Jerry/Patch Monkey wrote:
Version 1.1 - Ooops...fixed.
Disclaimer: While several of the characters used herein belong to the
author, many others do not and are the property of their respective
creators. This author makes no pretense of having any rights to their
names, series, or respective properties.
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Getting Home Wednesday
Fit the First: Godot
(Time Frame: Just before Ranma leaves for China, 7 years after the
Exordium. It's currently early August.)
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"Suffice it to say that Eris is not hateful or malicious. But she is
mischievous, and does get a little bitchy at times." - Principia Discordia
If one was willing to brave the heat, and if one were to look at a small
empty lot near the house of one Ryoga Hibiki on a hot summer day in early
August, one would see a fascinating sight. Not wild pink elephants, but a
young man and a young girl.
Doesn't sound very fascinating to me.
The young girl was wearing a purple shirt, with
black tights on her legs and a staff on her back while she sat on the
ground, a spatula at her side, fiddling with a grill. Anyone who saw her
would correctly assume that she was some sort of cook, most likely of
okonomiyaki. The young man, on the other hand, had much more intriguing
appearance. His black hair was tinged with blonde, pulled back very tightly
into a pigtail, and if one was to pay closer attention to the hair, one
would notice that it seemed to alternate between straight and curly. The
outfit he wore seemed to be a conglomeration of styles, merged into one that
looked correct, as though they were always one. On his feet were black
slipper-boots that were held together by straps, ending halfway to each knee
in three separate belts. For pants, he wore dark-colored loose jeans, each
leg of which disappeared into the top of the boots. His shirt was white
silk but one could only see the sections that were not covered by a dark red
many pocketed jacket, and perched above his forehead sat a pair of flying
many-pocketed
goggles. The young man looked over at his partner.
"Ucchan, where is he? That compass I made him should be able to lead
him wherever he needs to go!"
"Well, Ranchan, he did promise that he would come. This duel is his
idea!"
"Yeah, he's sure to be here any minute. He's sure to be here any
minute."
"Then all we have to do is wait on here."
Where _here_ was an empty lot behind Ryoga's house. That didn't make it
any easier for Ryoga to find it at any rate, even with the compass Ranma had
made for him. It wasn't that it didn't work correctly...no, it was the fact
that Ryoga's lack of direction countered almost all the benefits that the
compass had.
"I'm still impressed that he can't find his way here," remarked Ranma.
"All he has to do is think about where he's going, and that compass will get
him there. Of course, that directional curse is pretty impressive."
It was then that Ryoga appeared. "Ranma! I'm here! We can have our
battle!"
"Ryoga! What took you so long? We've been waiting almost an hour!"
exclaimed Ukyo.
"Um...well, you see, Uyko, I sortacouldn'tfindthecompassandlost the door
to my bathroom."
Ranma rolled his eyes. "Did you find the compass, lost one? I thought
you were keeping it around your neck?"
I'm surprised a magical compass even works for him. I'd expect such things to
just spin around wildly. However it wouldn't be any picnic anyway. It would
always point in a straight line even when that route is inadvisable. For example
if Ryoga was in his house and looking for the lot, it would point at his house's
rear wall which has no door.
"I am keeping it around my neck, Ranma! I forgot, alright!"
"Fine. Anyway, Ukyo's gonna officiate, so you wanna get started?"
"Sure. I'll beat you today, Ranma!"
-----
Ryoga placed the compass on the ground, and found a spot ten feet away
from Ranma. The two boys assumed a fighting stance, and Ukyo signaled
for them to begin. Ranma assumed a relaxed stance, and waited for Ryoga
to charge. Ryoga did, and Ranma quickly leapt out of the way.
"Too slow, Ryoga. How do you expect to hit me when you make a turtle
look fast?"
"Shut up, Ranma!" shouted Ryoga as he backed off, and reconsidered his
options. A smirk appeared on Ryoga's face. "Try this then."
And with that, Ryoga moved in a zigzag towards Ranma who was moving in
towards Ryoga at the same time. Ryoga's fist lashed out at Ranma's face as
Ranma's foot hit his head.
Both boys fell to the ground. "Man, that was anti-climatic," intoned
Ukyo, looking at the two boys on the ground.
"Ouch. Hey, Ryoga, looks like you got a little better."
"Yeah...this compass makes it easier for me to find my way to my
teacher. He said I was to straightforward in my attacks."
"too"
"Hmm...well, y'know what, next time we fight, maybe we'll have a real
winner. Ukyo and me gotta head home. Pops said we're leaving soon, so
we've got to pack. We'll come back someday, right, Ucchan?"
"Right, Ranchan," spoke Ukyo, as she ran up to give Ryoga a hug. "See
ya, Ryoga!"
"Have a good trip, guys! Thanks again for the compass!"
With that, Ranma and Ukyo headed home. Ryoga headed back toward his
house, but something seemed different.
"Were there always this many restaurants here? Where's that compass?
It's right...back...in...that field behind my house! Ranma, where am I now!
This has gotta be someone's fault!"
It doesn't seem plausible to me that Ryoga would go to China. His first priority
would be finding that vacant lot again and if he did, he'd have the compass again
with no reason to be upset.
-----
As the warm sun began to burn away the mist that hung over the current
residence of Genma Saotome, Ranma Saotome, and Ukyo Kounji, three figures
Kuonji
began readying their leave of that place.
"So, where're we off to now, pop?"
"Yeah. Where are we going next? Ranchan and I were just getting used
to settling down and making friends."
"Well," said Genma, "settling down and friends must be put aside for the
Art! As the heir to the Anything Goes school, Ranma must be able to leave
on a moments notice, leaving all he holds dear if it means to better the
art!"
"So I could go and leave you?" queried Ranma.
"No," informed Genma.
"Okay...So, where're we headed anyway, pop?"
"We're going to China to study at some ancient training grounds."
"How are we getting there?" wondered Ukyo.
"Swimming, of course!"
I've always been skeptical of that story. It seems like an awful hardship
for Genma to put himself through unless he had a serious reason. For example
he might have swum because someone was after him and that was
the best way to escape. Or perhaps they ended up swimming across because the
ship they stowed away on caught them and threw them overboard.
"Of course," moaned Ranma and Ukyo together.
-----
(Some Time Later)
Had anyone been near a distinct point on the shores near the Chinese
city of Lianyungang, they would have been most surprised as three people
dragged themselves ashore.
Um...why? People go swimming all the time.
"Pops, that has gotta be the stupidest thing we've ever done. Who swims
across the East China Sea?"
I'm definitely sure that they've done stupider things.
"Hush, boy. It was all for the Art!"
"Ranchan, it'll take me weeks to clean off my grill! Waaaah!"
Okonomiyaki in new barnacle flavour!
"Um...it'll be okay, Ucchan," Ranma reassured his friend. "So, Pops,
where're we off too now?"
to
Genma straightened up, and looked towards the horizon. "Well, we're off
to the ramen stand over that way!"
Ranma and Ukyo found themselves agreeing with the elder Saotome. Food
sure was a good idea.
----
"<Guides to China's Most Secret Training Grounds! Get one here!
Please? Pretty please?>" came a voice next to the ramen stand. Ranma and
Ukyo had been given a few minutes to explore the local city, while Genma
figured out where they would go next.
His ears perked up at that call, however. "<I'll take one!>" shouted
the martial artist. "<Training ground guide, no?"
"<Yes sir. China's top top top secret training grounds, like the Cave
of the Dragon's Fist, the Tall Mount of the Tiger Child, The House of
Zen...">
"<Me take one,>" interjected Genma. "How much?>"
The raggedly dressed short man who had a horrid odor emanating from his
body holding the guide held up five fingers. "<Two,>" he said.
Genma reached into his pocket, and pulled out a fistful of coins.
Counting two, he handed them to the man, and began giggling wildly as the
short man scurried off, happy. Turning around, he saw Ranma and Ukyo
standing behind him.
"Yo, Pops. Whatcha got there?"
"Boy, this is a guide to the great martial arts sites in China. Why,
there's sites in here that no martial artist should ever miss! Here's one
called The House of the Moon Fox. A errant breeze blew the page over.
"An errant", and that doesn't sound like Genma talking so it should be inside
the quotes.
Hmm...this one is called Jusenkyo. That looks good, and like it'll be a
nice hike."
"Genma, you think we might be able to learn some secret techniques
there?"
"Well, Ukyo, sure! Any place with a name like that has to have
something worthwhile. It'll be a change for all of us. Let's go!"
Genma didn't realize that the Qinghai province was about one thousand
two hundred and fifty miles from where they were.
Nor did he care.
------
(Sixty-two or so days later)
"Ah, welcome to the Training Ground of Jusenkyo, honored customers.
I am pleased you have chosen to come here," began a chubby man in Mao era
clothing.
"Yes, yes, of course. Boy, Ukyo, get up on those poles and we'll begin
training."
"Pop, I don't think that's a good idea..."
"Very bad you fall in springs, Mister Customer! Boy is right!"
"Pop, I think it's a very bad idea, actually. This place feels strange,
like there's a darkness hanging over every pool," Ranma amended. "Maybe we
should listen to the guide."
"Boy, stop acting like a girl!"
Ukyo glared, readying her staff. "Genma, are you saying girls are weak?"
"That is, I mean...fight, boy, now!"
Remember, Genma's a good motivator. He'd probably say, "Prove me wrong, if you
can!"
"Very well, Pop. I'll fight you. Ucchan, you coming?"
"Sure!"
"No! Customers, stop! Very bad if you fall in cursed springs!"
And so, a fight began, only to be interrupted by a well placed dual
attack on Genma by Ranma and Ukyo. Genma lost his balance, and fell.
"Oh, no! Big Mr. Customer fall in Spring of Drowned Panda!
Two-thousand
years ago, very tragic story of Panda that drowned there. Now anyone who
falls in spring take form of panda!"
"Ranchan, did you hear that?"
"Hear what, Ucchan?"
"Growf," said a giant panda as it leapt out of the pool Genma fell into.
"Oh, how nice. A giant panda," Ranma mused aloud.
"Growf!" interjected the Panda as it knocked the two young people to the
pool below.
"Ranchan, I think that is your faaaathhhher!"
"Ucchan, Pop is an idiot, isn't heeeee?" queried Ranma at the same
time.
"Oh no! Young Mister and Miss Customer fall into Spring of Drowned
Girl! Miss Customer not be too affected, but young Mister Customer turn
into...turn into...that never happen before. Never seen tattoos on face
after falling in. Miss Customer not have tattoos. Miss Customer?"
Ukyo was happily smiling. "Wow, you should sell this water. I've gotta
be a whole size bigger! Um, yeah?"
It would have been interesting if Ukyo got the magic powers.
Ranma looked down at his new body, which happened to that of a buxom
young woman and began glowing black. Her hair, which was black with slight
tinges of blonde in male fore was now a wild mix of deepest black and light
blonde, and, interestingly enough, was currently whipping around her head as
though wind was blowing.
"Pop, I am not happy right now. I told you this was a bad idea, and you
didn't listen. Now you're a panda, I'm a girl, and Ukyo...well, Ukyo's
really happy. But I'm not! THUNDERBOLT!"
A bolt of black lightning flew from Ranma's hands and connected with her
father. Genma, not being faster than lightning, bore the full brunt of the
blast, and a charred panda now sat where a clean panda was before.
"Cool," muttered Ranma before he passed out.
No one even noticed the boy who fell in one of the pools towards the
back.
------
"Mister Customers awake now? Curse not so bad, you turn back to human
male with hot water. Cold water turn you to panda and girl again."
"Errggg," replied Genma.
"Well, you deserved it. Taking us to a place like this, and not even
listening to me. I wonder how I did that lightning thing anyway. So,
Ranma already has magical powers doesn't he? So what's the mystery?
Guide, is there anyone around here who might know how to get rid of these
curses?"
"I like mine, Ranchan! 'Oh, poor Ukyo,' they said. 'Looks like a boy.
I feel so sorry for her,' they said. Well, who's laughing now! Oh, and
you're kinda cute as a girl."
"Ucchan...Fine. Is there anyone around here who might tell us how to
get rid of Pop's and my curses?"
"Yes."
"Who?"
"Yes, that is correct, I am Hu."
"No, who can tell us how to get rid of our curses"
"Hu can!"
"That's what I'm asking you!"
In point of fact, the guide could have told Ranma and Genma that jumping
in the boy pool would reverse the curses for them at least under normal
circumstances. They just never asked...possibly because the curse wouldn't
let them ask. However in this case since Ranma has a non-standard "curse"
(Oh wo is me, for I have been cursed with phenomenal cosmic power) the standard
remedy might not do the trick. Too bad Ranma already has magic powers. Otherwise
I'd assume a "transporter accident" just happened, which would be a really neat
idea. What happens when Skuld water transports through a Jyusenkyo pool just
as someone falls into it?
"There a village of women warriors to the north. I shall take you
there, yes?"
"Sure. Lets go there then."
----------------
(End Fit the First)
Next time: Hair Care Bare Bear
Author's Notes: Well, how do we think of this thus far? To answer your
questions:
(1) Yes, C&C, public and private is accepted. Please ask me before using my
work in an MST, that's common courtesy.
It may be courtesy, but it isn't common.
Flames will be ignored, as my fire
resistance is at 100%.
(2) Ryoga and Ranma are at about the same level, because Ryoga has been
able
to make it to the dojo where he trains more often, ever since Ranma made him
that compass. Neither Ukyo nor Ranma know that they're technically engaged,
and probably won't find out about it for a while. Ranma's slightly more
refined because of the wishes and Ukyo's presence, and Ukyo is a little
rougher in speech patterns because of the training. She's more feminine,
however, as she wants to be good at martial arts but she doesn't buy Genma's
girls can't do it attitude, and she never had her Quest for Vengeance.
Ranma, because of his mother's wish, now also has a passion for making
mecha. His clothing style is a cross between Marller's, Skuld's, and his
own. Uyko has no respect for Genma.
Why not? He hasn't doublecrossed her as far as she knows and has been
acting in loco parentis and as martial arts sensei to her for ten years.
At the least she should respect his skill which must be impressive if he
routinely takes on both Ranma and Ukyo. For that matter, why are they
engaged if Ukyo didn't ask for the engagement?