Subject: [FFML] Re: [Orig] Project Kawaii: Scramble War! episode 1
From: David Johnston
Date: 10/3/2000, 3:16 AM
To: Ammadeau
CC: ffml@fanfic.com

    "What do you want to wear today, Emi-chan?" asked a
sixteen year old girl wearing a maid's outfit that had suddenly
appeared at her side.  This was Atsuko, a girl who Emi thought of

How do you wear a maid's outfit that suddenly appears at your side?

Atsuko's introduction could be handled more smoothly.

Emi thought of Atsuko as an older sister, someone who was often politely 
critical of her, but deep down really liked her.  

made her wear a maid's costume, because it was cute of her and she
wanted her big sister to look good.

Strictly speaking, wearing a maid's uniform is a good cover for a 
kunoichi bodyguard anyway. 

because she knew that there were always people listening in on her
anyway, which is probably why it never bothered her.  She didn't
like people watching her at the time; though she reflected that they
probably did that too.

watching her at this point in her daily routine, but they probably did
anyway.  

Tamiko to be her aunt, even though they weren't related.  This may
be because she was Atsuko's mother.

might be

Emi eventually decided on a croissant, no butter, scrambled eggs,
no yolk, fresh orange juice, no pulp, and nothing for Usagi-kun as

Isn't it cuter to get a carrot for the stuffed bunny, or has she driven 
that routine into the ground?

 It seemed to Emi like a simple and easy to
follow plan for success.

I agree.  Despite her obsession with cuteness, she is obviously 
basically more sensible than her demented parents.  

    "What kind of food would you like for lunch today, Emi-
san?" the driver suddenly asked, and unknowingly breaking her
concentration.

I'd dump "and unknowingly".  Unknowingly is a very uncute word.  

most the ninja family seemed more than willing to carry out this
task.

most of the

If I were a suspicious person, I'd suspect that Emi picked Junko to be 
her friend so that her cuteness would shine the more by contrast.



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