Warr wrote:
Experimenting with my style again:
Should be fun.
Foolish person. That's what they all said. :)
Any and all C+C appreciated. You can contact me at:
sommer@3rdm.net
Was it you that said you didn't give C&C but C+C? Criticism and
more criticism?
D.B (shifts nervously) Errr, did I? Don't remember. No sir. Really don't.
Probably said 'flattering comments and flattering comments.' That's what I
meant to say.
^_^
And here we go:
xxxxxxxxxxx
"In all of nature, there is one universal truth that applies to every
race
in the animal kingdom: the female is always the deadlier of the species."
Was this word wrapped? I didn't have any problems with it but they do
appear to be extra long sentences.
Explained in Miashara's letter. Shouldn't happen again now that I'm mailing
in plain text.
I think I should become dismayed. I sent out several other fics and the
problem wasn't pointed out until now. I wonder what that says about the
other stuff I mailed? :)
"Whoa. Did you hear what happened to her?"
Ukyou? Back when Genma took the yatai?
Oui.
Still incapable of understanding the damage that can be inflicted with
words, more pour from others with a >basic savagery that lacks true
malice.
That comes later, when such speakers suffer from the words of others
themselves, and that which is termed 'empathy' is conceived, understood,
and eventually manipulated.
Not sure you need to set empathy aside. I can see it working either way,
though.
I sort of liked it. Planned on leaving it unless others feel the same way.
"I'm not surprised. I wouldn't wanna marry her."
Dude, have you seen what she'll look like in ten years?
Heh. Just wait.
But not now. Not yet.
"Some guy ran off with her dowry."
Ayup, Ukyou. And no, I didn't read agead...
She is the odds on favorite at this point.
"I heard he dumped her, just like that. Right after he found out they
were
gonna be married."
No no no, it was after he found out she was female. He is gay, after all.
A common misconception. Already explained it's Ryouga that's gay. Ranma's
more like a eunuch with balls. :)
Insults from friends, acquaintances, enemies, strangers, all sounding the
same and blending into one. Ukyou >was too young to decide which were
worse:
the cutting words from those that never liked her, or the ones from >those
that were her friends.
Friends, definately. You expect enemies to be mean.
Yep.
Children are so blessed with an infinite capacity for talk.
I've never really thought of the 'gift of gab' as a gift. Well, once or
twice, but overall...
Children are such 'blessed creatures' though.
"You know, with the way she dresses and acts, I bet she's not even a real
girl."
Ouch, that would hurt. Don't care how tomboyish someone is.
Yep. Hence what happens next.
"Liar! That's not true! I am a girl! A real girl! I'll show you! I'll be
the prettiest and nicest and bestest >girl there is! All of the other
girls
will be jealous of me because I'll be a better girl than they are! And
all
of the boys will like me and not want to leave me! I'll make them all like
me! You'll be sorry you ever >said those mean things about me!"
Hence, the title.
Oui, again.
Time does many things. Heals. Hurts. Scars. It means different things to
different people as their meager >existence passes during it. But the one
thing it does to everyone equally is that it passes.
Or to steal from Heinlein: Time wounds all heels.
Heh. Cute.
A yawn found itself escaping Ranma's lips. In response, the young man
began
twirling a pencil around between >his fingers and forced himself to at
least
try to listen to the droning voice of his homeroom teacher. It >would not
have been so difficult if the man could talk in anything other than a
monotone that would have bored
His teacher is Ben Stein?
Same voice, less personality. Love 'Win Ben Stein's Money' btw.
a fire into extinguishing itself. About the only time the teacher raised
his voice was to send someone out >into the hall; a situation Ranma had
found himself experiencing all too many times in the past. He vowed if
fate
was going to have him holding a couple of buckets again, it was not going
to
be because he dozed off in >class.
Easily fixed: Ranma stood up and screamed at the top of his lungs, "Oh,
the
humanity! Make it stop, dear God, make it stop!" And was promptly thrown
out into the hall and made to hold buckets of water.
Heh
As her half-lidded gaze poured over the students, every male in the room
became convinced that for one, brief >moment, he was the complete center
of
attention this newcomer had to offer. Nearly every man in the room found
his heart beat just a little faster, and basic, primal urges called out
to
prove themselves worthy of this new >girl's attention.
Except for Ranma, who was wondering how long until lunchtime.
Yep. He is the one exception, as he tends to be.
"It's been a long time, Ranchan. Surprised to see me?"
Well, yeah, when did you hit Jusenkyo? He asked this in the Anime, yes?
I'm not sure about the Manga.
Perhaps that is to come. next part should sort that out.
Ranma's jaw dropped low enough to almost hit his desk. He paled slightly
as
he mouthed barely audibly, >"Ucchan?"
Ucchan? You're almost as pretty as my female form!
Heh
All I have written out so far. Let me know what you think
I like what you have so far, though I'm not too sure about Ranma's
reaction.
I think his initial thought would be a curse of some sort. But it also
works as written. Another question, how loud did Ukyou talk to Ranma and
vice versa? Wouldn't Akane have heard Ukyou address him and understand
that
they knew each other?
Yes, but she feels threatened (appropriately so) by Ukyou's presense, and
isn't thinking along those terms.
Just some random thoughts as I read it. Look forward
to seeing more.
Probably in about a month. Thanks for the comments and comments. :)
D.B. Sommer