I wondered how well this would go over when I wrote it. Most of the feedback I
have recieved about this conversation has been quite positive, which surprised
me. I knew that it might well be sore point.

***THe lack of feedback at first strikes me as odd, but then if I think about not so much.  I don't think that there are so many people on the ML that presently live in Japan or have before...which would give you the best starting point for evaluating the conversation.

The Nabiki I've created for Comes the Cold Dragon is an exaggeration of an
exaggeration. Several have complained that the Nabiki I am using falls more in
line with "Fanfic convention" rather than the manga. Well, she does, but then I
don't have a problem with the Nabiki of the "Fanfic convention." The Nabiki in
the manga does organize betting pools and does go to great deal of trouble to
sell pictures of Ranma and Akane and _is_ more than a little fond of money and
has chutzpah to run major scams. So I don't believe the "convention" Nabiki to
be that much of a stretch. Those that claim there is little evidence in the
manga for the "convention" Nabiki are not looking at all the evidence and are
not leaving authors room for artistic license.

***As I said, I can accept this Nabiki that you are giving us here.  Whether or not she is cannon or fanfic cannon doesn't matter so much to me because while at times you may push things you haven't pushed her to having Yakuza connections.  Some (even many) may disagree, but I'll give you the artistic license here.  The anime script writers did, otherwise we wouldn't have the manga vs anime as cannon debate.  The only time I have a problem with the fanfic Nabiki is when she is or borders onto being Yakuza...as if a Yakuza Oyabun would ever be a woman in this country.


As for this particular part of _Comes the Cold Dragon_, I am pushing the
envelope rather hard. I was faced with the three choices:

1) Have Nab's speak nearly perfect English. This was my choice of preference.
Others found it objectionable for good reasons, some of which you named.

2) Try to construct in print a Japanese accent for her that seemed realistic,
complete with grammatical mistakes. I wasn't up to this and Nabiki would have
come across like a Hollywood stereotype. There are some Japanese Americans
living in my area, but they speak neither Japanese nor English. They speak
Texican, just like I do. So I have little experience in dealing with Japanese
accents.

3) Do what I did, which was have Nabiki move all of her verbs to the end of her
sentences while speaking English, while also dropping all but the most
necessary English particles. As you noticed, I chose this third option.
Japanese sentences always end with a verb. Yoda, if  you will notice, moves
both subject and verb to the end of a sentence and makes proper use of the
English particles.

For instance: Yoda would say, "Two Saotomes I know.

Nabiki would say: "I two Saotome know."

Japanese does not have plural forms for its nouns.

***Actually Nabkiki would say : "I know two Saotome." ..."they not so smart."  Maybe it's acutally a bit like they way everyone writes Shampoo in English.  If it sounds like stereotypical Hollywood Japanese person speaking English, oh well.  IF it is the truth...you know not all stereotypes are 100% false, some do hold some basis in reality.

***As bad as Japanese people's English is in general, it's not at the point of mistaking Japanese syntax for English entirely.  The positioning of prepositional phrases, adjective order, mismatched pronoun gender...those I see and hear all the time.  But I have yet to see or hear someone put the verb at the end of the sentence.  How to best approximate it...that I am not sure of...it's hard to do.  I might take another look at the text and send you something.


Mr. Lucas draws heavily from Japanese culture, let us make no mistake about it.
While I admire his work a great deal, he has no patent on drawing from legend
and foreign culture. I do not know of a single great storyteller that does NOT
do this.

***No I'd say the best ones are the ones that do draw on other cultures and legends.

By the time this converstation takes place in the story, privacy is not an
option for Nabiki and Cologne. It is a necessity. Nabiki had a different
purpose for this conversation than Cologne. She did not arrive at the
Nekohanten with the intention of negotiating, but simply to get a single
message across: Killing Akane will not serve the Joketsuzoku ends, because the
marriage agreement is between the clans, not just the two families. And yes, I
do know that this is out of canon, but it is only mildly out of canon.

***Nah...not so much I think.  Much more like it is a natural conclusion that you can draw based upon what has been given about the agreement.

Cologne, on the other hand, does want to negotiate, but is not in a position to
do so just yet. All she does is make sure that Tendo-ke knows she is open to
negotiations and will be prepared to do so within a fortnight.

So I think I have to agree with you that Nabiki would never take on an older,
much more experienced opponent on grounds of that opponent's choosing, but that
is not what she had in mind during this visit. And if you will notice, she
refrains from doing so even though sorely tempted to try. She wanted to tell
Cologne that the nuptials were not on the table for discussion, but wisely
chose not to.

***I figured that was your point, BUT.  As for me, I wouldn't have done it.  My Japanese is far from perfect, but in 8 or 9 out of 10 situations it's better than the Japanese person who is trying to talk to me in English (try talking to them at Dell Japan... that's a riot).  And even given that, if I can I'd rather do serious business in English...I am more comfortable, confident and feel like I have more control over the situation.  Given the personality of Nabiki that you are presenting, she would want to feel like that in all confrontations more than I do.  The situation that you presented is delicate and serious in nature, whether or not Nabiki is really going to negotiate or not is moot, the point is that this is something that you want to get right and you only have one chance to do so.  Trying to do it in English when you know that you are not extremely proficient is taking a huge risk.  If they want privacy, even if this is Nerima, they can find another location.  Or Cologne could send the two kids out to do some deliveries, pick up something or something like that.


As for it being necessary to re-read what Nabiki said, how many foreign people
have you dealt with? Did you not have to ask them to repeat their statements
and queries?

***HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Sorry about that.  Let's see how many foreign people have I dealt with...well when I was in university I worked with the International Studies office to handle the Japanese students who came to study for a semester, friends from all over, I studied in Japan for a semester, AND... I have been living in Japan for last year and a half.  I have translated and interpreted, taught a couple English classes (yes only a couple I am NOT an English teacher) and corrected many papers and translations.  In my time in Japan I have come to know people from all over the world who of course speak English as a second or third langauge (somtimes a fifth).  Generally.  You get used to the unnatural English and you don't notice so much anymore.


If I receive numerous complaints about this passage, I will consider re-writing
it. I was tempted to leave it as I originally wrote it and explain Nabiki's
command of English in another way and could still do so, but this runs the risk
of becoming a spoiler.

***Ooooh...a spoiler... hmm.  Curious.


Thank you for taking the time and trouble to write on this issue Jourdan. Let
me also add that if there are others that find this part of the story
unforgiveably flawed, you should drop me a line and say so. I have no other way
of telling what works in the story what does not.

Regards,

Don Granberry.

***Hey it's as I often tell people.  If I didn't like your fic I'd delete it and don't bother to give any C&C.  There might be some more things that I wanted to say about it, but I'd have to look it over again to get them and I'm supposed to be working at the moment... if I have the time...

J

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