybe I
should have just gone it alone... Today's EXCITING match is between
Lina and an opponent who... is a secret. It will be taking place on
the AMAZING world of CueBall, which only has Bare rocks and High
tides. THIS IS THE PERFECT PLANET FOR A MATCH! MY ONLY EQUAL, MUSASHI
HIMSELF, WOULD HAVE BEEN PLEASED TO DWELL HERE! Her opponent is DARK
SCHNEIDER!
Hey, I'm back; she decided to go easy on me. You two idiots run along
now, I've got a show to do. Right off the bat Darshu (is he called
that yet, 2f?) insults Lina's... size, and she hits him with a Flare
Arrow. They both cast spells to fly, and the fight was ON! Eventually,
Lina ends up cutting Darshu in half, but he doesn't stay down for a
twenty count, according to Goku. Haohmaru thinks that the battle,
despite the "Forbidden Magicks" involved, is "COOL!". After Lina burns
off his clothes, Kasumi censors reality to prevent her from seeing his
<censored>. They both cast their final spell, Dragu Slave for Lina and
Halloween for Darshu. The planet is destroyed, and they both retreat.
Double DQ for that destruction. Haohmaru ridicules them for this, then
escapes himself. Orochi gets an endorsement deal, and sells it by
saying "I do not [hate] this beverage."
Omega: Naga vs Toguro Ani. Guest announcer Bean. Evidently, Naga isn't
quite free yet. Seems I spoke too soon. None of her spells work, but
then she starts casting freeze spells. She's just barely able to keep
him on ice for a twenty count. "I think you'll agree with me, Bean,
when I say that -that- was one cool fight!" "I'm going to hurt you,
Hiroshi."
We find out the How and and the Why of Dan's technique. Read the
chapter for more info. Basically, since Akuma gets his power from pure
evil (not fun to hang around, rare), and Ryu gets his power from
intense spiritual training (hard work), Dan decides to get his power
from annoyance (commonplace, dirt cheap, and no-one else wants it so
he can usually find some for free)
Guest announcer: Tifa. Gamma match: Kunou vs Sofia. She gets a deal
from him that will allow her to force him on Sakura. After he cuts the
chair Johnny offers Sofia in half, Sofia runs away scared. "And...
once again, the Blue Thunder is triumphant! Some people made a pile
betting on this one, let me tell you. Dan attends the SoS meeting,
with lots of other obscure people. Cyber Akuma strikes, causing
everyone to give everyone else a noogie. F**kin' WIERD commercial, and
then Tarou's back. The Omega Belt match is on the planet Naboo,
between Washuu and the Orochi. Washuu is dressed up as Amidala, and as
they arrive on the scene several Gungyans (sp?) escape to their
underwater city. She puts a bracelet on him that makes his hand attack
his face. She then chibi-izes him. Naga once again seems to be free
from the [HATE] due to the <GREED>. Lame voice actor joke with Kaoru,
the ring announcer for an earlier match, and Xelloss, pans out at this
moment (I wasn't around to catch it earlier.)
Episode ends with some soldiers assigned by Kasumi searching for Ani's
frozen body. The noogie thing with Akuma earlier has its name revealed
to be the "Multiple Shun Goku Noogie"
Episode 11: R
ULTRALPHA -- Rumble at the Pearly Gates.
Kasumi arranGes a meeting between Dan and his Oyaji. He says he is
highly ashamEd to be Dan's father, due to his dishonor in the whole
unpleasant intent thing. There's only one honorable thing to do,
now. Unfortunately, we're uninformed as to what that thing is.
Heaven.
Picture everything you've ever liked about life on earth, filter out
everything else, paint basically everything white and you're still
only a fraction of the way there.
Put all the smiles, all the good times, all the love, joy and
compassion in the world in a bowl and stir it up then serve it to
everybody that's ever died and not gone to you know where and you're
still only a part of the way towards the locals.
It's sunny. It's nice. It's pleasant. Everybody gets along.
And tonight, Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Federation
ULTRA was going to rock it to the foundations.
The UltraDome left behind, but a larger, more impressive one made
entirely out of ivory and unbreakable crystal was home to the millions
and millions of fans in attendance. The sheer number of signs with
witty slogans would account for half the Amazon rainforest if not for
the fact that Kasumi provided everyone 100% recycled paper to use.
Also, Heaven normally only opened the pearly gates to the recently
deceased, but she felt it was okay to make the exception.
Cameras were getting it all and shipping it live by transdimensional
dish to Earth, where millions and millions of television sets glowed,
the pay-per-view spectacular pumped down the coaxial cable like liquid
cool.
The fighters were on hand. The staff was ready to go. And the
greatest spectacle to be seen in Ultra since the previously greatest
spectacle had begun.
Hiroshi and Daisuke had even rented some pretty spiffy tuxes.
We first find that Shadowcat has ditched the team. Wolverine finally
cracks, and begins resharpening his claws. First match is Lambda
between Clan Aensland and... WOLVERINE?! Mario attempts to disqualify
him, but Wolverine simply steps on him, shrinking him into non-super
Mario and sending him looking for some 'shrooms. And then the can of
whoopass was opened. He first shreds Morrigan's clothes, accidentally,
while attempting to shred her. Gambit attacks Wolverine, and then
Wolverine decides today will be when he challenges Gambit for the
Hardcore belt. We first learn that Ultra has contracted the This Old
Dojo construction team for repairs. Hiroshi is having some health
problems as well. Next match: Team Pokemon vs Team ROCKET?! PREPARE
FOR TROUBLE! And make it double! To protect the world from
devastation! To unite all peoples within our nation! To denounce the
evils of truth and love! To extend our reach to the stars above!
Jessie; James! Team Rocket BLASTS OFF at the SPEED OF LIGHT! Surrender
now, or prepare to -- I surrender! After all, I wouldn't want to
humiliate you for the umpteenth time, especially not in front of the
Millions and MILLIONS of Pikachu's fans!
Team Rocket has MEW!? Jack got it for them, evidently. He sends Mousse
and Shampoo in, and they attack him. Then, Mew uses an attack called
"Reality Adept". The match goes to Team Rocket. Kasumi summons Misty
and Misty attacks Jack. She manages to get Team Rocket, though. She
has what is not technically a pokemon, but a guardian force,
Leviathan. Divine Vengeance is very swift and overdone indeed..
During the tidal wave, everyone pulls out their umbrellas. Tarou's
reads "I'm a Dan Fan!"
Kasumi tells Tarou to start making fun of Dan; being mean to him;
etc. An official mandate from heaven to be as much of a bastard as he
could be? Oh, the joy of it! Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad after
all.
Steel Hypbercube match contestant CyberAkuma is being subjected to
Yotsuya. Not much is said except that CA expects to win.
Sakura vs Dan. Tarou has been assigned, if you remember, to make fun
of Dan, but it seems that he's CAUSING DAN TO WIN! Oh f**king no...
he's [ANGRY] now! A Dan Fan hurled Dan a can of beer from the crowd.
Dan grinned, jumped for it, and the aluminum smacked into his forehead
with a metallic *CLANG* sound, before he fell to the mat. He will
evidently be admitted on a trial basis to Spirit of Shotokan. We learn
that Xelloss is Kasumi's hired henchman. Why God needs one is beyond
me, but oh well.
Misty has an argument with Ash, and Ryu offers to train (?) Ash.
Steel Hypercube match between CyberAkuma and Gally. Washu wants to
watch the match because she wants to see the hypercube in action since
she built it. Evidently, Washu had also helped train Gally. Hiroshi
makes lots of lame Star Wars jokes. CyberAkuma's systems, only
designed to handle three-dimensional space, break down, and Gally is
easily able to slip past and cut various wires. Then Akuma BSODs.
That's what you get for installing Apocalypse NT Service Packs. Washu
announces that she and Gally are forming a stable called the
CyberGrrlz. Mihoshi is playing Mario Party in Washu's lab. Hiroshi
gets his lung transplant live on Pay-Per-View (he's in a
non-soundproofed privacy curtain at the announcer's table)
Newcomer Invitational, Round One, Match One: Bean Bandit vs Tifa
Lockheart. They seem to be friendly. Hiroshi gets white hair to match
his red eyes due to the non-anesthetized surgery. Although friends the
two opponents seem not to be pulling any punches. After some punches
are thrown, He throws the ring at her, pinning her. The match goes to
Bean.
The Orochibi [HATES] his new cuteness. Heh. Orochibi, wait till you
end up turned into Voidu--- Nevermind, that's another chapter.
Newcomer Invitational, Round One, Match Two: Karin Kanzuki vs
Haohmaru. They're having a TAUNTING battle. After several taunts,
Karin sets up a bunch of speakers, which fall on her, winning the
match for Haohmaru. Hiroshi was injured by the sound, and the NERV
medical team needs to fix him up yet again. Mihoshi left the door open
when she went in to play Mario Party, and Ifurita has been kidnapped.
Newcomer Invitational, Round Two. Bean Bandit vs Haohmaru. As Bean
swings at Haohmaru, he leaves himself wide open for Haohmaru's sword
strike. Haohmaru then summons a tornado from the end of his sword.
Bean then foolishly reveals that the way that he is invulnerable to
his sword strikes is simply body armor, and Haohmaru strikes his
neck. Match. In order to save Bean from having his pardon revoked,
Tifa enters Lambda as a tag team with him.
We learn (for those of us who didn't already know) that Ifurita's
master is Bison. HHGG reference follows after Washu accuses Kasumi of
being useless:
...the look Kasumi gave was sad. One of a being who was so alien, so
distant from everybody she knew as to be unreachable. Washuu picked
up on that immediately -- all sentient beings, in times of stress,
give a minor psychic wave expressing just how far away they are from
home. Kasumi's was very, very loud.
Kasumi then gives Washu a hint of what The Plan really is. Ifurita,
under orders from Bison, has again challenged Washu.
Hardcore Championship Challenge, Wolverine vs Gambit. The bell rings,
but they're just making snide remarks at each other. Finally,
Wolverine attacks. And the fight is ON! Gambit jumps up and then
Morrigan catches him, waits for Wolverine to get confused, and then
throws gambit at him. Wolverine then attacks in earnest, slashing with
his newly-resharpened claws. He then intimidates Gambit into getting
rid of his illegal help. Gambit then takes Hiroshi's chair, but
Wolverine follows him out of the ring. Daisuke accidentally hits
Hiroshi on the head with Gambit's staff, which was left on the table.
Hiroshi's chair is returned by the time he wakes up, but it feels
strange. Gambit is throwing charged shuriken at Wolverine, but he'll
have none of it. He takes the fight back to the ring, and manages to
turn the fight around. The match goes to Wolverine after a few
moments. Yotsuya interviews Sofia about the Hardcore belt. Sofia
insults Kodachi while she's in the building and the interview is live
on the monitors; Big mistake. Kodachi bursts in and fights Sofia. Very
ecchi fight. Blue dots needed a lot, according to Nabiki.
Washuu is getting ready to rescue Ifurita. Sofia manages to finally
defeat Kodachi with... The Kitchen Sink. Omega, Washu vs Ifurita.
Bison appears. The match is on. After several gadgets are turned
against her, this takes place.
She (Washu) sprang up in front of Ifurita and shook a trembling
forearm, in a most manly taunt.
"OOSHA!!" she taunted. Then rolled and taunted again. "DOSHTA
DOSHTA?!" And again. "RASHU!" And again. "ROWROWROWROWROW!!" And
finally, gave a big, happy thumbs up. "YAYOUZE!!!"
Washu almost defeats Ifurita while she's occupied copying the
technique, but Ifurita ends up winning. Excerpt from how Gally
prevents Bison from kidnapping Washu:
The cybernetic girl pointed behind them. "LOOK, behind you! A three
headed monkey!!"
"Oh, please," Bison laughed. "That's--"
Ifurita turned to look.
Gally quickly ran up, grabbed Washuu, pulled her off Ifurita's
shoulder and DOVE into the portal. It sealed itself up afterwards.
The demon-god turned back. Blinked once or twice, processing.
"Technique #2631 catalogued -- oldest trick in the book.
Unsuccessfully countered."
Ryu accepts Sakura as a student. Ken tells them about the Bison
situation after informing them that Akuma is dead.
It's time! It's time! It's the moment you've all been waiting for,
folks! The main event! The show stopper! The final spectacle of the
evening! The most-- (Dai: It's the Apocalypse Brawl.) And it's gonna
rock this afterlife to the CORE, ladies and gentlemen! The ENTIRE
Omega division, in one location, with last man standing rules! But
before we officially kick it off, Kasumi Tendo will give opening
remarks.
Konbanwa, minna!
I'm so happy you're all here. Now, I'd like to explain a few
things. First, don't worry. Tokyo has been evacuated, so nobody will
really get hurt. Second, the This Old Dojo repair team has volunteered
to take care of any repairs, and given their ability, I'm sure everybody
can go back to Tokyo sometime tomorrow, and it'll look just like they
left it!
Second, I've got some sad news. Since CyberAkuma has been injured, he
won't be able to attend the fun.
(Hi: Decapitation is only an INJURY!?
Dai: Omega is a rather tough bunch.)
Also, he'll have to be sent back to Scrap Iron City, for criminal
proceedings. Gomen ne, minna! Also, rescue efforts to find Toguro Ani
after his fight last week have failed, so we're going to have to file
him as 'retired' from Ultra. But don't worry! There are plenty of
other nice people waiting to compete, and we'll begin in minutes, with
the whole event televised thanks to the Ultra floating camera system!"
End opening remarks.
Okay, the portals are opening, and the fighters are entering the park
around Tokyo Tower! Once everybody's in place, the bell will sound,
and it's time to KICK SOME ASS! First, Mr. Satan is shoved through his
portal by Kaworu. He can't escape at the moment due to cameras, so he
scopes out all the exits. Washu and Gally are next, plotting to
'rescue' Ifurita. Then, Orochibi comes in, carried on Naga's back to
give him a height advantage. Darshu and Lina arrive next through
separate portals, and then Sephiroth. Lina plans to fight Darshu
first, and Sephiroth has his own business to take care of, but we
aren't told with whom. Eva-01 appears next, then finally Ifurita and
Bison, who doesn't belong here. Sephiroth smiles inwardly at Bison's
appearance, though. Skuld pops in and rings the bell.
Well, we've got plenty of space left in this, so I'll go for the
frame-by-frame, rewording each one from the original.
01: Mr. Satan runs for his life out the EXIT door.
02: Bison shoots a beam of psycho power into the sky, and Washu
shoots her stun weapon at Ifurita. Ifurita reflects it at Washu.
03: Lina blasts Darshu out a window and chases him, ignoring the
others.
04: Sephiroth waits.
05: Bison's psycho power signals a satellite, which sends an EMP,
knocking out all the cameras.
Back at the 'Dome, no-one has any idea what happened to the cameras.
Shinji turns up; evidently the Eva was launched empty.
Back to Tokyo. The EMP knocked out all of Gally's powers. Sephiroth
rams his Katana directly through Ifurita's neck. Bison leaves.
As Satan exits the Tokyo Tower, Sephiroth's Ultima spell causes it to
fall over. Lina and Darshu are half a mile away fighting when Lina
points out that all of Darshu's spells are the same name as bands here
in our universe. Then, they continue exchanging magic blasts.
Sephiroth takes control of the empty Eva-01. Gendo wets his pants.
Washu puts a null-reality envelope around Gally to protect her. Washu
turns a disc of the Void that she was attacked with into a vinyl
record. More Orochibi-comic-relief. Looks like Lina and Darshu are
still fighting.
Darkness beyond twilight, crimson like blood that-- GUNSNRO!!! Lina
gets mad at him for the interruption, but realizes she's naked just as
the JSDF arrives to attempt to defend Tokyo. Satan is attacked by some
radioactive pigeons. Sephiroth tricks Ifurita into freezing herself
into a block of ice. Count out. Washu manages to trick Naga into
replacing the [BRACKETS] with the <CARETS> again, first by yielding,
appeasing Naga's <vanity>, then giving her a drink, catering to her
<gluttony>.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's what the Encyclopaedia Galactica has to say about alcohol. It
says that alcohol is a colorless volatile liquid formed by the
fermentation of sugars and also notes its intoxicating effect on
certain carbon-based life forms.
It says the effect of drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like
having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a
large gold brick.
The Guide also tells you on which planets the best Pan Galactic Gargle
Blasters are mixed, how much you can expect to pay for one and what
voluntary organizations exist to help you rehabilitate afterward.
The guide even tells you how you can mix one yourself.
Take the juice from one bottle of the Ol' Janx Spirit, it says.
Pour it into one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V --
Oh, that Santraginean seawater, it says. Oh, those Santraginean fish!
Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it
must be properly iced or the benzine is lost).
Allow four liters of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it, in memory
of all those happy hikers who have died of pleasure in the Marshes of
Fallia.
Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qualactin Hypermint
extract, redo lent of all the heady odors of the dark Qualactin Zones,
subtle, sweet, and mystic.
Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Watch it dissolve, spreading
the fires of the Algolian Suns deep into the heart of the drink.
Sprinkle Zamphuor.
Add an olive.
Drink ... but ... very carefully ...
The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy sells rather better than the
Encyclopaedia Galactica.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Naga gets drunk in one sip. Orochibi orders Naga to use the Ankoku
Dragon Slave. Washu helps her remember the words and turns her around
to face the Orochibi. Sephiroth is caught in the blast as well. Naga
then falls asleep. Darshu was buried under a bunch of helicopters when
Lina got her revenge on him. A mutant pigeon tramples on the two
remaining superpowered fighters, having been chased away by Satan.
Bean is to deliver Akuma's head to Scrap Iron City. However, Bison
interferes. Jack is taking pictures to blackmail them, however.
The Bottom Line --
GAMMA
Ranma: 2w/1L
Stone Cold Dan: 1w/2L
Stone Cold Shin Satsu no Hado Evil Dan Hibiki of the Arousal of\
Unpleasant Intent: 1w/1L
Dan Total: 2w/3L
Kuno: 1w/2L
Sakura: 4w/0L
Ken Masters: 0w/2L
Gambit: 2w/3L
Johnny Cage: 0w/3L
Shingo: 2w/1L
Iori Yagami: 2w/1L
Sofia: 0w/3L
Pikachu: 1w/0L
Felicia: 1w/0L
Wolverine: 1w/0L
Haohmaru: 2w/0L
LAMBDA
FFF: 2w/1L * Fatally Furious Fighters, Andy/Mai
Team Hentai: 0w/3L * Ataru and Happi
*X-Team: 1w/2L * DISBANDED
Clan Aensland: 3w/0L * previously Team Succubi
Jusenkyo Survivors: 1w/2L * Shampoo/Mousse
Team Pokemon: 2w/2L * (Pika's win against Kuno included)
Rico and Bart: 1d:X-Team
Team Rocket: 1w/0L
Tifa+Bean: 0w/0L
X-Team had Gambit for their first loss, then Shadowcat for the rest.
Wolverine constant.
OMEGA
Shinji: 2w/2L
Washuu: 4w/2L
Ifurita: 1w/2L
Lina: 2w/1L
CyberAkuma: 0w/2L
Sephiroth: 3w/2L
Naga: 2w/3L
Goku: 1d:Naga
Orochibi: 0w/2L * Formerly Orochi
*Toguro Ani: 0w/1L * Missing, considered 'Retired'
Satan: 2w/0L
Darshu: 1ddq:Lina
Gally: 1w/0L
ANNOUNCERS
Hiroshi and Daisuke from Episode 1 to date
Ash Ketchum replaces Hiroshi temporarily during episode 2
Shinji Ikari replaces Hiroshi during episode 4
Touga Kiryu at ring from Episode 5 to date
Isawa Norikazu fills in for Daisuke for episode 5
Tarou as guest from Episode 6 to date
Tifa as guest very briefly during episode 7
Shin Dan -- Guest in episode 8 in Sofia/Cage matc
Hiroshi dies in Episode 8 but is cloned immediately
Sana -- Guest in episode 8 for the duration of Hiroshi's death
Lumi and Ikea -- Episode 9
Hiroshi is back to full form in episode 9 by the second match
Episode 10 (per-match) -- Karin Kanzuki, Sana,
GODHEAD
Held by Kasumi for duration of season
REFEREES
Naga -- Guest ref in episode 2/Omega
Gokuu beginning Episode 3 -- Omega
Mario beginning Episode 5 -- Lamda, Gamma
RIVALRIES
Tarou, Happosai, You do the math.
Jack revealing Tarou's name
Sex and Violence vs Spirit of Shotokan
VOID
Naga enslaved by Orochi, but free by her own <GREED>
STABLES
Sex and Violence -- Led by Jack Lysias:
Sofia, Johnny Cage, Clan Aensland
Spirit of Shotokan:
Ken, Ryu, Sakura. Open admission spot for Dan.
CyberGrrls:
Washuu, Gally
MISCELLANEA
TITLES
Gamma -- Dan
Lambda -- Clan Aensland
Omega -- Ifurita
Hardcore -- Wolverine
Sexiest Woman -- Sakura
Biggest Loser -- TIE Johnny Cage, Sofia
Biggest Bad@$$ -- Iori Yagami
BELT TRAIL
Gamma: Ranma Sakura Dan
Lambda: Aenslands
Omega: Shinji Sephiroth Washu Ifurita
Hardcore: Sofia Gambit Wolverine
ULTRARAGE SPECIAL EVENTS
URA -- NEWCOMER INVITATIONAL
Bean \_Bean______
Tifa / \_Haohmaru__
Haohmaru \_Haohmaru__/
Karin /
Tifa and Bean join Lambda
URA -- APOCALYPSE BRAWL
Omega participants in order of appearance...
Satan Washu Gally Orochibi Naga Darshu Lina Sephiroth Eva-01 Ifurita
...And order of when they fall.
Shinji Gally Ifurita Darshu Orochibi Sephiroth Naga Washu Lina
Satan wins.
ERRATA
By definition none at prerelease/first season
NOTE ON WIN CHARTS:
Draws, ddqs, and etc only persist on chart until both parties have a
real score.