Picture it...

     A tall young woman stands in a forest clearing, sunlight
streaming through the canopy above.  There is a younger girl
with her, perched securely on her shoulders.  Both ladies have
numerous small flowers, in their pockets and clothes and hair,
the result of a day's exploration in the nearby fields.  And
though it is rather late in the season for them, they are
surrounded by butterflies.

     Reds and yellows and blues swirl about them, a riot of
color in an ever-changing pattern.  Although the woman seems
considerably older, both wear the same expression of innocent
wonder at the beautiful scene...

     Unfortunately, the sudden coughing and muffled
obscenities from above rather spoil the effect.

     As the two young ladies looked upwards and the swarm of
butterflies dispersed, an older woman with teal-green hair
poked her head down from a lower branch.  The fact that she
was upside-down and the branch itself was protruding from her
chest didn't seem to disturb her.  "What the HELL is going
on?!  I'm just taking a nap, and suddenly I get a mouthful of
bugs!"

     When there was no immediate reply, she cast about in
annoyance, and finally noticed those below.  She frowned. 
"Oh.  It's you.  Look, just do me a favor and play somewhere
else, okay?  Hangovers don't cure themselves, y'know." 
Without another word, she ascended once more, the branch
passing through her body harmlessly.

     The two girls stood quietly for a moment, then the
younger of the two peered down at her 'ride'.  "Nuku Nuku-
oneechan, who was that?"

     "That was Ryoko-san," the schoolgirl android informed
her.  "Ayeka-san says she's a lush, an evil space pirate, and
an ugly old demon."

     "Oh."

     "I am NOT!"  Ryoko had appeared again, her head seeming
to inflate with rage.  "Don't listen to that uptight Princess-
wannabe!  She's just jealous."

     Nuku Nuku blinked.  "Really?"

     Ryoko peered at her, then hmphed.  "I get better
conversations from Mihoshi."  Spotting the young girl on the
android's shoulders, she dropped down and hovered closer to
get a better look.  "So... this is Mary, huh?  Washuu's new
'daughter'?"

     "Hai!"

     Exhibit A smiled at the ex-pirate.  "It's nice to meet
you."

     "Yeah, yeah."  Ryoko waggled her finger under the girl's
nose.  "Don't go getting all arrogant about it, kid. 
Remember, *I* was Washuu's daughter first - you have to do
everything I say."

     "I do?"                     

     "Yep.  Little sisters have to obey their big sisters. 
It's the law."

     Blink, blink.  "Okay."

     "Good.  Now, beat it.  I got some serious naptime to
catch up on."  She flitted back up to her branch and settled
in.  "Know your role and shut your mouth.  Heh."

     A moment later (after a whispered conversation below),
Mary was carefully lifted into view.  Ryoko gave her a
sideways glance.  "Yeah?  What is it now?"

     Hesitantly, Mary removed a flower from her hair and
extended it to the ex-pirate.  "I think you're very pretty,
Ryoko-oneechan!"

     Ryoko's eyes grew wide, looking from the flower to Mary's
innocent face... then they softened, filling with a gentle
warmth.  She took the flower with a tender smile.  "Thank
you."

     Mary giggled, then was lowered out of sight.  As Ryoko
carefully slipped the flower behind one ear, voices rose from
below:

     "Nuku Nuku-oneechan?"

     "Hai?"

     "Do you really have to leave?"

     "Uh-huh.  Washuu's all better now, and Jack-san needs my
help.  Nuku Nuku hopes he's doing okay..."

     Tears rose in the girl's eyes.  "But... I don't want you
to go.  I'll miss you."

     The catgirl giggled.  "It's okay!  I'll come back and
visit, lots and lots of times!"

     "Promise?"

     "Promise!"

     There was a bit of activity behind Nuku Nuku's head as
Mary rummaged through her pockets, then something vaguely
roundish was lowered into view.  "This is for you!"

     It was a necklace, of sorts, consisting of a length of
red yarn attached to a clay medallion.  Two figures, barely
recognizable as Mary and Nuku Nuku, were crudely painted on
its surface.

     The android gasped happily.  "It's beautiful!"  (It was
brightly-colored and dangly, two very attractive traits to a
cat's mind.)  "You made this?"

     "Uh-huh!"  Mary looped the ornament around her friend's
neck.  "So you'll remember me while you're gone."

     With a laugh of delight, Nuku Nuku lifted Mary down and
pulled her into a careful hug.  "Thank you, Mary-chan!  Nuku
Nuku will keep this with her always!"

     The young messiah smiled broadly.

                     -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     Nabiki frowned as she looked over the Ultra roster. 
She'd promised a dire future for those CHAOS morons - the only
problem was choosing the nature of the punishment.

     Sakura was currently off the card until her injuries
healed.  After that, though... well, if Morrigan wanted some
'quality time' with the Shotokan fighter, Nabiki didn't see
why that couldn't be arranged.  Shingo was a bit trickier - he
was one of the top contenders for the Gamma title, and though
it was tempting to throw him to the bottom of the pile, such
crude methods weren't her style.  In contrast, the catgirl
would be easy to punish, as any of her matches would likely be
a squash, regardless of her opponent.  As for Team Rocket...
well, maybe it was time to give the Samurai another little
boost...

     A flickering at the corner of her vision caught Nabiki's
attention, and she looked up just in time to see a nearby
monitor flash.  The order she'd been composing for a triple-
reinforced titanium-alloy table for the Spanish announcers was
abruptly replaced by the image of a face.

     A grinning face.

     "Good afternoon, Miss Tendo," it said smoothly.  "I trust
your little event the other day was sufficiently profitable?"

     She frowned.  "Bison."  Though she was outwardly as
composed as she'd ever been, Nabiki couldn't help but feel a
twinge of anxiety at the sight of the ruthless crimelord.

     "I do admire the way you handled the situation," he
continued.  "I've always found that making your enemies work
for you brings a special kind of thrill.  Don't you agree?"

     "Get to the point, Bison," she countered cooly.  "I'm
very busy right now, and I don't think either of us are much
for small talk."

     He chuckled.  "Well said."  Bison leaned forward,
dominating even more of the screen.  "I wonder if we might
discuss a few things, you and I?  One professional to
another?"

     With a shrug, Nabiki brought one hand up to the monitor. 
"Maybe... but I don't make exceptions.  You can go through my
secretary if you want an appointment, just like everyone
else."  She turned off the monitor sharply, and returned her
attention to the paperwork before her.

     A full minute passed quietly, then: "No, I don't think
so.  I make my own appointments, Miss Tendo."

     It wasn't just his voice - the sheer presence of the man
made Nabiki look up.  There he was, standing with his back to
her and staring out one of the wide windows of her office. 
Her eyes narrowed, and her hand began to edge toward the
silent alarm button under the desk.

     "I wouldn't do that," he advised, without turning around. 
"You aren't going to want witnesses to our conversation."

     Nabiki raised an eyebrow.  "*I* won't want...?  Just what
are you up to, Bison?"

     "I have a proposal for you, Miss Tendo," the warlord
replied.  "One that I think we'll find..."  He turned his head
toward her slightly, grinning as only he could.  "...mutually
beneficial."

     Again, Nabiki hesitated... then clasped her hands before
her, on top of the desk.  "I'm all ears."

                  -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     Shingo smiled gently at his fellow CHAOS member as he sat
down in the bedside chair. "Hey," he said.

     Sakura smiled up at him, and shifted gingerly to get a
better look at him.  "Hey," she said.

     "How're you doing?" Shingo asked.

     She shrugged, then winced at doing so. "Better. They're
letting me recuperate here at the Dome, aren't they?  I should
be back in fighting form in about another week.  Don't worry
about me - I'm tough."  She unconsciously traced her fingers
along some of the more prominent bandages, tinged with
antiseptic.  There was a pinkish-grey scar along her neck
that Shingo tried hard not to notice.

     "Well, that's good," he said, then shook his head in
frustration. "Damn that Iori..."

     Sakura sighed. "You say that every day, and all you're
doing is getting yourself upset all over again." She smiled
tentatively.  "It's nice of you to worry so much about me,
though."

     Shingo laughed a bit self-consciously. "Hey, we're part
of the same team, right?  We're friends and comrades, aren't
we?  Of course I'm worried, after the beating you took."

     "Thanks."  She glanced around a bit nervously.  "Any more
Morrigan sightings?"

     "A couple," he admitted.  "She's pretty persistent, I'll
give her that.  It's nothing the rest of us can't handle,
though."

     A throat cleared itself in an annoyed manner, and Shingo
glanced up to see a decidedly unhappy, sharply-dressed blonde
standing in the doorway. "I'd better go," he said. "You rest
up, alright?"

     Sakura nodded as Shingo stood to go.

     Outside the room, Karin put her hands on her hips and
gave Shingo the Annoyed Glare. "I thought we were supposed to
meet at the Ultra Bar & Grill," she said.

     Shingo sighed. "I'm sorry, I forgot. I just needed to
check up on Sakura..."

     "Shingo, you're spending too much time worrying about
that...that...panty-flashing tomboy," Karin said, testily.

     He gave Karin a hurt look. "She's my friend, and she's
injured.  What am I supposed to do, just abandon her?"

     "Even before this, you and Sakura have been spending an
awful lot of time together."

     "I can't spend time with my friends when I want?"

     "Not with friends like THAT, no... not if you want to
stay on good terms with me," she sniffed.

     Shingo raised his hands in a gesture of supplication.
"Hey, hey...calm down, Karin.  Look, I'm sorry, all right? 
I'll make it up to you, I promise."

     Karin smiled. "That's more like it."

                  -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     The cherry red and highly customized car rolled to an
unusually gentle stop, slotting perfectly into a parking spot. 
Bean turned off the ignition, then glanced at his passenger. 
"Are you sure you're up to this, babe?"

     Tifa hesitated, then nodded.  "Yeah.  I'm ready."  She
took a deep breath.  "Let's go."

     The two fighters stepped out of the Roadbuster and walked
together through a wrought iron gate.  "All things considered,
I'm kinda surprised people allowed this," Bean commented.

     "Not many people know about it," his partner explained as
they walked down a carefully-maintained path.  "Just me and
the gang back home, mostly.  Kasumi pulled some strings to
keep it that way - you'd be surprised how much clout being a
former God carries."

     "I can imagine."  He took a scrap of paper from his
pocket and glanced at it.  "Should be just beyond those
trees."

     There was no response, but she slipped her hand into his
and squeezed tightly as they rounded a curve in the path.

     Real estate is at a premium in overcrowded Japan, but
there is also a strong tradition of respect to one's
ancestors.  So, if those with enough money and influence wish
it, they can inter their loved ones in the Western manner,
placing them within one of the rare cemeteries.

     Unlike most of the other graves, this one had no body
beneath it.  It was more of a memorial than a tombstone, and
only two words adorned its unassuming surface:
                                                            
     CLOUD STRIFE

     They looked at the stone for a while, then Tifa
sighed.  "It shouldn't have turned out like this.  Not after
all we'd gone through.  Maybe... maybe I could've done
something..."

     Bean gently put his arm around her.  "He didn't exactly
come running to you for advice, Tifa.  There wasn't anything
you coulda done, once he made his choice."

     She shook her head.  "I guess, but... well, it's just
hard to get used to him not being around.  We grew up
together.  Cloud wasn't evil, he was just... misled."

     "You're-"

     "That's just what I was thinking," a calm voice behind
them interrupted.

     They turned, and Tifa's eyes grew wide.  "You..."

     Bean scowled.  "What the hell're *you* doin' here,
Sephiroth?"

     The child of Jenova, leaning comfortably against a tree,
didn't bother to look up.  "The same as you, I expect," he
replied.  "I wish to say a last farewell to Cloud."

     Tifa stepped forward, angry tears welling in her eyes. 
"Damn you... haven't you done enough to him, without
desecrating his grave?"

     "Really?  And I thought he wasn't even in there." 
Sephiroth lifted his head and smiled slightly at her.  "But
you mistake my intentions.  I harbor no ill will toward Cloud. 
After all, he was once part of me, as you may recall.  He was
never my rival, but merely... another one of Hojo's
experiments, more successful than that madman ever realized."

     As Tifa watched, unable to find words, Sephiroth stepped
forward past the two fighters, and ran his fingers over the
words on the tombstone.  When he spoke, his tone was unusually
soft, almost subdued.  "But he's with the Cetra girl now, for
all eternity.  A fitting reward for them both, I'm sure."

     "It's what he always wanted," Tifa said quietly.

     "Indeed.  And as you say, he was never truly evil."  He
chuckled lightly.  "Poor Cloud.  He always was quite
proficient at being manipulated, wasn't he?"

     "Because you made him that way!"

     Slowly Sephiroth began to ascend, rising above the
cemetery grounds.  "True enough.  I was in need of a puppet,
and Cloud served me magnificently.  And yet... I was not the
only one who used him, was I?  People do strange things during
a war.  Don't you agree, Tifa dear?"  With that, he tossed
something down toward the grave, then vanished from view.

     Tifa watched the small object drift to the ground, then
sighed.  "He always did love getting in the last word."

     "Teef?"  Bean put his hand on her shoulder, concerned. 
"You okay?"

     She shook her head.  "It's okay.  I'm fine."  She took a
deep, cleansing breath.  "He just reminded me of when Cloud
first came back into my life.  I knew he was confused, and
maybe I could've helped him, but..."  She shrugged.

     "Uh... maybe we should go now..."

     "No, don't worry."  She gave him a weak smile.  "I...
made peace with that decision a long time ago.  Look, you're
going up against Marlo these days - if you want to get the
Hardcore title, you'd better go back to the Dome and start
practicing."

     He rubbed the back of his neck.  "You sure?  How're you
gonna get back?"

     The smile was firmer now.  "Hey, I'm a big girl - I can
get home by myself."  She gave him a playful right hook to the
jaw.  "Get going, ya big lug.  I... I've just got to say my
goodbyes."

     Tifa looked at the grave for a long time after Bean had
left, then set a parcel of flowers at the foot of the
headstone.  She was very careful, however, not to disturb the
small flower, left by the man Cloud had hated most in the
world.

                    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     Daisuke knew something was wrong as soon as he stepped
into the building.

     It was just a few minutes before the start of the show. 
The parking lot was jammed (with mostly vans and trucks, oddly
enough), every ticket was sold out, and after last week's
extravaganza the crowd should have been on their feet in
anticipation.

     But, in what was surely a freakish chain of events, the
UltraDome was unusually quiet.

     Oh, there was a consistent murmur, the noise of thirty
thousand people in an enclosed space, but none of the usual
cheers or screams of excitement were present.  Daisuke could
even hear his own footsteps as he walked down the hall.

     Weird.

     There was a tromping noise heading toward him from around
a corner.  Well, good.  Maybe he'd finally get some-

     "Dai!  Quick, in here!"

     "Whu-?"

     The announcer's confused syllable was cut off as someone
grabbed his arm and yanked him into a darkened broom closet. 
The door slammed shut, and his assailant listened intently as
the footsteps outside thundered past.

     Daisuke removed a silencing hand from his mouth. 
"Hiroshi, what the hell are you doing?"

     The pale-haired clone just shook his head fearfully. 
"It's all over!  We're dead!  Game over, man!  Game over!"

     "Stop quoting 'Aliens' and tell me what's going on."

     "Didn't you see all those trucks outside?  We've been
invaded!"

     Daisuke just stared at his partner.  "...right.  Hiroshi,
have you been overdosing on sugar again?"

     "Fine.  Don't believe me.  Just because there are heavily
armed goons walking the hallways and in the stadium and at the
concession stands... you're right, I'm probably overreacting. 
Heck, that probably wasn't even M. Bison I saw buying a
Tyrant-sized tub of popcorn!  After all, he doesn't really
stand out in a crowd!  I've just had too many Tootsie Pops, I
guess!  Right, Daisuke?  RIGHT?!"

     "Okay, okay, calm down."  The dark-haired announcer
rubbed his chin.  "Bison, huh?  He did say he liked our
methods last week... maybe we gave him an idea..."

     "Swell."  With some difficulty, Hiroshi managed to pull
himself together.  "Okay.  Here's the plan - you distract
them, and I'll go run to Goku.  He'll take care of these guys
in no time."

     "Uh... Hiroshi?  Apart from the obvious flaw in your
brilliant scheme, there's something I think you need to
know..."

     Suddenly the door was thrown open, and Hiroshi covered
his head in a panic.  "YAAAAAAAH!  Don't kill me!!"

     "What are you two doing in here?" a familiar voice
demanded.  "I could hear you clear down the hall."

     Daisuke blinked in the sudden light.  "Nabiki..."

     She scowled imperiously down at them.  "Why aren't you at
your table?  The show starts in a few minutes, you know."

     "We can't go out there!" Hiroshi insisted.  "Nabiki,
haven't you seen 'em?  There are intruders in the building! 
Thousands of them!"

     "Are there?  Well, we certainly can't have that, can we? 
Let's just get to the bottom of this."

     Before they could stop her, Nabiki had turned and walked
down the hallway.  Despite their personal feelings, neither
really wanted to see her get blown to pieces by ShadowNERV
thugs, and they quickly followed her.

     The two announcers caught up with Nabiki just in time to
see her advance on a group of soldiers waiting in line for the
bathroom.  They looked up as she stood before them, her hands
on her hips.  "Now, listen here, boys..." she began.

     Hiroshi lunged to pull her to safety.  "Nabiki!  NOOOOO!"

     "...have any of you seen any intruders?"

     As Hiroshi and Daisuke fell over, the thugs emitted
variations on the theme of 'No'.

     "Really?  No suspicious characters around at all?"  There
was another negative assertion.  "Well, that's good.  You've
all got your tickets, right?  You know where to sit?"

     Several white paper stubs were waved at her.

     "Okay, then.  Enjoy the show."  She turned to the
announcers.  "Everything checks out here."

     Daisuke picked himself up off the ground.  "They're
*customers*?"

     "Yep.  Paying customers, every one.  Every last seat was
bought up by..."  She smiled.  "..a 'party who wishes to
remain anonymous'."

     Hiroshi's eyes narrowed.  "Bison."

     "What about season ticket holders?" Daisuke asked.  "Not
*every* seat was available."

     "That's a funny thing, really," she replied smoothly. 
"All of them called in and canceled their reservation for
tonight.  It's such an odd coincidence."

     Daisuke frowned, a contrast to Nabiki's smug expression. 
"And I suppose our list of reservations just *happened* to get
misplaced."  Her smirk only broadened.

     "You can't let them in here," Hiroshi insisted.  "They've
got *guns*, for crying out loud!"

     "Oh, please.  We've got permits for having all sorts of
weapons on site.  If we didn't, some of our competitors
couldn't even get through the door."

     "That's not the point!"

     "Too bad.  Face it, boys - they're here for the duration. 
And since Tarou has the night off, it's just you," she said,
pointing at Hiroshi, "and you," pointing at Daisuke, "and
Bison's little playmates."

     Daisuke crossed his arms.  "I'm surprised at you, Nabiki. 
I didn't think you'd turn over the show so easily, after we
took it away last week."

     She smiled at him.  "Don't underestimate me, 'Dai'. 
Bison and I negotiated for quite some time before reaching
this little arrangement.  I'm still in control here - don't
doubt it for a second."  Her eyes turned thoughtful.  "But I
have to admit, he did drive a hard bargain.  It's refreshing
to go up against a *real* businessman for once."

     "*Businessman?!*" Hiroshi was livid.  "He's a
brainwashing, mass-murdering dictator!  He's nothing more than
an evil, low-down..."

     Daisuke suddenly paled and took a step backwards. 
"Hiroshi..."

     "...good-for-nothing weasel!  He makes the Yakuza look
like a crowd of third-graders!  He's the scum of the earth,
he's a complete and utter bastard, and... he's... standing
right behind me, isn't he?"

     "Yes.  I am."  As Hiroshi turned, Bison casually picked
him up by the front of his shirt.  "You, I'll deal with
later."  The overlord tossed him aside, then nodded at Nabiki. 
"Will the show start soon?  My troops are getting restless."

     "Of course, Bison."  She glared at her announcers.  "Just
a bit of a labor dispute, that's all."

     "Excellent."  Without another word, he floated down the
hallway toward the stadium.

     "Get going, you two," Nabiki snapped.  "We can't keep our
customers waiting, can we?"  Then she, too, was gone.

     Hiroshi and Daisuke exchanged long glances.  "I guess
we've got no choice," the pale-haired announcer said finally
as he dusted himself off.  "You coming?"

     "In a minute," Daisuke told him, taking out his cell
phone.  "I've gotta make a call."

     A moment later, after Hiroshi had left, the other end of
the line picked up.  "Shingo?  This is Daisuke."  There was a
pause.  " Yeah, I know.  Nabiki cut a deal with Bison.  Yeah." 
Pause.  "That's what I wanted to tell you - we'll just have to
put it on hold for now."  Pause.  "I know, but there isn't
much choice.  Look, I don't have much time - this is what I
want you to do..."

                    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

      { M A G I C A L  T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G }
      {    C R O S S O V E R    F I G H T I N G      }
      {             F E D E R A T I O N              }
      {                .-----------.                 }
      {                | U-L-T-R-A |                 }
      {                `-----------'                 }
      {          http://www.mtcffultra.com           }

             Episode 53: Booking with the Enemy
             Episode written by Brian Stricklin

                    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     Cameras swept the interior of the Dome as spotlights were
dragged across the audience.  Even a casual observer would
notice that the usual crowd of Ultra-otaku had been replaced
by row after row of thugs and hooligans, each wearing a dark
gray uniform over heavily-muscled forms.  Now that things were
starting to pick up, they'd become a bit boisterous - not as
much as the normal audience, but the beer was flowing and
everyone was in a good mood.

     There were even a few signs in view, but apparently the
thugs had been stuck on ideas and had written down the things
they were most comfortable with: "This is a stickup," "Send me
the money or the girl dies," and the ever-popular "Will kill
grandmother for $$$".

     When Daisuke reached the top of the ramp, Hiroshi was
there, rubbing his forehead.  "Something wrong?  Something
*else*, I mean."

     "I'll say there is."  Hiroshi cocked a thumb toward the
other side of the ring.  "Take a look at our table."

     It was indeed a disturbing sight.  The section just
behind the table was filled with all of ShadowNERV's top
officers.  Bison himself sat in the middle of the front row,
with Sagat on his right and an oddly vacant seat on his left. 
There were other distinctive figures around them: Balrog,
Vega, Birdie, and other notorious criminal figures, each with
a prime seat to watch the action.

     "And Rei's nowhere to be seen," Hiroshi complained.

     "Figures.  He wouldn't put her somewhere she could be
easily rescued.  Well, let's go."

     "Yeah... the show must go on, I guess."

     The announcers made their way around to the table and sat
down, both trying to ignore the imposing figure of Bison
looming above them.  Just as they'd put on their headphone
mikes, the traditional barrage of fireworks lit up the
stadium, eliciting a roar of approval from the crowd.

     Before Hiroshi could stop himself, instinct took over. 
"Are you ready for a little... ULTRAVIOLENCE?!"

     'SURE!'  A massive sound erupted around the Dome - not a
cheer, but the sound of several thousand firearms being
readied.

     A large sweatdrop rolled down his forehead.  "Um...
that's not what I meant."

     'AWWWW...'

     Daisuke coughed.  "Welcome to Magical Troubleshooting
Crossover Fighting Federation Ultra," he began, for the
benefit for those at home, "and as you might have guessed by
now, we have a... special crowd in attendance tonight."
                                                               
   
     "Yeah, apparently M. Bison and his gang of..."  Hiroshi
grasped for a word that wouldn't get him killed. 
"...associates have decided that they wanted to see the show
in person.  I guess they aren't worried about the police
coming in and arresting them."

     "To be honest, I wouldn't be worried either," Daisuke
muttered.  "It's pretty hard to arrest thirty thousand armed
men."

     "Well, anyway," his partner continued, gathering up his
usual supply of enthusiasm, "we've got a GREAT show for you
tonight, folks!  First on the card we've got a classic grudge
match, between our own former God, Lina Inverse..."  He
paused, expecting an excited murmur from the audience - when
this didn't occur, he rallied as best he could.  "...aaaaaand
her sexiest and most cunning rival, Naga the White Serpent!" 
*This* time he got a cheer; testosterone was running high, and
anyone with so much exposed skin was a certain crowdpleaser.

     "Right.  But before that, one of our Omega referees would
like to say a few words."  The UltraTron's screen flickered,
revealing the shiny bald head of Krillin.  "Can you hear me?"
Daisuke asked.

     Krillin gave him a thumbs up.  "Yep!  Loud and clear."

     "I understand you've got some bad news?"

     "Yeah..."  The noseless monk hesitated for a moment. 
"Well, the thing is that Goku is... well, dead."

     Hiroshi blinked.  "Say it ain't so, Krillin!"

     "I'm afraid so."

     "Did he die while fighting some interplanetary menace, in
a battle that felt like weeks but actually took only a few
minutes?"

     "Uh... no, not really."  Krillin rubbed the back of his
neck in embarrassment.  "He... well, he choked on a dinosaur."

     "On a dinosaur bone?"

     "No... on a *whole* dinosaur.  Chi Chi cooked him a big
feast after UltraRage Epsilon and... well, he got carried
away."  Seeing Hiroshi's depressed expression, Krillin waved
his hand dismissively.  "Don't worry about him, though.  He'll
be back on his feet in no time, good as new and twice as
strong."

     "Oh."

     "Until he's back, I'll be handling all the refereeing
duties.  Just-"

     Suddenly the screen went blank, and Krillin's image was
soon replaced with a rather impressive logo reading
'ULTRACAM'.

     "UltraCam?" Hiroshi asked, for the benefit of those who
couldn't read.  "What's going on?"

     "Apparently," Daisuke replied expositorily, "this is one
of the new 'enhancements' to the Dome that Nabiki's made.  It
looks like something's happening that she wants us to be aware
of..."

     The UltraCam logo flashed, and a new scene appeared.

                      [[[ULTRACAM]]]

     The sound of female voices raised in argument filled the
air, punctuated by fists and energy blasts.  The camera
followed Nabiki as she walked calmly toward the noise, finally
throwing open the training room's door.  "What," she demanded,
"is going on in here?"

     The room was a shambles, with burn marks and shattered
athletic equipment strewn about.  Though the gym was often
crowded with fighters, even during Ultra itself, currently
there were only two people there.

     "Be with you in a minute, Miss Tendo," Lilith said,
tossing another soul bat.  "First I've gotta teach your sister
a lesson!"

     Akane dove to the side, avoiding the attack.  "I don't
take lessons from little girls!" she snapped.  After a
moment's consideration, she added, "Well, there's Hinako-
sensei, but..."

     "Enough!"  Nabiki scowled at them both fiercely enough to
make them subside.  "Now, will one of you tell me what brought
all this on?  Akane?"

     She got to her feet.  "Don't ask me.  I was just in here
practicing, when Mini-Morrigan over there busts in with guns
blazing."

     "Don't play innocent with me!"  Lilith pointed a finger
self-righteously at the youngest Tendo girl.  "You know darn
well why I'm pissed!"

     "Right now, my best guess is clinical insanity."

     "Fine, then - I'll show you."  The chibi-succubus rooted
in her bodice for a moment (it was a handy place to keep
things, since there was so much spare room), then produced a
small white rectangle.  "I was going through some of Hiroshi's
stuff..."

     (Out at ringside, Hiroshi blinked.  "She what?")

     "...when I found THIS!"  She thrust the evidence at
Akane, who took it gingerly.

     ("Maybe she's been taking lessons from Shermie," Daisuke
speculated.  His partner groaned miserably.)

     Suddenly Akane's eyes grew wide with fury as she
inspected the 'proof'.  "This... this is...!"

     Curious, Nabiki took it from her sister's unresisting
fingers, and held it in just the right position for the unseen
camera to get a good shot.  It was a photograph of Akane, and
she was in the middle of undressing.  Her blouse was off, and
her arms were bent back to unhook her bra - this, along with
the necessary arching of her back, was enough to...

     (As the soldiers around them cheered enthusiastically,
Hiroshi put his head in his hands.  "Oh, man... I got that way
back before Ranma even showed up.  I completely forgot I had
it!")

     Nabiki inspected the picture critically.  "Not a bad
picture, Akane."

     Her sister merely glowered at her in annoyance.  "Gee, I
wonder how Hiroshi could have POSSIBLY gotten his hands on
something like that."  Nabiki returned her gaze calmly, even
smugly.

     "Well, *obviously*," Lilith said, completely unaware of
the conflict between the two sisters, "you must have given it
to him yourself!"

     Akane's head snapped up.  "WHAT?!"

     "You heard me!  I'll show you what happens to anyone who
tries to come between me and my man!"

     "Look, I have absolutely no interest in Hiroshi.  If you
want him, then good luck to you.  Just leave me out of it."

     Lilith was skeptical.  "Yeah, right.  I know you really
want him - don't try to cover your chunky butt now."

     "Fine.  Believe what you..."  There was a long pause,
then: "ExCUSE me?!"

     Sensing she'd hit a nerve, Lilith turned to leave.  "On
second thought, maybe you're right.  After all, Hiro-kun
obviously likes us slender girls - he wouldn't be interested
in a thick-thighed musclebound tomboy like you.  I've got
nothing to worry about."

     A red aura of rage had begun to build around Akane. 
"That does it!  I'm gonna-"

     "Okay, I've heard enough."  Nabiki stepped between them,
defusing the potential conflict.  "If you two want to fight,
you can do it in the ring.  You're up after the first match,
understand?"

     "Fine!"  Akane flexed her arm confidently.  "I can take
her on any day of the-"

     "Whatever."  Lilith flapped a wing and drifted out the
door.  "See ya then, Thunder Thighs!"

                     -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     While a chant of 'CATFIGHT!  CATFIGHT!' rose among the
audience, Daisuke cleared his throat.  "It looks like Nabiki's
just added another fight to the card.  I'm sure you're looking
forward to it - right, Hiroshi?"

     "When... will... the hurting... stop?"

     A sweatdrop rolled down Daisuke's temple.  "...right.  At
any rate, without further delay, let's get to tonight's
*first* match."

                     -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     "So, what do you think about this Bison character?" Naga
asked as she tightened her costume a few notches.  She'd
noticed the way the crowd's preferences were leaning, and far
be it from her to let her fans down.

     "Bison?"  Lina Inverse shrugged.  "Definitely bad news,
but he doesn't scare me.  He may have some creepy dark power
thing going, but when all's said and done, he's just a bandit
grown too big for his britches.  And the day I let a bandit
worry me is the day I give up all-night buffets."

     "You ready, ladies?" Krillin asked as he strolled up.

     "Yeah, sure.  This won't take long, though."

     Naga raised a cautionary finger.  "Don't be
overconfident, Lina-chan.  You've yet to see the true power of
Naga the White Serpent!  OOOOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOOO!"

     Her laugh trailed off as she noticed Lina and Krillin
staring at her.  "...hoh.  Ahem.  Let us depart, then!"

     As if on cue, the portals opened, then closed almost
immediately as the two sorceresses (and referee) stepped
through.

     Into darkness.

     Lina blinked, then waved a hand in front of her face. 
"What the...?"

     "AAAAAAAH!"  The shout came from nearby, close enough to
nearly shatter Lina's eardrum.  "I'm... I'm *blind!*  Oh...
what cruel, cruel fate, to steal the sight of the fairest
flower of womanhood..."

     "Oh, for crying out loud, Naga!  It's just dark!"  Lina
raised her hand high.  "LIGHTENING!"  A dim spark flashed into
being, slowly growing in intensity.

     The spell illuminated what appeared to be a rocky
underground cavern, devoid of anything more interesting than
the occasional stalactite or tunnel mouth.  "Cozy," Lina
commented dryly.

     Naga just smirked slightly as she looked around.

     "Okay, then," Krillin said, the light gleaming off his
head.  "If you're both ready... begin!"

====================
][ OMEGA MATCH #1 - LINA INVERSE vs. NAGA THE WHITE SERPENT
][ FIGHT!

     "Prepare yourself, Lina-chan!" Naga declared, as the
referee took off and hovered near the roof of the cavern. 
"You have grown weak and spindly, pampered in the lap of
luxury, while I-"

     "FIREBALL!"

     A moment later, Lina flicked a stray lock of hair aside
as Naga crumpled to the ground.  "Moron.  You'd think she'd
learned to tone down the dramatics by now."

     "OOOOOOHOHO*cough*cough*HOOO!"  To Lina's amazement, Naga
quickly got to her feet.  "Really, Lina.  How predictable of
you!  Well, now that you have that out of your system, perhaps
you're ready to fight for real?"

     She looked at her hand with a frown.  "Jeez... I really
*have* gotten rusty, haven't I?  All right, then - the kid
gloves are off!"

     Naga raised her arms, ready for her first spell.  "My
thought exactly!"

     "DIGGER VOLT!"

     "LY BRIEM!"

     As the bolts of magic clashed below him, Krillin drifted
a bit further up, just to be safe.


                   -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     "WHAT A SPECTACLE!" Hiroshi screamed.  "I haven't seen a
display like this since... since..."

     "Last week?"  Daisuke was idly going through the schedule
and fight card on the table before him.  "It's pretty and all,
but it's nothing to..."

     His partner's sudden silence caught his attention, and
Hiroshi turned toward him.  "Dai?  Something wrong?"

     "What the hell...?  That's just not right... damn!" 
Daisuke stood up quickly.  "Think you can handle the rest of
the fight by yourself?  I've gotta make a call."

     "What?  Uh... sure, no problem."

     Daisuke simply nodded and took out his phone as he
hurried to the relative quiet of the wings.

     "I don't know what that's all about, folks," Hiroshi
began, "but who cares, when we've got such an EXPLOSIVE match
in front of us!  I hope Lina doesn't blow up the camera
again..."

                   -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     "FLARE ARROW!"

     "FREEZE ARROW!"

     "DIEM WING!"

     "DEMONA CRYSTAL!"

     As the metaphorical dust settled and the effects of the
barrage of spells faded, Lina smirked and shook her head. 
"Just give it up, Naga.  You're not even close to my league."

     "Don't underestimate me, Lina-chan," the raven-haired
beauty scolded.  "I've yet to show you my true power!"

     "Yeah, sure.  I'm sure I'll be impressed when MEGA
BRAND!"  Suddenly the stone beneath Naga exploded upward in a
huge column, battering the sorceress painfully.

     Lina crossed her arms.  "Hah!  Ready to give up?"

     Rather than reply, Naga stood up and raised her arms over
her head (an action which caused the men back in the Dome to
cheer wildly).  "BALUS WALL!"

     Her opponent boggled.  "Balus...?"

     A moment later, there was a loud rumbling from above...
then large rocks began to fall from the ceiling, bouncing off
Naga's defensive spell but nearly flattening Lina.

     As Lina picked herself up, Naga's laughter floated in her
ears.  "My, my, my.  The Lina I used to adventure with
wouldn't have been so careless as to ignore her environment
like that.  And now that you see that your more powerful
spells cannot be used, I'm free to use my own masterpiece!"

     Lina stared at her.  "You... you don't mean...!"

     "Indeed I do!"  Naga's eyes narrowed in satisfaction. 
"My time as the Black Serpent gave me power, power that I can
funnel into a spell of truly awesome strength!"

     As Naga began to mutter the words of her spell, an aura
began to glow around her.  "She's going to do it!" Lina
gasped.  "The Ankoku Dragon Slave!"

     "What?!"  Krillin looked at her in disbelief.  "But she
just said...!"

     Suddenly the chant rose to a peak.  Naga's body was
literally flaring with magic barely kept in check. 
"ANKOKU..."

     Lina began to run toward her.  "Don't do it, Naga!"

     "...ZELAS GORT!"

     The redhead fell on her face.  "You've gotta be kidding
me..."

     To Lina's growing despair, a giant jellyfish, easily
fifteen feet tall, appeared before her with a sound best
approximated as 'twoink!'.  This was soon followed by another,
then another, until the cave was all but filled with the
gently undulating creatures.

     "Dammit!"  Lina, at the bottom of the pile, tried to
wriggle out of it but was securely pinned down.  "Get these
things off of me, Naga!"

     "OOOOOOOOOHOHOHOHOOOO!  Not so confident now, are we?" 
Naga, standing atop the cluster of invertebrates, pointed a
triumphant finger toward Lina, or at least where she thought
Lina was.  "Surrender now, Lina, for my victory is assured!"

     "Like HELL it is!  FLARE ARROW!"  The fiery bolt lanced
out from Lina's outstretched hand, impacting against the
nearest jellyfish... but when the smoke cleared, there was no
visible effect.  "What the...!"

     "Did I forget to mention?  These are no *ordinary*
jellyfish!"

     "No kidding," Krillin muttered, safely out of the way
near the ceiling.

     "These beauties are resistant to all but the most potent
magics," Naga explained.  "And since you can't cast those
without bringing the roof down, I do believe I've just won the
match!"

     "GYAAAAA!"  Lina pulled at her hair in frustration.  "No
*way* am I gonna lose to a bunch of stupid jellyfish! 
FIREBALL!  DIGGER VOLT!  FIREBALL!  FIREBALL! 
FIREBAAAAAALLLL!"

     Naga simply laughed as the spells completely failed to
affect the summoned creatures in the slightest.  "Just give up
and admit your defeat, Lina-chan!  Simply admit that I'm far
superior to you, and we'll call it even."

     At that point, something inside Lina just... snapped. 
"Heh.  Heh heh.  AAAAAHAHAHAHAA!"

     Naga blinked.  "Ano... Lina?"

     "You've used your best spell," she replied, her eyes
wild.  "Now it's my turn!"

     "Eh?"

     With some difficulty, Lina freed her other arm, then
brought her hands together.  "Darkness beyond twilight. 
Crimson beyond the blood that flows."

     "A-heh.  Lina-chan?"

     "Buried in the flow of time."

     "Lina?  Let's... let's not overreact here..."

     "In your great name, I pledge myself to darkness..."

     Desperately, Naga began to look for alternate exits...
only to find that her jellyfish were plugged into every cavern
mouth.

     "...and we will destroy those fools who stand against
us..."

     Krillin, who had a pretty good ability to sense impending
doom, had already taken advantage of what cover he could find
- to wit, Naga.

     "...WITH THE POWER YOU AND I POSSESS."

     Weakly, Naga raised her hand to her mouth.  "Oooo...
ohoho... ho, boy."

     "DRAGON SLAAAAAAVE!"

                    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     The picture on the UltraTron blacked out shortly
thereafter, but not before displaying the flash of red light
and the numerous falling rocks.  There was relative silence in
the Dome for a moment, then a single portal opened in the
ring.  It deposited the slightly charred and pummeled form of
Krillin, the rather more so form of Naga...

     ...and one red-haired mage, covered in soot and sporting
more than a few lumps on her head, but still standing.  She
was even laughing, after a fashion.  "Heh.  Aheheh.  Heh..." 
Lina raised one hand, making (with some effort) the
traditional 'V' sign, then fell over.

     Hiroshi looked at Krillin, who looked more dazed than
injured, then shrugged.  "Well, the ref's out of it... but I
think he'd agree that, since Lina was the last one standing,
she wins this match."  He paused as a voice was heard in his
headphones, then nodded.  "And our review panel has confirmed
that!  Lina wins!"

     Loud jeers thundered throughout the dome, reminding
Hiroshi that tonight's crowd wouldn't exactly support the
resident bandit-slayer.  A mischievous impulse grabbed him,
and he peered theatrically at Lina's collapsed form.  "I think
she's getting up, actually."

     The jeers cut off suddenly, followed by silence of the
'that wasn't me' kind.

     Hiroshi smirked, having dealt a blow to the forces of
evil (in his own small way), then looked up as Daisuke
returned with a concerned look on his face.  "Everything
okay?"

     "Not really," his partner said as he sat down, "but it's
out of my hands."

     When no further explanation was forthcoming, Hiroshi gave
a mental shrug, then turned to the camera.  "Well, we'll be
back after these messages with our first Gamma match of the
night!  Stay tuned!"

                   -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     Perched on Washuu's lap, the pre-adolescent incarnation
of the godhead waved her arms in excitement.  "Yay!  Big
explosions are fun!"

     The redheaded scientist cuddled her happily.  "They sure
are, aren't they?"

     Seated on either side of them, Gally and Ifurita both
managed a small sweatdrop.  "Um... Washuu?  Are you sure Mary
should be seeing Ultra?  It's kind of... mature."

     Washuu made a dismissive gesture with her free hand. 
"It's fine.  Hey, life itself doesn't come with warning labels
- I've never really seen the point of 'protecting' children
from things they're going to find out about regardless."

     "I guess."  Gally peered down at Mary, who simply smiled
back at her with a cherub-like grin.  "You never did say
where-"

     "Ooooo!  That looks fun!"  Washuu pointed at the screen. 
"Would you like that game, Mary?"

     "Is... is it okay?"

     "Sure!  Toys are *such* an important part of growing up,
you know."

     Washuu, as it turned out, was very much the kind of
mother that absolutely spoils their child.  This was made
obviously apparent by the insane amount of Ultra merchandise
that Mary was wearing on the eve of her first viewing of the
show.  From her fuzzy Voiduck slippers all the way up to her
pink 'I'm a Dan Fan!' cap (complete with plush taunting fist,
sticking out of the front like a bizarre unicorn horn), she
looked every inch the Ultra-otaku.

     "When will we be fighting next, Washuu?"  Ifurita was all
business, as usual.

     "Well, Nabiki still owes me a match... tell you what. 
You girls start thinking of who you want to go up against, and
I'll take care of the rest.  Right now, though..."

     "Right now?"

     "MORE COMMERCIALS!"

     As Washuu and Mary cheered happily, Gally and Ifurita
sighed in resignation. 

                  -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     Elsewhere in the Dome, two people were getting ready for
a match that neither of them were particularly looking forward
to.

     "Andy-chan?"  Mai called to him from around the dressing
room partition (that he had gallantly insisted on; Mai
wouldn't have minded changing in from of him, though).  "Are
you sure you want to do this?  We don't have to, you know."

     He shook his head.  "Maybe not... but that bastard's got
a new 'toy', one that looks too much like Terry.  We have to
find out what he's done, and I want to get that information
first-hand."

     Mai paused in the middle of making sure she wouldn't
bounce out of her dress during the match.  Andy was mostly
recovered, but she was still a bit nervous around him when the
subject of his brother was involved.  "Oh."

     "Don't worry, Mai," he said, and she could almost *hear*
his forced smile.  "I know Terry's... gone.  That's why I want
to be in this match.  I can't let Bison defile his memory like
this."

     "In that case..."  The partition was pulled open, and she
posed cheerfully before him.  "...I'm ready when you are!"

     A small sweatdrop appeared on his forehead.  "Uh...
sure."

                      -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     Balrog scowled down at the bag of junk food in his lap. 
"Damn, this popcorn's hard to eat."

     "Try takin' your gloves off, ya moron!"

     The ex-boxing champ casually backhanded the offending
soldier.  "Shut up!"

     Trying to ignore the rowdy audience behind him, Hiroshi
looked to the camera.  "Well, as we saw earlier, through what
could only be called," he took a deep breath, "*a freakish set
of unlikely circumstances that couldn't possibly be my fault
whatsoever involving a picture that was most likely planted by
one of my numerous political enemies*...!"

     Daisuke rolled his eyes as his partner gasped for oxygen. 
"No more clones, Hiroshi.  Just try to keep that in mind."

     "I'm, *gasp!*, I'm frosty.  Anyway, for *whatever*
reason, Lilith and Akane will be duking it out in just a few
moments."

     "That's right, Hiroshi.  It should be an interesting
fight - Akane, despite her injuries last week, has been deemed
as fully recovered, and is fresh from her ongoing rivalry with
the Hardcore Champ, Marlo.  Meanwhile, Lilith has been 
somewhat less active lately, but overall is much more
experienced in Ultra."

     "Which is a long-winded and boring way of saying that
this is gonna be ONE TITANIC SLOBBERNOCKER OF A SMACKDOWN!"

     Annoyed at being downplayed, Daisuke looked sideways at
Hiroshi.  "And to think it all started with your obsession
with another man's fiancee."

     The pale-haired clone glared back at him.  "I seem to
recall you had your own little collection of Akane pictures,
Dai."

     He shrugged.  "Hey, I got rid of mine a long time ago. 
I've matured since then - I respect Akane too much to drool
over pictures taken without her consent."  *And as long as
nobody finds out about my safe-deposit box,* he reflected,
*that's my story and I'm sticking to it.*

     "Yeah, whatever.  Anyway, here comes one of our two
competitors now!"

     Indeed, Akane had appeared at the top of the ramp, trying
to ignore the bawdy cheers of the soldiers.  Without any
preamble, she headed down toward the ring... then walked
*around* the ring, approaching the announcer's table on the
opposite side.

     Hiroshi blanched (even more than usual) and tried to make
himself a smaller target.  "Uh, Dai, old buddy?  Save me?"

     "You're on your own, clone-boy.  I'm not about to get on
her bad side."

     The youngest Tendo stopped at the edge of the table, and
Hiroshi grinned desperately up at her.  She leaned forward. 
He leaned back.  "Uhhh... hi, Akane.  Gee, it's been such a
long time since we've had a chance to talk.  How's it going?"

     She gave him a look composed of two parts amusement and
about twenty seven parts pity.  "Don't worry - I'm not after
you because of that picture."

     He blinked.  "Really?"

     Akane shrugged.  "I figure you've got enough to worry
about without me getting involved.  It really doesn't bother
me..."  She paused, then peered at him suspiciously.  "...as
long as there aren't any others.  You *got* me?"

     "Y-yes, ma'am."

     She nodded.  "Okay, then.  I hope there's no hard
feelings after I beat up your girlfriend!"  With that, Akane
climbed up into the ring.

     "She's not my...!  Oh, never mind."

     A moment later, Lilith sauntered into view at the top of
the ramp, swaying her hips in what would have been an alluring
manner if she'd had more curves than, say, Ikari Shinji.  She
had a microphone in her hand, a fact that did little to set
Hiroshi at ease.

     "Well, well," she drawled, the UltraTron focused on
Akane.  "If it isn't Little Miss Would-Be Hardcore.  I guess
Marlo turned out to be the better man, didn't he?  I bet
you're disappointed at that - you try soooo hard to be macho."

     Akane's expression hardened in anger, and the two
announcers unconsciously edged away from the ring a bit.

     "Y'know," Lilith continued, "I'm kinda glad you tried to
seduce my darling Hiroshi away from me."  She ignored Akane's
enraged 'I did *NOT!*', audible even over the roar of the
crowd.  "I can't get at that Ayanami bitch, but if I kick your
wide-load butt I can at least get out some frustrations."

     Akane had been gesturing for a microphone - when she got
it, she glared up at the chibi-succubus.  "I think I speak for
everyone, Lilith, when I say... SHUT... the HELL... UP!" 
Judging from the cheers she received, the thugs in the
audience agreed with her, and the lavender-haired girl flushed
with anger.  "I didn't come here to listen to your stupid
attempts to intimidate me - I came here to fight!  Either get
down here, or go back to whatever slime pit you crawled out
of!"

     "Fine, then!  You want me?"  Lilith spread her wings and
leapt, soaring down toward the ring.  "You GOT me!"

= = = = = = = = = = = =
][ GAMMA FIGHT #1 - LILITH AENSLAND vs. TENDO AKANE
][ FIGHT!

     Akane stepped into a defensive stance, almost too late -
she hadn't expected Lilith to be quite so *fast*.  The
succubus twisted in midair as she swooped toward her opponent,
and her wings suddenly transformed into a pair of twin
skewers.  Akane's eyes widened in surprise, but she recovered
just in time to dodge out of the way.

     It was only a momentary reprieve, however, as Lilith
pressed her advantage.  Akane was forced backward under a hail
of punches, kicks, and various sharp protrusions.  She dropped
low, and a successful leg sweep gained her a few spare
seconds, but her gi was already lacerated in several spots,
and her left shoulder burned where a spike had grazed the
skin.

     On the face of it, Akane was at a severe disadvantage. 
She possessed no supernatural qualities, couldn't fly or
change her body into edged weapons, and didn't have a list of
impressive maneuvers with catchy names.  What she *did* have,
however, was several years training under the disciple of a
master of martial arts, large amounts of raw natural talent,
and an iron-hard stubbornness in the face of adversity.

     At the moment, though, she would have traded it all for
some really blade-proof skin.

     "What's wrong?" Lilith taunted, never slowing in her
assault.  "I thought you'd put up more of a fight than this!"

     Akane gritted her teeth as she continued to dodge the
succubus' attacks.  "Shut UP!"

     "Y'know," her opponent began, "for someone who hangs
around that studmuffin Ranma so much, you sure do suck.  Maybe
if you cut down on the *steroids* and did some actual
fighting, I wouldn't be kicking your butt so badly!"

     "I do not take steroids!"

     "How do you explain all of those manly muscles, then?"

     "Shut up, shut UP!"

     Lilith smirked maliciously.  "Jeez, what a hothead.  I
guess being so butch wears out your nerves, huh?"

     Her opponent tried to ignore the taunts, but it was a
losing battle - literally, as her distraction was letting the
succubus get in more and more solid hits.  "Just... just shut
up and fight!"

     "Oh, come on, lighten up a little!"  A successful attack
sent Akane sprawling against the ropes, and the succubus posed
in front of her.  "Just because you're sexually frustrated
doesn't mean you can take it out on everyone else."

     *That* stopped Akane cold.  "What did you say?!"

     "You mean you didn't realize?  Boy, and it's pretty
blatant, too."  Lilith tapped her chin thoughtfully.  "What
you really oughta do is take that fiancee of yours, throw him
on a bed, and..."  She ran her hands over her body in a highly
suggestive way.

     Blushing brightly, Akane leapt forward.  "That... that's
none of your-"

     Her sentence was never finished, as her foot caught on
one of the ropes, pitching her forward.  She caught herself in
time to keep from falling on her face... but as she sighed in
relief, Akane suddenly noticed a certain pressure on her
front.

     Slowly, dreading the worst, she looked down only to have
her fears confirmed.  Lilith was there, gazing up at her, and
her head was nestled firmly between...

     They stood in that tableau for a moment, then the
succubus smiled slowly.  "Why, Akane.  This *is* a surprise!" 
She nuzzled against her opponent.  "I take back everything I
said.  This feels niiiiice."

     "Y-you... little... PERVERT!"

     *Boot!*  Lilith went sailing out of the ring, and that
would have been it if not for the fact that she had wings. 
She circled the stadium a couple of times, then flew down and
landed atop a turnbuckle.  She rubbed her side painfully -
Akane's kick had landed a lot harder than she would've
thought.  "Ow... that hurts!"

     Then she leered at her opponent.  "But it was worth it."

     Akane blushed again, clenching her fists angrily.

     Lilith hopped down from the turnbuckle.  "Well, enough of
that.  It's time to put my plan into action!"

     "'Plan?'  What plan?"

     Without another word, Lilith *piffled*, and when the
smoke cleared she appeared to be, with the exception of hair
color, an exact replica of... girl-type Ranma!

     As Akane just stared at her in disbelief, the transformed
succubus posed cutely.  "I've been watching you and Ranma -
I've seen how lovey-dovey you two have been acting.  Do you
think you can bear to hit your beloved fiancee?  I don't think
so!"

     As Lilith began to laugh, Hiroshi pinched the bridge of
his nose.  "Hoo boy."

     "I don't think your girlfriend has done all of her
homework," Daisuke agreed.

     "She's not my-!"

     Lilith was completely caught up in her victorious laugh. 
It seemed to be a perfect plan, so why not?  She laughed as
Akane cracked her knuckles, she laughed as Akane stomped
closer, and she pretty much stopped laughing as Akane bashed
her over the head.  "Moron," the Tendo girl muttered.

     The succubus sniffled, pulling herself to her feet with a
nearby rope.  "You're... you're mean, picking on a defenseless
little girl like that!"

     "*WHO'S* defenseless?!" Akane shouted incredulously.

     Lilith just smirked.  "Fine, then.  Time for plan B!" 
She *piffled* again, and...

     Even the audience was impressed this time.  The succubus
had changed, of course, but this time the change was unusually
complete.  Even the hair color was a perfect match, rather
than Lilith's usual shade of lavender.

     To all appearances, there were now *two* Akanes in the
ring.

     The real Akane's eyes grew wide.  "How dare you!"

     Lilikane just posed again.  "You like?  It's hard getting
every detail just right, but when my darling Hiroshi is on the
line, I go all out!"  She turned and addressed the crowd. 
"Hey, big boys!  You wanna see something really *special*?"

     'YEAH!'

     The succubus grinned, then teasingly started to unbelt
her gi...

     "Like *hell* you will!"  Akane tackled her 'evil twin',
and both combatants rolled about the ring, exchanging punches
and kicks like there was no tomorrow.

     Daisuke rubbed his forehead.  "I've got a bad feeling
about this."

     "You're not the only one," Hiroshi replied.  "Looks like
the referee's calling for a time-out."

     His partner blinked in surprise.  "Can he do that?"

     "I guess so.  This is kind of a special circumstance -
take a look."

     The (generic) referee had managed to separate the two
girls.  "We need to be able to tell which fighter is which,"
he insisted.  "This fight won't continue until Lilith changes
back."

     There was a pause, then one of the Akanes turned toward
her counterpart.  "Well?  Go ahead, Lilith - change back."

     Akane #2 gaped at her.  "Me?!  *You're* Lilith."

     "I am not!  Stop lying!"

     "Why should I lie?  I'm not the one pretending to be
someone else!"

     "ExCUSE me?!"

     Daisuke sighed.  "Just once, I'd like one of my 'bad
feelings' to be proven wrong."

     "We could be here a while," Hiroshi mused.

     "Hey, guys.  What's up?"

     The announcers turned to see a familiar figure perched on
their table, casually chowing down on some popcorn.  Hiroshi
brightened up considerably.  "Ranma!  Great timing!"

     "I didn't know you were planning on joining us," Daisuke
commented.

     "Well, someone's gotta make sure Akane doesn't get
herself killed or nothin'."

     "I HEARD THAT!"  Both of the girls in the ring glared at
each other after their simultaneous shout.

     Hiroshi blinked up at them, then shrugged.  "Anyway...
would you mind helping out, Ranma?  You *are* our resident
Akane expert, after all."

     He rubbed his chin for a moment, then shrugged.  "I guess
I gotta.  Once again, Akane gets in over her head and I've
gotta bail her out..."  He set his popcorn down then, after
taking something else from the table, entered the ring with
one easy jump.

     The girls stepped closer to him.  "Ranma!  You know I'm
really me, right?"

     "Don't listen to that fraud!  I'm the real Akane, and I
always have been!"

     "Nice try, Lilith, but you're not fooling anyone!"

     Ranma rubbed the back of his neck.  "Jeez, what a pain. 
Well, there's only one way to figure this out."  With that, he
lifted Hiroshi's glass of water, then poured it over his head,
with well-documented results.

     Once the change was complete, Ranma-chan shook her head
to dislodge the excess water, then casually pulled open the
front of her shirt.  "Heya, baby."

     (In the control booth, one of the technicians looked over
at Nabiki.  "Ma'am?  Do we need blue dots?"

     She looked up only briefly.  "No need, really.  Half of
Japan has already seen those anyway.")

     While the soldiers cheered the free show, the two Akanes
looked at Ranma-chan in disbelief... then one of them, taxed
beyond her limits, leapt forward and glomped happily onto her. 
"Onee-samaaaaa!"

     "Well, that pretty much cinches it," Daisuke commented.

     The real Akane smirked and pointed at her doppelganger. 
"Hah!  You shouldn't have tried to-"

     "Yep," Ranma-chan interrupted, nodding down at the girl
pressed against her.  "This's definitely the real Akane."

     Akane's eyes bulged out.  "WHAT?!"

     "I always knew she had a thing for my female body..."

     Lilikane nuzzled against her gleefully.  "Onee-samaaa..."

     And lo, the Hammer of Righteousness was pulled forth, and
was lifted high over the heads of the unjust.  "RANMA...
YOU... **PERVERT!**" The mallet came crashing down, thoroughly
flattening Ranma... and also taking out Lilith along the way. 
A moment later her disguise vanished, leaving only one Akane
in the ring.

     "And Akane takes the win in a decisive way!" Hiroshi
shouted, trying not to think about what Lilith would do to him
if she saw him cheering her defeat.

     "She doesn't seem to have noticed yet, though," Daisuke
commented.  "I think she's waiting for Ranma to come around so
she can whack him again."

     "Well, that'd certainly be fun viewing for the whole
family, but it's time for us to take a break.  Stay with us,
folks!  Next up is our second Omega match for the night -
Sephiroth faces off against Nuku Nuku in a non-stop battle for
supremacy!"  Beside him, Daisuke winced at hearing that.

                  -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     A few minutes later, Ranma-chan had managed to get to her
feet without getting immediately pummeled, and was currently
trying to placate her angry fiancee.  "Look, I was only trying
to help you!  I knew you were gonna hit me for that, so I made
sure you'd take Lilith out at the same time."

     She didn't look back.  "I never asked for your help!"

     "Yeah, well, even if you didn't ask for it, you needed it
anyway!  Lilith woulda just kept using dirty tricks until she
won - you *know* that, right?"

     Akane's pace slowed down.  "I guess..."

     Ranma moved around in front of her.  "I only wanted to
make sure you won fair and square."

     She stopped, her gaze locked on the floor.  "I... I guess
you're right..."  Then she lifted her head and smiled shyly. 
"Thanks."

     "Hey, any time."  Ranma-chan moved a bit closer. 
"Y'know, though... Lilith was right about *one* thing."

     Akane suddenly blushed, remembering the succubus'
comments about taking Ranma and...  "You... you think so?"

     "Definitely."  Ranma suddenly stepped back and looked
appraisingly down at Akane's hips.  "You really *do* have a
chunky butt.  You need to cut down on-"

     *WHAM!*  For the second time that evening, Ranma was
pounded into the pavement.  Akane stomped off, her mallet
still embedded in Ranma's skull.  "You're a big jerk, jerk,
JERK!"

     A few moments later, a pair of shadowy figures scooped
Ranma-chan's mangled remains into a canvas sack, carting her
off for reasons unknown.

                  -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     "You look troubled, Hiroshi."

     "Huh?  Oh."  He shook his head.  "It's nothing... I just
have the weirdest feeling I've heard girl-type Ranma's voice
before."

     Daisuke stared at him.  "You're kidding, right?"

     Hiroshi paused as he realize what he'd said.  "Well,
yeah, *obviously*.  But, I mean... more recently."

     Daisuke was about to comment, but just then his phone
rang.  "Hold on a second."  He pulled the phone out and held
it to his ear.  "Yeah?"

     "Daisuke!  Whazzaaaaaaaaaap?"

     He rolled his eyes.  "Jack, that was funny about the
first seventeen times you did it."

     "So sue me.  You'll have to get in line, though."

     "I take it the trial hasn't started yet?"

     "Nope.  I'm meeting all sorts of keen friends here in
prison while I'm waiting, though.  Good thing Mr. Duck's
keeping them all in line, or I might be married to a guy named
Lefty before I get out of here."

     "That's... good."

     "But enough about me.  I just have one question I'd like
to ask you, Daisuke, my trusted and respected colleague..."

     He braced himself.  "Yeah?"

     "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, LETTING NUKU
NUKU GET BOOKED AGAINST SEPHIROTH?!  YOU CHOWDERHEAD!  SHE'S
GONNA GET SLAUGHTERED!"

     Daisuke transferred the phone to his left ear - the other
one was having trouble hearing.  "It wasn't my idea, Jack.  I
only found out about this when I got here.  She didn't even
tell me that it was going to happen."

     "Wait a minute... she *knew*?"

     "Looks like it."

     "I... I don't get it.  She knows how dangerous he is. 
Why would she agree to a match like that?"

     "Well, from what I gathered... she wanted you to be proud
of her."

     There was a long pause at the other end, then: "Whoah. 
That's... heavy."

     "Anyway, she seems to think that she can handle it."

     "Great.  That's very comforting.  She *also* thinks that
the people in anime shows are real, y'know."

     "She also thinks that Mr. Duck can talk," the announcer
pointed out.

     "Don't play headgames with me, Dai.  I'm not in the
mood."  Jack sighed.  "All right.  Just...  Just wish her luck
for me, okay?"

     Daisuke allowed himself a small smile.  "I already did."

     As he put the phone away, Hiroshi smacked his fist into
his palm.  "I've got it!"

     "Huh?"

     "Where I've heard Ranma's voice.  Girl-type Ranma sounds
a whole lot like Lina!"  He grinned triumphantly at Daisuke,
who simply stared at him.  "What?"

     "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

     "Well, at any rate, WE'RE BACK!"  Hiroshi immediately
geared up to way-beyond-enthusiastic as the camera's ready
light turned on.  "And we're about to see a knock-down, drag-
out, duel to the DEATH between... something wrong, Dai?"

     Daisuke had put his head in his palms.  "No.  No problem. 
No problem at all."

     "Sorry.  Anyway, let's watch the UltraTron and see how it
goes!"

                 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     Sephiroth stepped through the portal, and looked around
as it closed behind him.  It was a jungle world this time,
lush with wildlife - not that it mattered, since he wouldn't
be here for very long.

     He occasionally wondered why there were so many female
androids in Omega.  Someone probably had some kind of fixation
somewhere...

     Well, by all accounts this one was even weaker than the
others.  A few slashes with the Masamune would make quick work
of her, and then perhaps he could spend some quality time with
B-Ko.

     He frowned thoughtfully.  Sephiroth wasn't entirely at
ease with his growing relationship with B-ko.  For a long time
he'd considered himself to be above paltry human emotions, but
he couldn't deny that he felt a certain... affection toward
the mecha designer.  Perhaps when...

     The sound of a portal opening caught his attention, and
he turned to see Krillin step through.  "Where is my
opponent?" Sephiroth demanded.  "I grow impatient."

     Krillin blinked.  "Gee, I dunno.  She should've gotten
here before you."

     "Then where-?"

     Happy laughter erupted from the nearby greenery, and
suddenly Nuku Nuku burst into view, something small and
squirmy dangling from her mouth.  She stopped in mid-pounce
when she saw the two men staring at her, then carefully set
her catch on the ground; it scurried away, and the catgirl
stood up straight.  "Nuku Nuku is ready!" she announced.

     It took a moment for Krillin's brain to reinitialize. 
"Ooooookay.  Uh, fine, then.  You both know the rules - begin
when you're ready."  With that, he took to the air in order to
watch the action from a safe distance.

= = = = = = = = = = = =
][ OMEGA MATCH #2 - SEPHIROTH vs. NUKU NUKU
][ FIGHT!

     Sephiroth slowly drew his sword and leveled it at the
android.  "Do not think I'm going to simply forfeit, as your
last two opponents did.  I play to win."

     She settled into a ready stance - nothing found in any
martial arts textbook, but rather a natural fight-or-flight
pose.  "Nuku Nuku knows Nabiki-san wants us to fight, but I
don't want to hurt you."

     (Back in the UltraDome, Hiroshi blinked and fiddled with
his headphone for a minute.)

     The swordsman laughed.  "Do not worry, beast.  You
won't."  He charged toward her, bringing the Masamune around
in a slow arc, and she...

     ...immediately turned around, running through the forest. 
Sephiroth blinked, then frowned slightly as he followed her.

     Though she didn't have much of an attention span, Nuku
Nuku had learned a few things from her training sessions with
the Cybergrrlz.  The main piece of advice she'd received
concerning Sephiroth was to *stay away* from the *sword* - as
sturdy as Nuku Nuku's robotic frame was, it wouldn't be able
to take much punishment from the Masamune.

     So she ran, bounding through the forest while trying to
find something she could throw at him.

                 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     In Washuu's personal dimension, two of the Cybergrrrlz
were, well, panicking.

     "We've got to do *something*!" Gally shouted.  "Washuu,
she doesn't stand a chance against him!  It's different than
when I'm fighting - she's not *used* to getting chopped into
pieces!  Something like that would-"

     "It's all right," the scientist said quietly.

     "Let me go to her," Ifurita said with grim determination. 
"I can at least make sure that-"

     "That what?"  Washuu looked up at the tall android
sharply.  "That she can't fight her own matches?  Nobody's
forced into non-title competitions - she wouldn't have
accepted this fight if she wasn't confident that she had a
chance."

     "But-!"

     "Have faith in your friend," she said, her expression
softening.  "I bet she'll surprise you."

     After a moment, the two android sat back down.  Washuu
smiled and cuddled a puzzled Mary closer to her...

     ...and hoped like hell that everything would work out.

                  -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     "You are trying my paitence, beast!" Sephiroth said with
a frown, never letting up in his chase.  He swung the Manasume
again, but it was just a hair's breadth off, and instead cut
straight through the trunk of a large tree.

     A moment later, as the tree began to fall, Nuku Nuku
manuvered underneath it, caught it, then hurled it at the
startled son of Jenova in one smooth motion.  The heavy log
knocked down lesser saplings as it flew forward... only to be
cut in two by the infinitely sharp blade of Sephiroth's sword.

     Nonplussed, Nuku Nuku turned and ran further into the
jungle, Sephiroth following close behind.

                 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     "Good luck, my darling!"  B-ko raised a glass in toast to
her beloved.  "Destroy all those who oppose you!"

     Mihoshi poked her head into B-ko's bedroom, wearing the
frilly (and rather translucent) nightgown that the inventor
had bought for her.  "Who's he fighting, B-ko-sama?"

     "What difference does it make?  He'll most assuredly be
victorious!"  She managed to divert her attention away from
Sephiroth and toward the Galaxy Police officer.  "My, you
certainly look nice tonight, Mihoshi-chan."

     She giggled.  "Thank you for buying me such pretty
clothes!"

     "Don't be silly.  You're my guest - it's my duty to make
you happy."  Of course, she'd had to hire several extra
servants to accomodate her 'guest', particularly to feed her
and clean up her messes, but it was a small price to pay...
especially since it wasn't her money.  "Why don't you come sit
with me, and we'll watch it together?"

     "Hai!"

     As Mihoshi stretched out next to her in the luxurious
four-post bed, B-ko returned her attention back to the giant
plasma television that dominated the opposite wall.

     It was looking to be another enjoyable evening.

                  -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     The chase seemed to be over - Nuku Nuku found herself at
the edge of a tall cliff, overlooking a huge lake below.  The
ledge she was on extended to a point, and there wasn't much
room left.

     Sephiroth seemed to notice her lack of options as well. 
"You are quite agile," he admitted, slowly walking toward her
with his sword at the ready.  "But I think it's time to end
this little charade.  Don't you?"

     She crouched slightly, watching him carefully.  Her
clothing at this point had been severely damaged, both by the
sword and by various bits of plantlife.  In addition, there
was a long but narrow gash along one arm, from which
sparks occasionally jumped - Sephiroth had gotten a bit too
close one time.  Nevertheless, the catgirl was still on her
feet and active.  "Nuku Nuku hasn't lost yet."

     "We'll see about that."  He charged forward, preparing to
swing.  The catgirl paused for a moment, then leapt in a huge
arc over his head, moving back toward the safety of the
jungle.

     As soon as she'd jumped, however, Sephiroth smiled.  "Too
predictable."  He spun around and extended his free hand. 
"Fire3."  Immediately a gout of flame surrounded Nuku Nuku;
she shrieked in surprise and fell to the ground.

     The swordsman shook his head as the flames died down. 
"How dull.  I hoped it would..."

     He stopped and frowned as Nuku Nuku got back to her feet. 
Her clothes were badly damaged (though, unseen by Sephiroth, a
small clay medallion was miraculously unharmed), but the
catgirl herself was entirely uninjured.  She glanced over her
shoulder once, then started to run toward the forest again.

     "Impressive.  But if not fire, then what of lightning?" 
He extended his hand again.  "Bolt3!"

     *This* time, as the powerful surge of energy coursed
through her body, Nuku Nuku was obviously affected by the
attack, and stood paralyzed.  She screamed in pain as the
electricity played havoc with her robotic systems...

     ...and then, unable to further resist such powerful
magic, the crude necklace shattered under the assault.  Nuku
Nuku's shock and disbelief momentarily outweighed her pain,
and she tried to catch the broken fragments before they fell
to the ground...

     The spell ended, and Nuku Nuku fell to her knees,
clutching a charred length of string, all that remained of the
necklace.  Sephiroth, who completely failed to see this (or,
in fact, care), raised his hand again.  "...and now, to
complete the cycle... Ice3!"

     A cold wind swept around the android, quickly forming
into a large prison of solid ice.  She remained visible though
motionless within, holding desperately onto the pathetic loop
of yarn.

     Sephiroth shook his head again as Krillin flew down to
him, a grim expression on the bald monk's face.  "You know
what to do, I hope?"

     "I don't need you to tell me my job," Krillin snapped,
then hovered over the block of ice and reluctantly began to
count.  "One... two..."

     Losing interest, Sephiroth turned and looked down at the
lake. *I wonder why she didn't jump?* he wondered. *She
certainly would have survived the-*

     A sudden splintering sound caught his attention, and he
turned in amazement as Nuku Nuku's prison abrutly shattered. 
Surrounded by falling ice crystals, she stood up and turned to
face him, tears welling in her eyes and the string clenched in
one fist.  With a hiss of compressed air, two stabilizer flaps
folded out from behind her head and snapped into position. 
She glared at him with an intensity that astonished even him. 
"You broke Nuku Nuku's present!" she shouted.  "The present
Mary-chan made with love!  Nuku Nuku... will *never forgive
you!*"

     Sephiroth closed his eyes and chuckled.  "How childish. 
Do you really think you can defeat me with brute force?"

     ...is what he *meant* to say.  It really sounded like
"How chilDOOOOOPH!", as Nuku Nuku sprinted forward with
superhuman speed and drove her elbow into his stomach.  He
hadn't been ready for the impact, and to his chagrin the
Masamune slipped from his hand, plunging down to the lake
below.

     (In the Daitokuji mansion, B-ko's jaw was gaping open. 
She laughed once or twice in disbelief.  "No.  That's...
that's just not possible...")

     At the moment, however, losing his sword was the least of
Sephiroth's worries.  At the top of the list was the fact that
Nuku Nuku was aiming another fist toward his face.  He quickly
took to the air, causing the catgirl's punch to impact against
the rocky outcropping, which crumbled from the force of the
blow.  She leapt backwards as the stones tumbled down after
the Masamune, and glared up at Sephiroth.

     He returned the glare, ounce for ounce.  "I've had enough
of you, beast.  This ends now!  Comet2!"

     Immediately a hail of giant boulders appeared in the sky
and began to plummet toward Nuku Nuku.  She was through
dodging, however, and as the rocks grew closer, she flattened
her stabilizer flaps down a bit... then leapt.

     The first flaming rock wobbled a bit as she landed on it,
almost making her fall, but feline reflexes learn quickly, and
the next two posed no challenge.  By the time Sephiroth
realized what she was doing, Nuku Nuku had already leapt off
the final boulder directly toward his position.  He tried to
evade, but too late - she slammed into him, her small fangs
bared and her fist pulled back to deliver a crushing blow.

     The next few seconds were quite painful for Sephiroth, as
Nuku Nuku began a furious assault upon his person.  He'd been
caught completely off-guard, and was now paying the penalty. 
Again and again her fist connected, raining blows on his face
and chest - not even his Jenova-enhanced physique could hold
up to such a barrage for very long.

     (B-ko pounded the television - the horrible, wicked,
*lying* television - with her bare hands.  "No, no, NO!  My
darling Sephiroth cannot possibly be defeated by a worthless
peasant girl like that!")

     With a burst of effort, Sephiroth lifted one hand and
caught Nuku Nuku's arm, giving him a moment's respite, then
invoked his materia.  "Ultima!"

     The world dissolved in a flare of green light.  Both
combatants cried out in pain, but Sephiroth had been expecting
it - he used the opportunity to deliver a stunning bare-handed
chop to Nuku Nuku's throat.  Gasping for breath, she lost her
grip on his clothing, then fell screaming into the lake far,
far below.

     Sephiroth wasn't about to leave things up to chance,
however.  He followed her down, then cast a multitude of Ice
spells on the lake itself until it was frozen solid.  Only
then did he pause to take a breath, landing on the icy
surface.

     He'd been foolish, he decided.  He'd underestimated the
android, not realizing how damnably *strong* she was.  True,
the EVAs were technically stronger, but Nuku Nuku's punches
were painfully concentrated on a single point.  Well, lesson
learned - he would have to be more careful in the-

     A crunching noise caught his attention, and he whirled
around, trying to see through the murky ice below him.  "No! 
It's not possible!  She can't-"

     But an instant later proved that she *could*, as Nuku
Nuku burst through the ice just behind him after having
smashed her way through to the surface.  Quickly he took to
the air again, barely dodging her deadly punch, and began to
fly away at speed.

     He just needed some time to think.  It had been a while
since he was forced to fight without his sword, and his spells
weren't as effective as they could be.  But if he could-

     A sixth sense made him turn just in time to see a massive
chunk of ice flying toward him, hurled by that infuriating
android.  It would be easy enough to dodge... but then he saw
his Masamune, barely visible within the muddy ice.

     He smirked.  Once he had his blade, this fight would be
over.

     Sephiroth reached out toward the ice.  "Quake!"  The
projectile quickly shattered under the influence of the spell,
and he extended his hand to grasp his weapon...

     Then he saw her, arcing down with fury still written on
her face - she was all but flying toward him, propelled by one
prodigious leap.  Desperately, he reached for the Masamune,
but just as his fingers brushed the hilt, Nuku Nuku's path
intersected his own, and she swung her clasped fists down upon
him in one titanic overhead smash.  Sephiroth fell down into
the trees, throwing up a huge cloud of dust when he impacted.

     After a moment, Sephiroth began to pull himself out of
his personal crater.  There was still a way.  There had to be. 
He could still...

     There was a heavy rumbling sound, and he looked up to see
Nuku Nuku uprooting a large tree.  Immediately sensing her
intentions, he tried to climb out, but too late - she carried
the tree over and rammed it down on top of him, roots-first.

                 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     "Sephie!  Sephie, darling!"  B-ko clutched at the
television, tears streaming from her eyes.  "How could this
be?!  To think that my beloved could be bested by... by..."

     Just then, the camera got a good close-up of Nuku Nuku's
face, and B-ko's expression froze as a scene was replayed from
her memory.  "Wait..."

     ("Ano... Jack-san doesn't like having big guns pointed at
him."  B-ko turned around just in time to see the 'slip of a
girl' bend and twist the weapon into an unrecognizable shape
with her bare hands.)

     "I know her..."

     ("You can call me Nuku Nuku!" the girl with reddish-
magenta hair said cheerfully as she tossed the ruined bazooka
onto a pile of similarly destroyed weapons.)

     "That's... that's Lysias' little wretch of a secretary! 
How DARE a mere Office Lady put her hands on my darling
Sephiroth?!  She will pay for this injustice!  Do you hear me? 
SHE!  WILL!  PAAAAAAY!"

     As the mecha designer went off into a cascade of insane
laughter, Mihoshi popped another bon-bon into her mouth. 
"Ano... B-ko-sama?  I can't see the show."

                 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     Back in the UltraDome, after Krillin had performed the
requisite ten-count, Hiroshi cheered wildly.  "WOW!  Nuku Nuku
just *planted* Sephiroth!"  He then ducked as the soldiers
threw copious amounts of popcorn at him for the bad pun.

     "We'll be back in a minute," Daisuke said to the camera,
"with our main event."

                 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     "So, dey just dumped ya, huh?"

     "Voi!  Voivoi[voi]...! Duck."

     Meowth gave a casual shrug.  "Figgers.  Ya can't trust
humans dese days."

     The possessed pokemon waved its vestigial wings
fervently.  "Voi VOI voiduck voi!"

     "I know yer sorta a human - it was just a figger of-"

     He trailed off as a pair of shadows passed over him -
Meowth looked up, then paled and took a step backwards. 
"Uh... h... h... hi, g-guys."

     Voiduck wasn't nearly so impressed - stepping forward, he
spread his wings, and his eyes began to glow with power.
"[Voioioi...]"

     One of the figures, even less impressed, booted the
luckless pokemon down the hall.  "DUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

     "Butt out!" Jessie snapped.  "This isn't your concern."

     Meowth tried to make a run for it but was snared by
James, who lifted him by the scruff of the neck.  "Well,
Meowth," he crooned, "soooo nice to see you.  It looks like
you're doing well."

     "I guess double-crossing us has it's advantages, hmm?" 
Jessie prodded their former partner, who clasped his paws
together desperately.

     "Please, forgive me!  I was young!  I needed da money!" 
He stopped, then his eyes narrowed.  "Say... ain't you hooked
up wit' dat Pikachu now?  Who's backstabbin' who, huh?"

     Jessie and James looked nonplussed for a moment, then the
redhead coughed in embarrasment.  "ANYWAY.  We have a little
job for you, Meowth."

     The pokemon crossed his arms.  "Nothin' doin'.  Dis cat's
workin' for Ash and Misty now, ya got me?"

     "I'm afraid you don't have a choice," James informed him.

     "Wha?"

     With a smile, Jessie wheeled out a large metal box and
opened a panel in its top; James dropped Meowth within, and
his partner quickly closed the lid.  A moment later, screams
of absolute terror emerged from the box.

     "Say, Jessie," James said with an uncertain frown, "are
you sure we're doing the right thing?"

     "It's like Daisuke said, James.  Desperate times call for
desperate measures.  I do feel a bit sorry for him, though."

     "I know what you mean."

     They stood in contemplative silence for a moment, then
Jessie clapped her hands together.  "Well!  Time to get
ready!"

     Her partner's expression turned to one of even deeper
uncertainty.  "But, Jessie... I'm not so sure about this
one..."

     "Let's GO, James."

     He sighed.  "Yes, ma'am."

                  -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     There were lots and lots of people out there.  All of
them waiting for a performance.  Waiting to be entertained.

     *Perfect.*

     When the lights illuminating the ring went out, everyone
in the audience looked around, confused.  Then a single
spotlight at the top of the ramp went on, and out walked...
something small, and round, and pink.  And for once, it wasn't
Dan.

     The creature waddled out to the middle of the spotlight's
beam, then spread its stubby little arms, one of which held a
microphone.  "Jigglypuff!"

     There was dead silence in the Dome.

     The pokemon turned to address another section of the
audience.  "Jigglypuff!"  If anything, the silence
intensified.

     Jigglypuff started to take a breath... then let it out
when some moron in the audience directed one of those laser
pointers at it.  Well, there would be time enough to deal with
that later - right now, there was a show to perform!

     It took another deep breath... then started to sing. 
"Jiii..."

     There certainly were a *lot* of people with laser
pointers out there tonight.  Every inch of the pokemon's body
was covered with a red dot.

     "Jiggly?"  The pokemon peered into the darkness... and
then, as someone slowly turned the house lights up, began to
back up fearfully.

     They weren't laser pointers.  They were laser *sights*. 
Many of the thugs had brought high-power rifles, and all of
them were pointed at Jigglypuff.  And their owners were
grinning.  It was, in show business terms, a 'tough crowd'.

     The pokemon hesitated for half a second, then ran at top
speed back into the wings, a trail of bulletholes following at
its feet.

     "...what the hell was that all about?"  Daisuke wondered.

     "Hey, this is Ultra!"  Hiroshi commented.  "*Anything*
can happen here!"

     "...right.  Anyway, it looks like the lighting's been
straightened out, so now it's time for our Main Event."

     "That's right, Daisuke!  And it should be good, because
it's a Handicap match - Bison's Busters will be facing off
against the Hungry Wolves, who will be allowed to keep *both*
teammates in the ring at once."  He smirked.  "I guess that
even if you buy every seat in the house, you still play by OUR
rules, huh?  Hah!"

     "On the contrary," a huge figure rumbled as he stepped
over the steel barricade.  "This match was entirely... *my*
idea."

     Hiroshi blinked up at him.  "Say what?"

     Bison looked down at the table, then picked up a spare
headphone.  "You know, I'm minded to do a little 'announcing'
myself this one time.  I hope you gentlemen don't mind if I
join you."

     "Mind?  MIND?!"  Hiroshi foamed at the mouth as the
crimelord took a seat on the other side of Daisuke.  "Hell,
YES, I mind!  I wish you'd never set foot in this stadium to
begin with!  Who the hell died and made *you* boss?"

     Bison just grinned at him.  "Who would you *like* to
die?"

     Daisuke laid a calming hand on his partner's shoulder. 
"Just ease up, Hiroshi.  It's just for a little while."

     "But he-!"

     "I know, I know.  Trust me."

     Bison chuckled as Hiroshi settled down.  "Now that that's
settled, what say we start the fight?  Hmm?"

     "Fine," Hiroshi growled.  "First to the ring is the team
that I hope will SEVERELY pound their opponents..."

     "Way to be objective, Hiroshi," Daisuke muttered.

     "...Andy Bogard and Mai Shiranui, the HUNGRY WOLVES!"

     The Wolves stepped out from the wings, only to be met by
jeers and boos from the crowd.  They ignored such detractors
completely, though, and made their way down to the ring.

     "They look to still be a bit sore after their encounter
with your new 'toy' last week," Daisuke commented.  "I take it
we'll be seeing more of him tonight?"

     "Perhaps," Bison replied, keeping a malicious stare on
the Wolves.  "We'll have to see how things go."

     "I've been meaning to ask - what brings what looks like
the entire ranks of ShadowNERV to Ultra tonight?"

     The tyrant chuckled.  "Please, please.  That's
'Shadow*law*' now.  We've cut all ties with that failed
organization, and have returned to the roots of our
'company'."

     "Ah."

     "In fact, that's partly the reason why we're here - to
announce our reformation under the Shadowlaw name.  It is not,
however, the main reason."

     "Let me guess," Hiroshi said sourly as the Wolves climbed
into the ring, "the real reason you're here... is a secret."

     With a grin, Bison reached over Daisuke's head and
ruffled Hiroshi's hair, much to the clone's outrage.  "Silly
boy.  It certainly *isn't* a secret... but I just don't feel
like telling you."

     Hiroshi slumped lower in his chair, trying to fix his
'do.  "Terrific."

     "And their opponents," Daisuke announced, eager to move
things along, "Bison's Busters.  Which, at the moment," he
added as Sagat leapt over the barricade and into the ring,
"seems to consist of only one man.  Comments, Bison?"

     "Patience, my bland young friend.  His partner will
arrive when he is needed."

= = = = = = = = = = =
][ LAMBDA MATCH - HUNGRY WOLVES vs BISON'S BUSTERS
][ FIGHT!

     The Wolves advanced slowly on their opponent - so slowly,
in fact, that he leaned against the turnbuckle, his shoulders
shaking with silent laughter.  "Two against one, and you're
still nervous.  How pathetic."

     "Oh, we're not nervous," Mai informed him.

     "We're just... picking our time!"  At that, the two
fatally furious warriors lunged at the streetfighter, who
barely managed to get his arms up in time to block the twin
kicks.

     The battle began in earnest, with Sagat maneuvering
skillfully to avoid being pinned between his opponents.  The
Hungry Wolves alternated between their attacks, with Andy in
particular pressing the advantage whenever he could.  "What's
your game, Sagat?" he snarled.  "What are you people doing
here tonight?"

     "Don't look at me, kid," Sagat replied with a smirk. 
"Bison's the one who likes games these days.  Me, I'm just
here because I like beating people up..."

     He moved forward suddenly, accepting one of Mai's fans in
his back in exchange for planting a solid elbow in Andy's
throat.  As his opponent fell to the mat, Sagat straightened
up and grinned down at him.  "...and I'm *damn* good at it."

     "Andy!"  Suddenly realizing he'd left his back open, the
gangly kickboxer began to turn... but not soon enough, as Mai
rushed toward him with fire in her eye... and around her
dress.  "RYUENBU!"  The power of the Dragon Flame Fandango
struck Sagat, knocking him over with a burst of fire.  Taking
advantage of the reprieve, Mai helped Andy to his feet.  "Are
you all right?"

     He rubbed his throat.  "I'll be okay."

     "How touching."  By that time, Sagat had already stood
up.  "If you two are done, maybe we could finish this within
our lifetimes?"

     Andy glowered at him.  "My sentiments exactly."

     With that, the fight resumed, and gradually Sagat's
impressive stamina was worn down by the combined attacks of
the Hungry Wolves.  While the kickboxer was well-skilled in
fighting multiple opponents, Mai and Andy were both
exceptional fighters in their own right, and not even Sagat
could evade all of their attacks while still putting forward
any kind of offense.

     Finally, Sagat stood back near the turnbuckle again...
only this time, several bruises adorned his ribs and arms, and
a trickle of blood flowed from his mouth.  His opponents had
fared better, but neither of them were in particularly good
shape.

     And then... Sagat smiled.  Then he started to laugh.

     Andy glowered at him.  "What's so funny?"

     "Oh, nothing, nothing..."  The kickboxer smirked at him. 
"I was just thinking about the time we nabbed your precious
brother."

     "And you're going to pay for that *tonight*, Sagat!"

     "You should've seen how he squirmed while Bison ran his
tests," Sagat continued, ignoring Andy's threat.  "With all
those tubes and electrodes running out of him... hell, I'm
surprised he lived as long as he did."

     Mai quickly put a hand on her partner's shoulder.  "Don't
listen to him, Andy!"

     "I never heard anyone whimper so much in my life," Sagat
continued relentlessly.  "I was glad when we dumped him off
here to die - I was just so damn sick of his whining."

     "DAMN YOU!"  Andy shook off Mai's hand and charged the
kickboxer.  "I'll make you pay for-"

     Which, of course, was what Sagat was waiting for.  As
Andy rushed in, Sagat suddenly blazed with power... then
delivered a series of stunning kicks to his enemy, finishing
up with a jumping kick that blazed with fire.  "TIGER RAID!"

     There was a moment of silence... then Andy fell to the
mat, conscious but only barely so.  Sagat chuckled in
satisfaction, then turned toward Mai.  "And as for you-"

     "Enough, Sagat," Bison commanded.

     The kickboxer turned toward him with a scowl, his one eye
gleaming with anger.  "I can finish her off myself, Bison."

     "To be sure," the tyrant said smoothly.  "But I want
everyone to see your new playmate tonight.  It would be rude
to deny them this, yes?"

     Sagat glared at his employer... then shrugged.  "You're
the boss."  He moved back to the corner and started to step
over the ropes.

     "You're not going anywhere!"  Mai ran toward his
undefended back, leaping into the air to deliver a bone-
breaking hit...

     A figure suddenly materialized in Sagat's corner and
caught Mai's ankle, swiftly redirecting her flight to land in
a heap on the mat.  She looked up at him, her eyes widening. 
"You... you're..."

     The tall figure smiled imperiously down at her, letting
her take in his dark-blue jacket (with the sleeves removed),
black jeans, and white shirt... and the crowning feature, his
black cap with the Shadowlaw insignia emblazoned on the front. 
His hair was long and light blue, and his eyes were a dark,
almost demonic red.  When he spoke, his voice had an
unpleasant echo behind it, as if two beings were trying to use
the same throat.

     "Attacking your opponent from behind?"  He waggled a
scolding finger at her.  "I thought *we* were supposed to be
the bad guys."

     She backed up quickly and helped Andy to his feet.  The
battered fighter took a moment to pull himself together - when
he did, he focused his anger at the man before him.  "You're
not my brother," he said, glaring.

     The target of his rage shrugged casually.  "Of course
we're not.  Believe us - we wouldn't want to be associated
with such a weaking anyway."

     Daisuke blinked.  "Did he say 'us'?  What's going on
here?"

     And Bison chuckled.  "What you see is what that fool
Gendo was searching for - the next phase in humanity's
evolution.  He was created using the best of both worlds - the
raw power of Terry Bogard, combined with the blood of an
Angel... and just a touch of Psycho power added for good
measure.  He is both mortal and divine, both man and Angel in
one inseparable whole."  His voice began to rise in tone,
until it thundered around the Dome.  "Born in fire, tempered
with lightning, standing between Heaven and Hell and wielding
the power of both, I give to you...!"

     Bison threw his arms wide, gesturing toward the figure in
the ring, and smiled a self-satisfied smile.  "...Protege."

     Protege gave his creator a thumbs-up.  "We're at your
service, sir."

     "Indeed.  And as your first official duty, my creation...
I want you to make sure these fools truly understand that you
are not the man they used to know."

     "Sure, no prob."  He turned back toward his opponents and
stuck his red-gloved hands in his pockets.  "So... which one
of you wants to go first?  Or both of you, we guess - it
doesn't really matter to us."

     Seeing that her partner was still recovering, Mai stepped
forward.  "I'll do it."

     Protege smiled maliciously at her and pulled out one
hand, clenching it.  "Bad choice.  PSYCHO KNUCKLE!"  His fist
glowed with dark energy, and he literally hurled himself
across the ring.  She dived aside desperately, and when his
fist impacted the turnbuckle, it left a serious dent in the
metal.

     As Mai quickly got back to her feet, Protege walked
toward her in a slow, deliberate manner.  "That wasn't polite. 
If you said you wanted to fight us, you should've stood still
and took what you had coming.  I guess we'll just have to do
this the hard way..."

     He stopped as Andy moved over to stand next to Mai. 
"You'll... have to take us... both on," he said weakly.

     Protege shrugged.  "Your funeral.  And we *do* mean
that."

     Suddenly the UltraTron flashed, showing a pair of
silhouetted figures.  "Mind if *we* get in on this, too?"

     "What the..."  Hiroshi was boggled.  "That's... those
silhouettes look like the Hungry Wolves!"

     "Which is clearly impossible, since they're still in the
ring," Daisuke elaborated for those who weren't paying
attention.

     "Hell, doesn't matter to us," Protege said calmly. 
"Boss?"

     Bison hesitated.  "I find I am intrigued.  Very well.  If
they're looking for trouble, we can certainly provide it."

     One of the figures laughed.  "Looking for it?  We're
*prepared* for trouble!"

     "And not only that," the other said, "we can make it
double!"

     Hiroshi marked out.  "Oh, YEAH!  It's Team Rocket!"

     Daisuke just smiled into the camera.  "Here, no doubt, to
protest Nabiki's casual disregard for her customers by dealing
with such a ruthless, amoral criminal organization... no
offense."

     Bison shrugged.  "None taken."

     The two figures dressed as Andy and Mai, still masked in
shadow, began a series of flamboyant poses.  "To protect the
world from devastation!"

     "To unite all peoples within our nation!"

     "To denounce the evils of truth and love!"

     "To extend our reach to the stars above!"

     Suddenly a light came on, revealing the figure dressed
like Andy to be... "Jessie!"

     Hiroshi abruptly stopped cheering.  "Waitaminute.  If
that's Jessie, then..."

     Sure enough, the bouncy, scantily-clad figure was indeed 
"James!"

     "My eyes!  MY EYES!  MAKE IT STOP!"

     Jessie posed again, propping one leg on a metal box. 
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"

     James produced a pair of fans and waved them before him. 
"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"

     A muffled voice said: "Meowth!  LET ME OUT OF HERE!"

     A moment later, the UltraTron's image was replaced by the
standard Ultra logo, and Team Rocket wheeled their box into
view.  Protege, for his part, just leaned on the top rope,
grinning like a madman.  "What, you're going to throw one of
your little monsters at us?  Oh, we're scared."

     "You should be," Jessie told him with a smirk.  She
gestured to James, who opened the front panel of the box, then
fled for safety.  A moment later, Meowth stepped out, looking
around in puzzlement... then an animal yowl emerged from the
box, and the pokemon fled for safety.

     Hiroshi recognized that sound.  "Oh, no... they
didn't..."

     Daisuke had already taken cover beneath the table.

     In a flash, Jessie jumped back to join James, then
shouted, "Neko-Ranma, I choose *you!*"

     Ranma-chan literally *launched* herself from the box,
landing halfway down the ramp and glaring about herself in
rage.  Another primal yowl emerged from her throat... then
stopped as Protege erupted in laughter.  "Oh, man!  Some girl
that thinks she's a cat?  And we thought this was gonna be a
challenge!"

     It is a proven scientific fact that cats *hate* being
laughed at.

     Neko-Ranma leapt toward Protege, who would have enjoyed
the shortest Ultra career on record if he hadn't stumbled out
of her direct path.  As it was, the force of her swipe severed
the ropes, sliced up the floor as if it were Excelsior paper
(whatever *that* was), and cut a deep gash into the
human/Angel hybrid.

     He clutched his arm painfully.  "What the hell?"

     Sagat smirked at Bison.  "Looks like your new toy is
having some problems."

     The tyrant rubbed his chin, ignoring Sagat's comment. 
"The Legendary Cat-Fist," he mused.  "I've heard of it, but I
can't believe anyone would be stupid enough to actually
*attempt* such an uncontrollable technique."

     In the ring, Protege was indeed having some difficulties. 
The Hungry Wolves had joined in the action, but his main
concern was avoiding the relentless attacks of Neko-Ranma. 
"Boss!"

     "Do it, my creation!" Bison called.  "Use your ultimate
technique!"

     "Don't have to tell *us* twice!"  He backed up, waiting
for the best time... and when it came, a hexagonal field of
black-tinted energy, crackling with purple lightning, erupted
around him.  "DEMONIC GEYSER!"  All three of his opponents
were caught within the technique's effects; as Protege floated
within the field, in the grip of a force beyond human levels,
the others were tossed about and scorched by the unholy
attack.

     After a long moment, Protege fell to the mat, utterly
drained and barely moving.  His opponents, on the other hand,
were *definitively* not moving.

     Bison chuckled.  "Oh, dear.  I think we'll have to call
that a draw.  What a pity."  He stood up.  "Well, I'd like to
thank you both for a most *enjoyable* evening."  He snapped
his fingers, and Protege's slumped form floated over to him.

     Neither Daisuke nor Hiroshi said much as the Shadowlaw
forces exited the building.  Finally noticing that the cameras
were still rolling, taking in the carnage in the ring, Hiroshi
cleared his throat.  "Um... I guess that's it for Ultra.  See
you next week.  Good night, and good fight... and stuff..."

                  -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     Later, once things were back to (relatively) normal...

     Team Rocket fled through the parking lot, running for
their very lives.  "But why are you chasing us?" Jessie
pleaded.

     "I don't know!"  Ranma picked up his pace, drawing closer
to the pokemon poachers.  "But I just have this feeling that I
owe you big time!"

     Hiroshi and Daisuke watched the drama unfold from an
upper window of the Dome.  "I guess Nabiki won again this
time," Daisuke muttered.

     "So did Bison.  I wish he'd at least brought Rei with
him."

     "Where she could be easily rescued?  No chance."  Daisuke
leaned forward, and watched as Team Rocket blasted of again. 
"Still... we never did find out why Bison rented out Ultra
like that..."

                 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

     Sagat scowled at the regeneration tube, watching his new
partner float in the oxygenated fluid.  That technique took a
lot out of Protege - Bison had been expecting that, but hadn't
realized just how *much* it would tax the hybrid's lifeforce.

     "Still brooding, Sagat?"  Bison appeared behind him with
his usual suddenness.  "Don't you like your new partner?"

     "He is skilled," the kickboxer admitted.  "But he is far
too casual for my liking.  Fighting is not a game - it demands
respect."

     "True, but then again he *is* young - not even a month
old.  He'll learn."  The crime lord gestured toward the
doorway.  "Now, come along and join us.  This *is* a special
day, remember."

     "I remember."  Sagat hesitated briefly before following
his employer.

     He was becoming increasingly worried about Bison's
obsession with Ultra.  Sagat understood tournaments - you went
there, you crushed your opponents, and you emerged the victor. 
He didn't really see the point of the merchandizing, of
treating combat like it was some kind of soap opera.

     Sagat stopped as Bison sat down, and looked dubiously at
the two seats next to him.  "Where do you want me to sit,
Bison?"

     His employer sensed his meaning immediately.  "On my
right, of course.  I may have a protege, one who may someday
follow in my footsteps... but you will *always* be my right-
hand man, Sagat."

     The kickboxer nodded and sat down.  "Just as long as
that's clear."

     He slowly allowed himself to relax.  There was always a
method behind Bison's actions.  Today's activities would most
likely be an isolated incident - after all, it *was* a special
occasion.

     As if on cue, a cart was wheeled out before Bison.  The
cart bore a large, fanciful cake, upon which was written the
words 'Happy Birthday Evil Tyrant'.

     And M. Bison, grinning as only he could, removed his
beloved hat and replaced it with a yellow cone, sliding the
elastic band under his chin with a modicum of difficulty. 
"...and a pinch to grow an inch."


                  -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

[[[Events and plot changes to be added when my brain starts
working again.]]]
ed. note - see webpage for updated copy later.

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

     Whew.  Again, whew.  Better than my last outing, though I
still had to cut out a lot of things I wanted to add.  Ah,
well.  My back hurts and this is already a bit late - I'll add
more with my revision.  Toodles!



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