Disclaimer:  The characters in the story, the general plot, the background... in other words, basically everything about this fic is NOT my idea.  I just combined them into one, ridiculous, stupid idea.  Don't blame me, and DON'T sue me.



Ranma Papa!



Doctor Tofu hung up the phone after a long conversation with one of his colleagues.  While the conversation had lasted only a few minutes, the shock it had enduced was greater than any event he had received in his lifetime.  Well, maybe meeting Kasumi for the first time, but this one came in really close second.

Tofu stared off at the empty space in front of him for a while.  He then slowly raised his hand, formed a fist, and punched himself on the nose.

Pow!

"Ouch!"

Tofu rubbed his painful nose.  The pain confirmed it though.  He was NOT dreaming.

'Well well.  I think you are in BIG trouble now, Ranma.  One that is even bigger than anything you had to face so far...'

He looked up to the clock planted on the wall.

'Hmm... about an hour left before Kazuo drop her off...  Well, I hope Tendos are ready for this... or Ranma won't live to see tomorrow...'



"Ranma, hold it right there!!"

"No way, you uncute tomboy!  I ain't eating your cooking!"

The Tendo Dojo shook with yelling of a mallet girl and a aquatransexual boy. The rest of the family paid no heed at them though, as they gathered around the dinner table and quitely ate their food.  Well, Genma still ate with his usual table manner, but it was less vulgar now since Nodoka had joined the dinner.  More precisely, since Nodoka's SWORD had joined the dinner...

Ranma also wanted to have some dinner but right now he had a more important thing to do, like running away from the disaster that was Akane's cooking.

"You wants ME to eat that weird smelling rice cake?  Dream on!"

"It's not weird smelling!!  It's not even a rice cake!!  It's a fried noodle!!"

"THAT's supposed to be a fried noodle?!  Hah, if that is a fried noodle, then a lumber is a toothpick!!"

"Ranma you jerk!!  Why can't you just eat my cooking silently?!  Why do you have to keep insulting it!?"

"Because it deserves it!!  What you do ain't cooking!!  That's poisoning!!"

"What did you say?!?  That's it!!  You are not getting away this time, Ranma!!"

Nabiki rolled her eyes as she chewed another piece of meat.  "s if you ever let him get away before, sis.  If you did, there would be less holes in this house than right now."

Akane stopped in the middle of her chase to glare at her sister.  "Nabiki!  Why are you taking his side?!"

"I am not.  I am just worried about the welfare of this house.  Our insurance company almost went under last month because of all the fixing cost it had to pay us.  Thank goodness our contract was a guaranteed flat-rate, or it would have been us who had gone bankrupt."  Nabiki absent-mindedly added more in her thought.  'When the contract expires, I am sure that company wouldn't even TOUCH anything in Nerima with a ten-feet long pole.'

"Yeah, Akane!  Did you hear that?  If you were less violent, everyone would be happier around here!"  Ranma also paused in his mid-step to add a comment to the conversation.  Unfortunately this enabled his upset fiancee to get within the striking distance.

"Ranma you idiot!!"

Pow!!

"Urgh!!"

The flight of Saotome Ranma was so beautiful and natural, and as it had been for last twelve months, he flew and flew, until he crashed down into the pond in the yard.

Splash!

"Feh, feh!  Whacha do that for, you uncute tomboy!!"

"Hmph!  You deserved it!!"  Akane scowled at her angry fiance and sat down on the dinner table.  Then she started to eat her portion, after briefly glaring at the now-panda-Genma for the disappearance of some of her share.  Of course, the panda was doing his best impression of an innocent-panda-playing-with-a-ball.  Ranma grumbled as he came out of the pond and also sat down on the table.  He splashed himself with the tea which was still hot enough to change him back, and started to eat his rice.  Nodoka wasn't very happy with her son's improper behaviour in front of dinner table, splashing himself and all, but decided to let this one slide, for now.

It was when all had finished their food and Kasumi served out some watermelon pieces for the desert.  Suddenly doorbell rang, catching everyone's attention.

"What's that?"  Ranma blinked, with a piece of melon almost reaching his mouth.

"That's the doorbell, you idiot."  Akane rolled her eyes and answered.

"We had a doorbell?"  Ranma raised his eyebrow.  "How come I never heard anyone using it before?"

"Because, Ranma,"  Nabiki answered with an annoyed look on her face.  "...your FRIENDS never use it.  They either crash down the wall, or sneak in, or wonder in looking for a bathroom, or simply ignore the bell and just walk into the house."

"Hey, it ain't my fault!"  Ranma frowned.  "Beside, any of them ain't my friend!"

Nabiki shrugged her shoulders.  "Doesn't matter.  They come here because YOU are here.  All the same to me, I say."

Ranma hmphed mildly before going back to his watermelon.  It was then when they heard the voice of Kasumi greeting their visitor at the gate.

"Why, Tofu-sensei!  What a pleasant surprise!"

"Ka, Ka, Kasumi!  What a pleasant surprise, too!  I didn't know you come to this place often!"

"*giggle* You are so funny, Tofu-sensei.  I live here!"

The Tendo family members rolled their eyes once again.  They decided not to ask the doctor for the reason of his visit, since he was again in the one of his "Ka, Ka, Kasumi!" mode.  They figured he would come back again if needed, so it was best not to go near him right now.  It would be dangerous, REAL dangerous.  Even Happousai runs away from him in his current state.

But today was a bit different from the rest, as Kasumi's sort of surprised voice was heard not long after.

"Oh my.  Aren't a cute little thing?  Who are you, dear?"

Then the voice of a small child, a girl actually, rang through the air.  "I am Makoto!"

"Oh my.  Hello, Makoto-chan.  Welcome to our home...  Tofu-sensei?  Who is this girl?"

"I, I, I'll explain when we get in..."  Somehow Tofu's voice didn't sound so eager although it did show that he had managed to get back into his senses.



"Her name is Kino Makoto.  She's 4 years old.  Her parents died in a car accident.  She has no relative, and her family wasn't that well off in the first place.  It wouldn't be nice to send her to the orphanage, so my friend, who was her family doctor by the way, had been taking care of her for a while."

"We got that already.  What I don't understand is why did you bring her here?"  Nabiki asked with a scowl.  "Mind you, just because we host SOME freeloading goofs doesn't mean we are some sort of a charity."

"Nabiki!"  Kasumi softly scorned her sister, carefully eyeing the girl who was now playing at their yard.  "It wasn't very nice!  What if she hears you?"

"What I am curious is,"  Ranma cut in the conversation. "...why do *I* have to hear this?  I mean, what's that girl got to do with me?  I am busy, you know.  I gotta go and work at that ghoul's restaurant or Nabiki will have my neck."

Tofu cleared his throat for a while, then turned to Ranma with a serious expression.

"That's because Ranma... she is your daughter."

The sky was blue, and the weather was nice.  The Tendo Dojo was silent once more... at least for a full minute.  After that, all hell broke loose.



"You cheating dirty perverted idiotic casanova bastard!!!"  Akane kept on swearing as she busily choke Ranma.  "How could you?!  I thought you were at least more descent than this!!"

Ranma would have protested for his innocense, but he couldn't at the moment, with his throat being blocked and all.

"Akane!  Let go of him right now!"  Nodoka, after recovering from the initial shock, scorned the now mad fiancee of his son.

Akane reluctantly let go of her hands, but still continued to glare at her fiance, who was trying to get his breath back.  Kasumi sighed in relief from the yard, where she had been covering the confused girl's ears.  Nabiki's face showed no emotion, but that was because she was so confused to produce any this time.  Soun?  What do you think?  The Tendo Dojo was about to have another pond added in the yard collection.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!  My future son-in-law cheated on my daughter!!"

Genma, who was now in a panda form thanks to his friend's tears, produced a sign that said, 'Ranma my son!  How you shame me so!  You are a disgrace to our family!'  Then he flipped the sign as he sweatdropped, looking down at now gleeing little Makoto hanging on his leg.  'Um... kid?  Can you let go of me?'

The girl didn't let go of her hands though, as she giggled happily, hugging the panda's leg.  "Wow, a panda!  It's like a zoo or something!"

Nodoka shook her head to clear her mind.  She took a deep breath.  Then she calmly addressed his son.  "Son.  I know you are manly and all, but how could you be so careless?  Being a father at this age and all..."

"Wait a minute!!  I ain't no kid's father!!  I got no kid!!  I did nothing of that sort!!  I have never... never..."

Nabiki finally responded with a still cool face.  "Done the deed?"

"Nabiki!"  With a blush, Kasumi scorned her sister as she again covered the ears of Makoto, who blinked in confusion.  "There is a child here!"

"Actually..."  Tofu cleared his throat to catch everyone's attention again, after sighing constantly as he watched the chaos.  "...Ranma's correct.  He has never done any... deed yet.  He should still be virgin, if I am correct. I can read it from his ki."  Ranma furiously nodded his head, although Akane mildly blushed at the implication.

"But..."  The confused Nodoka asked.  "...then how could she be his daughter?  I mean, if he never..."

"The thing is,"  Tofu quickly interrupted, not wanting the child to hear the certain part of their conversation.  "...I cannot really say this in front of a child... so could you please take her somewhere else, Kasumi?"

"Okay, Tofu-sensei."  Kasumi then smiled at the little girl.  "Now, Makoto-chan.  Do you like cookies?"

"Cookies?  Yes!  I love them!"  Makoto gleed happily at the mention of some cookies.

"Then follow me.  I got some surprise for you back in the kitchen."  Kasumi led the happy girl out of the living room and into the kitchen.  When he saw that the coast was clear, Tofu turned back to the crowd with a serious expression.

"My friend, Kazuo, had been taking care of her ever since her parents died.  But he himself is not very wealthy, so he decided to find someone who could take her in.  In hope of finding anyone related to her in any way, he looked through her family's medical file."

The rest in the living room closed in trying to hear every bit of information.  Ranma himself snorted mildly, but his ears still continued to take in the words of the doctor.

"...but he failed.  You see, both of her parents were orphans who met each other at the orphanage where they grew up together.  They fell in love and married each other.  Basically, they had no known relatives, dead OR alive.  So simply put, Makoto has no relatives."

"Then what's her relationship with Ranma?  How come you said she's his daughter if she's NOT related to him?"  Curious Soun pegged the doctor for more answer.

"Well... you see..."  Tofu's face began to flush as he went on to explain.  "...Kazuo discovered that... Makoto's birth... was not natural..."

"Huh?"  Nodoka blinked in confusion.  "What do you mean?"

But Nabiki could now see where this conversation was going.  However, it was still more than what she had prepared for.  "No way... you mean..."

"Yes..."  Tofu, now blushing really badly, continued.  "Makoto's father was... not able to produce... an heir.  But they really wanted a child, since themselves had grown at the orphanage.  So they decided to take chance with... the sperm bank."

"EEEEEEEEHH!?!?"  The crowd wide-eyed at this.

Akane slowly turned to her fiance, who was now a frozen statue.  "You mean... it was Ranma's..."

Tofu wiped his glasses nervously as he spoke.  "Yes... it was Ranma's... seed... that was used to... give birth to... little Makoto... 4 years ago..."

Nabiki rubbed her forehead.  "I guess it's possible...  I read it somewhere that a boy could produce sperms during their early teens.  Kids these days reach puberty earlier than the older days, so it's feasible.  After all, some people mature faster than others."

"Wa, wait a minute!!"  Ranma got his sense back and retorted.  "I didn't do nothing!!  I did no sort of those things!!  And I certainly didn't go to any sperm bank!!  I would remember it if I did!!  I was on the road with pop 4 years ago!!  There is no way..."

Ranma froze again when he realized what he had just said.  Slowly, he turned to the spot where his father was a moment ago, and so did the rest of the family.  But now, there was no man standing there, just an innocent panda playing with a ball...

"Pop... don't tell me..."  Ranma glared at his father who now was sweating rather badly.  Then the panda raised a sign.

'Pop?  Who?  I am just a little panda!'

"Why you dirty rotten..."  Ranma was about to jump on his father when Nodoka stopped him.  She was smiling, but it definitely wasn't a happy smiling as Ranma edged away from her after seeing some steam rising from her body.

"Dear.  I think you should explain this... RIGHT NOW."

Genma froze for a moment, but continued to play innocent.  'Dear?  Who?  I am just a little...'

Srrrng!

Genma was doing his "Crouching Tiger" technique as he bowed to his wife who had drawn her family sword.  'I am sorry I am sorry I am sorry...'

"No need to apologize, dear... at least, not YET."  Nodoka still managed to smile despite a large vein popping on her head.  "You have a chance to explain.  Use it wisely."

'Well it was...'

Splash!

"Explain it like a man, as a man!"  Nodoka scorned him with now empty bucket in her hand.

"Well it was one of our days on the road..."



"Geez, pop.  How long do we have to keep walking?  I am hungry, you know."

"Quiet, Ranma.  We do not have any resource to get some food.  As a martial artist, we should endure this suffering like a man!"

"*snort* We would have some money left if you didn't INVEST it into that stupid horse race of yours."

"Hey!  How should I know the one I picked was going to be the loser?  I was absolutely sure it was the sign from heaven when I saw its name!  I didn't know it was such a weak one!"

"You SHOULD have known it was a loser when the clerk said that the odd of it winning was 1000 to 1!!  If that wasn't the sign, then the people around us rolling on the ground while laughing should've been!!  Who picks a horse named "the Pig from Heaven," anyway?!?"

"What's done is done!!  If you have strength to yell at your father, then go and find some food!!"

"How am I going to find some food here?!?  We are on a street, not in a forest, you fool!!"

"Have I thought you nothing?  There is always the way!  All you have to do is find it!"

"You want me to steal food AGAIN?  I ain't doing it!!  If you are so hungry, then you go and do it!!  I am gonna take a nap!!"

Ranma yelled at his father one more time before walking off toward a park nearby to set up their camp.  Genma was tempted to teach his son a lesson or two, before the growl coming from his stomach stopped him.

"...well, I'll let this one slide.  After all, there is no need to waste my precious energy..."  Genma sighed.  They hadn't had any descent meal for last three days.  Their, or his rather, last attempt for one failed miserable when he picked the wrong horse at the horse trak.  He was sure that the one he picked would win, seeing it as the sign from heaven.

If he thought about his life, it was sure that heaven really didn't like him that much, and it was himself who probably made it that way.  Of course, Saotome Genma wouldn't think about such things.  Only thing he cared about was his stomach, and how to fill it.  Currently it was empty and was complaining to its owner for lack of nutrients.  Genma sighed once more, and decided to for the food "hunt" as he walked away.

However, Genma couldn't find anything at the moment.  He couldn't find any opened restaurant, nor a residence where some meal was being prepared.  This was largely due to the fact that it was almost midnight.  Even the master food thief... HUNTER like Saotome Genma wouldn't be able to steal... HUNT food that did not exist.

"Maybe I am gonna have to starve today..."  Genma sagged his shoulders in defeat.

It was then when he noticed a small pamphlet lying on the ground.

Its cover said something about "get paid!"

Of course, Genma quickly grabbed and started to read it.  It was an ad looking for a volunteer(?) who would donate some sperm sample.  It said that some of the sample given would be used in research, while the rest would be stored in the sperm bank for the need of barren couples who still wanted to have children.  At the end, it did mention something about small compensation, at which Genma's eyes widened.

'Cash!'  The bell was ringing in his head as his eyes watered with delight.  But even Genma had some trouble when he realized the task that would be needed to get this cash.

"......should I, or not?  This is the problem......"  Genma pondered for quite a while.  It was either that or sleeping with an empty stomach for a day.  While he was not the most ethical person in the universe, he still had some pride as a man.  He was also a bit old-fashioned so this was a quite disturbing thing to do even for him.

Growl!

...but then again, a man's stomach was stronger than any reason, especially in Genma's case.

"Sperm bank, here I come!"  After the exclamation, he ran according to the direction written on the pamphlet, not noticing the weird look people were giving at him...


"What?!  It doesn't matter how much I donate?!"

The nurse at the counter winced when Genma screamed in frustration.  "Yes.  You only get paid once no matter how much you... donate.  It's only the head count that we pay according to."

"Are you crazy?!  Do you have any idea what I did inside that...  Head count, you say?"  Suddenly Genma's eyes began to glimmer with expectation.  "So... if I come with my son... he will get paid too?"

"Um, yes..."  The nurse was confused, but answered nonetheless.  "As long as he donates, he should get paid.  But you wouldn't even if you come again, since you already got paid."

"Alright, lady.  Sorry to have you bothered...  I'll be back... with my son. See you later!"  Genma then quickly ran out the door, leaving a bewildered nurse staring at him.

"...what was THAT about?"



"...so I went to the pharmacy and got some chloroform.  I found Ranma sleeping at the park, so I sedated him with that, and went back to the hospital..."

"What?!?!  Why you!!"  Ranma again attempted to jump on his father, but again his mother stopped him.

"Stop, Ranma!  Don't interrupt!  It's not right for you to try to beat up on your own father."

Genma sighed in relief when he heard his wife defending him somewhat...

"Frankly, it's my job!  Continue, dear!!"

...but the shining blade now rested against his neck told him that he wasn't off the hook quite yet...

"Ipaintedhiseyelashessoitlookedlikehewasawakethen..."

Bonk!

"Slowly!  You are not making any sense!"  Nodoka scowled after she hit her husband on the head.

"I painted his eyelashes so it looked like he was awake, then..."


"Um... Saotome-san?"

"Yes?"  Genma looked back at the nurse who had a curious look on her face.  He had one of his arm around Ranma, both not to look suspicious and also to hold up the sleeping body of his son.

"You sure your son is okay?  I mean, I don't mind but it doesn't look like he wants to do this, with his feet hanging and all..."

"Oh don't worry!  I explained it to him very clearly.  This is all for helping people who can't have children!  He knows what he has to do.  Isn't that right, Ranma?"

"......"  Of course Ranma was still asleep so he didn't answer.  His head only nodded because Genma was moving it with his own hand.

"Oh, alright then."  The nurse smiled as she took the form Genma had just handed to her.  "The room is over there.  I'll show him the way..."

"Oh no need!"  Genma waved his hand.  "I know the way, and I'll show it to him."

"But..."

"Come on!  My boy is really shy about this sort of thing.  You going with him will only make him nervous.  Isn't that right, boy?"

"......"  Ranma again did not answer, but his head nodded again due to courtesy of his father.

"Um... okay...  It's not allowed to have more than one patient in the room, but I'll let this one slide, him being so young and all."  The nurse then thought to herself.  'I can't believe this guy is 18.  He looks so young!  Not to mention cute... oh well.  Back to work.'

"Thank you, Miss!  I'll take over from here."

"Okay, Saotome-san.  Don't worry, Saotome-kun.  It won't take long."  The nurse gave the young Saotome a devious look before going back to her counter.  Ranma would have paled at this if he was awake, but alas, he wasn't.

Genma grinned.  'I didn't think this would go so smoothly...  All I have to do now is...'



"...so I took him to the room.  Mind you, I would have done the deed myself at first.  But I figured since this would be Ranma's pay, why not let HIM do the work?  Of course, he was still sleeping.  So I..."

"STOP!!!"  The audience held up their hands simultaneously.  "WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE!!!"

"Oh."  Genma then shut his mouth tightly.  "Well, we got paid, and we ate the most delicious meal next morning.  You wouldn't believe how good a breakfast tastes after a day of a hard work(?)."

Tofu shook his head sadly, while Soun also frowned showing his disapproval.  Nabiki was holding onto her stomach, trying to supress the laughter.  The rest?  Well, Nodoka and Akane was about to explode with anger, while Ranma had already exploded.

"You rotten bastard!!"  Ranma lunged at his father, who began to run away.  "How could you do this to your own son?!?!"

"Hey, I did it for our sake!  You enjoyed the food next day, didn't you?"  Genma quickly replied before he ducked to avoid a table flying at him.

"I'll kill him!!  I'll maim him until he dies!!  I don't care what they say, but this monster is gonna die today!!"  Akane screamed in anger and hatred as she also joined the chase with a bokken in her hand.

"Dear, you are NOT getting away this time!!  You've gone too far!!"  Nodoka also followed after her husband with her sword drawn out.  The look on her face told others that she was damn serious this time.

"I only did it for Ranma's sake!  Doesn't that count for anything?"

"Oh yeah it does!!  It counts for youd death, POP!!"

"Hold it right there so I can kill you, you monster!!"

"Face your fate like a man, dear husband!!"

All the while, the girl who brought this chaos to this house was gleeing with joy as she munched down another cookie into her mouth.  "This is really good, oneesan!  When I grow up, I want to be a good cook just like you!"

"*giggle* Of course you will.  Just call me Kasumi, Makoto-chan."

"Okay!  Kasumi-neechan!"



End for now...



What did you think?  I was so bored as I surfed the net, and I stumbled on this website where I could read some Korean comics.  One of them was a story about a 30 years-old rich plastic surgeon who didn't get married despite his good look due to his phobia with women.  He was such a good looking man that the women didn't leave him alone ever since he was young, which led to his phobia.  But one day, his friend dropped by with a girl saying, "this is your daughter who was born at the sperm bank using YOUR sperm donated when you were a intern."  Of course, that brought a total chaos into his life...  That's the main plot.

When I read it, I couldn't help myself.  What if the same thing happened to Ranma?  With Genma as his only guardian for 10 years, I figured nothing was impossible.  Then I thought about the name of the child, when I realized "why create a whole new character when I could just use one that's already there?"  I decided to use Kino Makoto from SM since she would fit in perfectly.  She already lost her parents.  She knows how to fight, and Ranma's an excellent martial artist.  Makoto's a good cook, and Kasumi could have taught her!  Of course, living with Ranma would influence her somewhat, but her main personality wouldn't change...

Well, this is only just an idea, at least for now.  I might work on this more when I do enough with Stallion, IF people liked this one that is...

Send your C&C to chaspark@hotmail.com!  I can't wait to hear about this.  ^^
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