Allow me to publically apologize. It seems when I got my computer a month
ago, the default setting was on sending things HTML. Since it was recently
pointed out to me, I have swtiched over to plain text and things should be
okay from now on. That was why the fic seemed so odd to many of you.
and on to the response...
Miashara wrote:
Something I replied to within a day. Why? Thats below.
Yes. It is quite amazing. Lord knows I never do it anymore. I have around a
month of backlog on stuff I want to go over. But first I'm going to force
myself to finish a chapter of a different fic before I tackle that.
Also still got 'Opiate' in the folder. Hopefully will get to that sooner
rather than later.
Experimenting with my style again:
Aw hell.
Now that, folks, is the proper reaction to have. :)
xxxxxxxxxxx
"In all of nature, there is one universal truth that applies to every
race in the animal kingdom: the female is always the deadlier
of the species."
Save only the Botswannian Assassin Wombats, but they're a special case.
"Of course, which is why I didn't include them."
The follow up quote by Solomon Paine.
Words said unthinkingly, spontaneous in nature as they form from
the cacophony of thoughts that make up the mind and emerge almost
instantly from the mouth. When 'restraint' is a word that is
difficult to pronounce, and certainly not understood, never will one
know honesty in a truer form.
May as well mention this now. Without hard returns, this comes across as
all messed up in PINE, for the three of us stuck using it. Read it anyway
of course, but thought you would want to be aware.
explained above
"I can't believe she got dumped like that."
"I'm not surprised. I wouldn't wanna marry her."
Yes, but you're not a weavil.
That one went over my head.
But not now. Not yet.
"Some guy ran off with her dowry."
Up until here I hoped and thought it was set as a surprise beginning after
volume 38.
You weren't the only one. I wonder what that says about me when people
automatically expect me to break up Ranma and Akane. :(
No. Don't answer that one. It was a joke.
Adults have the benefit of experience, learning from past pains and
forging
armor to protect themselves from those insults whose wicked barbs dig
deeper and reach into places that no physical weapon could ever touch.
Though
But then, rare are the people who shoot you in the lymph system with a
howitzer.
You'd be surprised at how many people have tried that one on me.
no matter how strong and mighty the armor is, it can always be destroyed
strong and mighty bring to me an image of offense. Considering we're
talking armor here, I didn't quite seem to fit. Enduring and resiliant
perhaps?
'strong and resilient' perhaps? Sounds like a good halfway point.
Of course, if you're intending for that to be sound slightly off,
that would work too.
by a single word employed in just the right place at just the right
time. Flawed creatures are incapable of creating perfect things.
I am so not going to get into this.
Actually wait, I will.
Later.
But how much so?
Actually that saying has always been a favorite of mine. Can't say I
remember where I heard it from though.
Children lack such protection and must suffer fully each and every jab
and
thrust, learning through such gauntlets how to protect themselves from
others, as well as mastering how to inflict that self-same pain when the
urge/desire/need forms and there is not enough urge/desire/need to
prevent them from being used so that the
cycle might be perpetuated once again.
Given the subject of the previous sentence and that you said "such
protection" I assumed this refered to the armor in the above sentence. The
same armor which you just went into the fallability of in such detail. But
given the falibility of such armor, they can't protect themselves from
others, not as much as you say they can. Looks to be a contradiction.
A bit of one, but life is full of them. I know I can blow off most insults,
but every now and then one hits too close to home and then the shit hits the
fan...
Ah, the wonderful era of growing up that all are forced to enjoy/suffer
through.
You've a lot of these dualities in rapid succession. I think the effect
would be a bit stronger were you to use them more sparingly.
I'm going to split this one into like so:
"I heard he dumped her, just like that. Right after he found out they were
gonna be married."
Ah, the wonderful era of growing up that all are forced to enjoy.
"Why would he want to take her with him? She's not pretty."
Ah, the wonderful era of growing up that all are forced to suffer.
and cutting a later line so there's still one line of dialogue breaking the
non-dialogue up.
Welcome to a moment in the childhood of Ukyou Kuonji.
Please discard all cigarettes and make sure your tray tables are in the
upright position. We'll be landing for our final docking at Angst after
making stops at Grief and Saddening Introspection. The inflight movie,
Rejection.
Heh. Very cute.
Over and over again and again, words expressed in a variety of different
ways but with identical meanings.
I think you're showing this pretty well and don't need to mention it
explicitly.
I cut the line after that one, shortening it a bit.I sort of liked the way
that line there went and will probably keep it.
And when the degradation seems to twist into eternity, sometimes all
that is left is to react. To accept and believe the words, and form the
majority of one's life as a basis from them, or to-
And we get to the crux of the matter. Up until now, you really just
restated your point, a veiw of part of human nature, over and over again.
Well, it plays into the fic itself.
Might want to snip it a little shorter and not narrate to us what you're
showing.
Hmm. Well, I wanted to make sure there were enough cutting remarks by the
kids to drive the point home. It does drone a bit, but the few cuts I
expermineted with threw the feel off for me. Not sure if I'll cut any of the
other lines. Will look it over again.
"Liar! That's not true! I am a girl! A real girl! I'll show you!
I'll be the prettiest and nicest and bestest girl there is! All of the
other girls will be jealous of me because I'll be a better girl than
they are! And all of the boys will like me and not want to leave me!
I'll make them all like me! You'll be sorry you ever said those mean
things about me!"
And having said that, we see where this will be going.
Oui.
Basic defense and return attack unleashed, Ukyou turned and ran, the
vow spoken etching itself forever into the first layer of armor that the
girl was even now weaving to protect her from those tormenting words the
others had used against her.
Now, given your big thing about how armor is invariably flawed, we can
safely predict that at some point in the course of events, this armor will
shatter mightily.
Foreshadowing? Moi? Surely you jest.
However, again reffering to the above bit on armor, we
know that it will be damn nigh impossible, only breaking when the shit
really hits the fan.
Could be...
"Just you wait and see, and I'll show all of you!
"I'll show everyone!"
And then Ukyo ran off to become a stripper. Cest la vie.
Argh! I hate it when I'm obvious about what way the fic is going to end up.
Might as well give up writing the rest of it. Good job, Mia. :(
Time does many things. Heals. Hurts. Scars. It means different things
to different people as their meager existence passes during it. But the
one thing it does to everyone equally is that it passes.
Uh, how does time pass to people?
Quickly for me these last few months. An eternity for others during that
same period of time. Curious, since it really isn't going at different
speeds.
than a monotone that would have bored a fire into extinguishing itself.
About the only time the teacher raised his voice was to send someone out
into the hall; a situation Ranma had found himself experiencing all too
many times in the past. He vowed if fate was going to have him holding a
couple of buckets again, it was not going to be because he dozed off in
class.
Stock, though brief, bit about Ranma not being a good student. Just once
I'd like to see Ranma paying attention.
Not this time. Disinterest is key to him at the moment. He remains that way
(unlike the rest of the men) until he places Ukyou's name.
Ranma was surprised to see the teacher seem almost nervous as he looked
to the open door that led to the hallway, then nod his head towards
someone just out of sight from the position Ranma had in his seat.
Taking a deep breath of air, the teacher adjusted his tie and said
in a loud, unusually authoritative voice, "Class, stand. I want to
introduce to you a new transfer student."
It's Dee Bee Sommeru! The new style, blatant and amazingly stupid SI!
Don't laugh. I'm considering doing a thinly veiled SI. You should see how
the wish I get from Belldandy turns out. :)
All eyes in Homeroom 1-H of Furinkan High School followed the teacher's
stare
What about the closed ones?
Nope. All eyes open now.
The figure passed through the doorway and into the classroom itself,
coming into view for all to see. She moved slowly, but with a graceful,
fluid motion that suggested she were gliding across the tiled floor
instead of merely walking across it. Her outfit was the standard
uniform all of the girls at Furinkan wore, but her bearing as she
Only she had cut the fabric over the breasts out in keeping with her
motto of "I'll show them all!"
Evil, man.
approached the class made it appear that she was dressed in an elegant
gown that molded to her form perfectly. Her every movement cried out for
attention, though subtly, rather than overtly.
As the sign strapped to her back saying, "Worship me Fools!" managed to
cover overt quite well.
Well, There are a lot of converts to the Church of Ucchan, as I recall. :)
Of all the men in the room, only Ranma had remained impassive to the
girl's appearance. But all of that changed the instant her name passed her
lips. His head jerked up; a reaction that did not go unnoticed by Akane.
Because he's gay, duh.
No. That's Ryouga who's in denial about being gay. Hence the real reason he
followed Ranma for years and harrasses him all the time. Desperate attempts
to get Ranma's attention. :)
"It can't be," Ranma murmured under his breath. Memories conflicted with
one another at what was supposedly 'known' and the obvious evidence before
his eyes. Familiarity hammered at his memory as he carefully looked the
newcomer over, trying to reconcile the image of a boy from his youth with
the obvious symbol of femininity before him. Perhaps it was nothing more
than a coincidence; it was the only explanation that made sense.
Well, some transvestites are down right scary. Look at Tsubasa and What's
his name.
Konatsu. Poor underused guy. No one even knows his name. :(
Maybe someone should do Konatsu 1/2. ^_^
A pencil in Akane's hand snapped in half as she absorbed every intent
stare Ranma was shooting the new girl. Of course he would react the same way
every other guy in the room was; he was a stupid boy, after all. Ranma could
do whatever he wanted to that Ukyou girl, and Akane wouldn't care in the
slightest.
You kow, considering Ranma's muttering underhis breath to himself and
staring what could probably be considered either stark disbelief or shock,
I think you could branch out from the stock "Akane is jealous of the new
girl who got ranma's attention" and hit "Akane is curious over what made
Ranma so suprirsed. That does happen a few times in the source.
Not this time. Akane's reaction is the one most girls would have at their
man paying attention to someone like Ukyou who's just entered the room.
The teacher closed his mouth as he realized he was staring at the new
girl. Again. He knew his reaction was highly improper, the girl was less
than half his age, but he was still a man. "There is a seat next to
Miss Tendou over there." He pointed towards the empty chair and desk.
"Please be seated and we'll begin class."
Hmm. Teacher's a dirty old man.
Sort of like Tofu. If I remember correctly, Akane's flashbacks indicated
Kasumi was really, really young when Tofu started fogging up for her. My
guess was that Kasumi wasn't even a teenager, given how young Akane looked.
Who else do we know who's a...nevermind.
Actually, I think it would be funny if the teacher was so boring, even he
didn't notice Ukyo's sexual attraction. Really prove him to be
uninteresting.
Nah. That trait is reserved for one guy in this fic.
towards each of the boys she passed, riveting their attention to her
even after she had moved her smile on to another. It was not until she
came to Ranma's desk, nearly across for her own, that she paused and
gave her most winning smile yet.
The one shaped like a donut.
Heh.
"It's been a long time, Ranchan. Surprised to see me?"
Not really. I just expected to you to wear more clothes.
Ranma's jaw dropped low enough to almost hit his desk. He paled slightly
as he mouthed barely audibly, "Ucchan?"
Surprising reaction from Ranma.
Well, he's now unexpectedly confronted with the fact that Ukyou is
definitely a girl WAY earlier than in the real series.
Through the sudden haze of anger that formed when Ranma was looking
slack-jawed at the newcomer, Akane would have sworn that, for the
briefest of moments, Ukyou's smile went from heartwarming to feral, but
then it disappeared so quickly that the youngest Tendou daughter was
certain she had made a mistake. Besides, there were more important
things to worry about, like why Ranma was acting as much of a jerk as
every other guy in the room.
Again, the jealousy bit.
>From personal experience I assure you that's the reaction many women would
have in this sort of situation. Women like potential competition even worse
than most guys.
And for Ukyou, who felt her heart skip a beat at Ranma's obvious
attention towards her, she knew that things were about to come full
circle at last.
She wondered to whose soul Heaven should have mercy.
Neither. Given the author, you're all screwed. And figuratively at that.
You know me too well.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
All I have written out so far. Let me know what you think
We don't.
Hmm. Haven't seen this done before.
Me neither. Surprising, considering how obvious it seemed to me.
I'm taking it to be a serious
bordering on melodramatic one? I like melodrama, written melodrama at any
rate, so that looks to be all to the good.
Not sure if it will be really melodrama. Yes, the start is sort of like
that, but the plan is for it to shift away from that somewhat later on.
The whole author commenting on what was going on as you showed it bit just
didn't really work for me. Perhaps narration which raises questions?
Phrase your description of events so that your points will pop up in the
reader's mind <and in my case, uh, lets not go there> on their own? Again,
you seemed to be showing and telling.
Was going with imagery from the dialogue rather than scene description.
Hence why I said I was experimenting with style. Not sure if I can really
change it all that much.
You have my interest, though I'm wondering what with all the other things
your writting, how quickly anything will get done.
Oh, fine. Bring that up, whydontchu? *Sigh* The plan is to finish the
chapter of Old Acquitance I'm on (estimate 16% or so completed now) then a
shorter chapter of Avenging, and then getting to backlog before doing the
next bit of this. Might be a little while, it's true. Depends on how much my
muse pumps out.
Why did I reply to this so quicky? It's short. Thats basically the long
and the short of it.
Heh.
Miashara
-Who has just rediscovered why he hates C&Cing in PINE so much.
Well, that problem should be taken care of now.
Thanks a lot for the comments. They were very useful and apprciated.
D.B. Sommer