Hello, Morgan! It's been a while, ne? ^_^
Too long, my friend. I really should have gotten this back to you sooner,
but sometimes it seems like everything in my life is conspiring to make me
late when it comes to anything related to my story.
Hopefully, I'll actually have time to write the next chapter to this series,
but it may not be for a while, with all the tests and assignments that my
profs decided to pile on my head today: school never seems to understand
that it's less important than my story. ^_^
> And a Happy Thanksgiving to all of my fellow Canadians! ^_~
Um, yes, Happy Thanksgiving, people! ...Whatever that is. :-p
Basically an excuse to go have a long weekend and eat as much turkey as
humanly possible. The sandwiches alone are going to be my main food supply
for at least a week.
> Yes, I know that I originally planned to release this last weekend.
Blame
> my professors, with all their blasted essays and assignments and the
like.
> SIX IN THREE DAYS! I'm lucky I'm still alive. :b
No, WE, the fans, are lucky. If you had taken another week in releasing
this
chapter, I don't know if my poor heart would have resisted it.
Uh-oh. Cause like I said, I've barely even had a chance to START chapter 12,
and the way things are shaping up, it may not be done until at least next
week. Try to hang in there, okay? I mean, if your poor heart gives in, I'll
NEVER get that next chapter of Silent Battles, and then how can I repay you
for this C&C? ^_~
> However, I am alive, and what's more, I've got yet another chapter
ready
> for your reading enjoyment. First, however...
Yes, he remembers! This proves ANYONE can be taught. ^_~
HEY! I resemble that remark!
<SNIP PLEASE AND URLS>
Of course, I recommend you to visit these sites, be it to find great
crossovers (at Joy Lin's) or to read the previous Ronin Summer story
arcs.
Or reread, in my case. ^_^
Yes! Do as the man says! He knows of what he speaks.
> And, with all that out of the way, here we go! ^_^
Gee, and you called MY notes long-winded? ^_~
My notes were much chorter before *somebody* decided to tell me about
including all the webpage adresses and such. So technically, it's all your
fault. ^_^
As always, and I bet you know that already, every comment I manage to
make
should be taken with a pinch of salt, a squeeze of lemon, some crackers,
two
cups of coffee and a pie. This way, if you happen to disagree with me, at
least you'll have something to keep your mouth busy.
Cool! What kind of pie?
Just kidding. As always, I shall be awaiting your comments with bated
breath. Odds are, you're going to be right anyway.
What's it gonna be, pal? Blue pill, red pill, or Jell-O? ^_^
Gee, I don't know: after all that salt, lemon, crackers, coffee, and pie,
I'm getting a little full. Still, there's always room for Jell-O...
Let's start C&Cing!
(claps hands) Yes, lets!
> OBLIGATORY LEGAL DISCLAIMER : Some of these guys aren't mine. The
> Sailor Senshi belong to DIC and Kodansha, while the Yoroiden are owned
> by Sunrise and Graz Entertainment. Okay? So don't bother suing me. I'm
> a student.
See it this way: if they sue you, you won't have to worry about essays
any
more. ^_^
Yes I will. I just won't be able to afford a computer to type them on. And
no computer means no fanfics, either. So that's a BAD thing (I guess: it
probably depends on who you ask).
> Chapter Eleven : Safekeeping
Hey, I like that word. However, if you want to stay consistent, you might
want to drop that space before the colon. ^_~
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I should. Fact is, I probably won't. I've been doing every
title I've ever written that way, and odds are that I can't help myself now.
I tried to change it this time around, and I just plain couldn't bring
myself to do it.
Besides, if I fixed EVERYTHING, then nobody would ever send me C&C! ^_^
> Miles of river blurred past, sparkling
> magically in the cold and silvery light of the huge full moon rising
> behind his lean body, casting a huge winged shadow onto the thick
Which is pretty logical, as he was a winged man. Or, in other words,
maybe
you should drop "winged", as I feel it redundant.
Good point. I'll do that.
Is there such thing as _over_describing?
If there is, we've probably both done it quite a bit, my friend. ^_~
<TINY SNIP!>
> arrival, he was the undisputed master of the skies. His problems,
However, I believe you misused "although". IIRC, it can't be followed by
a
noun. "In spite of", maybe? "Despite"? The truth is, I'm not entirely
sure
what you meant here.
Hmmm. It made sense when I wrote it, but now that you mention it, it does
seem a little awkward now. I'll go back over it and see what I can do to fix
it.
> legion that they were, were for the moment at least very far away from
> him. He would find his prey, and destroy them quickly, the better to
Um, I really can't remember whether "prey" had a plural. Isn't it
"preys"?
Nope, the plural of "prey" is "prey". It's just one of the many fun little
twists they stuck in the English language way back when: a plural always
ends in "s"... unless it doesn't. ^_^
> "HEY!"
>
> With a confused look on his face, Vyne rolled over onto his
> back and scanned the sky above and around him. That voice had almost
> sounded like...
>
> "VYNE! OVER HERE! I'M SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU TO- ah, screw it,
> he's not listening. I'm going home."
Heheh. Now we all know who's talking. ^_^
I like to think that the siblings are kind of easy to tell apart, even just
by what they say. After all, Tytoung or Thraw would have had a completely
different approach to getting Vyne's attention. I believe it's called a
baseball bat. ^_^
> Vyne grinned. Yes, he thought, that was the distinctive cry of
> his sister Holts, all right. Catching himself in mid-air, the bishounen
> man slowly rotated in a full circle as he examined the foliage for-
This is a bit too abrupt. Why don't you finish the sentence and move
"there"
to another paragraph?
Could be, but then I was trying to show that he wasn't looking for very
long. After all, Holts was already leaving. He would have had to have seen
her pretty quick, or she would have been gone.
<BABI-SNIP>
> "Oh, THAT? Holts blinked. "That was a moment ago. I don't care
Missing quotation mark after "THAT?".
Blast! I could have sworn that quotation mark was there! Call out the dogs
and the search helicopters, we've got us a runaway...
> about that now. I'm going back to bed, assuming I can find it..."
HOLTS: In fact, do I really need a bed? I could just lay on the grass
and...
zzzzZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Hehehe. Yup, if she weren't afraid she'd fall over, I'm sure Holts would
fall asleep standing up. ^_^
> Vyne sighed and placed one hand over his eyes. "Tell you what,"
> he said calmly, "if you give me that message I'll... I'll... Personally
Caps: personally
Right. Will fix! ^_^
> escort you back to your room."
>
> Holts looked sleepily suspicious. "I could get back faster
> by myself, you know."
Heh. You're evil, m'friend, you really are. You've just implied a LOT
about
Holts' powers.
Gee, I did, didn't I? ^_^
I bet she'll get to fight and show us what she can do before
the story ends.
Maybe... although Holts is so lazy that I can't imagine any situation where
she'd actually fight. She's more likely to surrender immediately and then
escape at her own leisure, IMO. You know, after a tiny little eighty-year
catnap.
<THE FORMER SNIP'S YOUNG BROTHER>
> "He has purple armour, and a patch over his left eye." Holts
> smacked her lips and began to wriggle around, nuzzling the side of
> Vyne's neck as she tried to find a comfortable position. Vyne, already
> badly overbalanced, began to find his flight much more unstable than
> he preferred.
Er, he's carrying her in his back, and still manages to fly? If this were
DBZ, I'd believe it. But he's using wings, and he needs to flap them.
Ah, but he's not carrying her: she's holding on to him. And his wings extend
from his shoulderblades, so there would be room between them for her to
rest. Not much, but then Holts is the littlest of the siblings. About the
size of Saturn, while everybody else is taller than Uranus. I figure she
could squeeze in there.
Not to mention that Vyne rarely flaps his wings. Like an eagle or a hawk, he
can just float of the air currents when he's not in a hurry. In this case,
he IS flapping, but usually he just stretches his wings like a big feathered
hang-glider.
> The black-haired man began to sweat as he remembered the two
> people that had gone over that cliff earlier. Hadn't one of them been
> wearing an eyepatch? "Does this Masho of Deception have long sliver
> hair, too?"
HOLT: Nope.
VYNE: *sighs in relief*
HOLT: But he does have _silver_ hair...
VYNE: *facefaults*
Wow. And when you're a few miles up in the air, that facefault is going to
HURT... I believe they call it a "crash"....
Or, in other words, you have a typo there. ^_^
Right. Will fix, of course. ^_^
> "Sorry, sis," Vyne muttered, "but I think we may need to make
> a little detour..." Veering off, he began heading back the way he had
> come as quickly as he could. Maybe if he was lucky, one of those two
Wouldn't it be "Maybe, if he was..."? I'm not sure, and people say I tend
to
use too many commas. *shrugs*
I think it works either way, and frankly people have complained about my use
of commas, too, so I'm trying to cut down wherever I can. I'm not sure,
though, so I'll probably go back and stick in the comma, just to be safe.
> If he had, however inadvertently, just openly defied Pedri, he was as
> good as dead. He could not afford the delay of returning, not when the
> time was so ripe.
Would Pedri really kill one of his siblings?
Do I actually have to answer that question? ^_^
Now that I think about it,
didn't one of the siblings mention that it had been brught back to life
(something like "in one of my lives")? Maybe I'm wrong--my memory isn't
what
it used to be. ^_^
Actually, it's been mentioned twice. Waaaay back in chapter seven, Holts is
telling Thraw how mad Pedri is, and says "I'm surprised he didn't kill you
again..."
And just here in this chapter, Vyne mentions that Pedri might kill him, and
he can't "afford the delay of returning".
So, I guess it's safe to say that these guys don't make a habit of staying
dead when someone kills them.
> **********
>
> Floorboards creaked softly under the man's feet as he padded
> along the narrow hall. His long red hair stirred as he walked, swelling
> behind him like a crimson cape. Pausing for a moment, he nudged the
> screen open with one toe, careful not to unbalance his cargo as he
> slipped into the room.
Finally we get to see Shuten again! I like this guy. He and Vegeta would
make an interesting duo, don't you think?
I like Shuten too. And yes, he and Vegeta would be very interesting to see
together. I wonder who would try to kill the other first. Probably Vegeta:
Shuten has too good a lid on his temper these days.
Back in those old days, though: man, that would be a fight that you'd want
to watch from the safety of a concrete bunker. On another planet.
> The man made a slightly sour face as he examined the cavernous
> bedroom. It was regularly and rigorously cleaned, just like every
> other section of his home. Despite that, it seemed a bit too barren for
> his tastes. The only real furniture it had was a futon and a small
> table with short legs, crouching low to the ground. Folding his own,
> much longer, legs under him, the stern young man sat next to the bed
Um, too many commas, IMO. Why not:
Folding his own much longer legs under him, the...
Much better. I'll do it that way, man, thanks! ^_^
<SNIP SOME PARAGRAPHS>
> With a blush, the frail young girl tried not to stammer
> incoherently. Here she was, a guest in this man's home, and she had
> been blatantly staring at him like he was a side of beef she was
> considering buying. Setsuna would spank her on the spot if she ever
> found out Hotaru had been so rude and ungrateful a guest. "Sorry,"
SETSUNA: You did what?! Oh, you deserve a good spanking. Come here.
HOTARU: No!
SETSUNA: Come here!
HOTARU: I don't wanna, I don't wanna! *sniff* Death... *sniff* Reborn...
SETSUNA: JOKE! Joke, it was a joke!
Heh. ^_^
> Your mother invented those stares. They never bothered me
> when she used them, and I assure you that I have nothing to hide.
> Nothing, at least, that I think you could find quite so easily."
>
> "Did you go to school with Michiru-mama?"
SHUTEN: Michiru-mama? What kind of name is that?
HOTARU: Well, what kind of name is Shutendoji, anyway?
SHUTEN: Silence, you...
> Shuten paused with the edge of his cup resting against his
> lips. "No," he said calmly, "I've never heard of anybody called by that
> name. And I never went to school. We didn't have them." He sipped.
Oh, do I see your own personal wishes being fulfilled through your
characters? ^_~
Possibly. ^_^
Although it's also accurate. Considering when Shutendoji was actually a
child, there wouldn't have been any schools for him to go to.
> Hotaru knitted her brow and looked down at her hands. "But you
> said you were an old friend of my mama, the last time you showed up,
> and if you don't know Michiru-mama, then who do you mean? Are you a
> friend of Haruka-papa?"
Oh, how clueless can this girl be? >_<
She's not clueless: she just assumes that Setsuna doesn't have any friends.
^_^
> "No." Shutendoji said sharply, as he took another sip of his
> tea. "I've never met either of those two. I don't plan to meet them any
> time in the future, either. People in general bore me, with one or
> two notable exceptions." Lowering his cup, he smirked at the young girl
> as she drank her tea in confusion. "Finish your drink," he said, "and
> let's see what the leaves have to say to you."
I still think it'd be great to have him meet Jun--and make him actually
like
the brat! ^_^
Shuten and Jun met several times in canon YST. I believe the first time was
when Shuten choked Jun with the chain of his kusari-gama and tried to throw
him into an active volcano.
Shuten had a little problem with his temper back then. ^_^
Seriously, this isn't so silly as it seems. After all, you showed us that
Shuten likes courage, and Jun has that in spades.
In later episodes of the anime, Shutendoji actually travels with Jun and
Nasuti, seeking one of the items that will allow them to destroy Arago (the
jewel of life). He then goes with them into the Dynasty to help the
Troopers. I don't think he really LIKES Jun or Nasuti, but I'm sure he
doesn't think ill of them, or he wouldn't have let them tag along like he
did.
Besides, I believe that if
there's someone who could understand Jun's struggle and eternal battle to
help his friends, despite his lack of power, it's Shuten.
Well, the eternal battle to help one's friends, yes. The lack of power...
I'm not so sure. One thing Shuten has never lacked is power. The first time
you see him (really) is when he battles all five Samurai Troopers by himself
- and wins!
<SNIP! ...MAKE MISTAKES, MAN!>
BTW, the scene between Hotaru and Shuten was the best of this chapter,
IMO.
It was surreal and, at the same time, very compelling. Besides, as I told
you, I simply love Shuten's character.
Thanks. I was trying, as in Shuten's earlier appearance, to provide a sense
of surrealism to the entire scene. I'm a huge fan of the Oni Masho as well,
so I always try to do justice to him. He's such a complex character that it
can be really hard to understand him sometimes. I mean, he sacrificed
himself to save a bunch of people that he didn't even LIKE.
> "So," he said, with almost clinical precision, "it would seem
> you have survived, young Miss Tomoe." His thin lips twitched upwards
> in an approximation of a smile. "Excellent. I've put far too much work
> into this puzzle just to lose one of the more interesting pieces." The
...of the most interesting?
No, not to Rajura. As far as he's concerned, Setsuna Meioh will always be
the MOST interesting piece of his puzzle. Hotaru, however, is more important
than some of the others. Basically, Hotaru's somewhere in the Top Five of
Rajura's list, but Setsuna is still Number One.
<YA KNOW>
> Walking along in the forest, Rajura vaguely noticed the small
> form of Sailor Saturn tagging along in his peripheral vision. "Took
And the nitpick of the day: two "along" in the same sentence. ^_^
Yowch. I can't belive I missed that. Better fix it quick! ^_^
> Holts yawned loudly in his ear and smacked her lips as her
> lower pair of eyes blearily opened. "What's going on, here? Home,
> Rover! You said you'd tuck me in and everything!"
HOLTS: Let's go, Land-Rover!
VYNE: Brum, brum, brrrr, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Bad joke, yes. :-p
Sometimes bad jokes are the only jokes worth telling, my friend. ^_^
> "Just a second, Sister Holts. I need to find a few bodies that
> went and moved on me." Scratching his head, Vyne placed his other hand
> on his hip and tried to do the mental calculations. First, he thought,
> they were here, and then I turned my back for a few minutes, and now
> they're both gone. Cripes, I know I wanted them alive, but did they
> have to be quite so lively about it?
Heh. Great line; I love the way you put it.
Thanks! I'm rather proud of that little turn of phrase, myself. It kind of
sounded like something Vyne might say if he was frustrated.
<SSSSNIP!>
> Rajura groaned and shook his head. "I didn't SAY he was going
> back to the castle," he explained, "I said he was going HOME. We've
...explained. "I said...
I'm pretty sure it works either way, but if you say so, I'll change the
comma to a period. Why argue, right? ^_~
> been in that castle for less than a week, and he wasn't even there
> for most of that time. He's headed back to the Keep, whether he knows
> it or not."
>
> "The what?"
Um, does this "Keep" thingie exist in the anime? Or is it just one of
those
convenient plot devices? ^_~
The Keep does not exist in YST canon. However, it also doesn't NOT exist:
not much time is ever really devoted to the hows and whys of the Masho
turning evil. The Keep is just my idea of where they might have been stored
while Arago was brainwashing/possessing them. We don't really know where
they were in those four hundred years between becoming Masho and returning
to Tokyo with Arago's army.
<SNAP, SNUP... SNIP!>
I love the way you write Rajura. In fact, I never thought he would
explain
what he's doing--for a moment, I got this mental image of Rajura as
Sherlock
Holmes and Hotaru as poor clueless Watson...
That's probably the image going through Rajura's head, as well. He so often
acts as though everyone around him is a complete idiot, and treats them like
children. When forced to deal with an actual child, it makes sense to me
that he might get a bit flustered.
Plus, falling off of a cliff is bound to make someone a bit grumpy.
And that moment when Hotaru
mentioned Setsuna and Rajura lost himself in remembrance was very
significative.
VERY. Especially the fact that he couldn't for the life of him find a way to
describe how different she was when they first met. Most of who Sailor Pluto
is could be considered Rajura's fault.
> Rajura grasped the small girl by her wrist and began racing
> towards the Keep, slipping and sliding in the mud several times before
> he finally reached the front gates. "Come on!" he yelled to Hotaru,
> as he grabbed the steel door handle and tugged with all his might,
Period instead of comma here.
Check! ^_^
> The sound echoed through the empty hallway, richocheting
Typo: ricocheting
Dangit!
> off of bare stone and circling curiosly around the room before settling
Typo: curiously
Curses!
> Rajura groaned and clenched his fists, a purple glow seeping
> from between his fingers and sheathing his undergear, dissolving the
> drenched metal plates and replacing them with a pair of black pants
> and a black shirt, over which he wore a grey quilted jacket. "Change,"
> he said to Hotaru, who was staring at him once again, "your normal
...again. "Your...
Right. This one counts as another typo I guess. Blast!
> clothes should still be dry." Pulling off his jacket, he handed it to
> her. "Use this on your hair. Don't want you catching your death of
> cold, do we?"
RAJURA: Do we? ...Wait, I do.
HOTARU: ...
The biggest problem Rajura has is that if ANYTHING happens to Hotaru, he's
in trouble. There's no way anybody would believe it was an accident: a
surprising number people die from those whenever he's around. If Sailor
Saturn gets so much as a hangnail while she's under his care, Sailor Pluto
is going to be out for his blood.
> "I didn't do it for you, child." Rajura grinned as he undid the
> cord constraining his hair and let the silver mane hand freely down his
"Hand"? "Hung", maybe?
"hang", actually. Another typo. Why, oh, why are these always clustered at
the end like this? Every single time!
> "Well, it's just that you can't even save somebody's life
> without needing to find an ulterior motive. You can't even let yourself
> feel good when you're being heroic. You must hate yourself very much."
>
> "I don't think you should talk any more," Rajura suggested,
> and placed his hands on his hips. "You're speaking gibberish."
Oops. It's terrible when people read you so well, you can only act as if
you
don't understand what they're saying.
Isn't it? Hotaru may have actually hit the nail on the head. After all, if
the Masho of Deception ACTS as though he's cruel and nasty, someone was
bound to start wondering whether he really was... ^_^
> "I don't think you're as bad as you want people to think you
> are, Rajura." Hotaru smiled as she finsihed drying her hair and offered
Typo: finished
ANOTHER ONE! ARRRRGH! >_<
> him his jacket back. "I think you're actually really nice."
<REALLY-SMALL-TINY-EVEN SNIPPY>
> Never one to deny a moment its proper drama, Rajura glared over
> his shoulder and gave the yung girl the most malicious smile he could.
Typo: young
Heh. I always find these at the end of the chapter. Funny, ne?
Yeah. Funny like a brick upside the head. I guess it's because when I get
this close to finishing, I'm in such a rush that I don't go over my work as
carefully as I should. I really need to fix that.
> Hotaru smiled to herself as she gathered up the jacket Rajura
> had dropped and folded it into a makeshift pillow. "Explain it however
> you want," she whispered, "but you're still pretty nice."
>
> If the Masho of Deception heard the girl, he said nothing to
> correct her.
Aw, the beginning of a wonderful relationship. If I were Jun, I'd start
to
worry. ^_^
About Rajura? Every creature with a brain stem worries about Rajura.
He's scary. ^_^
Personally, I don't think Hotaru has a romantic interest in him: she just
thinks he's a nice guy. Of course, that's going to drive Rajura insane,
since he's spent several centuries convincing every living thing that he's
NOT a nice guy. Don't expect him to have some miraculous reformation,
though: leopards don't change their spots overnight, after all.
> **********
>
> To Be Continued...
Oooh, yeah.
We BOTH hope so... ^_^
I of course recommend this story (and the rest that form the
Ronin Summer series) to every FFMLer unlucky enough to read so far into
this
C&C. It's long by now, but it's worth the time.
Yeah. I believe this is the fifty-eighth chapter, or somewhere up there. The
funny part is how few people have noticed! I mean, that just blows my mind.
I've written nearly sixty chapters of Ronin Summer in about a year.
On the chapter itself, I have little else to comment. As I said, I
especially liked the scene with Shuten. I hope to see more of him in the
future (meeting Jun, maybe?).
Well, there will definitely be more of Shuten in the future. For a dead guy,
he gets around a fair bit, you know. I'm sure he'll bump into Jun
eventually, too. Of course, depending how protective a daddy he decides to
be, Jun may very well wish he'd never HEARD of the former Oni Masho...
Is Rajura softening? I never thought I'd
see
that in _this_ life. ^_^
Rajura's tricky like that. Just when you think you understand the way he
thinks, that's when he's got you right where he wants you. He may or may not
actually be softening, or it may just be part of his plot. After all, if he
can get Sailor Saturn to trust him, who knows what he could do with her?
As you like to say: Death... Reborn... ^_^
So, pal, I only have two more things to say: keep writing--and do it
faster.
^_^
Well, I can give you one, but the way this week's been going, I can't
promise much about speed. Heck, it took me this long just to respond to you!
My professors are starting to crack their whips, what with it being
mid-term, and all. But of course, I shall do my best to finish as soon as I
can.
Thanks as always for writing, man! I really do appreciate it. Now my blasted
server needs to stay up long enough to send this. Let's all cross our
fingers...
Farewell!
-Morgan Hudson
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