NEON
SIGN
EVANGELION
3
ISN'T
THIS
A REALLY
LONG
TITLE SEQUENCE?
===============
Subtitle: Eh, crap we tossed together that was kinda funny.
===============
Gendo awoke with his head shoved into the glove compartment of his car. He
had been drooling heavily, he noted to himself as he wiped his face off, but
he couldn't remember what the heck had happened after Fuyutsuki's
declaration of war upon his chili dog.
"Uggggghhhhh.." Gendo moaned, standing up right and finding himself with
the same amount of coordination as a weak-kneed landlubber on a ship that
was rocking violently. Not to mention his vision was messed up, even with
his glasses on.
He eventually made his way to Central Dogma's command center, where he sat
down and put a conveniently placed ice-pack onto his head. He fell asleep
shortly afterwards. While he was asleep, Pen-Pen and the toad, which we'll
called "the toad", snuck into the command center. The toad started hacking
Melchior while Pen-Pen hit the 'lower walkways' button. Both laughed
manically... well, they would have if they weren't afraid of Gendo waking
up.
"RIIIIIIBBIIIIIIIT! RIIIIIIIBBIIIIT!" the toad called.
"Excellent. Now Melchior has Windows '95, Belthasar has Linux, and Caspar
has Mac OS2 Warp 5! With all of the MAGI unable to talk to each other,
they'll go MAAAAD! MAAAAD, I TELL YOU, MAAAAD!" Pen-Pen laughed.
"RIIIIIBBIIIIIT!" the toad said.
"What? They've got a copy of Penguin Raider? Hmmmm, save me a copy, won't
you. If Lara Qwuag is as sexy as that gaming magazine said she was, I'll be
in heaven!" Pen-Pen responded.
The toad stared at Pen-Pen.
"GET TO WORK! I've got to set it up so that Eva-00 goes berserk at least
once this fanfic." Pen-Pen said.
Hey, how did he know he was in a fanfic? What the- AAAAAAHHHH! HE'S
HACKING MY COMPUT-People of Earth. Surrender 1 million fish to me, Dr.
Qwuag, or it's lights out for your aquariums!
QWUAG-QWUAG-QWUAG-QWUAG-QWUAG-QWUAG-QWUAG-QWUAG!
"GIVE IT UP, YOU EVIL MONSTER!"
STOP COUNTER-HACKING!
"NEVER!"
EERRRGH!
*POP*
Ah, on with our normally scheduled 'fic.
Waking up two hours later, Gendo found Fuyutsuki wearing a Wilderness
Girl's uniform in a nearby locker room.
"I can't believe that I sighed up for the Wilderness Girls. I also can't
believe they accepted me." Fuyutsuki noted.
"That's nothing. I got a dirty word shaved in the back of my head." Gendo
told Fuyutsuki.
Naoko walked by, saw the word and gasped.
"What is it with you men and THAT WORD? I'm going to shave you bald,
Gendo, until you learn that hair is a privilege, not a right!" Naoko
declared, catching Gendo in a headlock and dragging him off.
"Shinji... Shinji..." came the call over the com-link.
"Mut isaaa?" Shinji asked unintelligibly.
"I don't think that controller for the Eva looks too appetizing." Yui
responded.
Shinji opened his eyes to see that he had been gnawing on the right hand
controller for the Evangelion.
"WARNING, WARNING, ANGELS 19, 20, 21, 22 and 23 ARE APPROACHING!"
"
_What_?" Shinji demanded.
Meanwhile, elsewhere, Misato awoke to the sensation of having someone
licking and sucking at the back of her neck. Back in the days of her and
Kaji, this wasn't too unusual, as he was the kind of guy to do that sort of
thing.
However, hearing Ritsuko mumble, "Maya, Misato'll feel left out.", wasn't
that encouraging. Especially when Ritsuko began licking her neck again.
"Uh, Ritsuko..." Misato inquired.
Ritsuko slowly opened her eyes, then pulled away.
"Uh, sorry about that." Ritsuko answered, blushing deeply.
"No problem..." Misato said, taking a convenient towel and wiping the back
of her neck.
Then, both women felt something in their right hands. They looked down to
see two silver metal bracelet-esque items with gold coins inset in them.
"A Tyrannosaurus Rex?" Misato asked, her left eye twitching.
"A Dragon?" Ritsuko asked.
Vague memories popped up from their early childhoods and both women nearly
fainted.
"Power..." Ritsuko began.
"Rangers..." Misato finished.
Just then, they noticed that they each now had a silver watch. Misato's
had a red 'face' while Ritsuko's was green. Both women nearly leapt out of
their skins when the watched beeped in a sequence:
Deet-deet-deetdeet-deet-deet.
Misato pressed a button and inquired, "Hello?"
"Rangers, there's a disturbance downtown! And by the way, you just
miss-set your watch." came the voice of a man stuck in a transdimensional
prison that could project a bloated face in a giant vat.
"Um, okay..." Misato responded.
There was silence for a few seconds.
"Rangers, get morphing or I'll come out there and kick your asses."
More silence.
"RANGERS!"
"Oh, right, hold on."
"TYRANNOSAURUS!"
"DRAGONZORD!"
"My god..."
"I never thought..."
"They seemed like such nice boys..."
"BACKSTREET'S BACK! ALL RIGHT!" the new Angels sang.
"Sometimes, I hate my life." Kaworu whimpered.
"RAAAAAGH!" the Backstreet Boys yelled, trashing another block as they
stumbled through the streets.
"Guys, being huge sucks." one member noted.
"But, dude, we could probably play Australia in one night." another
decreed.
"I GET TO MAKE OUT WITH THE CHRISTINA AGUILERA BILLBOARD!" yet another
yelled, leaping over the others to get to the billboard.
"Let's get 'em!" Touji roared, leaping forward, only to trip over his power
cord.
Hikari and Kaworu imitated Touji.
"What's going on? We could pilot these just fine last episode!" Touji
growled.
"It's a requirement. Every pilot's first battle needs to be an
embarrassing one." Kaworu explained.
"And since our last battle was censored..." Hikari added.
"Okay, okay, let's just kick some ass." Touji growled.
As it turned out, the Backstreet Boys sucked at fighting, so the Evas tore
them to bloody shreds rather quickly. Too bad, too, because Ritsuko had
just finished getting the hang of the Dragonzord's controls, as the evidence
of seventeen demolished Starbucks proved.
Sixteen weeks of inactivity later...
Shinji reclined in a comfy chair in the new Pilot's Lounge, munching on a
Backstreet burger. He didn't know it was Angel meat. If he had, he
would've been hurling, but he wasn't hurling, so he didn't know.
"When am I going to get laid?" Shinji asked aloud.
"About two episodes before I do, that's for sure." Touji declared, sitting
next to Shinji.
"......" Shinji responded.
"But, hey, who knows?" Kaworu noted, popping some Angel-flavored Poptarts
into the toaster.
"Well, one thing's for sure, I don't have to worry about any stupid
crossovers." Shinji declared.
But, he was wrong. Very wrong.
"Hey, this isn't the right time either!" Trunks growled as he entered the
Pilot's Lounge.
"..................." all three male pilots responded.
Trunks left the room, mumbling something about a stupid time-travelling
device and how he was going to shove it up someone's something when he got
back.
"Things can't get any stranger than that." Touji declared.
Touji, like Shinji, was very, very wrong.
"Shinji, do these spandex outfits make our butts look big?" Misato asked,
entering with Ritsuko.
Both women turned and bent over to let Shinji get a good look. Touji
fainted as the sight of Misato's butt under tight spandex was too much for
him. Kaworu gasped and averted his eyes. Shinji thought about it.
"Nah. They look normal." Shinji responded honestly.
Hey, after living Misato for three months, Shinji had gotten over most of
his problems with blushing. Both women returned to their normal upright
position and turned to face Shinji.
"How about the chests? I think this gold thingy is making my breasts look
small." Ritsuko noted, poking the Dragon Armor that came with the Green
Ranger powers.
"The gold
_is_ making 'em look smaller, but you still look kinda sexy."
Shinji responded.
"Thanks, Shinji." Ritsuko and Misato told Shinji.
Misato kissed Shinji on the cheek and the Mighty duo left.
"I just don't get it. Am I just not seeing the signals? Maybe I should be
direct..." Shinji murmurred to himself.
Kaworu munched on his poptarts as Touji remained unconscious.
"Hey, why were Misato and Ritsuko dressed up as the Power Rangers?" Kaworu
asked in a burst of realization.
"Good question." Shinji responded.
Silence filled the room. Then Sailor Saturn left, no longer feeling the
need to make Silence fill the room.
"So, do you have any ideas as to why they were dressed as the Power
Rangers?" Kaworu asked, glaring at Sailor Saturn as she left.
"No, I was just noting that it was a good question." Shinji responded.
Misato and Ritsuko were both deep in thought as they walked down the hall.
Misato was calculating how much beer was left at home and how much more she
could afford to buy. Ritsuko was trying to figure out the point of being
Power Rangers in a world where Evas could pretty much demolish most of the
enemies. They headed for the elevators. The elevator dinged. Ritsuko and
Misato stared at it intently. There was an obvious thump of someone kicking
the doors. Finally, two sets of burly hands, a claw, a pseudopod and a tree
stump pulled the elevator open to reveal Maya inside the elevator. Ritsuko
and Misato looked for the owners of the burly hands and the other crap, but
couldn't find them anywhere in the elevator.
"Sempai, I need you to-HOTCHA!" Maya declared as Ritsuko and Misato began
walking into the elevator.
The doors closed as two women in spandex began to yell and thrash while
another woman cackled in delight and glomped at will. Somewhere, deep in
the Earth, near a lava flow, Happosai smiled, then shrieked as the cavern he
was stuck in was filling with magma. And on that note, we would like to
note that somewhere, somehow, in someway, a clown farted, just for Happosai.
Yui was finally getting something to do. She was currently typing on the
world's largest computer. Yui had threatened to go on strike and thus was
rewarded with an incredibly good system. With a joystick, a T8 line, the
world's best modem, a mouse with a Pikachu mousepad, and a year of free
Netscape. She was busy typing away in a chat room. Let's look in, shall
we?
===============================================================================================
<BigYui> Heeayh, I wana fid out aout the lattest Juggle de Ikoo.
<CrapBastird> Is doo latter hi eyar!
<HiryTass>
*WAHP*
<BigYui> Waht dahe hell is you riting?!
<LongJohn> Anyone here from Texas?
<BigYui> No.
<CrapBastird> No.
<HiryTass> Maybe.
<CaptainColon> No.
<HiryTass> No.
<Cockalawalk> No.
<AmITooSexee> Do I look sexy?
<BigYui> No.
<CrapBastird> No.
<CaptainColon> No.
<Cockalawalk> Yes.
***Cockalawalk's connection has been reset by Peer***
<HiryTass> Mabe.
<BigYui> Dam Pier.
<BigYui> When's tis vdeo cumming out?
<SuperiorIntellect> I do believe that it is due out sometime in June. About
the seventeenth or so, my dear.
<BigYui> Okya, Tanks!
<SuperiorIntellect> Am I the only one who can spell in here?
<BigYui> No.
<HiryTass> Maybee.
<CrapBastird> Noo.
<CaptainColon> Nyott.
***Big Yui has left the chatroom***
===============================================================================================
"Ah-HA! You've never been in a chatroom!" the reader exclaimed.
"How do you know that?" the creator of the previous section inquired.
"Everything was punctuated!" the reader responded.
"............................................." the authors declared.
"Hmm, Fuyutsuki, I think I'll run a fire drill to see how everyone would
react. NERV base 2 in Nevada had a time of eight and a half minutes." Gendo
commented.
"Uhhhhh... okay..." Fuyutsuki said.
Fuyutsuki turned to Gendo before adding, "But why?"
"It's a lame plot device. Let's just get it done with." Gendo responded.
"Right." Fuyutsuki said.
Gendo grabbed a watch and headed outside with Fuyutsuki in tow.
As the alarm blared, Rei ran up the frozen escalator, through the security
door before grabbing a log and slamming it down in front of the door. She
spun around and faced Gendo and Fuyutsuki, her face red from exhaustion.
"I...<pant><pant>...won, sir...<pant><pant><pant>...." Rei puffed out.
"I know, Rei." Gendo muttered, rolling his eyes.
Suddenly, Shinji and Asuka kicked the screen door next to the security door
down, knocking the log over.
"WE AIN'T GONNA LET YOU HAVE THOSE POKEMON CARDS!!!" Shinji and Asuka cried
in unison, tackling Rei.
"Fuyutsuki, I'll have to call this a failure." Gendo said, fixing his
glasses
*CLACK*.
"Wait a minute, why would there be Pokemon Cards?" Fuyutsuki asked.
"Well, the only alarms for the base are the Fire Alarm, the Angel Alarm and
the Pokemon Card Alarm." Gendo answered.
"So, what you're telling me is... that there aren't any new Pokemon cards?"
Shinji asked.
"No." Fuyutsuki responded.
"Then why hit the Alarm for it?" Shinji asked, motioning to the yellow
Pokemon Card Alarm lights.
Fuyutsuki turned to Gendo, arching an eyebrow.
"It's the only other alarm that activates all over the Dogma and I didn't
want to give a false Angel Alarm." Gendo responded.
"The Fire Alarm doesn't activate all over the Dogma?" Fuyutsuki asked.
"The corridors can seal off and either the Halon sprayers or the flame
retardent foam usually takes care of it." Gendo answered as Misato, Ritsuko,
Kaworu and Touji finally made it to the doors.
"Ah." Fuyutsuki answered, before shouting, "THEN WHY WOULD WE NEED TO RUN A
FIRE DRILL!?"
"GENDO!!!!" Yui roared, bursting out of the cages and through the Dogma
walls to the Geofront.
"Yes, dear?" Gendo asked.
"Never trigger a false alarm ever again! It teaches Shinji bad manners."
Yui growled, before turning to Shinji and taking up a more loving tone,
"Shinji, remember to never follow your father's lead unless I tell you to,
okay sweety?"
Yui walked back into the Dogma and continued typing away at her new
computer. It was about then that the Angel Alarms went off.
"It's Angel 6 again! It's attacking the combined U.S. and U.N. Fleet!"
Makoto called.
"But they aren't of any value." Fuyutsuki noted.
"Either way, let's go! We can try out the new Type Aqua armor." Gendo
declared.
"Aqua? That's a stupid name." Kaworu stated.
"Shut up or it's the Type D Plugsuit for you." Gendo hissed as they enter
the Dogma again.
"I DON'T WANNA LOOK FAT!!" Kaworu cried, before taking up a feminine pose,
"I've gotta keep my sexy waist and luscious thighs in shape, right
Shin-chan?"
With that said, Kaworu cuddled up to Shinji. Shinji pulled an AK-47 out of
a convenient 'Remove from wall in case of SEELE members' bin off the wall
and shot Kaworu full of holes, killing the 17th Angel once again. Shinji
then tossed it into a special waste dispenser for guns that were empty of
all ammo.
"Who'll be the pilot of Evangelion Unit 10?" Asuka asked.
"Get Kensuke." Touji declared.
"Not that nerd! He's the one person who should be banned from piloting an
Eva." Asuka said.
"Hey, do you know how often writers jump over Kensuke and tag either me or
Hikari as the Fourth Child? It's disgusting." Touji shot back.
"Fine, let nerd-boy pilot." Asuka surrendered.
"Let's get a visual of the sixth Angel." Misato demanded.
"It seems to be attacking a single aircraft carrier. The U.S.S. Pottery
Barn." Shigeru explained, bringing up a visual as the pilots headed to suit
up.
"Hey, isn't that the ship Kaji's hiding on this week?" Misato mused.
"I think so." Ritsuko responded.
"Good." Misato noted, smiling evilly.
"The Pottery Barn's sinking. Now it's going back up? Now it's sinking,
going back up, sink, up, sink, up, down, up, down, -OH MY GAWDESS!" Maya
shrieked as she and everyone else in the command center realized what the
Angel was doing. The Horizontal Mambo; the Vertical Thrust; the Dance of
the Purple-Helmeted Samurai and the Jade Gate; the Plunging of the Lance
into the Flower; the Electric Slide that Doesn't Go Anywhere; Snowballing
Surprise; the Ultimate Thrust; the Saga Frontier; the Oldest Marital Art;
the Ballad of the Banshee and the Vibrator; the Washing Machine Express, the
Bowflex, the Parrot and the Funky Beat; the Upright Citizens Brigade, What
Bill Gates Can Never To Get; Shagging the Oyster; Snogging the Right
Fielder's Mr. Happy; the Stock Market; or, in plain english, Hiding the
Snake; Riding the Exercise Bike; Practicing Squat Thrusts; Rowing the Boat;
the Stapler Impression; The 'Going By The Standard Postal System'; the Light
Switch; the Plumber; the Hot Dog Vendor; the Bastard Royale; the Telephone;
the Gossiper with a Bad Memory and an Overly Active Imagination; the Chain
of Command; the-
"WE GET IT, SHEEESH!" Misato yelled at the writers.
Narrator: What will happen next?! [Caption: Fighting the Deadly Angel of
Goldfish!] Will we see the girls in skimpy outfits?! [Caption: Probably
not.] Will Shinji even want to come back the way his love life is going?!
[Caption: Hey, we promised he'd get boinked.] And will Goku triumph?!
[Caption: Who?] Or will Raditz steal Shingo's one true love, Iori?!
[Caption: Huh?]
"Who said that?" Maya asked.
"What the hell was he babbling about?" Makoto asked.
"What is the narrator for Martian Successor Nadesico doing here?" Ruri
asked, having replaced Shigeru when no one was looking.
Everyone turned to look at the twelve year old blue-hair albino girl
allowing Minato to knock Makoto out cold and replace him. Then, the rest of
the NERV staff noticed the large-chested pilot.
"Time to lift off." Minato noted, hitting a button that was shaped like
Misato's melons.
With that, the NERVesico turned towards the sky and launched out of the
ground, surprising everyone, including the writers. It should be noted that
A-kun did bounce.
"Wheee!" Minato declared.
"THIS PLACE CAN FLY?!" Gendo asked.
"News to me!" Fuyutsuki shouted as what used to be the entire Dogma became
an enormous spacecraft and took up a low atomospheric orbit over Earth.
(Anime Law of Physics: Anything is aerodynamic enough to fly. Anything.)
Remember the mothership from ID4? If you don't, just think of something
about a third of the size of the moon that looks like a broken off
doorhandle. That's about what the NERVesico looked like.
"That's nice, Minato, but how the hell are we supposed to deploy the Evas?
They're ground-based units." Ruri declared.
"Oh, don't worry about that, Ruri-Ruri, I've got it all under control."
Minato responded, hitting another button (this one looked like Gendo wearing
a lamp shade on his head), to activate the transformation sequence as the
Children ran in, plug-suited up and wondering why Ruri and Minato were
onboard.
Suddenly, the NERVesico transformed into an enormous replica of the SDF-1.
When we say enormous, we mean it's actually 24 to 16 scale. However, the
transformation cut out the engines long enough for the NERVesico to land
feet-first in the Pacific ocean, roughly six miles from the U.N. fleet,
which caused some large waves to overtake the vessels, but they had already
been suffering under the waves of the 6th Angel's "assault". When it was
all said and done, the NERVesico was only knee-deep in the ocean and no
ships had capsized....yet. Well, the U.S.S. Nakago did, but we don't care.
Nakago sucks.
"The Angel is only six miles away. Normally, I'd say the distance in
kilometers, but writers use that other system of measuring because Americans
can define miles relatively easily while kilometers just sounds stupid.
Idiots." Ruri declared.
"Um, what's our game plan?" Ritsuko asked.
The room fell silent. It stayed that way for about eighteen minutes.
Without prior warning, a giant glowing vat appeared behind Gendo. What
color was the vat, you may ask? Monkey Pee Blue.
"I've got a plan..." a disembodied and bloated head declared.
Zordon was in the house. Everyone turned to look at the head. Everyone
screamed bloody murder and either fell out of their seats, leapt back or, in
Gendo's case, both, which sent the Director of Nerv plummeting to the floor
just below with a loud, "WAAAAHH-AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGH!"
*KATHUD*.
"He is butt-ugly." Naoko noted.
"Clone." Zordon shot back.
Naoko burst into tears.
"STOP INSULTING MY MOTHER!" Ritsuko growled.
"Fine, look, I've got an idea, wanna hear?" Zordon asked.
The entire staff shrugged, causing Zordon to facefault.
"Evangelion Unit 01, 02 and 06 will head out in the Type Aqua armor. The
Dragon Zord will also head out, but it will not require Type Aqua armor.
The remaining Evangelion Unit will wait on deck with either nets or spears
in the event that the Evas send it in this direction." Zordon explained.
"Wow. That was a tough battle." Shinji noted.
"Yeah." Kensuke agreed.
Then, Shinji noted something.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Shinji demanded.
"What?" Kensuke asked.
"Look." Shinji said, pointing up.
"What? All I see is the ceiling." Kensuke declared.
"Not that, on the page, see? The whole fight sequence got cut." Shinji
growled.
"So, you mean, that part where Hikari's Evangelion was torn in half was
removed? And the part where she and Touji had that tearful goodbye, after
which, we found out that she was actually a 3rd Generation robot, capable of
reproducing and growing like a normal human, which shocked everyone
completely because the technology for making thirds only exists in that
series Armitage, and then we found out that Lain Iwakura is Ruri Hoshino's
cousin? All gone?" Kensuke asked.
"I bet they won't even understand how the Bebop was destroyed, forcing us
to take on the entire crew of Spike, Jet, Faye, Ein and Ed. And the
discovery of Shangri-la? What about the extra moon Earth has on the exact
opposite side of the moon that most of the populace has seen for thousands
of years that has hundreds of dragons, faerie, demi-humans, meta-humans,
goblins, ogres, oni, vampires, and demons? Or how we found out that I have
the potential to be an arch-mage?" Shinji growled.
"And they certainly won't know how the Eleventh Angel possessed the
experimental android, named "Catty", Ritsuko was building, forcing us to
destroy it in that angst-ridden scene. Or even how we eventually had to
race for that 100 billion yen prize in the Super-Deformed Intergalactic
Mecha Race, where we only won because Misato tripped Dangaio and Touji and I
were distracting the Gunbuster long enough for Asuka to take the gold."
Kensuke expositioned.
"And they sure as hell won't know the secret of the Nu, which we found out
after a complicated time-travelling adventure that nearly wound up
destroying the universe. Or even the slap-stick week when dad thought he
was mom, and nearly seduced Naoko Akagi again, only to find out through
hypnosis that Naoko was actually in love with my mom and that's why she
spent weeks tricking my mom into letting her ride in my mom's breast plate!
And that whole thing about Gundam Deathscythe and Gundam Sandrock becoming
Evangelions when the 13th Angel tried to take control of their pilots'
minds, but they overwhelmed the Angel, so now they're loosely dubbed
Evangelions 12 and 13." Shinji continued.
"And let's not even start about the confusion when we found out that Rei
III was a Shinma and Rei I was a cyborg, but Rei II is a Saiyanjin." Kensuke
finished.
"......." the two boys murmured.
"Well, it is a lot to explain." Shinji began.
"No kidding. Hey, remember that pancake?" Kensuke asked.
The two snickered, then burst out laughing.
"Hey, didn't they promise you'd get boinked?" Kensuke interupted.
"Yeah..." Shinji began.
Suddenly, Rei raced into the room and threw a sock puppet at Shinji.
*KER-BOINK*
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNN!" Shinji roared.
================================================================================================
And so ends our twisted little trilogy. We would like to say we had fun,
but... wait, we did have fun.
Yeah, a cheap ending, but what else would you expect of us? Did you really
think
_WE_ would go through the effort of RE-KILLING more than a few Angels?
And don't get me started on what we did to the 18th Angel. Let's just say
that the WWF/WCW lineup is minus a few people, like Mankind, Triple H, Big
Blue Meanie and The Great Panther.
A-kun: I'd like to say that, "Like hell will I bother with this again."
C-chan: A-kun, we're making it a 5 part series.
A-kun: Hold on. [put onto a full suit of armor made entirely out of titanium
alloy with a kevlav in-lining.] No.
*KABOOM*
A-kun: [singed and minus the armor]
*COUGH* I claim this land... for....
Anime...
*THUD*
TharzZzDunN: I guess I'm in charge of writing.
?????, Huh? and C-chan: [in unison] LIKE HELL! I AM!
[They turn to A-kun's fallen form.]
Everyone (save A-kun): [In unison] A-KUN! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!
Reach A-kun at:
akun15@hotmail.com
Reach TharzZzDunN at:
tharzzzdunn1@hotmail.com
Send flames to:
kissmyredhotflamingmetalass@badboybowser.com
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