----- Original Message -----
From: Slacker <r_heins@yahoo.com>
To: Corwin <ely7@inter.net.il>
Cc: Fanfiction Mailing List <ffml@fanfic.com>
Sent: Thursday, October 05, 2000 2:25 AM
Subject: Re: [FFML] [Fanfic][Ranma/OMG Xover] Wrath of Gods, chapter 7
C&C
#Okay, not sure if it went thorough the first time. If it did, sorry
about this.
This time I'm prepared to offer home made cookies for C&C...
#Are they chocolate chip? Or how about oatmeal raisin? I'd even go
for sugar cookies.
Um, Akane made them. And C-ko helped a bit. So... they're brown... sort
of. And crispy... very crispy. Want one? Please?
Her sisters thought well about her trap. Warding the house
extensively
has effectively turned it into a fancy prison for her, preventing
the
Norn of the Present from living the premises by normal means or
intricate teleportation spells. Removing anything even remotely
resembling a mirror, the only object they couldn't shield from
Belldandy, who had complete control over it, completed the
entrapment.
Even the bathroom mirrors have been relocated to somewhere outside
the
house.
#The mirror part is akward(sp?). I had to read it several time to get
it. I would suggest re-working the part about removing the mirrors.
You just need to state that they were all removed. Going into the
multiple sub-explanations makes it hard to read.
Ok, I'll try to rephrase that.
#And isn't Bell stronger than her sisters? What could they do that
she couldn't take care of?
Actually, in terms of raw power, Urd is the strongest Norn.
'And what would you do, if you had the chance?' Belldandy bitterly
asked
herself, turning on her side.
#'Well, mad, passionate sex comes to mind.' Answered another part of
her mind. It was immediately clubbed back into submission.
(And with that, I've managed to include 'mad, pasionate sex' into
every piece of C&C I've done to date! I should be worried, I know.)
"..."
To what? Talk? There was nothing more to be said, all possible
words
having been exhausted centuries ago. She'd just be delaying the
inevitable...
#'We could have mad, passionate sex!' Suggested the same part of her
mind as ealier. It was clubbed back into submission. Beldandy
wondered why she was getting a head-ache.
Umm, ok. Actually, that's in another chapter, but thanks for suggesting
it anyway... twice... so far...
Belldandy was about to get up and try calling her Father for help,
hoping for a miracle, when one presented itself. The goddess felt a
huge
among of magical energy emanated from the proximity of the previous
three readings. And unless she was mistaken, the new arrival was a
goddess... a _very_ powerful one, at that!
#Why didn't she try calling right off?
She didn't know Amaterasu was on Ranma's side and willing to help.
Kami-sama remains completely neutral in this, so calling him for help
would've been useless.
<SNIP>
"You are Belldandy, aren't you? Skuld and Urd's sister?" Keiichi
asked,
unable to control his curiosity.
#"You're Belldandy, right? Skuld and Urd's sister?"
(Keichii sounds too formal.)
Point.
"Are you saying that some gods are more dangerous to humanity than
demons?" Keiichi asked incredulously.
"Have you ever had the 'pleasure' of meeting Ares?" Belldandy asked
him
suddenly.
#Kind of makes you wonder, doesn't it? What if some of the demons are
better people than the gods?
Yep. Especially all of those Greek and Roman gods.
I hope Belldandy says enough here to make Keiichi wonder as well.
"I am going to pray," Belldandy said, ignoring his question. "May I
use
your phone?"
#"You use a phone to pray?" Keichii asked. <Must be a new interactive
service. Wonder if it's toll-free?>
Why not? :)
After all, he didn't question that she was a goddess, so her calling God
(or Amaterasu) on the phone would be a minor issue.
<SNIP>
Urd's thoughts returning to her current discussion with Skuld, she
continued angrily, "What's the big idea of badmouthing a goddess of
her
caliber, and on her turf, no less?! She could be listening to us
right
now!"
#You changed tenses.
returning-->returned
#And you proably should put an 'and' after 'with Skuld, "
I know that past simple would work, but I think I can use progressive
here as well.
"...which is exactly what you're doing! Do you have a death wish?!"
Urd
shouted in exasperation.
#"Actually, I just like pain. And burns hurt! It makes me feel all
tingly just thinking about it!"
(Except for third degree burns, but that's because the nerves are
destroyed at that point.)
#Urd began to slowly edge away from her sister. <I knew letting her
hack into late-night cable was a bad idea.>
*Corwin begins to edge away from the monitor*
Must... resist... temptation... to write... a dream sequence... about
this...
"Um, hi," Keiichi greeted the goddesses, causing them to turn
towards
him with looks promising pain.
#"goddesses, which caused them"
AND
"looks that promised pain."
(You changed tense.)
Like previously, I think progressive could be used here as well.
"I bet she went to look for Ranma," Urd said, holding a hand
against her
forehead. "This is just what we need."
#Actually, I think she needs Excedrin more than she needs Bell
looking for Ranma. "Excedrin! The Divine Headache Medicine!"
Well, what'd really cure her headache is to find Ranma and kill him.
Zapping a demon is an instant cure for headaches. :)
"But I thought that after we'd invited her here yesterday and put
wards
all over the place, she couldn't leave the house on her own," Skuld
mused out loud. "Besides, we'd destroyed all the mirrors."
#Going back to my earlier question, what was stopping Bell from just
destroying the wards?
If I'm not mitaken, in one of the early manga arcs (the ones with
Marller), Belldandy shielded the house from her. I took that idea and
used it in reverse. If you can prevent someone from physically entering
a house, then you can also prevent that someone from physically
_leaving_ a house. Of course, a goddess'/demon's domain would still
allow them to travel through the shielding/warding, but if you remove
the mirrors from said house, that problem is solved.
Why isn't Belldandy spending her entire free time fighting against the
wards? Maybe because the spell was very powerful , and virtually
impossible to crack (sort of like a nifty encryption code), and by the
time the spell would be lifted (either after running its course or by
Belldandy managing to cancel it) Ranma would already be beyond help. The
whole fight at the temple didn't take much time, after all.
Now, why does Belldandy decide to act? Because she feels Amaterasu's
'power signature', or whatever they call it in Asgard. She now knows
there's a powerful goddess that would not only save Ranma but help her
break out of her 'prison'. Hence the phone call, and Belldandy's
disappearence.
I hope that explains everything.
"The world is a dark place..." Skuld muttered after staring into
space
for a few minutes.
#Meanwhile, Ryoga's lawyers prepared to sue for infringement on their
client's property. Angst and depression were his exclusive rights,
after all.
Oh, c'mon, Ryoga's not the _only_ anime character with mania-depression.
How about B-ko, for example? And her lawyers are much more confident,
anyway. :)
"Cute Magical Girl Forbidden Attack - Saccharine Sweet Pink Sugar
Bubble-Gum Crisis Ice-Cream Crash!"
#AAAAAAHHHHH! MY EYES! MY BRAIN! MAKE IT GO AWAY! MAKE IT GO AWAY!
Need... insulin... NOW!
Bwahahaha! And that was only the beginning! Witness the full extent of
my evil, when Magical Girl Pretty Skuld uses her apocaliptic ultimate
attack... and gets a new transformation sequence and theme song while
she's at it.
<snip>
Looking at her hands, Skuld shuddered and whispered, "Kami-sama...
I
feel so... violated. So dirty..."
#And that makes at least two of us. Probably more. I would imagine
several moniters have been destroyed as a preventive measure.
Heh, that's nothing compared to what I have planned for 'A Couple of
Angels'. Even destroying your internet connection won't help you then...
"You can talk to me, baka!" Keiichi blurted out in frustration,
before
realizing what he'd said.
#Okay, someone has to say it. GRATUITOUS JAPANESE! AAAHHH!
Seriously, the rest of the sentence is in English, why do you need to
throw a 'baka' in?
Ok. Originally, the whole thing was in English, but one of my
pre-readers suggested to me to use 'baka'. Just think about it. Skuld
might know Japanese, but since goddesses are not really supposed to
swear, she won't know certain of the more... colorful... aspects of the
language. And who else but Keiichi would teach her? :)
"Maybe," Skuld mused over the suggestion, as Keiichi let out a
breath
he'd been holding. "And don't call me a baka!" she yelled a
split-second
later, hitting him over the head, while adding silently, "Whatever
'baka' is."
#Thank you, Skuld, for making that point. And in a most... energetic
way, too.
Well, I hate to ask, but isn't it a bit funnier with Skuld not even
aware of what 'baka' is? Of course, with my luck, it probably sucks
either way...
<SNIP>
Skuld raised her moist eyes to look at him.
"The battle went for several hours, with Ranma and his angel Akane
holding their own against everyone. Eventually, tired from all the
exertion, Urd made a mistake, and got blasted. She's only a second
class
goddess, you see, and despite her age isn't as strong as
Belldandy..."
#Again, my question about how they actually managed to hold Bell
comes in.
I consider Belldandy the more powerful, because what she may not have in
raw power, she makes up in skill and control over her abilities; both of
which Urd usually lacks. In the OMG universe, it doesn't take a genius
to build up a trap like I've described, you just have to devote some
time to it, and infuse the wards with power... maybe say a few chants.
No reason why Urd won't be able to do it with Skuld's help.
Besides, didn't the both of them mess with an Ultimate Circle of
Protection or something in canon? I think Urd and Skuld really can pull
it off, and no one shy of Hild or Kami-sama would be able to break out
easily and quickly. (otherwise, what's the point in traps and defenses
in the first place?)
"Yes!" Keiichi shouted in frustration. "How can a Japanese demon
play a
part in a Norse legend?!"
#He was really good in the rehearsal?
Maybe he bribed the producer.
<SNIP>
"So, Skuld... If you and Urd get this Ranma somehow, what are you
going
to do to him?"
#"Well... Urd said something about whipped cream and cherries."
Man, that's... evil. She's, like, still a kid.
Skuld: Yeah, the only whipped cream I ever think of is the one I put on
ice-cream. That old hag, however,...
There was a long silence, before Skuld said quietly, "We'll make
sure he
stays dead this time."
#And take a crap-shoot on which god would die with him? Ouch, harsh.
Very harsh. Just wait till you find out _who_ is that, umm, divine
person.
'Damn, she's still upset. Maybe talking about her problems didn't
help
as much as it was supposed to,' the boy thought, before reasoning
with
himself, 'But how can you help someone when they plan a murder?'
#Give them a good alibi?
^_^
<SNIP>
'Keiichi might be a perverted idiot, but he's right!' Skuld
thought,
when she finally managed to gather herself ten minutes after his
departure. 'We got Ranma once, and we'll do it again! All I need is
an
edge, something that'd get him off guard... a hidden weakness...'
#<Hmmmmm.... I've got it!> "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty..."
And you consider _this_, of all things, a _weakness_?! Well, you'd be
happy to know that Skuld agrees with you. :)
<SNIP>
'It's still pretty early, so I can't go to sleep in the meanwhile,'
she
thought, pinching the bridge of her nose. 'What to do with all the
free
time?'
A smile crept onto the goddess' face, as she remembered the good
times
she once had with her best friend, playing with Banpei-kun...
#At this point I could make a joke about 'playing with Banpei-kun'
and being alone. But I won't. You've all already made them in you
twisted little minds.
Good thing I didn't write how Ranma loved to play with Banpei during the
'good old days', eh?
Banpei-kun! That was it! She'd build the robot again, and this time
it'd
be bigger, better and much cooler!
#It's getting harder not to make a joke. Especially after the
'bigger' comment.
"..."
He's a robot, and an ugly one to boot. Eww.
Happily patting her stomach, the Norn of the Future slowly made her
way
back to her room, almost skipping like a schoolgirl on a way to her
first date. Keiichi had the most wonderful collection of ice-cream
in
his refrigerator... Skuld sighed contentedly at the memory. Maybe
he
wasn't so bad. How could he be, with such great taste?
#How does she know how he tastes? NO! I GAVE INTO TEMPTATION! (Please
excuse me. I need to slam my head against the wall repeatedly now.
Thnak you.)
The subtext! Oh my god(dess), the subtext!
Cutting the disturbing thought short before it could lead to
anything
else, Skuld decided that the Morisato boy was still a jerk,
regardless.
And that's the only way she had to think of him, or her big sister
would
make it her new project to get them together. Shuddering at the
thought
of Urd meddling in her love life - not that she was interested in
that
annoying boy one bit - Skuld's resolve to continue treating Keiichi
like
dirt in the future tightened like freshly made cement.
#Freshly made cement doesn't tighten. Freshly poured cement does,
though.
Freshly poured cement it is.
Okay, very nice fic. I like it a lot. Looking forward to future
chapters. (I need something to relieve the stress caused by the
drivers around here.)
Ja Ne!
Slacker
Hey, thanks for commenting and showing me a few problems that I can now
fix. I really appreciate this.
Oh, and I'm sorry about the way the cookies turned out. Next time,
though, I'm going to ask Belldandy to make a few quilts to those nice
enough to send me C&C. ^_^
Corwin