It has always been my policy to answer public C&C with public
responses. Here we go:

From: Kuniadam-sun Kisaragi Kasugano <kasugano@iprimus.com.au>
To: ffml@fanfic.com
Subject: [FFML] Re: [Fanfic] [EVA (with Ranma Influence)] Neon Jusenkyo Evangelion Volume 0:1
Date: Thu, 12 Oct 2000 16:29:37 +1100


    First of all, I'll say this. This goes against events firmly
established in the series.

Be specific! I want to eliminate as many inconsistancies as my
changes will allow.

While I will read stories that go against
Eva, I prefer stories that try to remain true to what's already been
established. One of my favourite stories was one written by Lara Bentam
last year that had Gendou and Yui before the Second Impact.

I read that, it was a good fic.

As we don't
know exactly what happened there, it doesn't interfere with the original
series. That's the sort of thing I'm talking about. But hey, that's just
my opinion, it's not made to degrade Harry, whoops, sorry, I mean Kevin
Callahan's work.

That wasn't really funny. My Government teacher is the ONLY one
allowed to make that joke. Not to mention it also did nothing
to tell me how to make my fic better.

    Now for some miscillanious comments on Neon Jusenkyo Evangelion.

    -The introduction where we have a boy executed for alledged >crimes.

Not alleged. He did take the Eva.

I would guess that Maya would have something to say about that.

The opening scene is in Romania. How could Maya complain about
something she doesn't know is happening?

Seriously though, as good as this scene is, to me a public execution
would much better fit the WWII story Grave of the Fireflies.

Shush! I haven't seen that yet. No spoilers!

This is
NERV, not Shadowlaw from Street Fighter, I seriously doubt that NERV
would do something like this. If Mr Callahan still wants to keep this
scene, then he would get away with it if it were SEELE or the JSSDF who
commited the act, not NERV.

Sykes is from Third Branch, US Division... Uhm, I REALLY don't want
to give any more of this away. Suffice to say Third Branch was
created by some con friends of mine. They don't act like First Branch,
Japan Division. They're far less... dysfunctional.

    -I wonder what the big deal over the sixth child is? Are NERV so
hurting for finance that they'd go so far out of their way to get it, or
is Gendou just looking for someone else to backstab?

We've abandoned canon in order to make Shinji a Girl and to involve
a new pilot. As for financing, yes, we hear many times they're hurting
for money. And as for the Sixth, well, we all know about Shinji's
class. Trust me, she is there for a reason, and not because I randomly
decided to stick in a new pilot.

Everyone knows that
it's not in the original, but I'm willing to give the benifit of the
doubt, just. Nothing personnal, blame my friend.

    -Mandrake test? Kevin must have grown up on Mandrake the Magician
comics and Saturday morning cartoons of Defenders of the Earth. I've
seen it too, along with Robotech that always followed.

I was thinking of Mandrake Linux, actually, but I know what you're
talking about.

    -Okay, I admit that I don't like stories that are clearly out of
context, I admit that, but I did like the bit between Shinji and >Asuka.

Explain the "clearly out of context" thing, and thanks for liking the
Shinji/Asuka bit.

'Either Asuka didn't recognize him, or she was playing stupid to trap
him in something else. Probably the latter.' Find it hard to be honest
in C&C sometimes. Too damn nice.

    -I don't get the exchange between Shinji, Asuka and Xia. If Travis
Kennedy were reading this, he'd be spitting bricks about now, ranting
and raving about hypocrasy, about degrading something because they don't
understand it then write something that isn't understandable. I couldn't
do something like that, though.

Travis, however, was downright rude to me. He raved and ranted at me
for practically 10K. I at least want to know what you people think,
and if you tell me something I need to change, and I agree, I will
change it. I respect the opinions of those on the list. That's why
I am still here.

    -(egg on face) Oh, I get it now. This is where the Ranma influence
comes into play. Well Shinji always was a girl.

Oh, ok, you meant about the female thing, right.

    -Kevin maintains that this isn't a Ranma crossover, however I feel
that there's enough in here for it to be a crossover. Some may not agree
with me, but my Metal Gear\NGE fic has even less, yet I feel that it's a
crossover.

Feel how you like. I don't feel it's much of a crossover because the
only aspect of the Ranmaverse I'm using is Jusenkyo.

    -I can just imagine how Gendou would react. And Rei, well, I sure
wouldn't mind seeing how she responds to it all.

    -First the good point. I like it how writers include charecters such
as Maya whenever they can, make them more major players.

I included Maya? Where? Do you mean Makoto? Can I just not remember
my own fic?

Maya will come into it. I have plans for her, but I didn't think she
was in volume 0:1.

Now the bab
point, again, having a Shito attack here goes against what's happened.
Then again, I think even the comics had things like this that directly
go against the TV series.

Yea, the attack is really the breaking point from the series. The
angel is an angel, but it isn't from the canon. I did research my
angels. Ascent of the Fallen taught me good research is needed if
you wish to split from canon.

    -I had to roll my eyes when Gendou isn't fazed by how well Xia is
doing. Just what is he up to?

You think I'm just going to out and tell you? I wouldn't be much
of a writer if I did that.

    -I always find Eva battles to be written badley, all of them,
without exception. That's why I've never written an Eva battle in any of
my fics, all of them turn out wrong.

Yes, and I frankly am pretty bad at battle scenes, but I feel they're
needed.

    -The end, well, the end doesn't give any sense of closure. It's a
little confusing, to say the least. Who died, Xia or Asuka? What
happened to the Shito, and Shinji, for that matter? What's up with
Gendou? And why, since it seemed so important at the beginning, is there
nothing more about what's happened? Maybe these questions will be
answered in the following chapters, but I have to be honest. It's more
than a little off for Mr Callahan to say that fics he doesn't understand
are rubbish,

Where did the word rubbish come from! I never said rubbish. Need I
quote my own reviews? You misunderstand me. I in fact said that I
withheld comment on the fic because I didn't understand it. I cannot
judge that which I do not understand. I said that in EFR, and I can
quote it if you wish me to.

then write a story that other people don't understand. Just
where is this fic going? I just hope that future chapters clear
everything up. And the Eva feel isn't there, it's more like Ranma or
even Ninja Scroll than Eva, that's the feel I had when reading this.

Ok, now I understand that feel thing. I mean I understand that
different series feel different. I don't understand why it feels
like another series though.

While no means a bad fic, there have been worse, even some of the best
writers I know (Adrien Forest and Jon. L, since you ask) always have
their fics read time and time again by pre-readers numourous times
before they even think about putting it on the list. Mr Callahan would
do well to follow suit. And before you ask, no, I'm not avaiable for pre
reading as I have a full plate as it is. My two cents in, see you next
time when I finish the NGE\Metal Gear crossover Sisters of Destruction.

I was under the impression that the FFML WAS for prereading. Isn't
it the RAAC that's the final stop, even though I've never actually
considered sending anything there?

    You have been talking to the Millenium Man, Y3K. I'm out like the
nineties. Peace.

Kevin Callahan
Kionon
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