--- Jerry/Patch Monkey <patchmonkey@patchmonkey.net> wrote:
Version 1.1 - Ooops...fixed.
Disclaimer: While several of the characters used herein belong to
the
author, many others do not and are the property of their respective
creators. This author makes no pretense of having any rights to
their
names, series, or respective properties.
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Getting Home Wednesday
Fit the First: Godot
(Time Frame: Just before Ranma leaves for China, 7 years after the
Exordium. It's currently early August.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
"Suffice it to say that Eris is not hateful or malicious. But she
is
mischievous, and does get a little bitchy at times." - Principia
Discordia
#Ahhh, the sacred text. Hail Eris!
<SNIP>
"Yeah, he's sure to be here any minute. He's sure to be here
any
minute."
#Why does Ranma repeat himself? Trying to convince himself?
"Then all we have to do is wait on here."
#I don't think you need the 'on'. Unless you meant to put 'him' after
it.
<SNIP>
"Fine. Anyway, Ukyo's gonna officiate, so you wanna get
started?"
#Ooooh, 'officiate'. Ranma's obviously been paying attention in
school, yes?
"Sure. I'll beat you today, Ranma!"
-----
Ryoga placed the compass on the ground, and found a spot ten
feet away
from Ranma.
#Going through China, Utah, and Quebec in the process.
The two boys assumed a fighting stance, and Ukyo
#Shouldn't that be 'assumed fighting stances'?
signaled
for them to begin. Ranma assumed a relaxed stance, and waited for
#You used 'assumed' just last sentence. Maybe 'took', instead?
Ryoga
to charge. Ryoga did, and Ranma quickly leapt out of the way.
"Too slow, Ryoga. How do you expect to hit me when you make a
turtle
look fast?"
"Shut up, Ranma!" shouted Ryoga as he backed off, and
reconsidered his
options. A smirk appeared on Ryoga's face. "Try this then."
And with that, Ryoga moved in a zigzag towards Ranma who was
moving in
towards Ryoga at the same time. Ryoga's fist lashed out at Ranma's
face as
Ranma's foot hit his head.
#Kicking Ryoga in the head? Like that's gonna have any effect.
Both boys fell to the ground. "Man, that was anti-climatic,"
intoned
Ukyo, looking at the two boys on the ground.
#"All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned From Anime" #98: TAKAHASHI'S
LAW #4: An anti-climax is a good climax. (From the Anime Cafe.
http://www.abcb.com Remember, stealing a line without saying who
it's from isn't nice.)
"Ouch. Hey, Ryoga, looks like you got a little better."
"Yeah...this compass makes it easier for me to find my way to
my
teacher. He said I was to straightforward in my attacks."
#'too straightforward'
"Hmm...well, y'know what, next time we fight, maybe we'll have
a real
winner. Ukyo and me gotta head home. Pops said we're leaving
soon, so
we've got to pack. We'll come back someday, right, Ucchan?"
"Right, Ranchan," spoke Ukyo, as she ran up to give Ryoga a
hug. "See
ya, Ryoga!"
"Have a good trip, guys! Thanks again for the compass!"
With that, Ranma and Ukyo headed home. Ryoga headed back
toward his
house, but something seemed different.
"Were there always this many restaurants here? Where's that
compass?
It's right...back...in...that field behind my house! Ranma, where
am I now!
This has gotta be someone's fault!"
#Hmmm, Ryoga not blaming Ranma for once. Somewhere in Hell, Satan is
probably looking for snowshoes.
As the warm sun began to burn away the mist that hung over the
current
residence of Genma Saotome, Ranma Saotome, and Ukyo Kounji, three
figures
began readying their leave of that place.
#Unfortunately, it wasn't Ranma, Genma, or Ukyo. It was three crewmen
arranging the set.
"CUT!! Where the hell are those three!? This shot is ruined! Now we
have to wait until the next misty morning for it!" The director
screamed.
"So, where're we off to now, pop?"
"Yeah. Where are we going next? Ranchan and I were just
getting used
to settling down and making friends."
"Well," said Genma, "settling down and friends must be put
aside for the
Art! As the heir to the Anything Goes school, Ranma must be able
to leave
on a moments notice, leaving all he holds dear if it means to
better the
art!"
#Shouldn't that last 'art' be capitalized? You've capitalized the
rest of them.
"So I could go and leave you?" queried Ranma.
#I would suggest it.
"No," informed Genma.
"Okay...So, where're we headed anyway, pop?"
"We're going to China to study at some ancient training
grounds."
#"Why?" Ranma asked.
"To futher the plot, of course! Now stop asking questions!"
"How are we getting there?" wondered Ukyo.
"Swimming, of course!"
"Of course," moaned Ranma and Ukyo together.
#"See? Should have stopped asking questions."
-----
(Some Time Later)
Had anyone been near a distinct point on the shores near the
Chinese
city of Lianyungang, they would have been most surprised as three
people
dragged themselves ashore.
"Pops, that has gotta be the stupidest thing we've ever done.
Who swims
across the East China Sea?"
#Obviously, you do.
"Hush, boy. It was all for the Art!"
"Ranchan, it'll take me weeks to clean off my grill! Waaaah!"
"Um...it'll be okay, Ucchan," Ranma reassured his friend. "So,
Pops,
where're we off too now?"
#'off to now.'
Genma straightened up, and looked towards the horizon. "Well,
we're off
to the ramen stand over that way!"
Ranma and Ukyo found themselves agreeing with the elder
Saotome. Food
sure was a good idea.
----
"<Guides to China's Most Secret Training Grounds! Get one
here!
Please? Pretty please?>" came a voice next to the ramen stand.
Ranma and
Ukyo had been given a few minutes to explore the local city, while
Genma
figured out where they would go next.
#Genma in charge. What could go wrong? I shudder to think.
His ears perked up at that call, however. "<I'll take one!>"
shouted
the martial artist. "<Training ground guide, no?"
#Genma knows Chinese? And he still goes to Jusenkyo? Well, my
estimate of his intelligence just dropped a few more points. (If it
goes any lower, it'll need a shovel.)
"<Yes sir. China's top top top secret training grounds, like
the Cave
of the Dragon's Fist, the Tall Mount of the Tiger Child, The House
of
Zen...">
"<Me take one,>" interjected Genma. "How much?>"
The raggedly dressed short man who had a horrid odor emanating
from his
body holding the guide held up five fingers. "<Two,>" he said.
Genma reached into his pocket, and pulled out a fistful of
coins.
Counting two, he handed them to the man, and began giggling wildly
as the
short man scurried off, happy. Turning around, he saw Ranma and
Ukyo
standing behind him.
"Yo, Pops. Whatcha got there?"
"Boy, this is a guide to the great martial arts sites in China.
Why,
there's sites in here that no martial artist should ever miss!
Here's one
called The House of the Moon Fox. A errant breeze blew the page
over.
Hmm...this one is called Jusenkyo. That looks good, and like it'll
be a
nice hike."
#'...Moon Fox." An errant <SNIP> over. "Hmm...'
"Genma, you think we might be able to learn some secret
techniques
there?"
"Well, Ukyo, sure! Any place with a name like that has to have
something worthwhile. It'll be a change for all of us. Let's go!"
#The irony! The irony!! 'A change', indeed.
Genma didn't realize that the Qinghai province was about one
thousand
two hundred and fifty miles from where they were.
#'one thousand, two hundred and fifty'
------
(Sixty-two or so days later)
"Ah, welcome to the Training Ground of Jusenkyo, honored
customers.
I am pleased you have chosen to come here," began a chubby man in
Mao era
clothing.
"Yes, yes, of course. Boy, Ukyo, get up on those poles and
we'll begin
training."
"Pop, I don't think that's a good idea..."
"Very bad you fall in springs, Mister Customer! Boy is right!"
"Pop, I think it's a very bad idea, actually. This place feels
strange,
like there's a darkness hanging over every pool," Ranma amended.
"Maybe we
should listen to the guide."
"Boy, stop acting like a girl!"
#Oh, yeah, THAT'S a smart comment to make when Ukyo's around.
Ukyo glared, readying her staff. "Genma, are you saying girls
are weak?"
"That is, I mean...fight, boy, now!"
"Very well, Pop. I'll fight you. Ucchan, you coming?"
"Sure!"
"No! Customers, stop! Very bad if you fall in cursed
springs!"
And so, a fight began, only to be interrupted by a well placed
dual
attack on Genma by Ranma and Ukyo. Genma lost his balance, and
fell.
"Oh, no! Big Mr. Customer fall in Spring of Drowned Panda!
Two-thousand
years ago, very tragic story of Panda that drowned there. Now
anyone who
falls in spring take form of panda!"
"Ranchan, did you hear that?"
"Hear what, Ucchan?"
"Growf," said a giant panda as it leapt out of the pool Genma
fell into.
"Oh, how nice. A giant panda," Ranma mused aloud.
#Kasumi? What are you doing here? Oh, wait. RANMA said that. My bad.
"Growf!" interjected the Panda as it knocked the two young
people to the
pool below.
"Ranchan, I think that is your faaaathhhher!"
"Ucchan, Pop is an idiot, isn't heeeee?" queried Ranma at the
same
time.
#Kasumi? No? Ranma again? GRRRRR Get to Kasumi! Stop raising my hopes
with lines like that!
"Oh no! Young Mister and Miss Customer fall into Spring of
Drowned
Girl! Miss Customer not be too affected, but young Mister Customer
turn
into...turn into...that never happen before. Never seen tattoos on
face
after falling in. Miss Customer not have tattoos. Miss Customer?"
#"Hmmm, Spring of Drowned Biker Chick is at other end of valley, so
that not the answer."
Ukyo was happily smiling. "Wow, you should sell this water.
I've gotta
be a whole size bigger! Um, yeah?"
#You know, Lina Inverse would be willing to kill (or at least maim
severely) for some of that water.
Ranma looked down at his new body, which happened to that of a
buxom
young woman and began glowing black. Her hair, which was black
with slight
tinges of blonde in male fore was now a wild mix of deepest black
and light
blonde, and, interestingly enough, was currently whipping around
her head as
though wind was blowing.
#If it sticks straight up, turns gold, and Ranma starts to shout
'KAMEHAMAHA', I'm leaving. Rapidly. I don't want to see the
after-affects of THAT.
On a serious note, what do the tattoos look like? I'm curious. Does
he have the usual god(dess) markings or the demon(ess) markings?
"Pop, I am not happy right now. I told you this was a bad
idea, and you
didn't listen. Now you're a panda, I'm a girl, and Ukyo...well,
Ukyo's
really happy. But I'm not! THUNDERBOLT!"
A bolt of black lightning flew from Ranma's hands and connected
with her
father. Genma, not being faster than lightning, bore the full
brunt of the
blast, and a charred panda now sat where a clean panda was before.
#Ukyou sniffed. "Do you smell barbeque?"
"Cool," muttered Ranma before he passed out.
No one even noticed the boy who fell in one of the pools
towards the
back.
#If it's Ryoga, you'd better have a good reason for him to be there.
The whole 'bread fued vengence quest' thing won't work in this fic,
apparently. Of course, he could have just missed his friends and
decided to hunt them down to see what they were doing.
If it's not Ryoga, whoever it is had better be in a future chapter.
Otherwise, that sentence is totally pointless.
------
"Mister Customers awake now? Curse not so bad, you turn back
to human
male with hot water. Cold water turn you to panda and girl again."
#Hey! I'M a human male! Don't insult me by putting Genma in the same
category! (I've got no problem being put in the same category as
Ranm, though.)
"Errggg," replied Genma.
"Well, you deserved it. Taking us to a place like this, and
not even
listening to me. I wonder how I did that lightning thing anyway.
So,
Guide, is there anyone around here who might know how to get rid of
these
curses?"
"I like mine, Ranchan! 'Oh, poor Ukyo,' they said. 'Looks
like a boy.
I feel so sorry for her,' they said. Well, who's laughing now!
Oh, and
you're kinda cute as a girl."
#Hmmm, Ukyou sounds like she 'swings both ways', if you get what I
mean. She also seems to be taking this whole bit quite well. (It's
like implants! Only without all those nasty side-effects!)
"Ucchan...Fine. Is there anyone around here who might tell us
how to
get rid of Pop's and my curses?"
"There a village of women warriors to the north. I shall take
you
there, yes?"
"Sure. Lets go there then."
#Watch out for a chick named Xena. She's not very nice.
----------------
(End Fit the First)
Next time: Hair Care Bare Bear
Author's Notes: Well, how do we think of this thus far? To answer
your
questions:
(1) Yes, C&C, public and private is accepted. Please ask me before
using my
work in an MST, that's common courtesy. Flames will be ignored, as
my fire
resistance is at 100%.
#Right. How about I send you some of these cookies Corwin sent me?
They're REALLY good! (Please take them! They're trying to crawl out
of the box!)
<SNIP>
Ranma, because of his mother's wish, now also has a passion for
making
mecha. His clothing style is a cross between Marller's, Skuld's,
and his
own. Uyko has no respect for Genma.
#Who does have respect for Genma? Can I see a show of hands?
And Ranma the mecha-maker. The mind shudders. I can see it now:
"Foul Sorceror! Prepare to die!"
"Banpei, take care of this. I'm gonna be late."
3) Yes, the man is a gully dwarf. It's amusing. Laugh.
#BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Sorry for the evil laugh. It's my default
setting.)
4) Hail Eris. Hail Skuld.
#Hail, yes.
I like the fic (of course). I'm really curious as to the results of
Jusenkyo upon Ranma. (And Ukyou's a happy girl! Happy, happy! Joy,
joy! Somebody who REALLY likes their curse! That's a new one. Taro
doesn't count. He's a jerk.)
Anyways, keep up the good work. I hope to see the next chapter soon!
Ja Ne!
Slacker
=====
"Remember, a fair fight only happens
because of poor planning on your part."
---Sailor Nemesis
I am...(Drumroll, please)...Slacker!
KSC, Knight of Discordia, Lord of Discord (Hail Eris!)
Member of the Church of Ami & Makoto
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